Atlas Could've Held More (If He Had Help)

Tony loved his soulmate from the moment the words etched their way onto his skin on his tenth birthday. He remembers the way he ran to his mother, to show off the nearly unreadable chicken scratch that made up his soulmate’s handwriting on his right wrist. Maria smiled and helped Tony decipher the words the cuff that made up the first sentence his soulmate would ever say to him - “That’s a misnomer - spiders are arachnids like you’re tougher than iron, Metal-head.” 

The words enthralled Tony immediately. While Maria frowned at the sight of a potential insult, Tony took the words as proof his soulmate was smart. Afterall, no one Tony’s age knew the difference between an insect and an arachnid.

“You’ll have a platonic bond in this life, Anthony” Maria murmured gently as she turned Tony’s wrist back and forth, the black words reflecting the light of the morning sun in hues of blue like a puddle of ink on the sidewalk. She pushed his hair out of his eyes only for it to immediately fall back as he bounced on his toes. “Just like yours, Mamma” Her son was buzzing with excitement, he’d been waiting for his tenth birthday for years after he learned about soul bonds.

Legends told of gods, jealous of the power of fully entwined human soul, splitting souls in two - cursing man to search out their other half in every life. The gods could not erase the influence of the whole when their rage broke souls in half. The words first spoken to each other developed on children’s wrists after they reached the age of ten. The words spoken after each soulmate grew to love the other would follow, printed neatly over the soul’s hearts after they turned twenty five. Words that reflected blue meant their connection would be platonic in this life. Words that reflected red in the light promised a romantic bond. Many believed the same souls found each other again and again, in a never ending quest to become whole again.

As Tony grew, he never lost the pride he held in his soulmate’s first words. For one thing, it meant they were smart and not afraid to call him out on his bullshit. He loved the idea of having someone so perfect for him that despite his fame, legacy and money - they wouldn’t balk at correcting him. Tony found solace after his father turned violent by running his fingers over the words printed on his wrist. Stark men don’t cry because Stark men are made of iron; but even after the worst moments inflicted by his father, he knew there was someone out there who believed differently. Who believed he wasn’t iron - that he was tougher.

-

Rhodey wasn’t his soulmate. Tony was fifteen and desperate to meet the other half of his soul, to be understood completely. He remembers moving his things in with Jarvis’ help, silently hoping that the other occupant in his shared dorm would somehow be that person. Not a small piece of him felt disappointed when the door swung open with a “You’re Tony S? How old are you? Twelve?”. 

The piece of Tony that longed for his soulmate grew quieter with the help of Rhodey. Having someone besides his family butler in his corner helped convince Tony to branch out more, actively trying to create relationships with his classmates rather than passively waiting to be called out by his soulmate. 

Rhodey’s own words reflect red in the yellow lighting of the small dorm as they lay in matching twin beds one night in their first semester. They’d become fast friends, Rhodey can keep up better than most people with the way Tony’s brain works though he gets lost with the speed Tony changes topics. They talk a lot about soulmates and their bonds. He hasn’t met them yet, but he’s just as excited to meet them as Tony is. The soft cursive twisting around Rhodey’s wrist read “Keep dreaming Rhodes, maybe one day you’ll fly half as good as me.” He tells Tony he thinks they’ll meet after college, once he starts pilot training with the Air Force. He promises that he’s doing ROTC for himself, getting his degree at a manageable price for the eldest kid of a single mom while pursuing what he loves but Tony knows there’s part of the decision that’s entirely in hopes of meeting his soulmate there. 

When Tony reads his own words to Rhodey, he grins and says he’s glad someone will help him keep Tony out of trouble. He tells Rhodey about all the hours he’s spent researching spiders and memorizing as many fun facts as he can in order to impress his soulmate when they meet. They spend hours talking about how happy they’ll be when the two of them become the four of them.

Rhodey’s there when Tony goes through his first break up. As comforting as he is, Tony can’t help the voice inside bitterly whispering it should’ve been your soulmate here. Tony pushes that voice as far back as he can. 

