Chapter 31
After the week of silence the last thing I ever expected to some home to was Steve pulling out a homemade lasagna from the oven and apologizing for being so stubborn.
He was up to something. Steve Rogers would never fold this easily.
“Hanna, I’m sorry for being so stubborn.” Steve said.
“But?” I asked.
“No buts, you were right.” Steve said.
“Right about what exactly?” I asked needing to be sure we were getting on the right page or if he was just trying to say what I wanted to hear.
“We need to get home and we have to do whatever it takes to do that. So I’m not saying not to you…jumping again. I’m just asking for a little more time.” Steve said.
“We’ve been here for months already.” I said.
“I know, but it’s risky and we need to try every possible option before that one to be sure.” Steve said.
“What other options do we even have?” I said.
“I’ve been doing some reading and I think I have an idea.” Steve said. “Almost all comic books and their stories happen in one place.”
“New York. You want to go to New York?” I asked.
“In the Doctor Strange comics it explains that New York is the center of everything…” He started.
“It’s one of three nexus points on the planet. The other two being London and Hong Kong. That’s why the three Sanctums of the mystic arts were built there as a way of guarding them. But that doesn’t matter here because its another universe where magic isn’t real and Bleeker Street where the Sanctum is supposed to be doesn’t exist here.” I said.
“Or maybe it’s hiding in plane sight.” Steve said.
“Steve it’s a dead end.” I said.
“We don’t know that.” He said. “Maybe its not called the same thing here but its still there.”
“It’s not. Stark Tower in this universe is the MetLife building. Sokovia and Wakanda aren’t real countries here and the movies themselves aren’t filmed in New York. They’re filmed in, Cleveland, Atlanta and Canada.” I said.
“But New York is what it’s all based on.” Steve said. “What do we have to lose?”
“Besides more time?” I said.
“Hanna.” Steve said.
“I get what you are trying to do here Steve but the New York of this universe isn’t the same as the one you grew up in or the one you saved from an alien invasion. If you think it’s tough getting by here it’s even harder in New York.” I said.
“I’m not saying we move there but maybe its worth a visit.” He said.
“You want to go to New York?” I said.
“It could be fun?” He retorted.
“What universe have you been living in the past few months?” I said.
“A few days away from everything couldn’t hurt.” He said. “I’ll look for plane tickets…”
“No.” I said. “Plane tickets aren’t an option for you.”
“It’s the fastest way there.” Steve said.
“I know but I also know that to get on a plane you need an ID. A real one not one we got behind the restrooms at Macarthur Park.” I said. “If you haven’t noticed this world isn’t exactly nice to people that don’t have the right type of ID.”
“Then how are we supposed to get to New York.” Steve said.
And that is how I somehow ended up agreeing to a cross country train ride to New York City. Four days on a train.
I decided to pay a bit extra for comfort so we had a sleeper car with bunk beds. Though it wasn’t much extra room with me sharing the room with a super soldier.
“I call top bunk.” I said.
“Sure.” Steve said feeling a bit uneasy as the train started moving.
Unlike Steve who could barely sit still I came prepared for the four days we were going to be sitting around. I brought books, my laptop with my downloaded movies music and in case Steve got too antsy a sketch pad and some drawing pencils.
I was prepared.
We were barely three hours in when Steve started pacing.
“This cubicle barely counts as a room and you trying to pace isn’t helping.” I said turning the page to my book.
“What are you reading?” He asked.
“A book.” I said.
“I can see that, I meant what’s your book about?” he said.
“An astronaut that gets stranded on Mars.” I said as I continued to read The Martian. “He’s using his poop to grow potatoes.”
“That’s… interesting.” He said. It was quiet for another minute before he started tapping his foot.
I sighed before opening my bag and handing him the drawing pencils and sketch pad.
“You like to draw right?” I said.
“Thanks.” He said smiling.
That calmed him down for a while.
So the first day went by quietly.
Day two the sketchpad had lost its appeal.
I was playing Mariokart on my Nintendo Switch when Steve started clearing his throat trying to get my attention.
“Steve I swear if you’re about to ask if you can draw me like ‘one of your French girls’…” I said trying to tease him.
