Chapter 36
Yelena dreamt about Ohio once again that night. The only difference was that her older sister had taken Safiyah’s place and had been murdered. But Yelena’s mother at the time didn’t seek revenge as Nour did, she sat back and let them get away.
And Yelena, in her tiny six-year-old body, was clumsy as ever and unable to do anything about it. She felt only a sliver of the desperation and hopelessness that Nour must have felt.
Layla asked her if she was alright the next morning. Yelena had been thinking long and hard about Nour and her motives ever since she woke up in a cold sweat, the name of her God on the tip of her tongue.
Yelena brushed Layla off and the woman was late enough to work that she didn’t push it. She left Yelena on the couch after ruffling her hair and Yelena got into some paper and pencils. She started to outline everything that she knew about Apep on one sheet, everything that she knew about Nour on another, and finally, everything that she had learned about Safiyah on a third.
As she stared at the papers in front of her, Yelena started to think that Nour wasn’t trying to convince her to join her and serve Apep to destroy the world. Staring down at the third sheet of paper, a quick sketch of the photograph that Nour had given Yelena catching her eye, Yelena thought of how Layla had been the one to point out the similarities between her and Safiyah.
Nour didn’t want Yelena to serve Apep, no. Nour wanted Yelena to replace her dead daughter. Who better to do it than “the child that never ages” or one that never dies? Nour just wanted something to fill the hole that her daughter left behind in her heart and she had chosen Yelena to do so.
Some part of Yelena felt sorry for her because she knew how it felt to mourn someone that you can never have again. Yelena was going to have to kill Nour for Khonshu, it was what had to be done, but she didn’t see any harm in indulging Nour and her little fantasy until then. Nour wanted companionship and someone to play her daughter. Yelena had been someone’s daughter dozens of times undercover, usually with an older Widow. Yelena had played pretend in her life enough to be able to step into a role as easily as she stepped into her shoes each day.
Layla didn’t need to know exactly where Yelena would be going each day, not as long as Yelena was back when she promised. Layla trusted Yelena not to get herself hurt.
Nour wasn’t hurting Yelena. Not intentionally, anyway. Grief does stupid things to people and Yelena will cross the line sometimes and force Nour to retaliate. Nour hadn’t intentionally hurt her since they first met. She was going against her God’s wishes to kill Yelena, still believing that Apep would be more pleased that she had managed to convert Yelena over to their side. Yelena didn’t know how Nour connected with Apep or if he was watching but he doesn’t stop Nour.
Yelena met up with Nour once again, putting up with the woman dragging her around the city, being overly touchy with her, and buying her expensive things. Yelena accepted the small butterfly pendant from Nour because it would be pointless to argue otherwise. Nour wasn’t going to be needing the money anytime soon and if she wanted to play dress-up then Yelena would play dress-up.
“Hey,” Nour gripped Yelena’s shoulder, pausing in front of a window display. “Do you know how to play soccer?”
Yelena stared into the sports equipment shop, remembering the photograph of Safiyah in her soccer uniform, grinning at the camera after winning her first game. “No.”
Yelena let Nour tug her into the shop and watched her buy a soccer ball. It was getting late by the time Nour dragged Yelena to a soccer field nearby, a bitter chill picking up as the sun started its descent. The field was deserted, parents having tugged their children away to eat dinner and get to bed before school the next day.
Yelena listened as Nour explained how to play soccer and wondered whether she should give half-hearted attempts as a regular fifteen-year-old would manage or show the Black Widow side of her and perfect everything on her first attempt.
Seeing Nour’s eagerness to teach her has her missing the first try, the ball hitting the post. Yelena isn’t sure what to do with the reassurance or cheers that Nour gives as easily as she breathes.
Yelena misses twice more before she let herself get a clumsy goal. She tensed up when Nour shook her shoulders, half expecting a slap. She doesn’t know if seeing Nour’s smiling face as she praised her was worse than a hit because she knew how to deal with violence but the feeling of being praised for something as simple as kicking a ball was absurd.
Yelena had a vague memory of kicking a ball around with her older sister in their backyard in Ohio. Natasha liked to play baseball with some of the neighborhood boys after school and Yelena would sit nearby to cheer her on. On days when some of the boys wouldn’t show, the other kids would let Yelena stand in and she’d get to catch balls. Sometimes, some of the boy’s parents would join in when they came to fetch them. The kids always got excited when one boy’s dad came to fetch him because he could always hit the ball really far and he had once hoisted Yelena up into the air so she could catch a ball.
