Despacito (Slowly)

Marc looked at Layla, confused for a minute until he realized that she didn’t know about his change of heart about Khonshu. More importantly, she didn’t know why. So of course, him saying that the god was coming, and glad for it, was something Layla would find suspicious.

“You were right,” he said, trying to figure out how to explain things to her. Steven offered to help, but Marc refused. It was something he had to do himself. “Jake had very good reasons to want to help Khonshu, and Steven for trusting him.  I just needed to listen to them.”

“So… which were they?” Layla asked, sitting next to him on the couch, careful to let him a clear sight of the three mirrors around them. This was why they loved her, because she was always thinking of others, even when she had to be tired and angry herself. “Besides him saving your life?”

“More than once,” Marc chuckled. “Thing is… we met Khonshu when we were nine, not long after Jake came to be.”

Layla blinked at that, and Marc knew that she was making mental calculations. Jake had told her about the asylum, and what he had suffered there, as they were torn apart. So she had to realize that just as they had been separated, their memories of Khonshu had been erased.

“He was trying to get you to be his Avatar since then?” Layla asked, slowly. Apparently, her worries were a bit different from Marc.

To be perfectly honest, Mrs. El-Faouly, the last thing I wanted was to put my boys in the dangerous position of being my Avatar.

Marc raised his head towards the door of the apartment where Khonshu, dressed in a suit that reminded him of Steven’s version of the armor, stood. The god had modified his size again, to be just a bit taller than them, as he did when he visited them in Chicago. When he was trying to be less scary and imposing, although when they walked outside, Khonshu always went taller than a house.

Next to him, Layla gasped. It only occurred to Marc then that it was the first time she saw Khonshu, now that she was able to because she was Tawaret’s avatar.

“You are supposed to knock, Old Bird,” Steven said, controlling the mouth for a bit as Marc felt himself loss for words.

I apologize, but I still can’t interact much with everything around, Little Scholar.

“Little Scholar?” Layla asked, still awed.

“His name for Steven,” Marc said, taking control again easily. “Because Steven was always asking things about Egypt and learning with Khonshu when he came to visit.”

I am glad that you can see and hear me, Mrs. El-Faouly. It will make the conversation easier. I also want to thank you for taking care of Marc and his nest-mates, as well as apologize for my rudeness in Cairo.

“Apology accepted,” Layla said, slowly, looking between the god and Marc. “If you didn’t want them to be your Avatars…. Then why did Marc was under the impression you were forcing him to be your Moon Knight?”

*          *          *

Khonshu tilted his head to the right, considering how to reply the question that the woman asked. He knew that telling the truth could make things uncomfortable for a moment for his little Explorer, the one of the three fledglings who had never forgotten him… but he also knew that they needed to hear the truth.

I only acted that way because Jake requested it. He called it “reverse psychology”.

“I’m confused,” Layla El-Faouly replied. “You wanted Marc to think he had no choice… so he’d be your Avatar, even if you didn’t want him to be your Avatar? That… makes no sense. Even for these guys.”

As she spoke, his fledglings were silent. Khonshu could see again the flare of colors of their souls, creating a multicolored hue around the body. It was not that they were fighting for control of the body, but that none seemed to want to speak before the others. It was so similar to the old times, it tugged to his heart.

I have to say, I agree. But you see, the situation was dire. The Body had just had a heart attack and Marc seemed to have lost all will to live. I was… not in a mindset to argue with Jake, who seemed to know what he was talking about.

“A heart attack?!” The woman turned to see the Body, furious. “You never told me you guys had a heart attack! I thought…”

“Only Jake knew!” Marc replied immediately, obviously wanting to protect his nest-mates from Layla’s anger. “I thought it was a dream since I was still alive after it… I didn’t know Khonshu had brought us back to life… and to be honest… I wasn’t exactly grateful to be breathing at the time…”

The last part was said quietly, and Khonshu could feel his Brave One’s shame. Marc had been determined to kill himself that night, Khonshu remembered, and he also knew that his fledgling saw that as a cowardly action, since he would’ve taken Jake and Steven with him.