When his parents die, the voice returns and brings a bitterness that hangs around long after the funeral party disperses.

When Jarvis dies, the bitterness turns cold.

He uses the fact his soulbond is platonic as an excuse to sleep with whoever he wants and drink whatever he wants. He knows Rhodey worries about it, telling him his soulmate wouldn’t want this life for him. Tony argues that the other half of his soul should’ve known better than to leave him alone this long. That if their bond was so special like all the poets say it is, they’d be there already. 

He starts wearing watches with thick bands over his right wrist.

-

He’s twenty-three, less than two years short of getting his second set of words and three years into running his father’s company when he meets the woman of his dreams. He calls her Pepper after he startled her to offer her the job as his PA after her interview on her way out of Stark Industries and she nearly pepper sprayed him. 

She’s smart as a whip and challenges Tony to do more and be more in a way he hasn’t felt since that first semester at MIT with Rhodey. Tony’s completely smitten within a week.

Her own words reflect blue on her wrist. She’s already found her soulmate, a red-haired woman with eyes that see through every wall Tony puts up who becomes a familiar face around Stark Industries. Pepper tells him that even without the words printed on her skin, she’d know they were soulmates because she felt it when she first laid eyes on her. She says it felt like coming home from a trip she didn’t know she was on. 

Obie hates Pepper. He hates how involved Tony makes her with the everyday running of the company - something Tony never felt the need to care much about. Pepper catches so much overspending within the first year of being Tony’s PA that Tony could hire two more Peppers with the money. Instead he buys her a Tiffany necklace and adds another zero to her salary. 

Pepper reignites the longing in him. He finds himself wanting to meet his soulmate earnestly and not with the bitter question of “where were you” left on his tongue. He buys more books about spiders.

–

When he’s twenty-five, he gets his second set of words. He stares at them in the reflection from a dirty piece of scrap metal, only distantly aware that he hadn’t even known it was his birthday until they showed up. Their appearance makes him hate the cave he’s been locked in. Hate the fact that Rhodey isn’t there to read them. That Pepper couldn’t laugh with him. 

“Try all you want, I’m never leaving your side” is printed in the same hard to read handwriting over his left pectoral muscle. Yinsen sends him an apologetic look and opens his mouth to comfort him. Tony holds his hand up and instead pushes himself harder on their escape plan.

He’s got a soulmate to meet.

–

The media calls him Iron Man. Tony doesn’t shy away from the name, even though it’s incorrect. He laments to Rhodey and Pepper about the suit being a gold-titanium alloy and the fact iron would never be tough enough to make the cut for one of his suits. They roll their eyes fondly and tap the watches covering his right wrist as if to say “see? They’re right all along”.

He’s twenty eight when the avengers band together to save New York. The government sends a nuke to deal with an honest to god alien invasion and suddenly it’s Tony’s problem. He tries to be angry, tries to feel some sort of rage against the government that would rather end thousands of lives than wait and let their rag tag team work.

Instead he just feels disappointed. 

Disappointed he never got to meet the other half of his soul. That they’ll have to wait for their next life, whatever it’ll be, to meet again. That this time isn’t the end of their stories once and for all.

He tells JARVIS to call Pepper as he connects with the bomb, sliding it easily onto his back and setting a new course. She doesn’t answer her phone and all Tony can think as he shoots onto the literal hole in the sky is

You promised never to leave my side

It’s bitter and mean and completely unwarranted of a soulmate he hasn’t even met yet. But the thought sticks. At the same time as he closes his eyes and the thrusters give out in the cold void of space, he’s got a small smile on his face, thinking of the soulmate who thinks he’s tougher than iron and worth caring for. 

–

Tony doesn’t die even though he thinks he should’ve. There’s a larger threat out there and its coming fast and they are wildly unprepared. He moves the Avengers into the tower and dedicates a majority of his time to their gear alongside the clean energy work he was already trying to save the planet with.