“One of my what?” he asked confused.
“It’s from a movie… nevermind.” I said. “Do you need the snack stash?”
“No I just… you and Tony…” he started.
“UH” I groaned. “You’re going to start this again.”
“It’s never really started since you never really answer the question.” Steve said.
“You spent way too much time with Natasha.” I said looking down from my bunk as he sat on the floor tapping his pencil on the sketchpad.
“It’s just a question.” Steve said.
“It’s a pretty loaded question.” I said.
“I know you’re angry with him because of…” He started.
“I’m not angry. I’m annoyed and I was a bit angry but if I’m being honest I always knew Tony wasn’t going to listen to me. He tends to do things his own way, always with the best intentions but it all worked out in the end. He saved the day.” I said.
“But you died.” He said.
“And it didn’t stick.” I said.
“And because there’s something else there?” Steve said.
“We’re friends.” I said.
“Come on Hanna, I’ve seen you two together. The way you two look at each other that’s not just friendship at least not on Tony’s side.” He said.
“It’s not complicated.” I said.
“Yes he’s your soulmate.” Steve said.
“No I mean in general. Being around Tony it’s easy. There’s no judgement, no expectation, I’m a mess, but he just accepts everything… faults, and all. He doesn’t look at me like I’m broken and it’s his job to fix me. I’m not a lost cause I’m just me.” I said.
“I didn’t mean…” he said for the hundredth time.
“You did.” I said. “You were being honest. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I still shouldn’t have said it.” Steve said.
“Hm.” I said picking up my book again.
“That still doesn’t answer the question.” Steve said.
“Some questions don’t have answers. I really don’t know how to answer that question. He’s a friend. One of my favorite people. Definitely higher on the list than you…” I said and Steve shot me a hurt look. “He doesn’t take my coffee away from me.”
“Very Funny.” Steve said with a smirk.
I was quiet for a while before I realized there would probably never be a better time to say it.
“He needs you.” I said.
“Who?” Steve said confused.
“Tony. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you two balance each other out. That’s why the team itself works. Don’t let your differences and pride drive each other away. United you’re Earth’s mightiest heroes, divided the world falls apart.” I said.
“Is that supposed to be a warning?” He said.
“I give up on trying to warn people.” I said. “Hasn’t really helped anyone.”
“What do you think they’re doing back home?” Steve asked.
“I doubt they’re staying out of trouble.” I said falling back onto my cot.
Two and a half days later our train arrived in New York
Nothing I said could have prepared Steve for the insanity and… smell of New York.
“It’s… different than I remember it being.” Steve said looking around seeing people on the streets as the smell of sewage, garbage and BO hit us.
“Same city different universe.” I said. “You okay taking the subway?”
“I used to take the subway all the time.” Steve said.
“Sure…” I said opening my phone to get the directions to the hotel we were going to be staying at. In the two stops we were on the train, we saw five rats on of which crawled over Steve’s shoe, a man peeing on the corner of a building and we got splashed by a puddle of greenish brown sludge when a taxi sped by us.
“Manhattan isn’t Brooklyn.” Steve said in his city’s defense.
“Prepare to be very disappointed.” I said as we walked into the hotel… well Hostel we were staying at.
That didn’t deter Steve in fact he seemed even more motivated.
The following morning he had a got up early to wake me up with coffee this time because he had the whole day planned. Starting with the Marvel walking tour of New York. The tour included movies still so everyone could follow along and see for themselves which scenes took place there…. Or well a green screen reproduction.
“And finally here we are the home of the sanctum of the mystic arts and one Dr. Steve Strange.” The tour guide said.
“This is our stop.” Steve said as we stepped away from the group.
“Have you seen the building? The only thing magical about it is how they manage to keep the bricks that red.” I said.
“Loki had his tricks and I’m sure the Dr. Strange of this universe does too.” Steve said. “How do we get in?”
“You’re the man with a plan.” I said. Steve gave me an annoyed look until he got an idea.
“The fire escape.” He said.
“What?” I asked before he took my hand and led me to the back side of the building.
