Despacito (Slowly)

As the one god in the Ennead whose Avatar was not an useless witness who sat in their own life just watching mankind suffer, Khonshu knew a few tricks that the other didn’t.

Well, he had to be fair. Tawaret’s Avatar was also ready to protect mankind and put herself in the line of danger. But Tawaret was relatively new to the game and thus, she didn’t know everything that came with having an Avatar.

And of course, his relationship with his children was far deeper, far more profound, than any bond he had with any Avatar.

So while his body, his main essence, was still sitting next to the Goddess of childbirth, listening to Osiris as he now talked about the sacred duty of the Ennead to just watch, leave mankind to their own mistakes, unlike the Aesir Barbarians -a particular subject that made Khonshu be thankful for his exile as he had only had to hear that particular rant about a thousand times for the last millennia- he could send part of him to investigate why Steven Grant was, once again, traveling through the Other Void without any kind of protection to his mind.

Steven Grant, what are you doing here?

The human looked up at him and, for the first time in months, there was no disgust or fear on his face. This confused Khonshu since he had been trying hard to keep his distance from his little Scholar this time around. He did not favor any of the boys specifically, but each of them called to one of Khonshu’s aspects and Steven Grant was particularly tuned to his Embracer side. So it was extremely difficult to keep himself emotionally closed from his most inquisitive child.

When had he started thinking about them as his children? Khonshu wasn’t sure. But in his mind, he had never stopped. Not even when two of them had forgotten him.

“Jake is worried,” Steven replied, and Khonshu stared, surprised. When he had left the Earth realm, Steven and Marc were aware that Jake existed, but they didn’t remember his name. Nor they knew that Jake was still contacting Khonshu. “And I wanted to help him… I was a bit surprised to find myself here at first, to be honest.”

Khonshu tilted his head to the left, then to the right. There was something different in his son, besides the ease with which he was taking to be in the Other void. Most human minds would’ve gone insane just standing outside the Temple, that didn’t have the protection Anubis’ ship had. That had been Khonshu’s worry every time that the young Grant had found his way to the plane, and he still wasn’t sure how the human had managed. Now, the god wondered if this was yet another sign of how special his children were.

Perhaps he should’ve allowed Steven to bring Marc and Jake here when they were younger. Perhaps that would’ve changed things in the end.

Even if Jake Lockley is worried, you should not be here.

“Human minds are not made for the Other void…” Steven recited, and then tilted his head to the left, a mirror of Khonshu’s own confused expression. “You know, you and Jake are very good at giving me déjà vu”

The way in which Steven spoke had Khonshu check back with his main body for a second, just to check that the most valuable treasure that Steven had given him so many years ago was still safe within his ribs, right next to his heart. And they were there, all of Steven’s childhood and teenagerhood memories, from before the mental hospital. By all rights, his Avatar should not know about that particular conversation they had had so long ago.

I can assure you, we haven’t had this conversation before.

That was not a lie. They had only had a similar conversation, in a completely different context. And then, Khonshu hadn’t been trying to sound emotionally distant.

“Maybe not this one, but one close enough,” Steven shrugged. He was watching Khonshu, studying him as if he was seeing him for the first time. Khonshu couldn’t sense any kind of fear from him, or even disgust. Not like that last time, when Steven thought he had negotiated for their freedom from Avatarhood, when it was obvious his child wanted to be as far away as possible from him. “Deep down… Jake isn’t the only one who is worried.”

Are you going to insult my intelligence, Steven Grant, and tell me that Marc Spector is concerned about my situation?

Khonshu scoffed. He knew very well where Marc’s feelings stood about him now.

“I’m not one to lie through omission,” Steven shrugged. “Marc still doesn’t remember.”

Are you saying that you do?

To Khonshu’s surprise, his words brought a smile to Steven’s face. A true, honest smile the likes he hadn’t seen directed at him in decades.

“I wasn’t sure that I was… until now,” Steven admitted, then walked to the very edge of the temple to sit down. “You know, you haven’t called me worm once.”