He tried to use his revolver on himself. Which made both me and Jake panic, so I agreed with Jake plan to act as if I was just… humoring Marc. Jake said that if I did, Marc would survive just to spite me. And he was right.

“Jake knows me too well,” Marc agreed, looking away from his wife as her gaze seemed to weight on him. Good, Khonshu thought. The more people reminded Marc that his life was important, that he was a good man, the better.

Despite the lies about wanting Layla as his avatar? The truth was that he liked the woman. She was good for his fledglings.

“And you treated Steven like shit because…?” She asked again, obviously trying to get her mind away from the idea of Marc dying. Khonshu didn’t blame her.

That was because I was afraid that if I was nice to him when he woke up in the middle of a mission, he’d try to figure out what was going on. Khonshu admitted, even if he didn’t like to remember how afraid he had been when Steven woke up in the Alps instead of Marc. When Steven had come face to face with Harrow. Marc and Jake both had been adamant that Steven was not to find out what was going on.

“So that was why you almost gave me a heart attack when you chased me out of the hallway and unto the elevator that night after my failed date, Old Bird?” Steven asked, curious. Khonshu remembered that night well, it had been right after Jake had decided that driving backwards on a mountain path was the best way to keep the Body safe and Khonshu had spent the night outside the apartment, keeping watch over his fledglings in case Harrow tried anything while they rested.

I was trying to get Marc’s attention before you found out more about him. It worked temporarily and I got yelled at a lot for having shown my face to you.

“Marc yelled at you?” Layla asked, now amused. “He yelled at a god whom he thought was bloodthirsty, survived, and still thought that you hated him?”

“I hadn’t met any other gods yet! I had no idea that Khonshu was humoring me,” Marc shrugged, and Khonshu smiled at seeing again how easily the three souls cooperated. It had been painful to see them fighting for control of the body, the Red and Purple of Marc and Steven dominating all the time, with barely a peek of Jake’s Blue unless they were in immediate danger. “Besides, it was because I wanted to protect Steven from him. I just didn’t remember that Khonshu would probably cut his own arms before hurting any of us.”

When it comes to protect those whom he loves, Marc really is my Brave One. He would also yell at me if I manifested anywhere close to you.

*          *          *

Layla couldn’t help herself and giggled when she noticed that Marc was blushing. It was so strange, to see an ancient Egyptian god whom she had been told was cruel and inhuman, act like a doting parent. Part of her was expecting him to bring out a photo album of the boys when they were little, ready to show her all the embarrassing moments of her husband, boyfriend and friend’s childhoods.

Marc looked at her, surprised, while Khonshu stayed where he was, close to the door. As if he wasn’t completely convinced that he was welcomed there. Again, it was such a strange contrast to the image that she had created in her mind from Marc’s stories that she couldn’t believe it was the same god.

“Sorry… it’s just… he isn’t at all what I was expecting,” She finally explained to Marc before turning to see Khonshu. “Marc and Steven’s stories about you were… intense.”

I can be… intense, as you say. But I understand I might have gone too far with Marc. I apologize, Brave One.

Marc smiled at the nickname, and Layla wondered how that one had come to be.

“I… didn’t mind being your Avatar… except for the killing. I get that those people deserved to die but…” Marc said, slowly, and Layla realized that Jake had been right. Marc needed a purpose in life, and being with Khonshu gave him one. No matter what her husband had told her and Steven, he did miss being Khonshu’s fist.

As long as evil faces justice, I can accept you not killing them. Khonshu said, obviously thinking the same as Layla. All I want is for those who hurt the travelers of the night to be punished. If you decide to be my avatar again… I will accept that you, and Steven and Jake, decide the punishment, not me.

“That easy?” Marc frowned, and Layla did the same. After all she had heard, this was a bit anti-climatic.

It wouldn’t be the first time my Fist of Justice was tempered with compassion, Khonshu said, looking contrite. I’m afraid I let Harrow’s more… terminal choices affect my judgement in the last few years.