“Alright I’ll give you a boost up and…” Steve started.
“Maybe you should go on your own. Do some recon? I’ll be your look out.” I said.
“No we can go, it’s not that far up.” He said lookup up at the at least six floor apartment building.
“Yeah but, I don’t have that great of a history with roofs.” I said and Steve gave me an annoyed look.
“Really Hanna?” He said.
“Still too soon?” I retorted.
“Wait here.” Steve said going to parkour his way up the building. I really hoped no one called the cops on him. I was feeling a bit decaffeinated so I decided to go grab a coffee at the bodega across the street but as I was making my way out of the alley I noticed the back door to the building was propped open.
As pointless as I thought this whole trip was It couldn’t hurt to take a look around. Also I needed to make sure Steve didn’t piss off the wrong person and get himself arrested. That would be the last thing we needed right now. So I went in and used the elevator to get up to the roof.
As far as I could tell there was nothing special about this building. It was a crappy apartment building with a roof that someone had decided to put a kiddy pool, some lawn chairs and a couch that they probably picked up off the street to give it some sort of ambiance.
Steve was there looking out at any neighboring roofs to see if maybe he was missing something.
“Well this is cozy.” I said.
“It’s probably hiding in plain sight. Maybe there’s a hidden door or…” he started.
“Steve.” I said. “This isn’t a hidden SSR Lab that you get in by showing your umbrella. There’s nothing magical or special about it other than how much it sucks.”
“Then we’ll try something else.” Steve said.
“There is nothing else except…” I started.
“That is not an option.” He said.
“It’s our only option.” I said.
“Hanna you are not dying again.” Steve said.
“I died twice and came back. Chances are I’ll do it again.” I said.
“And there’s a very real chance you wont.” He said.
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. Look we can run around this city trying to find a magical portal to another universe that doesn’t exist or stop wasting time and take a leap of faith.” I said.
“That’s what you’re going to call it?” Steve said.
“I thought a Jackson Pollock on the pavement would sound too harsh.” I said.
“You keep making jokes.” He said.
“If I’m honest you think I’m too blunt. If I try to soften the blow by being sarcastic I’m not taking things seriously enough for you. I can’t win with you so I’m done. You want to keep looking? Keep looking by yourself, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my vacation.” I said before turning around and leaving.
And that’s exactly what I did. Well as much as I could considering this wasn’t the world I wanted to be in.
I took in the sights and visited the museums. One day while Steve was… well I don’t know where he was. He was either trying to get into what was Stark Tower in the other universe I was walking down fifth Avenue when I did something on a whim. Well a whim caused by me sitting down while I was on a train, leaning against the wrong spot and getting gum stuck in my hair.
This universe did not like me.
I went to the closest salon on Fifth Avenue that took walk ins and had them cut the gum out of my hair and since they were already going to charge me forty bucks I decided to dive in for a new look. My stylist worked their magic and I ended up with a cute chopped wavy chin length bob.
It was going to take some getting used to but at least it would save me some time in the morning.
I was at the Museum of Modern Art standing and admiring Van Gogh’s Starry Night when Steve found me.
“I’ve been looking for you.” Steve said.
“Well you found me.” I said as I kept my eyes on the painting. “I’m don’t really have an eye for this sort of thing. Not the way Tony or you do but this one has always been my favorite. Thought I should see it in person before we go home.”
“They have one in our universe.” Steve said.
“But maybe there’s a difference. Subtle, maybe some of the brush strokes… Maybe it’s bigger like I thought this one would be.” I said admiring for ten more seconds. “And I’m done.”
“You got a haircut.” Steve said.
“Thought it was time for a change.” I said.
“It’s shorter.” He said.
“That’s how a haircut works.” I said with a smirk. “How was your week? Did you find that portal?”
“No.” Steve said clenching his fists and taking a breath before continuing. “There’s nothing here and I think… I think it might be time to consider your idea.”
“What made you change your mind?” I said.
