Summon the Suit
Steven knew about Marc. He didn't know everything, and Jake doubted that he ever would, based solely on how Marc was as a person (Jake and Steven's existence proved his point, really), but it was enough to make even Jake Lockley nervous.
Marc and Jake both owed something to Khonshu, a debt they both felt needed repaid, but Steven did not. He was a gift shopist. He was a vegan. He didn't have any friends, other than the pet goldfish that Jake and Marc had accidentally killed (and Jake could feel that Marc felt just as guilty about Gus as Jake did). Steven was not meant for the work that Jake and Marc did for Khonshu. Frankly, neither were Jake nor Marc, which is why Steven existed. Jake didn't want Steven to know. Steven couldn't know.
But, as the day progressed, Jake watched as Steven became more and more aware of what was going on. Marc was getting sloppy, and that incident in the museum with Harrow's jackal had just about sealed the fate of the system.
Jake watched out of Steven's eyes, and was acutely aware of Marc also being close to the front. He wondered if Marc could feel him there. "Well, that's it. I got the sack," Steven was telling the living statue, Crawley, whom Jake had met a few times while doing business for Khonshu. Crawley was a vagrant, well-known and respected on the streets. Jake had earned his respect by once saving him from a slasher that was terrorizing the streets of London (whom, in a shocking twist, had turned out to be Crawley's son). Since then, he made sure to always say hello to the living statue and tip him well. He was glad that despite Steven having no knowledge of this, he was very respectful to Crawley, and Jake even suspected that Steven considered the man to be his friend, even though the living statue had never said a word to the man. "I mean, I can't blame 'em. I'm a vandal. I should have been arrested."
Steven sighed, and Jake could feel Marc retreat a bit, likely from the guilt he felt about what had taken place at the museum. "I did find things hidden in my flat. I swear. I'm not joking!"
This was not heading to a good place.
"That's worth exploring, isn't it?"
And there it was. That was what Jake was worried about.
"Like, if I could find that storage locker, that might be my once chance to prove to myself that I'm not.. mad."
Don't do it Steven, Jake tried reaching out to Steven for the first time since they were kids, but Steven was hugging Crawley and paying no attention to his thoughts.
The thought of Steven having heard him made Jake nervous, and he began to retreat back into their headspace.
Things had only gotten worse since Jake was asleep. He didn't want to wake up or move any closer to the front, but he could feel the system was in danger and Jake was not cool with that.
Hesitantly, Jake approached the front, and through Steven's eyes, he could see Arthur Harrow, talking to Steven as if he were a child. "It must be very difficult having all those voices inside of one head," Harrow was saying. "Marc Spector. Steven Grant. Khonshu."
Jake was used to his lack of recognition, but there was never a time when it didn't hurt.
He could feel Steven's anxiety, and it made him nervous as well. He tried to project his confidence and fearlessness (or at least, he liked to pretend he was fearless) into the body, but Steven's walls were up, and Jake doubted that even Marc could get through to him at the moment.
"I'm curious, do you think Khonshu chose you as his avatar because your mind would be so easy to break, or because it was broken already?"
Yeah, Jake definitely didn't like this guy.
Steven hesitated. "No, I'm not... broken. Just... just need some help, maybe."
Oh, if only Steven knew. Jake remembered the helpless feeling of sitting in a therapist's office, thinking he was insane. Hearing the voices in his head, losing days or even weeks of his life at a time, the extreme bouts of amnesia he experienced. He could remember the anxiety he felt being on those drugs that suppressed the voices in his head, feeling like he was super alone at the time. Even though Steven and Marc had never met Jake, Jake needed them more than he had known at the time.
Jake blinked the memory away, and saw through Steven's eyes as Khonshu was standing on a ledge. "I only punish those who have already done harm. I am real justice," he said.
Oh, great. So Steven had met Khonshu, too. That was just great.
"What's he saying now?" Harrow asked. "'I am real justice?'"
Steven looked back at Khonshu and at the people behind him laughing, then back at Harrow. "Can you hear him?"
