Chapter 46
Yelena liked to think that she could tell the difference between reality and death. There had always been a hazy cloud hanging over her head when she was dead and sifting through memories.
She couldn’t tell if she was dead at the moment. It seemed too good to be true.
Her whole body ached, and when she opened her eyes she was peering up at the ceiling of a car. Her head was pillowed on something warm and there was a hand gently stroking her hair.
Her eyes land on Natasha first. She was laying across the back seat and her head was in Natasha’s lap. The only thing that was wrong was that Natasha was always young when Yelena was dead. She would go through old memories to live in them. She’d never been in a car with Natasha like she was at the moment.
Yelena squeezed her eyes shut briefly to try and calm the pounding in her head before she gently turned to look up at the front seat of the car. In the driver's seat was the man that Yelena had once tried to kill but ended up sparing. Yelena then glanced at the passenger seat.
Layla and Natasha had never been together when Yelena died and was lingering in limbo. Yelena would have to pick one to spend time with, often picking the latter because she missed her.
“Hey.” Natasha’s voice reached her ears, muffled and far away. Yelena was distantly aware that she had probably ruptured her eardrums at the impact of her fall.
She had a vague memory of clinging to her sister, of a reunion and being asked if she could walk.
“Hey, are you with me?” Natasha repeated, her fingers gently brushing Yelena’s hair back out of her face. Yelena tried to focus her eyes on her.
“Am I dead?” Yelena asked aloud, sucking in a sharp breath when the car hit a pothole in the road that made her teeth rattle.
“No. No, this is real,” Natasha’s voice was gentle. “How are you feeling?”
Yelena stared at the ceiling once again. She ached fiercely. “I want Khonshu…” She was suddenly aware of his absence, clutching onto a foggy memory of him telling her that he had to attend Apep’s trial.
She felt like the thoughts in her head were bouncing around much like the DVD logo that would ricochet off the sides of the television when she was a kid. Her mom had once told her that it was to prevent images from burning onto the screen of the CRT television, even going as far as trying to explain to Yelena’s curious six-year-old self the science behind it.
Yelena hadn’t understood it at the time but she happily listened and soaked in the moment between her and her mom, learning something insignificant like a secret between them. Even if Yelena wouldn’t understand the answer, if she asked her mom then she’d explain.
After Yelena learned not to leave her shows on pause, she found great interest in the logo, oftentimes content to watch it bounce around the inside of the screen, waiting for that one moment when it hit the corner just right. She couldn’t recall ever seeing it hit the corner.
She sometimes wondered what it would look like for an image to burn on the screen. Her mom told her it would ruin the television, a faded image always there to stare back at them as a reminder.
Perhaps that was what her mind was doing. It was trying to prevent the last twenty-four hours from burning into her mind as it instead bounced around jumbled memories and stray thoughts while a constant loop of pain played over and over again in the back of her head, always there staring at her like an image burned in the screen of a television.
“You’re okay,” Natasha’s gentle voice reached her ears as fingers gently stroked over her cheeks, the motion making her realize that they were wet as her vision blurred. “Go back to sleep, little one.”
Yelena let herself fade back into the darkness and remembered when Nour called her the same thing.
The world came back to her in a blurry smear of colors as hands under her armpits tug her from the warm spot she had settled into. She felt cold and almost like she was falling backward, nearly startling in an attempt to catch herself before an arm braced around her shoulders.
“You’re alright, kid,” Layla’s steady voice sounded close to her ear and she could vaguely recall a memory where Layla held her much the same way, cradled close against her. The only difference was there was no armor between them, just the warmth of another person. “I’ve got you.”
“Where are we?” Yelena tried to make her mouth work, her tongue numb and useless in her mouth as she could do nothing but fumble to wrap her arm around Layla’s neck. The sky above her was bleeding into a red-orange as the sun rose in the sky, indicating that she had been asleep for quite a while.
“A motel,” Layla said quietly, shifting Yelena’s weight to make it easier to carry her. “Clint’s already secured the room. It’s safe.”
“Hmmm,” Yelena let her head tip back to peer up at the sky, her limbs heavy as Layla moved across a parking lot. A flash of burnt orange caught her attention and she twisted her head just enough to look.
