Chapter 1
Having to escape in the middle of a feast thrown in your honor can never be an easy feat. Not that its especially hard either. Let’s just say that even while being a very powerful magic wielder, it is the act of choosing to leave that poses a hardship. Not in his case, though. In his current situation, it was the easiest and only choice that made sense. After all, the emperor had just revealed a truth so unbelievable that he was frozen in place, not even daring to allow his lips to twitch. All eyes were on him right now, waiting for him to start attacking, most probably. Maybe they were all expecting him to cry, to deny, or to just crumble, anything so that they can start an attack of their own. Whether they use swords or words, axes or laughs might not really make a difference. Not today at least. The truth is, he is as good as dead, his heart stopped the moment His Imperial Majesty, the dear and admired Emperor, Ruler of all that exists in this side of the universe, his aloof father, the All Father, Odin, announced to the whole empire that his second son is in fact not his son by far, but a son of their number one enemy, the jotunn, present as well in his feast as their world is all the same part of their empire, not voluntarily of course. And not only that! But His Royal Highness, the second prince, Loki of Asgard, judged as cunning and mischievous even at his young age, is not common Jotunn either, but the first son of the Jotunn King, who was tragically “lost” (read “abandoned”), during the ancient war held between both the aesir and jotnar. Loki is convinced he would have been better off as an insignificant nobody, but also sure that wouldn’t have stopped what is happening right now. It all seems weirdly convenient if he can be this critical at his own doom day.
The four of them were standing in the front of the throne room, where the celebration had taken place. He half listens to what is being said but doesn’t yet look at anyone. He always knew he was not very well liked, or more like at all. He was very aware of his weakness, and being the empire’s sweetheart had never been in his options. It’s not like he was ever mean to anyone, he just didn’t know how to connect with people, he has tried his best though. He smiles to strangers and helps when he can, in any way he can. He has studied hard, forced himself to always be attuned to his surroundings, to identify potential lies, and to be capable of analyzing and acting quickly, with no hesitation, all this just to become a good protector for them, for the good of their families, all of whom are were supposed to be like his own. In the end all this gained him was their mistrust, their fear. It is hilarious now; all he ever did was for them. He is young, barely 10 years old, is that the scary part? If it had been Thor with his skills, they would most probably been pleased by the first prince’s prodigy. By now he had already known that he was not going to be named heir. He could perfectly see it in the allfather’s eyes when he looked at Thor. Be it after a successful hunt, or an exuberant response to an offense. All that pride and love in the way he congratulated or calmly reprehended him. Yet, he held on to the hope that his father had still loved him as well, just maybe differently, in a more reserved way. It wasn’t like he went out of his way to punish him or anything, he just… to put it simply, he seemed to forget he had a second son. And well, in retrospective it makes sense. Why would he choose a jotunn, one with not even the slightest blood tie to him? Moreover, one that he only took in because he sensed the potential he had as a future tool. After all, the allfather did lose an eye during the war, countless lives were extinguished in a senseless way. He probably did find him, as he had just finished explaining to the crowd, laying in the cold, crying his heart out, and decided to keep him since he seemed lost, no parents in sight, assumed they were dead. Of course, what he is not saying explicitly, is that he was good at recognizing the jotnar’s heritage lines, that he knew whose son he was, and that based on his size and the fact that he was left on a temple, he could be certain he was not lost, but left for dead, rejected, offered as a sacrifice. He saw an opportunity in his blood, and decided to keep him. He probably thought that by naming him his son, granting him the position of a prince of Asgard, he would grow up to love their world as his own, and when the time came, he could send him to jotunheimr to rule, that he would be glad and act in asgard’s best interest. Just like a puppet would. It seems as though he has changed his mind now, yes. It looks like he has been watching loki just like all the others in the kingdom have, and he has deemed that he is not even fit for the puppet role he was intended, not trust worthy enough, not as devoted nor malleable as he had expected; so now that the age of maturity for the princes is but a few years away, he has decided it is better to be rid of him. As he said, he was not dilutional at all, Thor will inherit the throne, he had already known that, so why are they throwing him out now? He had gotten along well enough with his brother, he loved him and had come to terms with his succession, but had at least hoped he would be able to become an advisor of sorts, to work with Thor to keep their home safe, and maybe someday, their people would realize that while different, he was not evil.
It seems as though the all father doesn’t want to send him to the jotnar either. He has thought about everything his majesty, he doesn’t want him in Asgard to obstruct Thor’s way to the throne, and neither wants him in Jotunheimr in case he gets ideas of retribution. So where will they send him? Vanaheim. Close enough to the aesir as to not sow in him ideas of rising against them, but removed enough that he will be out of sight. A kingdom strong enough to keep him there, but weak enough to still do as asgard commands. It is his mother’s, the allmother’s original kingdom and specially gifted in magic. This seems to be the leading argument in the case of his informal vanishment. They are sending him to improve his magic, since he is so talented and his “home” has so little to offer him. It even sounds reasonable.