Khonshu stared, impressed. It was true. In his worry, he had forgotten to insult his Little Schoolar, as he had been doing every single time since their reintroduction. He sat down next to him, and for a moment, just watched the skies above.

I never really meant it.

“I should’ve figured it out sooner,” Steven was looking at him in a very different way. It warmed Khonshu and for one moment he figured that, if he could have that little bit of his children’s back? He could live with being trapped again. “I mean…  you wouldn’t share your powers with a worm, nor care so much about Marc’s wishes if you just saw us as tools.”

I thought you would believe I was doing it just to stop Harrow.

“Oh, I did, at first.” Steven confirmed. “But I’ve been thinking about it. Marc only asked once about the other Gods, and even when you said that they would be angry, you still moved heavens to call their attention… then you just shared your powers with me, instead of demanding I gave the body to Marc, even if you knew you’d be punished immediately and thought I wouldn’t care.”

You did not care. In fact, I believe you said you were happy to get rid of me.

“I didn’t have all the facts, did I?” Steven shook his head. “You should’ve told us.”

I could not do that. Right now, I am not sure I should be talking to you. Not if you do not know everything that you forgot. And besides…

“The Other void is not a place for a human mind, I know,” Steven laughed, getting to his feet.  “This is where I admit I have no idea how to get back to the body. I guess… you’re still keeping that memory safe for me?”

It is in my body, yes. This is just a reflection. The rest is… otherwise occupied at the moment.

“The trial Tawaret mentioned before starting ghosting Layla?” Steven tilted his head to the right, then to the left, as if studying Khonshu. “Did you ask her not to tell us what was happening? To avoid worrying Jake?”

I see that was a pointless endeavor.

“Ah, she may have told Layla before you asked her not to. Because we have no idea really what’s going on in there.” Steven shrugged. “Doesn’t matter know. Think you can point the way home? Not sure I want to take the exact same route I did to get here, you know?”

Yes. Let’s get you back to the body, before you give me a heart attack or Jake Lockley decides to drive the limo through the Other void.

Khonshu concentrated, to open a portal as he had done many times before to get Steven Grant back to where he was supposed to be. And yet, his son always found his way back here. Although he wasn’t sure Steven Grant would appreciate being called that, not even if he remembered.

Go home to your nest, little Scholar. Do not worry about me.

And, once more proving that there was always more surprises to his boys, Steven Grant smiled.

“Oh, that’s not going to be possible, D… Old Bird,” Steven said, just as the portal closed on him. “We’re coming back to get you out of here too.”

*          *          *

Marc was about to yell at Jake to stop being so damned secretive -while being quite aware of the irony of him being angry about being kept in the dark- when he heard a strange noise, sort of a muted Vwoorp, coming from Steven’s room.

“Jake? Gotta leave you alone with my wife for a moment. Please, don’t seduce her with a song and dance,” he said to his alter, not giving him a chance to reply before leaving the body completely under Jake’s control. Truth was, he wasn’t worried about Jake being alone with Layla, he was more worried about what could be behind the closed door because while he was pretty sure it could only be Steven, that no one could intrude into their mind space, he didn’t know in which state Steven was going to be. Especially since he had disappeared in pain and anguish.

Very, very cautiously, he went to the door and touched it. It moved slightly, proving that it was open. HE usually didn’t try to enter Steven’s room uninvited, but he figured worry for his disappearance would be good enough of an excuse. Except… he didn’t need to be so cautious as right when he was going to push the door open, Steven pulled it all the way.

If anyone had been there to witness that, they would’ve said that it was comical, how Marc Spector, Soldier of Fortune, former Mercenary and former Khonshu Avatar, tripped on his feet and fell on Steven’s embrace.

“Missed you too, luv,” Steven said, with a smile, kissing Marc’s forehead tenderly. “I’m sorry… I must have give you both a bad scare.”

“You have no idea,” Marc hugged Steven harder, just like he had done at Anubis’s ship, the first time in his memory when they had been both solid and together. Something in that trip had changed them, he figured, as since then when they were in their mental space, they felt as solid as in the real world.  Not only him and Steven, but also Jake. After all, he still was feeling Jake’s punches.  “What the hell happened?”

