Memories
It wasn’t a secret that Stephen Strange had wondered if he was happy. Or maybe it was, who knows.
After the whole… altercation , so to say, with the Scarlet Witch, otherwise known as Wanda Maximoff, Stephen had that thought run through his head even more.
Wanda used the Darkhold to try and find a universe where her children were alive. She found it. Found many universes, in which her variants were seemingly happy . With her kids. Like she always wanted.
Stephen had none of that. No family, no kids, no lover. He knew that. The closest he had to any of that was Christine.
Well…and him .
And he guesses he can count the kid too.
And he lost them both.
The universes he saw with America Chavez were…scarce, only having visited two or three. The first one, dubbed 838 by a variant of Christine, had no Stephen Strange. Well, it did, but that Stephen Strange ended up using the Darkhold to stop Thanos in their version of what has been dubbed the “Infinity War”. And that Stephen ended up being executed by the Illuminati.
Other variants of himself that he saw were…he’d say worse off . One variant of himself lived within an Incursion, where the Sanctum Sanctorum was the only place left standing. He was alone, everyone was gone. Dead .
Would he ever be…happy? Is that even in the cards for him?
Stephen stayed up for nights on end, wondering if there was ever a possibility that he was happy. Even if not in some form of a relationship.
This feels oddly like Wanda, Stephen thinks, debating if this is what Wanda had thought before harnessing the power of the Darkhold to traverse the Multiverse.
He kept thinking about how much he missed him . And the kid.
Fourteen million six hundred and five universes.
Fourteen million six hundred and five outcomes.
And they only won in one.
At the cost of many lives. Two of which he wished he never had to lose.
“Are you truly happy?”
He’s heard that too much. He doesn’t exactly know the answer.
He hopes that in some universe a variant of himself can answer “yes”. He wonders if I’m a universe he ended up with Christine, or him …if he survived and if the kid did too. If things were back to normal. If normal is even a thing after an intergalactic war and another completely different war that spans many different universes.
Why does he even care about romance and romantic relationships like this? He rarely did.
Only with two people.
Christine, in his universe, in 616 (as his universe was dubbed), would have never officially ended up with him. Even in 838, they never exactly knew what they were to each other. In his own universe, Christine is married to someone who isn’t him. He still deeply cared for Christine, of course. He was very happy for her with everything that’s happened in her life.
Then there was Tony. Him .
Stephen Strange had fallen in love with Tony Stark. Something that Wong had laughed over for quite a good amount of time. Stephen never really understood how he fell for the inventor, but he knew that his death broke his heart in close to a hundred different ways.
Especially considering he knew . He knew how and when Tony Stark would die, and he couldn’t stop it.
Fourteen million six hundred and five universes.
Of course the only one in which they won was where Tony Stark dies.
Peter Parker was different, because he was Tony’s kid. In a sense. Peter died. In the same war that Tony did. The “Infinity War”.
Like him, Peter had been “dusted”, “blipped”, for five years. And came back only to end up dying in an attempt to save Tony.
Again, something he should’ve seen in those fourteen-million-and-some universes.
But he didn’t.
So now the kid and Tony are dead. And he’d never get them back. At least in his own universe .
The Darkhold was gone. At least he assumes.
He’s already used it once, to save America Chavez. He has a third eye to thank as a reminder. As well as the budding sorceress, though not to the same exact token.
Though again the possibility of himself being happy, in his universe or any universe, was something that interested him.
He thought of asking Wong.
But, knowing him, he’d tell Stephen to quit thinking about it. That it could cause an Incursion or something similar.
“How’s it going, Stephen?!” America asks as one of her star-shaped portals opened in the middle of the Sanctum Sanctorum.
“It’s…going,” he says, his voice oddly reminding him of Peter. It certainly would be something he’d say.
“Rough day?”
Stephen nods.
“Nightmares?”
Stephen nods again. “Memories.”
“Would you…want to talk about it?”
“Um…maybe…”
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Just maybe you can get whatever you’re thinking off your chest…”
“That…may be smart.”
America cocks an eyebrow as she looks at the wizard, taking a seat on a nearby chair that faces him. Stephen doesn’t even recognize the Cloak of Levitation swirling around the room to rest on his shoulders.
“Spill.”
America would’ve loved to meet Peter. They would’ve gotten along so well.
“How much do you know about the Avengers? In…In this universe?”
“I know about what people here call the “Infinity War” as well as Ultron and a few other major events…”
“Do you know about Iron Man? Or…Spider-Man?”
America nods. “What do they have to do with this?”
Stephen looks at his hands, at the scars that cover the skin. From his accident years ago. He still remembers something Tony did. Once. Before Stephen was “blipped” for five years. Tony had once kissed the scars of his hands. After they…kinda-sorta started dating (as Peter would describe it). That’s something Stephen had always remembered whenever he saw the scars on his hands. A bittersweet memory.
“Iron Man was Tony Stark. Spider-Man was Peter Parker. They died in what people here call the “Infinity War”. I don’t know if you ever encountered another Peter Parker or Tony Stark…but in this universe they were considered…somewhat of a family to me.”
“But…Christine-”
“Christine is amazing. In each universe I’ve met her in. Tony, however, was…different.”
“You loved him too…” America mutters after some silence, looking at how Stephen gazes at his hands. “I can see it…how you look at your hands. There’s something that just…makes it obvious to me.”
“Oh…so you can tell.”
“I can tell you loved 616’s Tony Stark. Your Tony Stark.” America says with confidence, only slightly aware of the implication of saying ‘Your’, that this universe’s Tony Stark was somehow Stephen’s, even if America only meant it in the context of Stephen’s universe. Of 616.