“Someone painted a mural of Tony in Brooklyn.” Steve said. “And it made me remember what you said. If he were here what would he do? And he would trust you. He’s reckless and stubborn but he always does the right thing including stepping aside and letting others take the lead when it’s the right time. You’ve known what you were doing the entire time you we’ve been here and I’m the one that has been giving you a hard time since. If you really think this is the right call then… we should try.”
“Do you really think that?” I said.
“I know I don’t belong here and that’s the only way we know might get us home.” Steve said. “If you want to do it then… Do it.” He said.
I was quiet for a minute before reaching for Steve’s hand giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Let’s go home.” I said.
“Let’s go.” He seconded.
It was late in the afternoon and the sun was about to set. We found 12 story building downtown with low security. We had agreed that there was no point in both of us jumping. It would just meet me on the street and reach me before I jumped to another universe. If we were lucky I wouldn’t appear in outer space.
“Okay so I’ll just be here.” Steve said sounding unsure.
“You’re not the one that has to climb up these stairs.” I said trying to jog up twelve flights of stairs. “We couldn’t have found a building with an elevator for me to jump off of? I might die of a heart attack before I get up there.”
“Take your time.” Steve said.
“We’ve taken enough time.” I said. “So I’m like 99% sure this is going to work…”
“Only 99%?” Steve asked.
“Nothing in life is a guarantee… and If this doesn’t work and I actually do die this time just know that you are one of my favorite people in the multiverse and I’m glad it was you that was with me through all of this. It wasn’t exactly easy but you’re not the worst person to have around.” I said.
“I didn’t exactly make it easy for you.” Steve said.
“And I returned the favor.” I said.
“I know I’ve said it before but I’m sorry about what I said. You are not a lost cause. This world is… It’s not an easy one or fair and I understand why you felt like there wasn’t a better option. There were times it made me feel hopeless and alone even when I wasn’t. You’re stronger than you think.” Steve said.
“There’s one more thing.” I said panting as I got to the last set of stairs. “If for some reason you make it back without me… Tell everyone how much I missed them and how much I wanted to get back and keep living. And tell Tony… Tell him I think about that night we ate the best burgers ever with the best view of the city, a lot. He’ll know what that means.”
“Okay.” Steve said. “It’s okay if you changed your mind.”
“I haven’t. Just covering all of our bases.” I said as I finally opened the door to the roof and walked out. “Okay I’m in.”
“Need me to wave at you?” He asked.
“No I think I can see the top of your head from up here.” I said.
“And I think I can see you.” Steve said waving at me.
“Did you really just wave?” I asked.
“Just needed to be sure.” He said.
“Alright then…. I’ll see you in a minute.” I said ending the call before realizing that was the last thing Natasha said to him in endgame. Fuck I should have chosen better last words.
I took a breathe before climbing onto the ledge. I looked out at the city. Busy, loud and smelly. I was not going to miss this place.
“Well universe goodbye and this time I really mean it.” I said. I was about to lean forward to take the plunge when my phone started ringing.
“Seriously Steve.” I said to myself before picking up without checking the Caller ID. “What?”
“Uh Is this Hanna Marin?” The woman on the other end of the line said.
“Yes who am I speaking to?” I asked.
“My name is Maggie Pearson I’m a nurse here at Dallas Presbyterian…” She said. Everything she said to that just sort blanked out. That one phone call cemented everything I already knew about this place.
This universe really fucking hated me.
I got off the ledge and ran back down to get Steve. he was still on the street looking up waiting for me to jump when I walked to him grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.
“Hanna?” He asked.
“Change of plans.” I said.
“You changed your mind?” Steve asked sounding slightly relieved.
“No, something came up. There’s some… unfinished business. I can’t leave yet. I need to catch a flight to Dallas and you’re going back to LA.” I said.
“What? No we can go together.” He said.
“No you can’t. This is time sensitive. I don’t have time for a train or bus ride to Dallas.” I said. “I’m grabbing my things from the hostel and then heading to the airport.”
“Hanna what’s in Dallas?” Steve asked.
“Nothing you need to worry about.” I said hailing down a cab. Once we got to the hostel I shoved all of my things into my bag and quickly bought my plane ticket. It was going to be a close call but I was going to make it. “This is your ticket and your cabin reservation. They shouldn’t give you any trouble for wanting to leave a day early especially since it’s the middle of the week. I know I don’t need to tell you this but don’t draw attention to yourself and stay out of trouble.”