“You’re never going to believe it,” Steven shook his head, but didn’t break the hug. AS calm as he sounded, Marc figured his Alter, his love, had also been spooked by whatever that had happened to him. “I don’t even know how I can explain it but… I remembered our childhood.”

“What?” Marc blinked, amazed. “But… you said you remembered before.”

“No… I remembered what we saw in Anubis’s ship,” Steven corrected, walking towards the living room. “What you shared with me. So… I had your memories, not mine. I… I still don’t remember everything, but now I know why I don’t remember.”

“The electroshocks…”

“No, that was part of it… but see… I did it to myself,” Marc looked at Steven, confused by his words.  “Didn’t you think strange that once we accepted each other, we could control our mind space easily? Add things, create whatever we need?”

“I figured it was because we saw it was possible, back at the ship,” Marc confessed, but now that Steven mentioned it, yeah, it was strange. Steven was touching the fish tank now, looking at it with deep concentration and sure enough, a third goldfish suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and started swimming with his two new friends. 

“It is because we used to do it before, all the time,” Steven corrected. “Before the mental hospital.”

“¿En serio recuerdas todo?” Jake appeared next to them, obviously having meditated to leave the body somewhat in automatic, and hugged Steven, as hard as Marc had hugged him. “También a…”

“Yeah, him too,” Steven replied and now Marc was really feeling out of the loop.

“And when did you have the time to learn to understand Spanish, Steven?” He asked, instead of what he really wanted to ask, which was who was “him” and if he had to worry about a fourth Alter hiding somewhere in their subconscious.

“About the same time I learned to fight with you,” Steven replied with that smile that both infuriated and melted Marc’s knees. “We’re in the same body. If you can fight, I can fight, even if we don’t have the same moves. And if Jake speaks Spanish…”

“Ustedes entienden,” Jake finished. However, Marc was still in the dark about the meaning. Whatever break through Steven had gone through, Marc was not benefiting from the effects.

“Not me, sorry.”

“Not yet, luv,” Steven left Jake’s side to grab Marc’s face, touching his forehead with his own. “It’s ok. You still need time, and… it’s not something I can explain easily. I had to face the fear of losing you to the Duat to accept that we’re a package deal, that I love you, in order to figure out how to fight…”

“And you had to disappear to get your memories of Jake back?”

“Sort of.”

“No fue que yo mencionara los toques lo que te hizo recordar… Volviste a ir a ese lugar, ¿No es cierto? El lugar que él decía que no debías visitar nunca porque podía ser peligroso.”

“Yeah, well… He… “ Steven stopped and looked at Marc, as if he was measuring how much he could tell in front of him. It was not something Marc liked and once again the promised to himself that once this was sorted out and they helped Jake out of his Khonshu’s a good god delusion, there would be no more secrets between them. “Look, I can’t explain this twice, and we can’t just keep letting the body go catatonic on Layla. So… if I front, can I trust you two not to fight?”

“Can’t promise that, Love.”

“Sabes bien que es una promesa que voy a romper, Corazón.”

“You could at least try to lie to me, you know?” Steven, dear Steven, actually laughed at them. He kissed Marc lightly on the lips with a soft “behave, for me,” and gave Jake’s hand a strong squeeze before they both saw him disappear again, only that this time both were calm, as they knew exactly where he was: Fronting and calming the other person who had been worried sick for them: Their beloved Layla.

“I won’t start shit if you don’t.” He warned Jake, even if he was a bit hopeful that he could fight Jake to let go of his nervous energy. Something had changed in Steven and, while Marc wasn’t completely against seeing Steven look more confident in himself? He didn’t like to be in the dark about the reason of those changes.

“Tú y yo sabemos que jamás me has podido ganar en una pelea limpia,” Jake smirked. “Además… ¿Porque pelear si podemos bailar?”  

And while Marc still had no idea what Jake was saying, the wink and the way in which the other man gyrated his hips was translation enough. Feeling his cheeks redden, he chose to turn his attention back to the outside, and at the worried face of Layla as they saw her through the body’s eyes instead of looking at the amused sparkling eyes of his other Alter.