Pepper calls him Atlas when she leaves, saying she can’t add another weight to his shoulders until he figures out how to share it.

Tony strains to keep it all together. His soul aches and his marks remind him that he’s worth it - that someone out there thinks he’s worth it. He pushes on for them. He gives up drinking for them and he can tell Rhodey’s worried, even if he’s started taking more and more time in the military. It’s ok though, because someday someone will never want to leave Tony’s side. So Tony takes on more.

Heroes are popping up like wildflowers in a meadow. There’s a guy in a red devil suit staking claim in Hell’s Kitchen and a guy wearing a mummy costume with a cape popping up all over the East Coast. Tony’s favorite is a local - a guy who swings from thin sticky ropes and climbs walls. Rhodey says it’s probably cause he reminds him of a spider and he’s always been partial to arachnids but Tony says it’s because of the sticky ropes. 

It’s not because of the sticky ropes.

He creates Ultron and tries to bubble wrap the world since he can’t bubble wrap his world without knowing who his soulmate is. It’s catastrophic and splinters the Avengers from the inside. Only two months later, while trying to take responsibility for what he’s done, he ends up making it even worse. 

Rhodey falls from the sky with no Hulk to slow his fall. With no time to mourn his best friend’s loss of mobility he finds his found family never really thought of him the same way - and gets a shield to the chest to prove it.

It stings worse than anything, knowing that the people he trusted didn’t trust him back. They knew about his mom. They knew and they didn’t tell him. The worst is Natasha. As Pepper’s soulmate, he thought she would always stay in his corner - like Pepper. It hurts even worse watching Pepper search for a woman who can’t be found. The other half of her soul willingly leaving her side, even if only temporarily.

Letting people in only adds to the weight of the world. He cuts everyone but Rhodey, Happy and Pepper out entirely. Pepper spends more time with him, they take solace in their missing pieces but he can’t relate to her. His soul hasn’t found him, hers left. He rubs his wrist constantly, running fingers over the “tougher than iron” phrase in a desperate attempt to convince himself he is. He has to be. 

For them.

–

It’s Tony’s thirty-first birthday. With the public breakup of the Avengers, Pepper thought it best not to have a press birthday party for his thirtieth but it’s been over a year. Tony’s worked tirelessly to fix what he broke with Ultron, with the Accords. He knows Pepper wants Natasha back on US soil. Can see how much pain she’s in when she stays the night in the guest room. The walls are thick but he can swear he hears her crying in the early mornings before he himself goes to bed, half a soul missing her mate. 

He rubs his wrist constantly now, wearing lines into the thick leather bands of his watches. Tony pushes himself to get over his own feelings and fix the Accords. He bites his tongue so often in meetings with idiotic officials he develops sores. Pepper is so appreciative of his efforts that they decide to try again. With her and Rhodey’s help they get it so most of the rogue Avengers can return to their homes and families. Barnes is still a wanted criminal and Steve is still missing but Tony likes to think it worked out when he sees Natasha walk into the rooftop party as if she hasn’t been missing for over a year and embrace Pepper in a hug so tight he thinks they’ll absorb each other.

Only an hour after reuniting Pepper and Natasha, Rhodey tells him he’s found his soulmate. A woman named Carol who flies better than any pilot he’s ever seen and contains absolutely no fear in her entire body. Tony’s happy for him. He is.

The open bar looks very tempting.

One stroke over his wrist and he turns away from it, he has to. For them. 

It’s nearly midnight when the first bombs go off, instinctively Tony looks for Rhodey, Pepper and Happy. They’re safe, already helping others escape. Natasha runs over to him, question in her eyes answered as Tony releases the nanites from their housing unit on his chest. 

It figures killer robots would attack his birthday - it’s nearly poetic justice for the man of science. They’re making their way through the onslaught of attackers but they’re outnumbered two vs seventy and to add insult to injury, they’re two of the human Avengers.