The Emperor has said a lot so far. How the second prince is his beloved son, whom he, himself, has raised with love, and is proud to see become such a worthy prince of Asgard. How he has never cared about his jotun origin at all, and since he didn’t change back to his real form again, he decided to ignore it. Now though, the time has come to speak the truth, it is in no way with the intention of rejecting the prince. He makes a big point of referring to him by his titles. His genuine intention is to show the empire, every single one of the realms, that race doesn’t matter. He acts like he doesn’t know that for the realms this is just confirmation that Loki was not right, that his worst characters traits are now explained. He concludes by saying that this is the beginning of a better future. Announces that Loki is now and always will be his cherished son, but also His royal highness, the second prince of Asgard, and First prince of Jotunheimr (second title of course, jotun can never be more or first than Aesir), and that he will be in the care of the Vanaheim royal family in order to develop his skills.
There’s a lot of quiet. That’s when Loki finally turns his eyes in a different direction, away from the entrance of the throne room. He finds the Jotnar first, standing near the back since they’re too tall to be in the front and not block the view, or maybe as a symbol of their place. He takes a look at them, he must look like them in his real form he guesses, would the blue suit him? They have always been the enemies in his mind, fooled to think like an Asgardian, he has seen them as nothing more than threat and vermin. He guesses there is some irony to laugh about. If they had truly “lost” him, would it have been easier to feel sympathy for them now? Most probably. As it is, they are still enemies. Nothing but a primitive species whose kings were heartless enough to leave him for death. It had to be done, he gets it, if he looks at it in a cold way, no respected royal would present a deformed heir. The jotnar ruler meets his eyes, and immediately he confirms his impressions. They are cold as the ice of their realm. They look infuriated that he exists still. Great, no news then, rejected at birth, rejected now, just another normal day for him.
He looks at some of the other assistants, kings and queens from other realms under Asgard’s rule, they all try to look neutral, but he can see surprise and horror even, badly concealed. He knows he shouldn’t look at the rest, the Aesir, his people, they must all look disgusted. A quick involuntary glance confirms this. He turns away and looks to his right, and he finds her. The Allfather is now talking about the importance of the act of trusting his beloved second son to the Vanir, about how this proves the Imperial family regards them all as equal. He focuses on her. There is only one person in this palace, in the whole world, who he was sure felt some genuine affection for him, the Queen, his lovely mother. There she is, standing proudly and elegantly as ever, right next to the Allfather. Tall and blond like most Aesir, but talented in magic as is due from a Vanir princess. The woman who comforted him when he was scared, the one who saw in him loneliness and took him in her arms, his confidant and teacher, the one who taught him the basis of magic, who opened the door to all the possibilities to him. She doesn’t turn to meet his eyes. His heart stops. He thought he had died a couple minutes before, but now he realizes he had still kept this last beacon of light inside. The knowledge that someone cared for him had been strong, his trust in the affection between them had been there, had kept him sane during the duration of this nightmare. Now he understands the meaning of your blood turning to ice. “Look at me” he wills mentally. There’s no way she doesn’t feel his stare. “Just look at me and I’ll go where he sends me”, “smile at me and I’ll know everything will be okay”, “do it so I’ll know not everything was a lie”, “just please… look at me…” he begs her with everything he has. She doesn’t. Numbness starts to spread all over him. He can no longer feel his feet, or his hands. All he can feel is sadness. His face stays the same. Doesn’t show anything. Fine. “If they all think I am a monster then maybe I should just leave”. Why should he do what father of the year wants? He is not sending him away to learn and grow, he is getting rid of him, he probably will never set a foot back in this realm. Once enough time has passed and people have sufficiently forgotten about him, they will probably murder him and most likely blame the jotnar, then publicly regret the fact that even if Asgard had tried to bridge the gap between the realms to end the hate, they are still nothing but uncivilized beasts, killing not only an Asgardian prince, but one of their own by blood. They will probably annihilate them using this excuse. Yes, he should just vanish now, go away on his own. If what they want is for him to be out of the picture, he can do it on his terms. Never again will he see their faces, he wants nothing to do with this realm, this people or these feelings. He can go to a little corner of the universe, change his appearance and abandon his name, the title he was so proud of, but that he no longer needs or wants. Just leave everything and start anew, lead a simple life, learning magic, find a way to make a living with it even. No more distrusting looks, no more having to guess if anyone cares for him, letting go of the ridiculous notion that anyone could. Just giving in and finding a secluded place where he can rest his heart, his mind, his body, his soul. He is young but he could appear older if needed. His majesty is generously thanking everyone now, and just like that he is decided. He won’t stay and please them. They never even asked for his opinion, didn’t even have the kindness to tell him this essential truth about himself before confessing it to the whole realm. If that isn’t a way to let him know how little his feelings matter, then he doesn’t know what could be. He didn’t need this, he, as any royal born must do, had been trying to think of his people, to focus on them, as it is said, royals are there only to serve, to put the interest of the whole before any of theirs. He had tried that; it hadn’t worked out and he was done. Suddenly all