But if her mother at the time ever had to come and fetch Natasha and Yelena, she wouldn’t join in. She would sometimes even get upset with them for the dirt on their clothes and would dump them into a bath as soon as they got home. Her mother at the time never would have taken time out of her day to cheer them on or join in.
Yelena wondered if this was how the other kids felt when their parents would watch nearby as they waited for them to finish up their game, cheering them on from the sidelines.
Yelena has to remind herself that she’s only pretending to be Safiyah and that she can’t sink into the role too much. Nour still has to die on the next full moon, which was creeping up rather quickly.
“I have to go,” Yelena eventually had to break the moment up and it was as if she had shattered reality based on the look that crossed Nour’s face. Gone were the eyes crinkled with joy and the warm smile on her face. Yelena couldn’t help but miss the look because staring at her was the slightly cold mask fixed firmly on her face to hide her grief. “I… can come back tomorrow?”
Nour gave her a small smile, reaching out to grasp her shoulders. “Think of the things we could do together, sweetie. Join me,” she offered once again.
“You already know my answer,” Yelena sighed, pulling away from Nour. She didn’t anticipate how late she was going to be and was lucky that Layla hadn’t returned from work yet. Yelena had enough time to clean herself up and had fallen asleep on the couch by the time Layla came back.
She woke up at the sound of the door opening but didn’t bother to move or open her eyes as she listened closely. She was comforted by the sound of Layla’s footsteps, listening to her give a quiet curse when she smacked her knee on the wall trying to quietly kick her shoes off.
Yelena listened as Layla moved about, trying to be as quiet as possible while under the assumption that Yelena was sleeping. Yelena didn’t feel threatened by someone being so close by while she was tucked under a blanket with her eyes closed. She didn’t worry about someone taking advantage of her or trying to spring a surprise attack on her.
“Hey,” Layla suddenly sounded closer than before and Yelena jolted slightly, having almost fallen back asleep. “Get up kid, I brought food.”
Yelena sat up, pulling her knees to her chest to make room for Layla as the woman flopped onto the couch next to her. Layla shoved a styrofoam box of take-out at her and Yelena doesn’t think twice about shoving a mouthful into her mouth. The thought of poison doesn’t occur to her until halfway through her meal, half distracted by whatever show Layla was watching that was causing the woman to excitedly slap at Yelena’s knee whenever something dramatic happened.
It’s getting frighteningly easy to fall into place with Layla. Despite having never been able to settle down like this since her first death, being with someone other than Khonshu, an actual human being, is comforting.
Being with Layla is new but easy. Yelena could not remember the last time she fell asleep so easily with someone pressed up against her, listening as Layla hummed along to the soundtrack on the television. But Yelena closed her eyes and barely stirs when Layla got up and tugged the blanket back over her.
Yelena spent the day again with Nour, meeting up with her shortly after Layla left for work. Yelena does her best to sit still for each casual touch that Nour gave her, wanting to lean away because she was afraid that she might lean in otherwise. Even if Nour had hurt her, there was something about her touch that just made Yelena want to sink into it.
The full moon was getting closer and closer. Two days before, Nour took Yelena to watch a production of Romeo and Juliet before once again asking her if she had changed her mind.
Nour had seemed oddly insistent that time, her brow furrowed in worry as she kept asking Yelena if she was sure she didn’t want to join her.
Yelena declined once again, unable to shake the feeling that there was something wrong as she walked home that night. Layla picked up on her change in mood and asked her if everything was alright.
“Yeah,” Yelena mumbled, brushing off Layla’s concern. “I think that I’m gonna sleep at my own place tonight.” She had a feeling that something was wrong and needed to be ready just in case. She did her best not to look at Layla’s crestfallen expression.
“Alright,” Layla doesn’t argue with her and Yelena doesn’t know if she wanted her to when the feeling of disappointment washes over her. “You have a key if you wanna come back at any time.”