Natasha was following behind Layla, a ring of purple around her throat barely hidden by a jacket zipped to her chin. Yelena had forgotten about her sister, her head a mess at the moment. She couldn’t comprehend how she remembered the fight but not the people there. Yelena had kicked her sister to the ground to make sure she didn’t join the fight again.
Natasha had been scanning their surroundings before her eyes locked with Yelena’s. Yelena was startled at the soft smile that was directed at her, the relief in her eyes clear. Yelena had been anticipating anger, a frustration that Yelena had lied, or even hate for everything that she had done.
The motel room smelled like stale cigarette smoke and mildew, peeling wallpaper fluttering from the old AC unit that rattled near the window.
It was familiar. Yelena could almost see Khonshu looming over her as she woke up from yet another death.
“We won’t let anything happen to you, kid,” Layla promised quietly as she set Yelena down on the mattress. “You can rest.”
Yelena gave in once again to the darkness.
When she came to, she awoke to the murmuring of voices somewhere to her right, the tone frustrated and upset. Yelena managed to roll her head over to look at the direction of the sound when she realized there was someone there that hadn’t been when she fell asleep. She saw their face and was up in an instant, tumbling from the bed in her haste to get away, pathetically trying to summon the suit with no avail in her drained body.
“Yelena!” Natasha was suddenly close to her and Yelena reached out to try and grip her before pushing herself away just in case she was part of it. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
Yelena wanted Khonshu. She wanted someone who would have been there to keep watch and tell her whether she needed to be on guard or not. As much as it pained her, she couldn’t trust her sister’s word, not when she worked for the very organization that had been tracking her down.
“White Knight,” the woman in jeans and a leather jacket greeted her, arms folded as she lazily leaned against the wall. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“I can’t say the same,” Yelena managed to get out. “Deputy Director Hill.”
One side of the woman’s lips quirked up in a half-smile. “Call me Maria.”
“Maria.” The name felt bitter on Yelena’s tongue as she observed the room. “What are you doing here, Maria?”
“Being convinced that White Knight isn’t a threat to SHIELD,” Maria raised an eyebrow. “Want to give it a shot?”
Yelena’s heart was hammering against her ribcage, her lungs squeezed in a vice as her eyes pinned Maria in place. “You’re better off with those men dead.”
Maria’s indifferent exterior melted as her eyes narrowed at her. “Is that so?” Her tone was cold-- dangerous and warning, and Yelena felt a burning need to run because Khonshu wasn’t there.
“I have come across many of your men over the years. I only sought those ones out. If I could find others then why them? Haven’t you ever asked yourself that?” Yelena’s eyes flickered to where Layla was standing near Clint, positioned between them so that she could intervene if she had to.
“I have. How did SHIELD wrong you, White Knight?” Maria asked in a low tone. “Or should I say Yelena?”
“SHIELD did nothing to me,” Yelena shook her head, her focus narrowing in on the way that Maria’s fingers dug into the sleeve of her leather jacket, hidden mostly by where it was tucked under her armpit.
“It was senseless violence then? A russian roulette to prove a point?” Maria inquired tersely.
“They weren’t your men, Maria,” Yelena tested the name on her tongue, deciding that she didn’t like it because names made them people, and hurting people was so much harder than nameless monsters. “Never were.”
“Cut the bullshit, I don’t have time for riddles,” Maria straightened up and Yelena reflexively jerked back, her head thumping the wall behind her as she reached for a weapon that wasn’t there.
“She’s not going to hurt you, Yelena,” Natasha inched a little closer to her, freezing when Yelena shifted away from her. Yelena felt boxed in and prayed to every God and Goddess that Khonshu made her give offerings to that she would be safe. “She just needs to know.”
Yelena looked from person to person, trying to determine what kind of answer she needed to give. “They weren’t good people.”
Maria wouldn’t let her leave it at that. “They were good agents.”
“They deserved to die,” Yelena retorted.
“Some of them had families!” Maria raised her voice.
“They don’t deserve it!” Yelena shoved herself off of the wall, her vision tunneling in on Maria jerking back in surprise as she lunged toward her. “Red Room scum doesn’t get to live!”
Natasha caught her before Yelena could grip the lapels of Maria’s jacket and smash her forehead against her nose.
“Easy, kid.” Layla appeared in her view and replaced Natasha, pulling Yelena close to her. “Deep breath.”
“Swear to me that I am safe!” Yelena demanded, digging her fingers into Layla’s shirt. “Make a vow!”