Tony’s distracting the bots by taking the high road, flying in complicated patterns their clunky metal bodies can’t come close to imitating. Natasha’s covering the exits as the last of the partygoers gets clear. They’re going to need something to change if they’re going to wrap this up any time soon. Silently, Tony wishes the other Avengers still lived in the Tower.

The answer comes with a soft twip and one bot chasing Tony is thrown into another that’s getting far too close to Natasha for comfort. Three more go down when the rope connected to the one thrown pulls taught and swings it to the right.

“Spider-Man!” Natasha calls, and Tony’s eyes dart over to the new figure that lands next to the super spy and helps to clear the area. As thankful as he is for another pair of hands, they aren’t quite the hands he hoped for. There’s only so far party tricks and a penchant for chemistry can help them. Tony rolls his eyes as he pulls up and four bots collide with a nearby building’s brick wall without the fast turns Tony’s suit can pull off.

“Isn’t this a little out of your paygrade, bug boy?” He calls to the spider themed hero. Spider-Man seems to freeze for a moment before using one bot to launch himself into several others, ripping out their power sources as he goes.

“That’s a misnomer - spiders are arachnids like you’re tougher than iron, Metal-head.” he jumps from bot to bot, dismantling them with ease. Tony freezes, FRIDAY takes control to ensure he doesn’t get shot out of the sky because those are his words.

He’s found his soulmate.

His soulmate is Spider-Man.

His soulmate is making quick work of the robots and handling the whole being soulmates thing much better than Tony. The number of bots falls rapidly while Tony’s still trying to restart his brain. With only ten left, he turns back towards Natasha and Spider-Man only to watch as a bot raises aim towards Natasha’s head. She’s distracted, actively taking down two bots with her bare hands. Tony can barely think, barely breathe as he wills the suit to go faster, knowing he’ll be too late to save yet another person important to him.

Spider-Man comes out of nowhere, slamming into Natasha with barely controlled power, taking the bullet to the stomach as they roll to safety. 

“No!” the shout rips its way out of his throat. The bots can barely move before Tony destroys them all in vengeance, he can’t lose his soulmate, not after he’s just found them.

FRIDAY, the smart program she is, opens the suit immediately when he touches down. He runs to Spider-Man’s side, where Natasha is already inspecting the wound.

“When they said never meet your heroes, I thought it was more in a living up to ideals kinda way and less in a ‘you may get shot in the stomach’ kinda way” he’s saying to her as she rips the suit out of the way of the wound.

“Yeah, well, don’t take bullets for people you just met” Natasha presses against his wound, actively trying to keep it closed. FRIDAY’s already called the medical team from the old medbay.

Tony scans Spider-Man’s body with his eyes, trying to assess damage through the suit, “Don’t take bullets for anyone, taking bullets is off the list of spider-approved activities” 

Even with his face covered, Tony can feel the ice in the stare Spider-Man sends his way after Tony speaks, “You don’t get to tell me what is and isn’t allowed. I think I’m good. I’m gonna go now” he bats Natasha’s hand away and starts getting up. Everything in Tony is screaming not to let him go but at the same time, the look he shot Tony has him tripping over his tongue, trying to think of anything that would make his soulmate happy.

“Spider-Man, let us help you. Let us-let me make sure you’re ok” Natasha’s tone holds a hint of vulnerability that’s usually reserved for Pepper only. It’s genuine in a way that surprises Tony immediately. Spider-Man hesitates before he nods, letting Natasha lead him towards the door to the elevator down to the medbay. 

–

Spider-Man is half of Tony’s soul. Tony’s reeling. Once the doctors finish stitching up the wound, Natasha leaves the room with a quick squeeze to Tony’s shoulder, leaving the two alone.

“So…” Spider-Man starts, he’s hardly sat still since he got shot, always moving in some way or another. Right now he’s picking at the edge of the gauze wrapped around his middle. The spider suit is torn a bit, but nothing a sewing machine can’t fix. God, Tony’s soul has been running around New York for who knows how long in a glorified onesie. The thought makes him sick.

“You-you’re them. You’re…you said my words” he states, moving closer to the bed. Spider-Man seems to wince at that, pulling his shoulders in towards himself.