*          *          *

“I swear you all, if you decide to go inside without giving me some warning,” Layla began saying when she noticed the change in the body language of the man before him. Not Marc, as he didn’t look ready to accept all the blame on himself, and not Jake, as he was not liquid seduction or a raw nerve ready to snap. With his shoulders hunched a bit, as if to make himself smaller, and his open, honest eyes, it was clear that Steven was back.

“Sorry, Layla. I didn’t know they would do that to you while I was gone,” He began apologizing, but Layla was too tired, too worried to let him finished, so she punched him on the shoulder, making him flinch. “Ok… I… I guess I deserved that.”

“Do not do that again! I have HAD it with you and Marc disappearing on me without warning!” Layla said, her patience finally having given up.  She was tired, worried, and, she had to admit, very jetlagged.

Steven hugged her tenderly, kissing her forehead before resting his own forehead on hers.

“I’m sorry, I swear it was not intentional… It’s just… Jake’s words made me remember… so many things that I just… ran away without realizing I was doing that.” Steven explained, getting up from the couch to stretch. It was understandable, since the body had been in the same position for quite a while. “But now I know so much more of what’s going on… and I think I know how we can fix it.”

“You do?” Layla looked at him, confused. “How? What’s going on Steven? I can’t help but feel like this is just like back when Marc was trying to hide Khonshu’s tricks from us.”

To her surprise, Steven frowned when she mentioned Khonshu’s name. But not in the way he usually did, as if he was trying to forget his interactions with the god. Instead, it was as if he disliked that she spoke of the Moon god with some disrespect.

It made her squint at him, trying to see if Jake was playing a trick on her. But it couldn’t be Jake, not when Steven was speaking fast and fluid English.

“The Old Bird… is not that bad,” Steven said, very carefully. “I… I can’t really explain that part because Marc has to remember that part on his own.”

He was looking at his hands, not at any possible reflective surface, as if he was avoiding Marc’s eyes as he spoke. It made Layla even more curious because out of the two of them? Steven was the last person she thought would have any warm thoughts for the old god. Even after becoming the Avatar of Tawaret she had been unable to see him, Marc had filled her in on how hurtful and demeaning Khonshu had always been to Steven.

“So… what can you explain to us?” Layla asked, knowing that as long as there was a chance that Marc would listen, Steven wouldn’t tell her anything about his change of heart. So instead of wasting her time with questions that would just make them go in circles, she decided to go straight to the point.

Steven looked at her again, and this time, he was grinning. His eyes shining in a way that it looked as if he had crescent moons inside them, making him look even happier. “I know how to get us, that is, me, Marc and Jake, to the Other Void… without getting shot first.”

*          *          *

Jake parpadeo al escuchar las palabras de Steven, y de pronto muchas cosas comenzaron a tener sentido. La primera vez que Steven había desaparecido ante ellos, había sido poco después de conocer a Khonshu… cuando solo sabían que el enorme Piolín momificado -y Jake nunca había podido llamar a Khonshu asi en su cara, pero en su mente el apodo se había quedado- no era exactamente como ellos, no provenía del interior del mismo cuerpo. Y la segunda vez cuando Jake había empezado a preocuparse porque el dios los había dejado de visitar.

Because he thought an old Egyptian god would actually care for a crazy kid who thought he was three kids.

And always had come back, led by Khonshu by the hand. Every time, Khonshu would push Steven towards Jake and Marc, and remind them

You should not let your nest mate fly away without you. Take care of Steven Grant; Jake Lockley and Marc Spector.

Jake chuckled as he remembered Khonshu´s words that first time. Later, the bird would pick up on Jake’s habit of giving everyone nicknames and they would become Little Scholar, Little Explorer and Brave Little one -even as Marquitos would protest that he was not Little every single time.

It just never occurred to Jake that Steven had managed to follow Khonshu to Khonshu’s HOME.

“He means it? He was in the Other world?!” Marc asked him, as if Jake had more information than him. Well, he did, normally, but not in this case.