Layla nodded her head and let Yelena go long enough to fish the knife Yelena had given her out of where it was tucked in her boot. Yelena watched with heaving breaths as Layla gave her palm a shallow slice before reaching for her hand. Yelena exhaled at the sting, watching as Layla held her hand out.
“I vow that to my knowledge, Maria Hill is not here to hurt us or arrest you,” Layla said steadily.
“I vow that I believe you,” Yelena whispered, reaching out to clasp their hands, the thought of Maria being unaware of their status as avatars not even crossing her mess of a mind until Maria asked them to put the knife away.
“She knows,” Layla confessed when Yelena stared at the woman as blood slithered down her arm like a crimson tendril. “I had to tell her.”
“Your patron will be upset.” Yelena had upheld Khonshu’s vow of silence regarding her identity because she knew the weight of what it getting out could do.
“She will forgive me when she knows it was for you,” Layla sounded so sure of herself and Yelena liked to think that Tawaret really would forgive such a grievous offense for her.
“You mentioned the Red Room.” Maria’s voice drew Yelena’s attention away from Layla. “Explain.”
Yelena bristled at the order, having spent the last five years of her life being only ordered around by Khonshu. “They’re plants, fuckface,” Yelena retorted petulantly, folding her arms as she pushed to see how far she could go before someone snapped. "Scoping you out, collaborating with Hydra."
“Natasha dismantled the Red Room years ago,” Maria frowned, her eyes serious as she stared at Yelena, completely ignoring the taunt.
Yelena squinted at her to try and see if she was telling the truth, glancing over at Natasha who was staring at her with wide eyes and nodded when she saw Yelena’s glance.
“Do you really think that?” Yelena questioned, focusing on the feeling of blood drying on her hand to stop the panic that punched her in the gut.
“I killed Dreykov. I blew him up,” Natasha told her and Yelena stared at her, her hearing diminishing to white noise. “I got revenge for your death.”
“No, you didn’t…” Yelena whispered.
“Breathe, kid,” Layla coaxed, a hand settling on her shoulder. “Let’s clean up in the bathroom, hmm?”
Yelena let herself be navigated into the bathroom and tried not to think about how her sister thought she took down the Red Room to avenge her.
The next few hours were a blur as Yelena laid everything out on the table for the four. From the moment she died until the moment she woke up in the motel bed, Yelena left nothing out. She recounted every death, every kill, what she had been doing, how she had done it, and why.
With each word she spoke, the four adults looked more and more disturbed, grimaces plastered over with indifference on their faces.
Yelena spoke of being twenty in the body of a teenager, the way it made living hard, and how she had to adapt to new tactics just to survive on her own.
When she finished, there was silence, the others eyeing each other in a silent conversation.
“I think I have everything I need,” Maria said, straightening up and rolling her shoulders to stretch. “I appreciate your honesty, White Knight.”
“Yelena.” It only felt right to offer the use of her first name in return.
“Thank you for your cooperation, Yelena,” Maria told her, glancing over at Natasha before nodding to Clint. “C’mon.”
Yelena glanced at Clint in surprise as the man gave Maria a crooked grin and lazy salute, moving to follow her as they left. Yelena looked over at Natasha, surprised to see that she hadn’t moved from her spot.
“Don’t scratch her!” Clint called out before he chucked a set of car keys at Natasha who snatched them out of the air with ease.
“I’ll crash the car just to prove a point,” Natasha grinned at him.
“You can stay?” Yelena blurted to her sister before shaking her head. “I’m not being arrested? I don’t understand.” She looked toward Layla for answers but the woman looked as lost as Yelena felt.
“I’ve got time off saved up,” Natasha told Yelena, moving toward her. “Maria has bigger issues to deal with. I get to stay here with you if you’ll let me.”
There would be no universe in which Yelena would want her sister to leave. She shoved her weight at her sister and crashed into her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “Don’t leave me again.”
“Never,” Natasha promised with a soft voice, kissing the top of her head as she held her just as tight.
The three of them took Clint’s truck and wandered aimlessly as Yelena slowly healed up.
During one of their stops to watch the sun set and bleed into night, Yelena stood by a cliff overlooking the water, wind whistling around her harshly as Natasha and Layla went through their bags to ensure they had everything. Yelena stared up at the sky as the red faded to purple and blue.