“I’d say so,” Marc grumbled. “If there’s no killing… if we can still help people? I think I’d like to help Jake in his missions for you too.”

“I wouldn’t mind helping either, now that I know how to fight,” Steven came out, smiling at Layla. “Why are you not sitting down, Old Bird?”

I didn’t want to assume you’d like that, Little Scholar.

“Ok, I need to know,” Layla finally said, as Khonshu walked inside and sat in a chair, near the fish tank where the two Goldfish swam unaffected by what was going on. “If Marc is the Brave One, and Steven is Little Scholar… who is Jake?”

“Su pequeño explorador,” Jake said, in a lower tone than what Layla was used to hearing from him.

It was then when it hit her. Whatever had happened in their mindspace and later in the Othervoid? Was helping them heal. They all were a bit more open, even Jake whom she barely knew seemed now more comfortable in the body’s skin. She still could tell who was fronting out of their body language, but the switches were even more seamless than when they had fought together in Cairo. It was as if yet another wall had been destroyed, and she smiled.

“Little Explorer? That is so cute!” She said, smiling at Jake’s surprised look then looking back at Khonshu. “Why did you ask Marc to kill at first, if you don’t really need the guilty to be exterminated, but punished?”

I wasn’t in a good mood. The Snap… took many innocents, and I had no way to punish the one who did it. Harrow was taken too.. and then, I still thought of him as a friend. I was… mistaken.

“I’m sorry,” Layla said, honestly. What she had seen of Harrow and his cult had been terrible, but now, meeting Khonshu, she figured that the god had seen something different.

Don’t be. He abused the Ennead’s trust, my trust, and tried to kill Marc and Steven. I am not sorry he’s gone.

“About that,” Steven interrupted. “I’m not quite sure that he was abusing the Ennead’s trust as much as he was working with some of them to free Ammit…”

*          *          *

Steven felt as every eye in the room turned to him. He could even see Marc and Jake in their reflection, looking confused at his words. But he felt that that couldn’t be, because it was impossible that he was the only one who had noticed the strange way in which the Ennead acted during both trials, wasn’t it?

What do you mean, Little Scholar?

Or perhaps it was. Since Khonshu had been otherwise occupied by being over dramatic, Marc had been busy trying to keep Steven out of the proceedings and Layla hadn’t been there. Steven didn’t even know if Jake had been able to see what had happened as they hadn’t been co-conscious then, at least not as far as Steven had figured out.

“None of them were confused about Harrow’s claim that we were broken just because Marc is married to Layla under his name, and I work under mine,” Steven explained, smiling shyly at Layla when he mentioned the marriage. He was very happy that he had been able to convince them both to nullify the divorce proceedings. “When really, the idea that a man, especially one that worked as a mercenary, has more than one identity is not that unusual. Even Layla thought that I was just another name that Marc used to keep his enemies away when we met.”

“True,” Layla nodded. “DiD is not exactly the conclusion anyone would reach upon finding someone has different passports under different names.”

Even Harrow used a fake identity from time to time, you are correct, Little Scholar. The Ennead would know that. It is far more common than your situation.

“Exactly!” Steven nodded, animated now that he saw that both Layla and Khonshu were following his logic. Inside, he felt Marc and Jake agreeing too. “But the Ennead immediately ignored every possible explanation and went straight to pitying us and thinking Marc was being abused. They didn’t even care about asking Harrow exactly what he was doing in he desert!”

Osiris ruled that Harrow didn’t lie to the Ennead.

“And he didn’t, because he never answered!” Steven pointed out. “When asked if he was going to free Ammit, he first said that he was in the desert, and later that you were looking for her ushabiti even when he was your Avatar… but he never said that he wasn’t looking to free her!”

“He was a very good manipulator,” Layla posited. “I heard him give speeches twice. Once when we and Marc were still figuring out how he became the leader of the cult so fast after reappearing, and another when you guys were… with Taweret. He knew how to twist his words so you never noticed his omisions.”