“Esto es nuevo para mí,” he replied, wondering what Steven meant about Marc having to remember on his own. Because sure, Jake hadn’t been able to tell them that they had known Khonshu for a long, long time, since he knew neither would believe him.  Was Steven thinking the same? Jake was dying to know what Steven remembered exactly, but yes, until Marc remembered on his own, it was better to keep it to themselves.

“How?” Layla asked, sounding confused. Not that Jake blamed her. When his dulce Steven started a complicated explanation, it was hard to keep up. Even if you knew what he was talking about.

“It’s hard to explain… our mind, that’s… our mind space is connected to it. I hadn’t realized it because when we started modifying it for ourselves, Marc and I had just come back from the Duat, so I thought our subconcious was just taking it as an inspiration for the sky, but the thing is, I think…” Steven trailed off, looking at a very, very perplexed Layla. “I lost you, sorry about that. But… the thing is, I’m pretty sure that Marc and Jake can do it to.  We just need to figure out a way to stay together. And you can get there with Tawaret’s help,”

“Ok… but… Why are we going there?” Layla asked the question that was in Jake, and probably Marc’s head too. “Also, Do I have to remind you that Tawaret is not answering me?”

“We’re going there because that’s where Khonshu’s trial is being held.” Steven explained. “And I’m betting Tawaret is only trying to avoid telling you that he’s on trial because he didn’t want Jake finding out. But since now we all know, she doesn’t have to keep the secret from you, much less not help you get there… if you want to come.”

And that was a good question, Jake figured. Because sure, he had to go to try and help Khonshu, there was no doubt in his mind. And now his Corazón understood why and wanted to help too. His Cielo would never let them go alone, so he would come with them too.

But there was no reason for Layla to want to risk a trip to the underworld just to help a god that, as far as she knew, had brought nothing but suffering to the men she loved.

Through the body’s eyes, Marc and Jake could see Layla’s determined gaze.

“I… I need to talk to Marc about that,” Layla finally said. “In private. Can you guys… do that? Let me talk to him without listening in?”

“Sure,” Steven replied, and Jake saw how Marc started to disappear, obviously being pulled to the front by Estebancito. “I need to talk to Jake about a limo anyway.”

Chingada madre.

¿Cómo se había enterado Estebancito de la existencia de la limosina?

*          *          *

Marc blinked twice, then looked at Layla, worried. But he waited until he was sure that neither Jake nor Steven were listening. He could, of course, feel them in the back of his mind, always present, always accompanying him in that way that made Marc feel safe. It was now when he realized that yes, Jake had always been there, because it felt just like when he had thought that his only other alter was Steven. The warmth and care was the same, it was just now that he realized it came from two distinct sources instead of just Steven.

“Are they… not listening?” Layla asked, obviously not sure of how to phrase the question.

“We’re as alone as we can be,” Marc reassured her. “They’re still with me, but they’re not listening…. They’re probably taking advantage that Steven now understands Spanish to get up to date on everything.”

“Steven understands Spanish now?” Layla sounded as incredulous as Marc felt. It was quite the news, that he was now the one left out of the trio.

“Says it’s just like him learning to fight… but to do that he had to accept we are in the same body, so he had to access the body’s memories.” Marc sighed, feeling useless. “But I accept Jake is also one of us! And it’s not like language is something you build muscle memory for!”

“Technically, fighting is not really a reflex thing,” Layla pointed out. And I saw Steven fight. He fights nothing like you.”

“You didn’t ask for us to be alone to discuss that,” Marc pointed out, then looked at his left, to the closest mirror. Only his own reflection was there, just as he expected. And even if it was what Layla had asked for, and something he needed at the time, he couldn’t stop the pang of loss in his chest. It was too soon since he had seen Steven disappear on him, and while he had managed to remain strong for Jake? It had hurt him, a lot.

The fact that Steven had returned unharmed but also… changed? Didn’t help.

“No… Was it my imagination or Steven sounded… less angry at Khonshu?”