The wind whipping around her caused a soccer ball from a park a few blocks away to roll past her, bumping against her shoe before rolling over it and gone in an instant.
Nour had been so angry at the world that she was willing for humanity to die. She had been consumed with grief and darkness that weighed her down and eventually ended up drowning her.
Yelena hoped that her heart was weighed fairly on the Scales of Justice and that wherever she ended up, she was happy with Safiya.
Khonshu’s return had Yelena jolting out of her sleep as the tattoo on her arm warmed and she felt a flood of familiar power rush through her.
“You’re back,” Yelena exhaled in relief, cautious of the two women still asleep in the same motel room as her. She caught sight of him lingering over the side of her bed.
“That I am, my child,” Khonshu rumbled and Yelena resisted the urge to close her eyes to soak it in in fear of it all being a dream. “Apep will bother no one anymore.”
“Good…” Yelena stared up at him, listening to the familiar tapping of his staff against the ground.
“Have you rested well enough for another assignment?” Khonshu asked and Yelena was suddenly more awake than she was moments ago.
“Oh…” For a moment it had slipped her mind that she was his avatar, his to use to exact vengeance and protect the travelers of the night. “I don’t know.”
“No?” Khonshu sounded intrigued. Yelena had rejected him before, usually screaming at him in what would have looked like teenage defiance because she had been stubborn or frustrated. Never had she been uncertain.
“I don’t know…” Yelena repeated, looking back up at the ceiling. “I think I want more.”
“More?” Khonshu echoed.
Yelena nodded her head, listening to the sound of the two women breathing deeply in their sleep. “I want a life.”
“I gave you life,” Khonshu argued.
“A life that’s mine,” Yelena corrected. She waved a hand toward the sleeping figures. “I have my sister. She’s right here with me. I just… I just want a little time.”
Khonshu tapped his staff on the floor in thought before he vanished without a word.
Yelena could still feel his warmth in her chest. He hadn’t left her.
“The human body could possibly take months to recuperate from the power you wielded,” Khonshu commented, startling Yelena from where she had been getting a drink of water at night.
Yelena couldn’t help the grin that crossed her face. “You’re giving me a vacation?”
“I can’t have you broken,” Khonshu sniffed, his own way of telling her that he was giving her time.
“Thank you,” Yelena whispered, gripping the glass tighter as she stared up at him.
“Speak nothing of it, my child.”
“Are we actually going anywhere or just driving until we have to get gas over and over again?” Yelena finally asked when the purple ring of bruising around Natasha’s neck had faded to a yellow-brown.
“I don’t have anywhere I need to be in a hurry,” Natasha shrugged, peering back at her from the driver’s seat at a red light. “Why, do you have a place you want to go?”
Yelena had been a drifter for the last five years of her life, there wasn’t a place for her to go back to. For the past week, they had been bouncing from one motel to the next, visiting a few places and just existing in the world.
“Y’know, you made a vow to me once…” Layla started and Yelena’s attention turned toward her. “I recall your assistance in helping me find and translate an artifact.”
“Right.” Yelena turned toward Natasha to get her opinion, ready to explain.
“I’ll go wherever you do, Yelena,” Natasha interrupted. “You lead, I’ll follow.”
Yelena nodded her head and turned toward Layla to ask her what exactly it was she was looking for.
It was time to make good on a vow. Layla had, after all, reconnected her with her sister.
Maria Hill took a sip of her coffee as she followed the chaos the three left in their wake as they abducted an artifact from an archeological dig site, all from the comfort of her own office.
“Here.” Clint dropped the stack of finished paperwork onto Maria’s desk. “You’re so mean to me.”
“I’m not the one that smuggled two people from SHIELD,” Maria replied before nodding to the stack on the opposite side of her desk. “That’s yours too.”
“Ugh, how come Natasha doesn’t have to do this!” Clint whined, heaving the stack up into his arms.
“Let me know when you have a dead sister that comes back to life and I’ll give you time off,” Maria said, watching as Clint gave her a cheeky grin.
“Do dead brothers count?” Clint asked and Maria rolled her eyes.
“Go bother Coulson,” Maria ordered and Clint gave a half-hearted salute from beneath his mountain of paperwork.
Maria erased the latest sighting of White Knight from her computer.
Nobody needed to know that White Knight, Scarlet Scarab, and Black Widow were sighted together in Egypt.