Jake wished he could wipe that stupid smirk off of Harrow's ugly face. There was something so condescending in how he spoke to Steven. Something Jake had heard through Steven's ears too many times before.
"Not anymore," the man replied. "I was his former avatar. Before you. I was the fist of vengeance."
Steven looked down at his soup. "I'm not the fist of anything. That's the... little American man living inside me," he joked self-deprecatingly. Jake couldn't help but smile in the headspace a bit. Even though it was true, he'd rather that Steven have nothing to do with Marc and Jake's business with Khonshu, it was good to see Steven acknowledge the fact that he wasn't alone in their head. He hoped that even if Marc and Steven never met Jake, that the two of them at least could find peace with each other. Maybe it would make all of their living situations a little easier.
"And that's Marc?" Harrow asked.
Jake knew that Harrow had had dealings with Marc before. After all, Harrow had been searching for Ammit for almost a year now and had only recently found the scarab. Which was now solely in their possession. In fact, Jake suspected that it was that reason that Harrow had gone looking for Steven in the first place.
Steven changed the subject. "Soup's... yeah it's very good. It's ace. Yeah it's lovely."
"Khonshu punishes those that have already walked an evil path. His retribution comes too late. By the time his fist of vengeance arrives, people have already suffered. Ammit knows this too well. She tears evil up from the root, casting her judgement before any evil is done. That's why we must resurrect her."
Ugh, this dude.
"Right," Steven began, and Jake could see this only going poorly. "But isn't that a bit dodgy? Like, trusting the judgement of a weird crocodile lady?"
Jake could see Marc struggling with Steven for control of the body. He knew that Marc was desperate to get Steven out of there, and Jake was too, but he couldn't help but be a little curious to see how this was going to play out. He doubted that Harrow was against hurting the harmless Steven Grant, but he hadn't threatened him yet. Jake wanted to see where Harrow's limits were.
"You don't need to doubt her judgement," Harrow told Steven. Surely Harrow didn't think he could brainwash the kid. Steven was far too smart for that. Naïve, sure, but not stupid. That was for sure. "Ammit will light the path to good by eradicating the choice of evil, which brings us to the scarab."
Oh boy. There it was.
All around them, people began standing up, watching very carefully what Steven would say next.
"That scarab functions as a kind of compass, leading us to Ammit's tomb. She's out there, waiting, longing to be freed." Steven does a little wave to a man behind him as Harrow continues his monologue. "While the cruel masses deserve to face her judgement."
Jake could feel Steven's discomfort rising, and he really wished Steven would just relinquish control to Marc.
"And in the wake of their screams, evil eradicated."
This dude was fuckin' nuts.
"Steven, to exist at that moment? Heaven on Earth!"
Christ. If Steven and Marc weren't so persistent on controlling the body, Jake would take over himself. This dude deserved a little taste of him.
"So, the scarab?"
"Oh, I don't have it," Steven said, his anxiety rising slowly.
"No?"
"Honestly, I don't have it."
"Well, maybe you know someone who does? Maybe Marc?"
That seemed to be enough of a trigger for Marc to get through to Steven.
"Don't you do it." Steven glanced over at a reflection in a bowl of bread. It was not Steven in the bowl, but Marc. That was new to Jake, but he found it intriguing. "Don't you say her name. Do not give Layla up. Just give me the body."
Layla? That girl that Marc was married to? When had she showed up? When did Steven meet her? Jake was not usually the one out of the loop, so when he was, he was always caught off guard. After all, he was Jake Lockley. He saw (almost) everything.
"No, I don't," Steven said in response to Harrow. The kid was doing okay, but Jake knew this wouldn't last. Harrow was going to get frustrated and threaten Steven, and he wasn't sure that Steven could handle the pressure of the situation he had been thrown into. Marc knew it too, and he was starting to get desperate.
"May I speak with Marc?" Harrow asked, and Steven was thrown off guard. The man had no response to that, and neither did Marc.