“But the Ennead are gods,” Marc said, Steven letting him take the body without even noticing. It was really like back when they were children, when each would just take their turn to talk to Khonshu if they were hanging out in the real world rather than in the mindscape, to have a fluid conversation. “They should’ve been wise to those tricks.”

“At least two gods were not really surprised about the idea that we were two,” Steven took over again to reply, mostly for Khonshu and Layla’s benefit as if he replied in the mindscape both Jake and Marc would hear. “Horus and Hathor. They both answered to his accusations as if they knew exactly what he meant.”

Horus hates me and will always believe the worst of me. However, Hathor was my friend once.

“I know, old Bird… and I’m sorry. I’m not sure about the others, because Marc’s eyes were focused on them. But I know what I saw,” Steven sighed. “They had already made up their mind about not believing us, even before Osiris called Harrow in.”

And you believe that this is because they spoke to Harrow beforehand?

“It’s my working theory, yes,” Steven sighed. “Because otherwise is too convenient, isn’t it? That they knew we have DiD, that we’re more than one soul in the body but didn’t know about Jake? That they never asked to talk to me, and just asked Marc? Because I mean… even the doctors at the hospital wanted to talk to me and Jake from time to time while treating Marc…”

“Si, para ver que tanto habían logrado eliminarnos,” Jake growled, and Steven inwardly hugged him. It was too early to remember those days, but unfortunately, it was necessary. “Pero Estebancito tiene razón. Hasta la pendeja de la Doctora Emmet usaba nuestros nombres cuando quería medir que tanto había funcionado su tortura.”

And now Layla was hugging the Body, and Steven could see that Khonsu was unhappy, as the god’s hands were closing into fists, relaxing open again, then closing one more time. He felt terrible about making everyone so uncomfortable by bringing up the time that had created the walls between all of them, but Steven knew it was important. Because it only made even more obvious that the gods had been ready to react to a system, not to an individual. Or, more precisely, like Dr. Emmet, they had been told that Marc believed himself to be two different people. The well had been poisoned before Khonshu and Marc were able to present their case.

Harrow called you my makeshift avatar… at the time, I thought he meant that you hadn’t been chosen through the usual process… but then, none of my Avatars had ever been chosen normally, not since my exile.

“Which means, Harrow would also be a ‘makeshift’ Avatar, right?” Steven nodded. “Still, everyone else understood he meant our condition…. How are Avatars usually chosen, anyway? I don’t imagine there’s a lot of people almost dying near the temples of old gods…”

You are correct, it’s not a common situation. That is why I have been years without avatars.

“Taweret also said our situation was different. That Osiris had forgiven her for going outside the rituals?” Layla asked, grabbing Steven’s hand. She was obviously worried about her goddess.

A so-called proper Avatar is one that is chosen by our respective High Priests during childhood. They are raised by their god’s followers and know everything that the job entails. Of course, the other god’s Avatar’s duties are mostly to observe mankind. None of them are as active as mine.

“That sounds… a lot like grooming a child to become a slave,” Layla interjected. “If you are told since you are born that you are destined to be an avatar… that doesn’t leave you with a lot of chances to say no.”

That is how it had always been, until my exile.

“To be perfectly honest, old Bird… waiting until there’s no other choice but death is not much better in terms of manipulation. Most people will choose life in that situation.” Steven said. “And it doesn’t sound right if any of those groups you mentioned, the followers of the other gods, go on to become a cult like Ammit’s followers did.”

You’d be surprised, little Scholar. In the past, there were many humans who preferred to go to their judgment and final reward, rather than become my fist. I am grateful to those who choose to stay. Like Marc.

“Well, now it’s only Jake, right?” Marc asked, letting Steven consider Khonshu’s words. “Neither Steven nor I have access to the suit, so, we’re no longer your Avatars.”

I am not sure if you don’t have access, Brave One. The way in which the suit changed between you and Steven… that had never happened before. When I told you that you would be free, it was more of a promise that I would not interfere with your lives, not taking away my protection from your Body, as Jake still wanted to be my Avatar and had said so.