“Look, Mr. Stark, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean…I can pay you back for all this, I just, I’ll get out of your hair” he starts moving immediately, starting to get off the bed “you didn’t ask for this, I’m sorry. Maybe, maybe it’s just a coincidence? Maybe they’re still out there!”

Tony’s frozen as Spider-Man speaks. He sounds less like he’s trying to convince himself and more like he’s trying to give Tony the world’s worst pep talk. As if he isn’t the part of Tony that Tony always dreamed of.

“No! No, stop trying to get up, you'll tear your stitches” he’s reaching out before he can stop himself, gently pushing Spider-Man back to the bed with hands on his shoulders. “What are you talking about - still out there? You’re right here. There’s nowhere else to look” he’s going for reassurance with humor but it doesn’t seem to land. Spider-Man is staunchly staring at Tony’s hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not…you’re Tony Stark! And I’m…I’m just a kid from Queens, sir. I can’t be your soulmate, I’m nobody” 

It’s barely a whisper but Tony’s breath catches in his throat. He moves his hands from the Spiderling’s shoulders to take his right hand in both of his. He gently pulls at the glove, letting the man have as much time as possible to pull away. He doesn’t. Tony undoes the device that’s fastened to the outside of the glove (he makes a mental note that Spider-Man’s webs are not organic and he seems to have a sort of launcher - forcing himself to ignore how cool that is) and pulls off the glove. 

In familiar half-cursive, half-script loops are the words “Isn’t this a little out of your paygrade, bug boy?” written tightly around his thin wrist. Spider-Man is looking anywhere but him. 

“I’m sorry. I dreamt of what I’d say to you…never in a million years did I think I’d insult you” Tony traces the words in his handwriting. 

“ ‘s fine” Spider-Man whispers in a way that makes it obvious it’s not fine and hasn’t been for a long time. He still hasn’t met Tony’s gaze.

“Move the leg, I’m gonna sit here” Tony says, pushing at Spidey’s leg as he moves to sit on the edge of the hospital bed. Tony starts taking off his own watch, still wrapped tightly over his own words “can you take off the mask? I promise I won’t tell anyone. Scout’s honor”

That gets Spider-Man to look at him. “You were never a boy scout so that’s not really comforting”

“Ah so you are a fan!” 

“I never said- you know what, fine. Yeah, obviously. Who isn’t? You’re like the guy in clean energy right now and the stuff you did with fluid dynamics for the leg braces for Colonel Rhodes’ leg braces revolutionized spinal cord injury treatment, like -” Spidey mimes his head blowing up, only to stop half way through the explosion and wrap his arms tightly around his middle, “sorry, you knew that. I mean, it’s your work. Obviously you know it”

Tony frowns at the cut off, the closed off way the kid’s wrapping himself up immediately makes his heart hurt. 

“Hey, don’t do that. I’m glad you know me for my day job as well as my…hobby” he waves a hand off in the general direction of the roof. He’s going to say more but he feels Spider-Man’s eyes on him. He’s locked onto Tony’s wrist, staring at the words revealed from under the watch.

“So…this is real. I mean, obviously this is real but like you’re not lying about it - I really said…I said your words” 

“Lying? Spidey, people don’t lie about their soul words” it’s not against the law persay, just more of a rule of thumb that people abide by. Soulmates are one of the purest bonds there are and the idea that someone would use it to take advantage of someone - of Tony’s soul - has Tony’s stomach turning.

Spider-Man nods and suddenly he’s ripping off his mask. Bright brown eyes are locked onto Tony’s wrist, brown curls fall haphazardly after being freed. Tony’s never seen freckles that look so much like constellations in his life - his soulmate is beautiful. The kid can’t be out of college, he looks so young in a way that’s making Tony’s bones ache. His eyes dart to Tony’s and he flushes a shade of red not unlike his suit.

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just…a lot. I’m Peter. Parker… Peter Parker and I guess…I’m your soulmate”