Yelena left for the night and pretended that she didn’t want to curl back up on the couch with the reassurance that Layla and Tawaret were there should she need them. Her safe house felt colder and lonelier than ever. Yelena sifted through her pictures of Natasha, finally cutting out the image from the magazine that Nour bought her to add to her collection. Seeing the pictures of her sister hurt a little, especially now that she knew that her sister didn’t recognize her.
Yelena wished that her God was there. She missed Khonshu desperately. He had been by her side for nearly five consecutive years, having him gone was too much. She needed him. She would give up being his avatar, no longer able to summon the suit or heal, if she could just have him with her.
Yelena had a bad feeling around three in the morning and was unable to sleep. She took a walk, wondering if she would be able to find out where Nour was. Something was wrong, she knew it. The ink on her forearm itched and she wasn’t sure if it was her mind playing tricks or if Khonshu was trying to tell her something.
Yelena tucked a knife into her sleeve before she stepped out the door and slowly made her way toward the pharmacy where she could look at the magazines in some vain hope that she could cross Nour there. She didn’t want to have to track her down, Nour would get suspicious and that wouldn’t do her any good.
Yelena stood in the 24-hour pharmacy flicking through the magazines until the sun started to rise. Yelena was eventually kicked out by the man behind the register who told her that she either had to buy something or get out because he wasn’t going to tolerate homeless teens loitering.
Yelena changed course to start to walk to Layla’s place. The uneasy feeling was a little too much and Khonshu wasn’t there to keep a vigilant eye out for her.
Yelena flinched when something collided with her, dragging her into a nearby alley. She was assaulted with the familiar scent of Nour but the smell was nearly drowned out by the copper tinge of blood. Nour was there, gripping Yelena’s shoulders, and soaked in blood. There was a wide cut on her neck like she had been attacked and her throat had been slashed.
“Nour?” Yelena breathed out, reaching out to try and touch the healing wound. The grip on her shoulders tightened and Yelena’s hand wavered as she stared into the eyes of Nour. Something was wrong. The eyes were dull and cold. Yelena swallowed hard, shoving Nour’s hands off of her shoulders. “Apep…”
Nour grinned widely as her God leaned forward. “Correct.” He reached out to stroke Yelena’s cheek with the same gentleness that Nour once did. “She was correct about you, the child that never ages.”
“My name is White Knight, Avatar of Khonshu,” Yelena slapped the hand away. “Who did this to her?” She didn’t know if Apep was able to bring Nour back from the dead like Khonshu was.
“She was losing sight of what was important. I don’t need an avatar that goes against my orders,” Apep told Yelena. Her heart sank as she realized what he meant.
“You killed her…” Yelena took a step back, wondering where Khonshu was. Nour was dead, why wasn’t he back? “You took her body.”
“She wasn’t going to need it,” he hummed, looking down at the blood-soaked clothes. “I must admit, Khonshu had the right idea. It’s a little restricting being in here, I can’t imagine how it is to be in your tiny frame.”
“Where’s Khonshu?” Yelena demanded, flicking her knife out.
“Ah, ah, ah,” Apep tuts, wagging a finger. “There’s no need for that, sweetie.”
The sound of Nour’s voice, one that had given her nothing but praise and reassurance lately, speaking to her once again, was leaving Yelena vulnerable. She tried to steel herself, unaware of how she let herself get so compromised. “I’m going to kill you.”
“Silly child,” Apep took a step closer and Yelena jolted when she felt something sharp pinch her neck. She reached up to discover that Apep had flicked a small sharp tip from Nour's finger into her skin and Yelena realized that she had been poisoned. “You cannot kill a God.”
Yelena didn’t summon her suit, knowing that it was futile to try and filter the poison from her system. Apep couldn’t just carry her around without looking suspicious and being dressed in an oversized hoodie like the child her body was instead of a tac suit and cape was likely to get more attention.
Apep watched her as Yelena wobbled, her vision starting to darken. Yelena knew that she may very well die at the moment, Apep had no discernable reason to keep her around.
Yelena prayed to her God as she fell to her knees, her vision waning as her heart pounded fast in her chest.
She doesn’t want it to be the end. She’s not done yet. She hasn’t talked to her sister, she hasn’t completed her vows, and she still has to help Layla with the artifact that she promised to find.
“Goodnight,” Apep purred out, hovering over her as her eyes closed and the last thing sees before she gives into the darkness was the smirk on Nour’s face.