Tea
---Two and a half months after the fall of Sokovia---
Natasha viciously slammed her fingers onto the keyboard of her laptop, her fingers moved faster than the average human's as she aggressively furrowed her brow at the screen. She searched through news articles, social media reports and hacked into government files, and still, she couldn't find what she was looking for.
She felt so frustrated that she wanted to throw her laptop off the bed she was sitting on into the wall ahead. She probably would have if she didn't want to keep trying later on, instead she just pounded her fist on the heavy blanket she was sitting on. She was so engulfed in her research that she barely heard the door of her room swing open; she turned her head towards the door to see Wanda's head poking in.
"Need something, Wanda?" She asked looking up from her laptop, though her fingers were still furiously typing.
Wanda just looked at Natasha with weary eyes, let out a loud groan and flopped onto the bed beside Natasha. Natasha watched the girl crash onto her bed with an amused smile, though she already knew what was wrong.
Natasha tried her best to shield her laptop's screen from Wanda without making it obvious that she didn't want Wanda to see what was on it, but that didn't stop Wanda from getting a quick glance at the two words in the search bar.
"Who's Yelena Belova?" Wanda asked innocently.
"No one important, I'm just doing some file cleaning for Coulson." Natasha lied, effortlessly; she had been trying to find Yelena for the past few months now, but to no avail.
Ever since Wanda joined the team, Natasha found herself missing her little sister more than ever; Wanda came to the Avengers and quickly formed a sisterly relationship with Natasha and though Natasha was glad to have her, she made Natasha think about her sister even more than she already had been.
She didn't quite know what she would do when she did find Yelena, but she at least wanted to know that her sister was safe. That she was living a good life outside of the Red Room. Yet Natasha wasn't sure if she had the strength to face Yelena again.
She pushed the thoughts from her head and powered down her computer then looked at Wanda who was laying to the side of her, staring off into space.
"Couldn't sleep?" Natasha asked her in a sincere tone; she truly did care for the girl like a little sister, even if she wouldn't admit it.
"Nightmares..." Wanda answered, quietly. "Can I sleep here tonight?"
Natasha fake groaned then smiled at her. "I guess."
It wasn't a rare occurrence for the two girls to sleep together in the same bed when Wanda was having nightmares. When she first came to the U.S, Natasha was the one that made her feel most welcomed and at home, Steve too, of course, but Natasha's hospitality was different. Natasha never tried to make her talk about the things that haunted her; Natasha understood Wanda, more than any of the other Avengers could.
They had a moment when Wanda first arrived at the Avengers Compound; Natasha showed her to her room and comforted her when she broke down about the things she had done in Sokovia, but after that, there was just distance between them for a while. Wanda couldn't shake the guilt she felt from showing Natasha her worst nightmares and Natasha wasn't sure if she should push Wanda.
The two's bond became unbreakable however the first night Natasha heard Wanda having a nightmare. She got home late that night after a solo mission and was heading into her room when she heard soft whimpers coming from Wanda's room —they were so quiet that she might have missed them if it wasn't dead silent in the middle of the night. She walked in cautiously to see Wanda sitting on the floor next to the bed crying her eyes out with her head in her hands; she had had a nightmare about her brother. Natasha understood her pain and comforted her then promised not to leave her that night, so even though she was exhausted from the mission she stayed and watched over Wanda that entire night.
Wanda couldn't help but smile when Natasha gave her permission to sleep with her; Natasha got up from her spot on the bed to set her closed laptop on the nightstand, before returning and laying down next to Wanda. She looked at the clock on the nightstand: 1:08AM.
"You should've just come sooner." Natasha half-scolded.
"I thought I could just push through it."
Wanda couldn't physically see Natasha roll her eyes in the dark, but she could feel the sarcasm dripping from her friend.
"So I talked to Steve today..." Wanda began.
"Ok and? You talk to him everyday." Natasha pointed out, already dreading where the conversation was heading.
"Well he was talking about you. I don't know, it felt like I was listening to someone talk about their girlfriend." Wanda teased while grinning at Natasha.
"Oh my god, for the last time we are not dating."
"But there is something there."
Natasha turned her head and gave Wanda an annoyed look.
"Look, all I'm saying is you both almost died in Sokovia. Maybe you should stop wasting time, with what you two do for a living tomorrow isn't guaranteed." Wanda told her genuinely, she didn't want her friend to miss out on something great in her life.
"Well lucky for you, I'm not wasting time because there is nothing there anyways." Natasha jabbed back.
The words came out of her own mouth though she didn't even believe them. She knew full well that what Steve said in that training room two and a half months ago was true: she was falling for him. She was in the middle of figuring out what to say to him when the whole Ultron incident happened and got in the way. A part of her was relieved because Steve hasn't brought it up since, but another part of her also feels like she made a mistake in not telling him how she really felt. It was complicated, and Wanda constantly nagging her about it wasn't helping. Or was it? She couldn't tell.
"You sure?" Wanda asked slyly.
"I thought you came here to sleep, this doesn't sound like sleeping to me." Natasha said in an annoyed tone, though Wanda knew that she wasn't actually annoyed.
They both laid in silence for a few minutes before Wanda broke the silence.