"Marc, what has Khonshu promised you?" Harrow asked, and Steven instinctively looked over towards the reflection that Marc was in. Jake listened intently as well. "That this is your last mission? Then you'll be free? Trust me when I tell you Khonshu is a liar. There's always one last thing."
This was starting to get personal now. Jake could feel the discomfort in both Steven and Marc, and it made him uncomfortable too. He noticed as Marc began slipping back into the headspace. Jake hoped he wouldn't be gone for too long, this really felt like more of something for Marc to handle than it did Jake.
"Sorry," Steven said, breaking the tension a bit. Harrow's façade had slipped away as he was talking to Marc, and Jake noticed as he put the fake smile back on his face for Steven. "If Ammit judges people pre-evil, like before the fact, then isn't she judging an innocent person?" Jake could see Harrow's resolve falling and he looked increasingly more annoyed as Steven continued. "I mean, a thought can't be evil, can it? I think about killing my boss all the time, but I wouldn't actually do it."
Valid. Jake thought about it too, and he'd only ever met her once.
"Steven-" Harrow tried to interject, but Steven continued.
"What about a child? Would she kill a child for something they might do in 30 years?"
"I'm glad you mentioned that," Harrow said, but the look on his face told Jake that he was certainly not happy that Steven had mentioned that. "Sometimes the cure is a little taste of the disease."
Whatever the hell that meant, Jake didn't want to be a part of it. It was his turn to fight for control of the body now. He wanted this Harrow guy GONE. Ido.
"The difference between medicine and poison sometimes is only dosage. Consider a diseased limb. Amputation, horrific and grotesque, is necessary for the larger health."
Jake did not like that analogy.
Give me control, Steven, he pushed.
Steven didn't hear him.
"But the child is not a diseased limb. Sorry is that... is that what...? You're all into that? Like, killing children and that? Maybe that's just me, but I kind of draw a line there at child murder."
The place goes quiet.
"Do you know what this is?" Harrow asked, gesturing towards his cane.
"Yep... it's a... cane, yeah."
Harrow was standing, now. "This is Ammit's gift to her first avatar."
Steven nodded. "Alright."
Jake was getting a little desperate now. He didn't feel Marc next to him still, and Steven was going to get them killed. Jake pushed a little harder, trying not to reveal himself but desperately needing control.
"It contains in it," Harrow continued, and Steven noticed as the people around them began to back up, "a tiny sliver of her power."
Harrow stopped and looked at Steven. "I don't want to use it." Steven was standing now. Jake was still pushing for control. "I don't."
"Then don't," Steven said. "I can't help you."
"Yes, you can," Harrow replied. "I need to know, where is the scarab?"
Steven's fear was growing, and Jake couldn't gain control.
"Where is the scarab?" Harrow repeated, twice.
"No," Steven said.
"Where is the scarab?"
Suddenly, a woman's voice called out from across the room. "I have it."
Her face looked familiar, and despite having never actually met her, Jake knew that this woman was Layla, Marc's ex-wife (or wife? Still? Jake was unsure). She was holding the scarab in the air, and staring Harrow down. Jake could tell he hated her as much as he did, and he decided maybe he liked her after all.
"You," Harrow began, "could not possibly understand the value of what you're holding. Let me have that, I'll keep it safe."
"There is no deal in this Marc. Fix this! Fix this!" Khonshu boomed from behind Steven.
This was getting a little overwhelming. Jake finally backed off from trying to gain control of the body as he felt Marc stir at the sound of his name.
"Summon the suit," Layla whispered to Steven.
"Sorry, what?" Steven asked.
Ah, so Marc hadn't told Steven everything after all.
"Summon the suit!"
"'Summon the soup'? What are you saying?"
"The suit. Summon it."
"The suit?"
"And keep this safe." Layla handed the scarab over to Steven, and Jake scoffed from inside the headspace. If it wasn't Steven that was going to get them killed, it was Layla. Jake decided he didn't like her again.
"So be it," Harrow said, and Layla began to run.