he felt was weariness. He wished he could go back to that morning in bed and not get out of it, or even just go back and relive 10 mins of laying down in ignorance of what the whole day awaited. Back to being amazed that there would be a feast in his honor, they were usually all for Thor. He had been expectant, pleased and excited. He had been a different person back then. He had still been a child then. The Vanir family stands up. Soon he’ll have to escape, it will be harder if he waits until he is with them, they are magic experts after all, might be able to stop him from leaving in a blink. They are coming to stand in front of the Allfather to accept this responsibility, this “honor”. That’s when Thor finally breaks his silence, stunning everyone in the room, his voice projecting even over the murmurs, all the way to the back where the jotun stand. Everyone immediately pays attention. “I don’t understand! Loki is my brother, he is a prince of Asgard, he is no monster, why would you say those things?! Father, he is your son, why would you send him away to the Vanir? If you really want him to learn then why not bring them here until he is ready?! You brough me that sword master before!” The alfather tries to interfere, “Thor, stop right now!”. “No! Loki belongs here! Mother! Why won’t you tell him?! He is your favorite! We all know it, so why are you letting them take him?! Even if he really IS a jotnar, he looks like us, so it is okay for him to stay, right? He is not too tall, he can stay. So, why...? Loki! Why won’t you say anything?! Do you want to go with them? We have never cared for the Vanir, or the jotnar, so why won’t you tell them anything? I know you! You love Asgard! You told me the reason you always study so hard is to protect everyone, but what good will it do to learn if you’re not here to actually do anything? eh? Loki!”. Loki just stared at this boy, his barely older brother. He hadn’t always liked him; they had grown apart considerably the last few decades. Their interests too different, with Thor being the epitome of an Asgardian, and Loki his direct opposite. Once they had been inseparable. Now he could laugh about the irony. Just minutes ago, he thought no one cared about him, well turns out he was wrong. There is one after all. While Odin tried to calm Thor, Loki thought about it once more. Thor’s words “until he is ready” … What if he did go with the Vanir? If they were willing to teach, he could learn from them as much as he could before leaving, and if it turned out they didn’t want to teach him, then he’d find the way to leave anyway. Any extra help for later when he went on his own would be useful. He could play the obedient prince, benefit, then leave when the time was right. “Thor” he called out to his brother. He immediately fell silent and approached, focused on him solely and what he might say. He continued quietly, his words for Thor only “Thor, brother. You are right in that all I have done was to be worthy of this realm, I wished to be strong enough to protect our people. That’s why I have chosen to accept this fate. And this is why you must too.” “But I don’t get it! Why can’t you learn here?!” “You have been far too blind Thor. I regret that you have to come to understand politics in this pitiful way, but it is time you do, finally. For me, learning here or in Vanaheim is the same. However, it is for your benefit that I must leave.” “My benefit? What...?” “The truth Thor is that the Allfather…” “Our father!” “…The allfather has already chosen his heir. It was never going to be me, we knew it already. We just didn’t know the full extend of why. Having me here is only going to cause trouble for you settling in the position, that’s why they are sending me away, why they are vanishing me. But Thor, the reason I am going is because I too, believe in you. I will leave the way for you to grow and become who you are meant to. Do you understand? Maybe I too, will find my way.” Thor’s face became resigned, he didn’t fully get it, that was clear, or maybe he could feel the lies in Loki’s voice, but he seemed to realized he couldn’t change this. Not now. “Your way? Fine. I will become a king then. I will. A worthy one. And then I will come for you. Asgard is your home, and we will rule together. We shall never be as safe as with you by my side, looking over our home.” Loki smiled ruefully, “Thor, don’t forget, I will always be your brother” “Don’t be an idiot, I will always be your brother too”. Loki thanked Thor in his mind, in his heart. Even if his time in Asgard has come to an end, he would hold onto his brother’s words. And he WAS his brother, in anyway that matter. He held Thor’s eyes for a second longer, he wanted to remember him like this, for he knew he would be long gone if ever Thor actually decided to come for him. When he broke the eye contact, he didn’t look at the allfather or the allmother, or even at anyone in the room. He focused on appearing dignified as he turned to the Vanir King and queen, did a small bow, just enough to acknowledge them as royalty, but reminding them that he was above them still, playing his part in this charade, now he had been thrown to the pit, he had to hold onto any leverage. “Thank you for your hospitality” They looked at him with heavy eyes, they knew he was going to become a prince in exile by coming with them, or was it mistrust? Well. Nothing to do about that. “His things are ready and loaded to go.” Said Odin at his back. He tried not to think about his words beyond the practicality of the statement. Later, maybe later, he would allow himself to feel. For now, he started walking with his new hosts, leaving behind this place he had called home for his whole life. This place where he had learned magic, had played with his brother, had trained, had shared food with his “family”. Where he had been feared, tolerated and even hated. Where he had known little kindness and even less appreciation. He said a last goodbye to himself. The one he had been here, and to the mother that had betrayed him. Without turning around he got on the carriage that had been set for him, he would travel alone it seemed. The curtains of the windows were closed. Good. He didn’t need to see more of this place. He took a breath, closed his eyes, curled up horizontally and let himself cry like the kid he wished he could continue being.