“I can go with you.” Steve said.
“We’ve been over this. There isn’t enough time.” I said. “You said you trusted me and I really need you to trust me with this.”
“I do but you should trust me too.” He said.
“I do, I just don’t have enough time and I don’t know all the specifics right now. I’ll tell you when I see you in LA.” I said. “Just get there.”
“I will.” He said just as a cab stopped. “Let me know where you are.”
“Yeah.” I said about to get into the cab before I turned around and hugged Steve. He was surprised but returned the hug. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Be safe.” He said. I nodded before getting in the cab.
Five and a half hours later I was getting out of a cab outside of a hospital in Dallas. The last place I ever thought I would be.
I walked into to the reception where a nurse took me up to the right floor walked me to the right room where the doctor was waiting.
“How is he?” I asked.
“He’s a brave kid but he’s scared. We haven’t told him anything but he knows something is wrong.” She said.
“Was he hurt at all?” I asked.
“A sprained arm, a few bruises and a mild concussion but he should be okay to be discharged by tomorrow morning.” She said.
“And Grace?” I asked.
“Your sister…” She started.
“Sister in law.” I corrected.
“She is in critical condition not just from the injuries she sustained in the accident but from the drugs she had taken before hand. She coded more than once on the table. She’s not out of the woods yet but she is stable for the moment. The same cannot be said about her partner or the passengers of the car she crashed into.” She said. “The police are waiting for her to wake up to take her statement but you should know she is going to be charged.”
“Of course.” I said.
“Is there anyone else that should be notified? Your brother?” The doctor asked.
“There’s no one else but me.” I said.
“A social worker will be here in the morning to discuss next steps.” She said.
“Thank you.” I said before looking into the room where my nephew was asleep in bed.
I had tried to do the right thing and in the end I had made things much much worse.
I walked into the room looking at how much Jamie had grown in five years. His hair was longer sill in wavy loose curls. Long eyelashes. His arm was in a red cast since red was apparently still his favorite color.
The kid probably hated me for putting him in a place that led to him getting hurt.
He looked a bit cold so I pulled up his blankets and that’s when I noticed the finger shaped bruises on his other arm.
If Grace makes it out of the ICU I’m going to put her back in it… permanently.
In the meantime I sent Steve a text letting him know I had made it to Dallas before I started googling how long a jail sentence Grace was looking at for driving under the influence of narcotics, vehicular manslaughter and child neglect and abuse. She was going away for a very long time.
“Shit.” I said to myself before falling back in my seat.
I was in and out the whole night. Eventually I gave up on sleep and went to go grab some coffee. When I came back there was a nurse from the ICU letting me know that Grace had woken up and was asking for me.
She hurt my nephew, broke her freaking promise and was now taking me away from my coffee. That bitch was definitely on my shit list now.
So I tossed my coffee and followed the nurse down to the ICU where she left me at the glass sliding doors. I looked at the beaten, battered and handcuffed woman lying back defeated as she started coming down from her drug induced haze.
I took a breath before walking in to prepare myself for the barrage of excuses she was going to give me to justify her most recent screw up.
“Hanna.” She said smiling as I walked in. I didn’t say anything just stared at her. “You’re mad.”
“Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I said.
“I fucked up again.” She said.
“That’s what you’re calling falling off the wagon, getting high as hell, driving a car with your son in the back seat, the dick of a drug dealer you were dating who probably put the finger shaped bruises on Jamie’s arm in the passenger seat and crashing said car killing three people?” I asked.
“You don’t understand…” Grace cried.
“What’s there to understand Grace? Five years ago you swore to me that you were clean for over a year. You had a job… a future that you had worked your ass for so that you could be the mom Jamie deserved. You swore to me that you were going to do this right. That I did my part and that I could let him go because this was the right thing to do and that he was going to be okay.” I said as I started crying without realizing it.
“I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it with him.” She cried.