"Let's go, let's go!" She said as she grabbed Steven.
She pushed some men out of her way, and well, that was pretty cool. They ran up a flight of stairs and Jake could hear Harrow begin chanting in the background. Marc needed to take control of the body right now or they were all going to die.
"Steven!" Layla called out as two men moved in front of him. He turned around and ran up the stairs right as Layla was throwing a man over the railing.
"That was awesome," Steven said, echoing Jake's own thoughts. He couldn't decide if he liked her or not, but he did have to admit: she was kinda badass.
They ran into a somewhat-empty room, bolted the door, and Steven looked around, panicked. "Oh my God, I'm going to die in an evil magician's mancave."
Layla walked towards him. "No, listen to me," she said, gripping Steven's shoulders. "Listen to me. Your name is Marc. There's a suit. I've seen you use it. You bring it out."
That's not how this works, sweetheart.
Jake knew how it felt being called something other than his own name. He could feel Steven's discomfort, and Marc used the pressure of the situation to try and get through to Steven and take control of the body. "Let me in. Let me in, Steven!"
"No! I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't! Stop, please both of you!" Steven said, panic in his voice.
"Let me in, there's no more time."
Marc was trying to calmly speak to Steven, but Jake could see that it was only making things worse for the poor kid.
Marc, back off, Jake tried, but once again, he struggled to get through.
"Listen to me! Your name is Marc," Layla repeated, not helping Steven's panic at all.
"Let me in. Let me in. Let me in, Steven."
Jake could see Steven begin to disassociate before he broke down on the floor, pained from the effort to suppress Marc and get Layla to stop fucking yelling at him. "Leave me alone, leave me alone both of you!"
"Hey!" Layla called to him. "You can do this, I promise!" She gripped his shoulders and tried to get Steven to calm down. "Steven."
At the sound of his name, Steven finally calmed down and Marc backed off. Jake knew Marc was worried, but overwhelming Steven was not the way to regain control. The kid didn't ask for any of this. He was simply thrown into a situation that Jake and Marc had created, and now he was trying to fix all of this shit himself. The thought made Jake retreat a bit into the headspace. He hated feeling guilty for things, and it didn't happen often, but when it came to Steven and Marc, Jake would do anything for them. The fact that it was his fault that Steven was overwhelmed and thrown into this mess made Jake really feel terrible.
When he came back, Steven was wearing a suit, but it wasn't the one that he and Marc wore. It was... well it was something for sure.
"Get away from her, you! Yeah, I see you, you plug-ugly coyote. You're in the wrong ends mate. You're in my yard now! Yeah. Come on. That's right. Come on! Oooo lookie here, lookie here. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, my name's Steven with a V!" Jake couldn't help but smile at Steven's attempt to be intimidating. The kid was trying his best, at least. "Oh my god, here you come, come on!"
And, just like that, Steven punched the ugly beast right in the jaw. Steven glared at his fist like he can't believe he landed the punch, then whooped in celebration, before the jackal came back at sent Steven flying into the street.
Well, at least he tried.
After a bit of wildly flailing his arms, Steven struggled to stand up, and he caught Marc's reflection in the window of a bus.
"That was a hell of a punch back there," Marc said, and Jake had to agree with him. "Look around. Someone's gonna get hurt if you don't let me help."
Finally, Steven agreed. "Alright, do it. Take control. For now."
Jake felt as Marc slipped forward and Steven found himself back in the headspace. He had no idea what had happened between Marc and Steven that made Steven so against letting Marc take control, and the thought once again brought Jake back to that damn therapist's office.
"Look deep inside yourself, Jake. Do you feel Marc and Steven in there? It's okay to let them in. They're there to protect you."
Jake shook his head. "No, no, no. It's my body. I'm in control. They can't have my body. It's my body."
"It's your body? I thought you said the voices in your head were overwhelming. Should we make them stop again?"
The doctor looked at Jake and held up a syringe and... where did she get that?
No no no no not again. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't-
He blinked and he was out of the memory once again. He was seeing through Marc's eyes now, and he saw Steven in the reflection this time.
