Thor’s Hero
Loki just laid there for norns knowns how long. He didn’t even move positions. Not even a twitch. He just remained on his back, one hand laying on his stomach and the other angled awkwardly and loosely at his side. He was looking up at the ceiling, but he felt as if he was far away. It was like the entire world had gone numb and his brain was just drifting through a sea of stuffy nothingness.
It was not completely unlike how he had felt when that monster had thrown him around like a rag doll and left him broken, raw and completely exposed. Only, this felt much worse.
He had thought he had prepared for this. He had done all his mental tricks to disassociate during it. Pretend to want it was a given. Pretending he was someone else came easy. But something about knowing Thor was on the other side of the wall, knowing that he had seen the Grandmaster pull him into bed after a thinly veiled threat, made all his coping skills futile.
He wished more than anything that the Grandmaster had taken back to his personal chambers instead of insisting they spend the time in Loki’s own personal room. He probably planned this. He had probably waited for the right moment to take the final bit of something that could even remotely resemble Loki’s freewill and autonomy and smear his disgusting hands all over it and had jumped at the chance to do it with his brother so close by.
Just another tally to the list of why he hated the golden brother of his.
He supposed it could have been worse. The Grandmaster could have forced Thor to watch it. He wouldn’t have put it past the mad elder to be turned on by that sort of thing. But, knowing him, he would only make Thor watch if it was Thor he was punishing. But it wasn’t.
This was about control. The Grandmaster clearly didn’t care about Thor. He was just another fighter in his mind. Punishment was for people the Grandmaster wanted trained and Thor was untrainable.
Loki hated to admit it, but he probably would have found Thor's presence a bit soothing had he been bound in the room. The realization of this made him even more repulsed by his own mind, which he didn’t know was even possible. But he couldn’t deny that the thought of someone being close, witnessing it, made him feel less alone, less vulnerable.
Maybe Thor would have even looked at him with pity.
Loki laughed. What a pleasant thought: Thor struggling against his bonds, desperate to save his little brother from the grip of an ancient, powerful mad man.
Only thing was, Thor wouldn’t have. He would have just looked away in shame for ever loving such a repulsive creature.
Loki knew this to be true. Whatever love Thor had felt, no matter how strong he had claimed it to be, it was long gone. But it helped to pretend that he still did. During the worst of it (which more often than not took place long after the Grandmaster had left, just as he was in now) he would calm himself with fantasies of his brash brother charging in to rescue him.
Thor would never. He could. Even now, without Mjolnir, Loki knew that Thor could accomplish anything he set his foolish mind to. But saving him wasn’t worth it. He shouldn’t. If he were to be candid, he’d honestly feel worse if Thor had saved him because there was nothing worth saving.
His last shred of dignity died when the Grandmaster had laid eyes on Thor.
This is what Loki deserved. He deserved death but since he had longed for that, the universe saw fit to punish him in a different way.
Loki’s eyes eventually wandered from the red and white patterned ceiling to focus on the door, wondering if Thor would walk through it.
If he did, it wouldn’t be to hold Loki close and mummer words of love into his hair after helping him clean up. If Thor walked through that door, he would probably kick it down and barge in, but stop at the foot of the bed and huff. He would stare at Loki for a moment, no matter what state of dress he was in, with the same look of angry, shocked and complete disappointment.
He’d probably yell at him. Furious that Loki would allow such a thing to happen. Furious that he had chosen to be kept as the Grandmaster’s little toy instead of going into battle to die like a real Prince of Asgard would. Furious about how embarrassing this all was.
That’s what he felt the most: embarrassment.
Well, he supposed Thor was going to see the worst of him one day. Thor probably thought that Loki couldn’t go any lower and yet Loki always proved him wrong.
Maybe Thor had gotten wise and escaped Sakaar while he knew the Grandmaster was preoccupied. He hoped that he had. Then maybe Loki could get an ounce of comfort knowing that he had done a bit of his part in keeping Thor safe.
Come to think of it, Thor didn’t need his protection. He would have beaten the Grandmaster Champion. Loki knew he could do it. Thor could do anything. He didn’t know why he had felt the need to try and play hero.
He hated that he loved his brother.
Everything would be so much easier if he had hated his brother.
There was a knock on the door.
Loki shut his eyes tight.
“Loki?”
It was Thor’s voice coming from the otherside of the door, muffled and soft.
Loki gripped his fists tight. He thought to himself that he should get up and get dressed as the only thing covering his bruised, twig like body was a thin, stained sheet and he would surely die if Thor saw him like this. But he couldn’t. His arms and legs felt as heavy as lead. His body was refusing to listen to his brain.
His limbs were just so tired…
Loki didn’t do much as flinch when the door slowly creaked open.
“Loki?” Thor repeated, his voice just as low and angry sounding as he had expected.
Here it comes, Loki thought to himself, shutting his eyes tight as he gripped the sheets even harder, any moment now.
Thor was going to tell him how pathetic he was. That he should have fought the Grandmaster and died rather than let his body be mutilated in such a way. That he was a coward. That he was a useless, used up whore. That he was unworthy of the title of prince.