“You noticed too?” Marc felt relieved that it was not just his imagination. If he had to be honest, Steven had almost sound… fond… when he mentioned the damned bird’s name.

“Yeah… not as obvious as Jake’s worry but… not what I was used to from Steven.” Layla agreed, measuring her words carefully. “And well, I assume Jake didn’t try to explain anything to you, what with the language barrier.”

“Do you think that Steven got… what, brainwashed in the Other void?” Marc asked, not sure of what answer he wanted. It would be easy, to blame Khonshu, to hate Khonshu for all he had done to Marc when he had been his avatar. For the orders, the disdain… the constant feeling that Khonshu had only taken him as his fist not for what Marc could do, but because he had no other choice -and wasn’t that the kicker? He had told Steven that he hated being Khonshu’s Avatar, but the truth was that there was a part of the job that he had loved: Protecting those who needed protecting. It hadn’t been just fighting Harrow’s cult. That had been the most urgent job, and the one Khonshu focused in. But he had also been able to stop muggings, drug deals… even once he had helped people out of a building on fire.  That part? That part he missed, but Khonshu had always acted as if no matter what Marc did? He wasn’t as good as Harrow HAD been.

So yeah, Steven getting brainwashed into liking the damned bird? That was something he could make himself believe. But he also knew that, for that, Steven must have found Khonshu there. He would’ve told them if he had, wouldn’t he? At least to ease Jake’s fears, if nothing else.

“I think you need to keep an open mind, Marc,” Layla replied, surprising him. “Yeah, I thought of that possibility too. If Steven was there… who knows what happened to him, yes? But… I don’t think that’s what happened.”

“What do you mean?” Marc frowned again. “You think Steven just… decided on his own that the god that hated him was not that bad? Khonshu kept telling me to suppress Steven! To make sure he wouldn’t ‘interfere’!”

“And yet he shared his power with Steven to move the stars instead of demanding he gave the body to you,” Layla pointed out. “And he let Steven negotiate with him, when he could’ve just used his restored powers to put him to sleep. Which he never did.”

“Khonshu also kept threatening me to make you my replacement,” Marc pointed out, grumbling.

“Oh, yes. That’s the other thing that doesn’t fit,” Layla sighed grabbed his face and made him look at her into his eyes. “You talked about it as if he was just going to walk in, grab me and force me… yet he only asked once. Never threatened me, didn’t say you’d pay for me saying no. Just accepted my negative and moved on. Does that sound like a manipulative and cruel god to you?”

“Now you sound as if you had been brainwashed into liking him,” Marc protested, moving away. “Why didn’t you want them to hear you being in their side?”

Layla sighed, a sound he knew well. It was the way she sighed whenever she thought he was being dense. Which was frankly very often in their marriage.

“I didn’t want them to hear you being completely closed off to anything they could tell you,” Layla replied. “I know what Khonshu did to you, I can’t forget that it was fear of what he’d do to me what made you try and leave me behind. But I also trust Steven, and I was taught to ignore the most obvious answer, if the facts didn’t fit. And right now I’m telling you, I don’t think we have enough facts to make a call.”

“So you want me to listen to them? To believe them when they say we have to save the bird who made our… my life a living hell?”

“I think… I think you need to, dear,” Layla hugged him, kissing his cheek. “Ever since I met you, I’ve always felt that there’s something… missing in you. And then, when I met Steven, I thought… that was it. It was not that he was missing, but that you kept him hidden. And yet… in the past months since Cairo, that feeling hasn’t changed.”

“What does that has to do with this?” Marc was honestly puzzled.

“After what Jake said about the hospital… “Layla paused again, obviously not wanting to talk about the torture they all had endured as children. “It came to me. That treatment? It didn’t just take Steven and Jake from you. It took something else… and I think the only way to get it back, is if you do the same thing Steven did: face it.”

Marc looked at his hands, sure that the next thing she would say was that it was something he had to face alone, that she’d be here waiting for him.

Instead, she looked right into his eyes and reminded him why he loved her so, why she was the perfect woman for them.

“And, if you want me to, I will be there, having your backs, every step of the way.”