“Mis palabras exactas fueron que ni se te ocurra hacerle caso a Estebancito y a Marquitos cuando te digan que te largues mucho a la chingada. Ya pasamos demasiado tiempo sin verte, y no me gusta la idea de que no tengas tu pico en nuestra vida,” Jake growled, glaring at Khonshu in a way that made Steven realize that their soulmate hadn’t forgiven Khonshu completely for going to the Ennead as a sacrificial lamb. Even if it had been for the best as it forced them to remember. “Incluso si tengo que pegar tu estatua a mi tablero.”

The mental image that those words brought to Steven made him smile. A tiny Khonshu bobble head stuck to Jake’s car’s dashboard, as he drove around the city.

But then he realized what those words meant and laughed.

“We’re not a makeshift avatar,” he said out loud, surprising everyone.  “We’re probably the first avatar Khonshu has had in centuries that fits the Ennead’s criteria, even if they don’t know it.”

What do you mean, Little Scholar? Khonshu asked at the same time Layla made the same question.

“What do you mean, Steven?”

“When we were kids… Marc bought us a Khonshu statue, so he could come to our room even if his statue was on loan somewhere else,” Steven explained, excitedly. In the mindscape, he could feel Marc and Jake nodding along as they understood what he meant. “We prayed to you, old Bird, every day. You once even called us your little Chicago Temple! So… that’s box number one, we were your followers since childhood, yes?”

Well, yes, but… there was no High Priest…

“Marc was the one who led us into prayer! So he was the High Priest,” Steven interrupted, passing his hand through his hair as he connected his ideas. “He never missed a day, and even hid the statue when we were sent to the Hospital permanently… I figure Jake saved it when we left the house and we didn’t remember anymore. And if Marc was the High Priest… then him accepting to be your Avatar marks box two… He chose us to help you.”

I suppose so, but it’s a bit of a stretch since… you didn’t know what it meant…

“¡Claro que lo sabíamos!” Jake interrupted before Steven could explain his train of thought. “¡Nos contaste miles de historias sobre tu pasado, Padrino! Sobre tus avatares, los otros puños de tu Justicia… y La mitad de lo que mi Corazón sabe sobre el antiguo Egipto estoy seguro de que lo aprendió de ti!”

“I remember now, one of your past avatars was Elliot Ness!” Marc came forward. “I thought that was so cool and asked you if we could be like him… When we were 15! Steven is right, we might have forgotten with time, but if all that it was needed was knowing about you from childhood and wanting it? Then we have all that covered! The Ennead can’t touch you on that.”

“And for the sounds of it, their introduction to the subject was a lot less predatory than the usual way,” Layla let go of the body’s hand, to gesture at Khonshu and the body more freely. “Especially if you didn’t want them to be your avatar at first. You weren’t trying to convince them to become your servants.”

Of course not! Khonshu seemed offended at the idea. I only told them about the others because they all wanted to know.

“They were very interesting stories,” Steven took control again. “And obviously you didn’t tell Harrow about us, since he only knew about me and Marc… and only because I was an idiot and told him my name.”

I wish I could have stopped you. That day was very stressful.

“Lo hubieran escuchado gritarme mientras conducía en la montaña… como si hubiera sido la primera vez que tuve que ir al revés en una carretera porque nos estaban disparando.” Steven sighed as Jake laughed at the memory. At least one of them found that funny, given how much Steven had hated every single second of it.

“I think I’m missing some context here,” Layla said, then yawned. “Sorry… I didn’t have much time to sleep coming here.”

I am sorry about that, Mrs. El- Faouly. I feel that this is my fault. I grew used to their lack of sleep. Perhaps we should continue this tomorrow?

“Yeah, that may be for the best,” Steven agreed, as too many ideas were forming in his mind. Why didn’t Harrow think of himself as a makeshift avatar if he hadn’t gone through the same process as the other God’s avatars? HOW did he know about that?

He also couldn’t shake the feeling that it was important that he didn’t ask for his memories back just yet. That as much as he wanted them all back, even if he was sure he had most of the feelings back, there was a reason why they had to stay with Khonshu, at least for the time being.