"So this is what it's like," Steven said. "Being on the inside?"
Jake wondered if Steven and Marc were as in tune with each other's emotions as he was with theirs. He could feel Steven's fear and he could feel Marc's guilt. He sympathized with both of them.
Marc nodded. "Yeah," he replied.
"It's horrible."
"It's alright, you'll be alright."
"I feel like I can scarcely move."
It occurred to Jake at that moment that Steven had never been inside the headspace before. Well, at least, he'd never been awake inside of it. Jake was used to seeing Steven inside the headspace, but never awake. He was always sleeping. Marc he'd see more often, but Marc never saw him. An ache went through Jake's heart and he immediately dismissed it. He couldn't reveal himself. It would only make things more complicated, and that was the last thing Marc and Steven needed right now.
"It's alright, just breathe through it. It gets easier."
"How long you been doing this?"
Marc hung his head. "I don't know. It's... a long time."
"I don't like it."
"Long time..."
But not as long as Jake.
"I don't want it. Can I have my body back?"
"I can't do that right now, Steven."
Yeah, that was probably for the best. Jake felt for the kid but he was way out of his zone here.
"Please," Steven begged.
"I'm taking it back," he said, and Jake watched as Steven gave a weak attempt to move back to the front. Well, a strong attempt from Steven, considering he had no idea how any of this shit worked, but if the circumstances had been different, Jake probably would have laughed at him.
"Sorry," Marc said, and Jake knew it was genuine. "You've always managed to keep a wall between us but something's changed. The one who controls the body's become stronger. The reflections help, but sometimes it'll take all your willpower just to be a fly on the wall."
Well, that was assuming you wanted the person in control to notice you, which Jake did not. Marc like to use the reflections, and Jake knew that he wished Steven had acknowledged him sooner. Like when they were kids. But Marc would never admit to Steven that he'd been watching him for longer than Steven knew.
"You can't do this. Keeping me trapped in here. You have no right."
Jake knew this was a private conversation between Marc and Steven and that he should probably keep out of it, but he couldn't help but feel like Marc was talking to him, too, in a way. Whether he knew it or not.
"My whole life. I can't go on a bloody date. I can barely keep a bloody goldfish alive." And there was Marc's guilt again. "I lost my job. It's been you, it's always been you! Eating away at parts of my life like a parasite."
Ouch. Marc's guilt was beginning to bleed over to Jake now (or maybe the guilt had always been his), and he could feel himself retreating again. He couldn't say exactly why Steven's words were so hurtful, but they certainly were.
"Look, when I am done, when I have repaid my debt, I swear to you you will never see me or hear from me again." Another lie. This was getting to be too much. "I promise you. We wouldn't be alive if it weren't for Khonshu. And my..." Marc paused, "servitude... is the price that I pay."
"What kind of servitude?"
"The kind that leaves me covered in blood."
"Yeah, well that blood is on my hands!" Well, there was the issue Jake was wondering about earlier. "You ruin people's lives! Everything you touch you ruin!"
Steven, please don't, Jake wanted to say, but he didn't have the energy to try to reach out to him. He just wanted to go to sleep.
"You hurt people. You abandoned your wife. You left her stranded."
"I did not. I am protecting her. You don't know what you're talking about!" Marc's guilt had turned into anger now, leaving Jake swarming in a mix of guilt, anger, fear, and sadness.
"Yes you did, I saw!"
"Khonshu has his eyes on her. He wants her as my replacement, and I'm never gonna let that happen, you hear me?"
"You're a liar, I don't believe you, I don't trust anything you say! You hurt people!"
"I'm never letting him near her- just shut up!"
"I won't let you hurt anyone else ever again!"
"Steven, shut up! Just shut up! Stop!"
"I will never give you a moment's peace I promise."
"Shut up!"
And with that, Marc began kicking the mirror that held Steven's reflection, and both Jake and Steven retreated deep into the headspace. Jake hoped they'd both be asleep for awhile.