“You did it for him.” I said. “You’re supposed to do everything for him, no matter how hard it is because that’s your job as his mom. He comes before everything.”
“I can’t be a mom and stay sober.” Grace admitted. “I tried and I couldn’t do it. I can’t do both. If I have to choose between my sobriety and him. I choose me.”
“Well that’s not your choice anymore.” I said. “You are not going anywhere near Jamie ever again because you’re looking at least 20 years in jail.”
Grace started sobbing and begging.
“There’s nothing I can do for you but there is something you can do for your son. It’s the least you can do all things considered. A social worker is going to be here in a few hours to talk about what’s going to happen to Jamie when you go to jail.” I said.
“You can take him.” Grace said.
“You’re going to sign away your rights.” I said.
“I’ll sign whatever you want.” Grace said. “You can take him. I never should have taken him from you in the first place.”
“You’re going to sign your rights away but not to me.” I said.
Hours Later…
I stood in front of the hospital waiting for a cab to pull up. I had called him in the middle of the night and even though he had said he was on his way I couldn’t be sure.
“Shit.” Theo said when he got out of the cab.
“Yeah I know Texas heat is even worse than LA in the summer.” I said.
“I was talking about your hair.” Theo said. “Quarter life crisis?”
“I leaned against some gun on the New York subway.” I said.
“You were in New York?” He said surprised.
“Steve’s from Brooklyn.” I said.
“You went to New York with Steve? You must really like this guy.” He said.
“He grows on you.” I said.
“So if you’re out here then what’s the actual emergency I had to fly out here for?” Theo asked.
“Well I’m just going to say it. You were right and I was wrong.” I said.
“I’m sorry can you say that again?” he asked.
“Grace fucked up.” I said.
“She’s fucked up a lot. What did she do this time?” Theo asked.
“Fell off the wagon, dated her drug dealer, drove while she was high as a kite and crashed her car killing three people.” I said.
“What the fuck?!” He said. “Where the fuck is Jamie?”
“He’s okay. Still asleep in his room. He has a sprained arm and a mild concussion.” I said.
“Shit.” He said freaking out. “I’m going to fucking kill the bitch.”
“No you’re not.” I said.
“Yes I am.” Theo said. “I don’t know why you have a soft spot for her but…”
“She’s going to jail for at least 20 years.” I said interrupting his rant. “She’ll get what’s coming to her then.”
“Then why the fuck am I here Hanna?” He asked.
“When I let him go. I thought I was doing the right thing. I made that choice without talking to you about it and I shouldn’t have. So this time I thought we should decide this together.” I said.
“What’s there to decide?” Theo asked.
“Grace is signing away her rights. She isn’t cut out to be a mom and she can’t be a mom in jail and I… I can’t take Jamie because I’m going away for a while.” I said.
“What do you mean you’re going away?” Theo asked.
“It’s complicated. Just leave it at that. I’m going and I can’t take Jamie with me so it falls to you.” I said.
“Are you asking me to take him?” Theo said.
“He loves you and you’re the only dad he’s ever known.” I said.
“Han, I adore that kid but it almost killed me to lose him. I can’t do that again.” Theo said.
“You won’t.” I said. “If you go in there and sign the papers with the Social Worker he’s yours. No take backs.”
“I… I live in a shoebox. I don’t think it’s even legal for me to live in it.” Theo said.
“Well I know a pretty roomy loft in Little Tokyo in a converted firehouse. The rents free if you take over managing the building. I think I can put in a good word with the owner for you.” I said.
“What about you?” He asked.
“Like I said, I’m going away for a while.” I said. “It’s up to you. You can say no and I’ll figure something else out but even if you say no I think he’d really like to see you.”
“This is a lot.” Theo said.
“I know and I know the delivery really sucked but I’ve never really been the best at this.” I said.
“You’re as a subtle as a heart attack.” Theo said. “I’d be his only parent?”
“You and whoever gets to be the lucky guy you end up with.” I said.
“I can’t imagine doing it without you.” Theo said.
“You’ll be amazing. You always were.” I said.
“No takebacks?” He asked.
“No takeback.” I confirmed.
“Let’s go get my kid.” Theo said smiling.