That he was unworthy of the title of Thor’s brother.
He could feel Thor’s eyes on him. His gaze was nearly burning his skin.
But Loki was refusing to open his eyes. If feared if he did, he would have to face Thor’s eyes and he could not bare to let his brother watch him cry.
Brother...he would no doubt be denouncing such a title within a few seconds.
Any moment now.
“Loki?” Thor’s voice cracked from rage.
Loki tried not to flinch as he felt Thor take hand.
“Loki.” Thor said, “please...just-just open your eyes.”
Loki did as he was told and opened his eyes. But he kept them glued to the wall farthest away from Thor.
He could not bear to look at him.
Thor grabbed Loki’s arm with one hand and used the other to take hold of the small of his back. Then, he hoisted Loki up. He wanted to protest, but he was too tired to do so.
Thor sat down beside him on the bed, not removing his hands from Loki’s arm and back. Had he removed them, Loki was certain he would collapse into a heap back on the bed.
Loki kept his head turned away as Thor scanned every inch of his body. When Thor went to touch what must have been a mark on Loki’s throat, Loki flinched away.
“Loki.” Thor said.“Look at me..”
When Loki refused, Thor’s hand went to his chin, turning the worthless trickster gods head towards him.
“Please.” Thor pleaded, his voice cracking, “please look at me. I need to see-I need to see your eyes. I need to see that-that my little brother is still in there somewhere. That that monster didn’t completely destroy him.”
Loki still didn’t look at him. He just looked down on the soiled sheets that he was thumbing in his tight grip. He must have started crying because he felt Thor’s thumb wiping away tears from his cheek.
“Oh Loki.”
Thor leaned in but Loki flinched away.
Thor was taken a back for a split second. Loki hoped this would be enough to get him started. He couldn’t bare waiting a second longer for the venom to start spewing from Thor’s mouth.
But then Thor removed the tattered remains of his red cloak and wrapped it around Loki’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry.” Thor said. “I’m so sorry.”
Thor pulled Loki into him and Loki didn’t protest. He remained expressionless as Thor clutched onto him tight, his thick fingers stroking the back of Loki’s head and hair. Loki was tempted to tell Thor to let go of the disgusting thing in his arms-it was covered completely in filth and Loki didn’t want to tarnish the golden child.
But Thor kept crying and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. He couldn’t really hear them though.
All he could hear was the grandmasters laugh. And all he could feel were the grandmasters hands.
“I’m sorry.” Thor sobbed, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
It was Thor pressing a kiss to Loki’s forehead that finally snapped him out of it. He slowly removed himself from Thor’s grasp before finally daring to look him in the eye.
Thor was crying. Why was he crying, Loki puzzled. There was no reason for Thor to cry.
“Brother…” Thor choked. “Say something-anything...please.”
Loki kept staring at his tearful blue eyes. There was no need to cry. Thor was alive. Loki less so. But that didn’t matter because Thor was alive.
“Please.” Thor pleaded again. “Please...give me a sign.”
Loki hung his head and began to openly sob.
Slowly, he began to lean against Thor who welcomed him in a tight embrace.
“Shush,” Thor hushed, rubbing Loki’s back. “Hush little brother, you’re going to be alright.”
Loki let out another painful sob.
“He’s not going to hurt you.” Thor vowed, cupping the back of Loki’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. “He’s not going to hurt you ever again. I’d-I’d sooner die than let him ever lay a finger on you again.”
Loki sobbed harder.
Clueless, stupid Thor.
He still wasn’t getting it,
“I’m going to protect you.” Thor vowed. “I failed this vow once-I won’t let it happen again. That monster is never going to touch you again.”
Loki gripped Thor’s back tighter.
“I’m going to kill him.” Thor growled into Loki’s hair. “He’s going to regret laying a hand on you.”
Loki shook his head into the crook of Thor’s neck.
“You fool.” Thor said, unable to laugh. “You fool...you couldn’t have been selfish this one last time, could you?”
Loki sobbed.
“Why didn’t you?” Thor said, angrily. “You should have just let me go to the arena. You didn’t have to let him-“
Loki sobbed harder.
“No.” Thor said. “No...I’m sorry for saying such a thing. You didn’t let him do anything.”
Loki gripped Thor’s chest harder.
“Listen.” Thor said, grabbing at Loki’s face, “listen.”
Loki sniffed, wiping his eyes on Thor’s red cloak and instantly regretting it.
“You did nothing wrong.” Thor said firmly. “You here? You did nothing wrong. It was all his doing. It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t mean to get upset with you.”
Thor cupped the back of his neck with his hand. He was smiling at him though there were tears in his eyes.
It hurt to look at.
Loki tried to look away, but Thor used his hand to draw Loki’s gaze again, lifting his chin up.
“Rest, little brother.” Thor said, pressing another kiss to Loki’s forehead. “I’ll keep you safe while you sleep. I promise.”
Thor pulled Loki to his chest again. He kept stroking his hair and whispering sweet words that Loki would never believe.
But eventually, he trusted in the dream and fell asleep.