“Sakura you bitch…” Chaewon mumbled, slumping forward in her wheelchair as Sakura pushed her through the crowd. “I wanna go home.”
“Shut the fuck up, retard. I’m doing you a favor by taking you out to get some air, you inbred freak of nature.”
Sakura wasn’t entirely wrong. Being the result of incest, Chaewon was more retarded than the average person, and her Terminal Unspecified Retard Disease (TURD for short) was a great hinderance on her life. Only on days like these did she get to go out to see the world, but she could rarely find herself grateful, what with how everyone would stare at her and gawk. It made her feel even more empty inside than she already did, if that was even possible.
“If you feel so burdened by this, just take me home already,” Chaewon said softly, picking at her nail polish. Painting her nails was one of her favorite pastimes these days, since she couldn’t really do much else. Being retarded sucked.
“No. You need time outside the dorm, and Eunchae has been complaining about your gassy ass for days. You need to stop fucking farting in her presence, you piece of shit.”
“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I can’t do anything about it, you faggot,” Chaewon cried out, causing more than a few heads to turn and then immediately look away in disgust.
“Can you shut up?” Sakura hissed. “You’re drawing unnecessary attention. And I know you can’t do anything. Just… ugh. I can’t believe I still got stuck in a dorm with a TURD-haver.”
She rolled her eyes, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she stared straight ahead, pushing the chair harder to the point Chaewon felt she might almost fall out. She didn’t voice this concern, of course, thinking Sakura might almost be glad if that happened.
And with that thought weighing her down, she remained silent for the rest of their outing. No point poking the bear.
~*~
Chaewon stared down the stairs - she’d been here multiple times before, contemplating her existence and the fate of her friends. Something about tonight, though, felt different. As she did a small wheelie in her wheelchair, she thought about what would happen if she were to roll forward just the tiniest bit. Push the boundaries a little.
Would it be worth it? Not to her, exactly, but to those around her. Sakura and Eunchae wouldn’t have to look after her anymore. They were her roommates and the closest things she had to friends, but she knew even they had come to resent her. It made her heart ache. She couldn’t help that she had TURD, but it seemed like they thought it was her fault.
Was it?
Staring down the stairs, that question seemed to grow louder and louder in her head, building up to a staggering degree.
Is it your fault? What if this is all your fault? What will you do then? What if they never ever loved you, and this now is just their true feelings showing? What are you going to do?
“I’m going to do the right thing,” she whispered, before rolling herself forward.
And from there, it all went grey.
~*~
“Chaewon! CHAEWON!”
The voice sounded far away, as though she were listening to it through a long tunnel. It reminded her of when she went to her classes for kids who had TURD and other similar conditions and the teacher would sit her in the corner with a pair of headphones that didn’t quite work. The audio would always sound just far enough away that it made her question if she was even actually hearing it, if it was actually real. But as the calling continued, the tunnel seemed to shorten, and next thing she knew, someone was shaking her violently. Her eyes flew open, and there was Sakura, leaning above her, using one hand to shake the hell out of Chaewon and the other to wipe away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
“Sakura - Sakura, I think you can stop, she’s awake,” Eunchae consoled, resting a hand on each of their shoulders. “It’s okay now, really.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Sakura spoke slowly and quietly, as though any louder would cause her to lose it. Not making eye contact with Chaewon, she grabbed her hand, holding it in hers and squeezing tight like she was afraid to ever let go again. “Eunchae, can you go tell the doctor she’s fine or something? Just… give us a minute?”
“Yeah, of course.” Eunchae picked up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and giving the two a small smile and wave before leaving the room. She had always been considerate like that - something Chaewon had always appreciated even when she’d seemingly become bitter towards her.
“So… how did you fall?” Sakura finally spoke, breaking the silence that had hovered between the two for a minute. “I hardly even remember finding you, I was so scared, I just screamed for Eunchae - you fucking terrified me.”
Chaewon remained silent for a moment, unsure how to address the heaviness weighing on her chest. Eventually, she decided to just tell it how it was. “I didn’t… I didn’t fall.”
Confusion crossed Sakura’s face, before what happened seemed to dawn on her. “You… you don’t mean… oh, Chaewon, this wasn’t because of what I said earlier that day, was it? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean - ”
She stopped there, covering her mouth with her hand and squeezing her eyes shut. It took her a moment to gather herself before she continued. “I’m sorry if I ever seemed to hate you, I really don’t - it’s such a lame way to put it, but I really… I love you so much, Chaewon, but I was afraid of how it would look if I tried to approach you with it. I mean, TURD is such a controversial disease in our society, I was afraid of what my peers would think. I never stopped to consider how it would affect you. God…”
Burying her face in her hands, she shook her head. “I’m such a piece of shit. I’m sorry.”
Silence fell upon the two of them then as Sakura began to cry quietly, and Chaewon considered everything the other had just said. She had never even dreamed that the other could have seen her as anything other than a retard, much less a romantic prospect, so that alone made her heart soar - but at the same time, knowing the pain Sakura was feeling made her feel almost like her heart were breaking all over again. So it was up to her to make the next move.
Placing her hand on Sakura’s shoulder, she rubbed her thumb in small circles on the other’s back. “It’s… it’s okay. I think I understand. That doesn’t make it okay, but the explanation helps greatly. I appreciate it. And… I love you too.”
Sakura’s head whipped up at that, and she looked over at Chaewon - her eyes were wide, tears still running down her face, but the upset there was maybe a little diluted now by pure shock. “...do you mean it?” she whispered finally. “Even after everything? Really?”
Chaewon laughed softly, a breathless noise that could barely be heard even in the near-silent room. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t think I would lie about something like that.”
Sakura exhaled, wiping at her cheeks. “Okay. Sorry if I’m being, like, overdramatic or something.”
“You’re not,” Chaewon reassured her. “There’s probably a lot of big feelings happening right now. I get it.”
Sakura nodded slowly. “Yeah… anyway, I guess I should probably let you rest now. See you… whenever this smooths itself out?”
Chaewon nodded, offering up a small smile as Sakura got out of her seat, walking towards the door. As she grabbed the doorknob she looked over her shoulder one more time, smiling back and giving her a small wave before she left.
And then it was quiet.
~*~
It had been about two weeks since Chaewon had been home from the hospital. With Sakura and Eunchae fussing over her nonstop, she couldn’t help but feel loved - especially by Sakura.
“Are you comfortable?” Sakura asked as she helped her get adjusted on the couch, seeming extremely worried over every last detail of her personal comfort and safety. The thought made Chaewon giggle, and she nodded, patting the spot next to her. Over the short return period this had become routine, and Eunchae, seeing the two snuggling up next to each other, knew that was her cue to clear out.
As soon as the door slammed shut behind Eunchae, Sakura laughed quietly and leaned into Chaewon, gently using her hand to rest her head on her shoulder. “I still can’t believe it’s that easy to get quality time with someone like Eunchae as a roommate. You would think she’d be a lot more up in our business.”
“Yeah, well, I won’t complain.” Chaewon grabbed Sakura’s hand, holding it tightly as though she were afraid the other would disappear if she let go. “And I think even if she were here I’d be happy. Just being here, okay, with you… it’s all fine now.”
Sakura nodded, squeezing Chaewon’s hand. “Yeah. No matter what happens from here on out, we’ll be okay. Together. I love you, my little retard.”
And suddenly, upon hearing her trigger word, Chaewon pulled out a semi-automatic pistol and shot Sakura through the head.
The end.