"I see him dying all over again every time I close my eyes."
Natasha took a deep breath and reset herself, knowing that this required a more empathetic approach.
"I feel like I'm being pulled down over and over again... and I don't know how to make it stop." She added in a hopeless voice.
Natasha turned on her side to face Wanda with her compassionate and understanding eyes. "Wanda, the reality is that you will grieve him for the rest of your life, you won't just get over him. You'll learn to heal and rebuild yourself —until you're almost whole again. But you'll never be the same... nor would you want to. Take it from someone who's lost... a broken heart doesn't just seal back up... but it won't drown you forever."
Wanda was touched by the spy's words; no one else understood her the way Natasha did. Wanda's mind wandered to the memory of when her brother was killed; she blamed herself. It was her idea to trust Ultron and in doing so, she cost her brother his life. Perhaps if she didn't convince him to join Ultron he would still be alive. Those thoughts ran through her head, like a looming nightmare every waking moment. But perhaps even worse than the fact that she blamed herself for Pietro's death was that she knew there were so many other innocents like him that lost their lives in Sokovia because she helped Ultron. Every victim in the news reports, every memorial, she only ever saw Pietro when she looked at them.
"I killed so many innocents..." Wanda whispered in despair, referring to when she helped Ultron in Sokovia.
"Wanda, how many times have I told you to stop saying stupid shit like this?!" Natasha asked in a scolding manner while smacking the girl on the side of the head. "None of this is your fault, you were just as much a victim as everyone else." She almost shouted while Wanda rubbed the side of her head where she had been smacked.
Wanda couldn't help but laugh at her reaction; Natasha always had a way of making her feel lighter.
"For God's sake, go to sleep. It's 1AM." Natasha told her in a playfully annoyed tone, then turned on her side so her back was facing Wanda.
Wanda smiled to herself and snuggled up against Natasha. "Hey Nat..." She called out while their backs were facing each other.
"What now?"
"Goodnight."
The two girls both smiled in silence before eventually closing their eyes to go to sleep.
Natasha tried her best to keep her eyes closed and fall asleep but found herself more restless than usual; something was bothering her, she thought about what Wanda said. She laid perfectly still until she was sure the girl beside her was dead asleep, when she was, she slowly pulled the covers off of herself and got out of the bed, making sure to not make any sound when getting out of the bed.
She started walking towards the door, but only after she made sure to pull the covers back over Wanda before leaving.
She quietly opened the door of her room and closed it again without making a sound, then got into the elevator and set it to go down to the public living space, where the living room and kitchen were. She could hear the sound of someone rummaging through the cupboards all the way from the living room, before she even got into the kitchen.
Who could that be? She wondered. Tony was off somewhere with Pepper, Thor was probably on another planet somewhere, Clint was at home, Vision didn't eat and Wanda was asleep in her room. There was only one other person it could be, she took a deep breath and considered going back to her room to avoid talking to him, but decided against it; she would have to be alone with him eventually.
She walked into the kitchen just in time to see Steve bang the back of his head on the underside of the countertop while trying to pick something off the floor. He groaned loudly and put his hand over the back of his head, meanwhile she let out a soft laugh.
He turned his head and gave her an embarrassed smile. "I was really hoping no one saw that."
She smiled and walked into the kitchen. "Sometimes it amazes me that you're Captain America."
He chuckled and looked down. "Couldn't sleep either?"
She shook her head slightly and made her way to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water out of it. "Wanda snores." She joked.
He laughed and picked up the tea bag he dropped on the floor then opened it and placed it into the mug of hot water he had sitting on the counter. "How is she doing?"
"Still shaken from what happened, but I think she's starting to move on. She'll never fully be over it though. We both know how it feels to lose someone who meant the world to us."
"Yeah... I am impressed though. You managed to make her open up and feel safe here. I don't think anyone else in our team could've done that."
"Well yeah, Thor's idea of small talk is telling people that the gates of Hel is filled with the screams of their victims." She laughed. She looked down at the tea bag in his hand and gave him a funny look.
"What?" he asked when he noticed the way she was looking at him.
"You grabbed the Black tea, Rogers. It has caffeine in it." She laughed then grabbed the tea bag out of his hand. She went to a different part of the kitchen and opened one of the cupboards, taking out a small box. "This should help you sleep better." She held up a box of Chamomile tea.
He smiled at her in appreciation. "Thanks."
She nodded slightly at him then grabbed his mug off the table and put the tea bag in it, when she looked up again, she noticed him staring at her. She met his eyes; they were doing it again –being "just friends".
He looked down when something popped into his head. "I'm really sorry."
She looked at him, confused. "For what?"
"For pressuring you to talk about us. Before Ultron happened. I shouldn't have pressured you to say you feel the same, I was out of line and I shouldn't have brought it up."
He grabbed his tea and gave her a friendly nod before trying to leave the room. He looked at her and slowly turned around towards the elevator. Natasha stood there for a moment, watching him leave, but as she watched, she realized that she didn't want him to go. Wanda's words flushed through her head. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee.
"You weren't wrong." –He turned around and placed his cup on the table next to him— "I feel it too." She said before dropping her water bottle and walking up to him to crash her lips into his.
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