“And I have met a Tony Stark before. A few, actually. Though one in particular was not as kind as you’d expect. Another was Sorcerer Supreme, even. I found a variant of yourself in that universe, too.”
“Tell me about those Tony Starks.”
“Only if you tell me about yours.”
“Deal.”
America starts with how she met the first Tony Stark, who she dubbed “Superior Iron Man”. He was, for lack of better words, evil and corrupted. Half of that universe (Earth-TRN517) was under the influence of something called EXTREMIS. A virus created by that universe’s Tony Stark. She says that she herself was nearly infected with the virus, but managed to avoid it, and she also learned how Superior Iron Man became Superior Iron Man.
The morality of this variant of Tony Stark was inverted by a cataclysmic spell that was intended to defeat the Red Onslaught variant of Red Skull. That spell had actually caused all the Avengers moralities to become inverted, though eventually, the spell was ultimately undone. This Tony Stark was “saved” from that, using his armor to shield himself. He was corrupted and narcissistic, hellbent on the EXTREMIS virus and corrupting everyone with it, even putting it in the water supply.
“What exactly is EXTREMIS?” Stephen asks. The name itself didn’t sound familiar to him at all.
“As it was explained to me, it’s an experimental serum…something that modified a host’s genetic code, giving them superpowers…kind of like your version of the Supersoldier serum. It, in that universe, was an app too, it gave people the quote-unquote ‘option’ of physical perfection. The app allowed the user to download the EXTREMIS virus into their bodies . But it was already present in their bodies, due to it being in the water supply. The app just served as a trigger for the effects of the virus.”
Stephen’s mouth formed a line, he for one was quite thankful that in his own universe, the virus didn’t exist. Or if it did, it wasn’t that bad, at that bad of a level.
“Tell me…tell me about the other Tony. Sorcerer Supreme Tony.”
“‘Doctor Stranger’, Universe 9810. Tony Stark… Doctor Anthony Stark, is that universe’s Sorcerer Supreme. In that universe, your variant, 9810 Stephen Strange, has the alias the ‘Iron Mage’. The car accident still occurred, it seems to be an ‘absolute point’, but in this universe you and Tony were in the accident together. You both went to Tibet to seek out the Ancient One, though that came to no use. The Mordo of this universe held a curse over the Ancient One. 9810 Tony had trained in the mystic arts as the apprentice of the Ancient One, until he was powerful enough to defeat Mordo. After which, the Ancient One proclaimed Tony Stark ‘Sorcerer Supreme’. And you , you became the Iron Mage after an incident, so to say, on a battlefeild. You were greatly injured and the Iron Man armor had saved your life, administering medical care you needed. It began to listen to your commands and even changed to fit your wizard garb that you seem to have in literally every universe.” America laughs, a smile on her face at the thought of the many, many wizard outfits she’s seen on variants of Doctor Stephen Strange. “Aside from obeying your commands, the armor formed around your entire body. It saved you from the poison, which was originally what nearly killed you on that…battlefield. And with the combined powers of the Sorcerer Supreme and Iron Man, you took on the mantle of he Iron Mage, thanks to Conan the Barbarian…and no worries, you still have your lovely Cloak.”
Half of the things America said made no sense to him. Stephen wonders how she knew all of this, and was tempted to ask. So he did.
“I talked to a lot of people, saw some of it live, as one would say…it’s interesting to learn all this.” America explains.
Saw some of it live?
She lived through some of it, didn’t she? When she was in those universes…in 9810 and 517.
“Now, you tell me about your Tony. 616’s Tony Stark. What made him so special? What made you fall for him?” America means those last two questions innocently. She knows the smallest amount of Stephen Strange’s Tony Stark, the 616 Tony Stark.
“He was a man of science. And a narcissist. And I…am a man of magic. And also a narcissist.” Stephen chuckles slightly. “I’d met Tony before the events of what’s been dubbed the “Infinity War”. One of the most memorable moments was said narcissist leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos and this lovely Cloak of mine slapping his ass. The look on his face was absolutely hilarious. He later confessed he thought that I slapped his ass rather than the cloak.” Stephen decided to start on a “high note” of sorts, remembering the slightly-chaotic altercation between the two of them. A fond moment. “Again, the man was a narcissist who always thought he was right. Came up with oh-so-many plans to defeat Thanos.”
“Didn’t he? Defeat…Thanos, I mean.”
“He did. We did. He died as what he would consider a sacrifice, having made his own gauntlet out of his nanotech Iron Man suit…he snapped with the infinity stones, to rid Thanos and his minions from our Earth… my Earth. I tried to save him and I swear I did…but I…was no use. Even if…that was the only way we would have won…with Tony’s sacrifice.”
“How do you know that?”
“I looked through fourteen million six hundred and five universes…realities…whatever they are. And only in one of those did we win. The one where Tony died.”
“You mentioned…you lost someone else…Spider-Man. Peter Parker…”
“Ah…yeah. I…we…lost him too. He was a son-figure to Tony…and Peter couldn’t bear to lose Tony, lose another parental figure, considering he already lost three. He tried his hardest to get the stones from Tony and nearly managed to snap himself, only for Tony to take the stones off him and snap. The…the radiation from the stones…and the…d-damage…killed Peter. That hurt worse than Tony’s death. Peter…he was seventeen, and he died in the middle of a surgery…in an operating theatre full of doctors trying to save his life. There was no chance at that. Saving him. We did all we could, really. I tried to save him, before we got to the hospital…but…failed. And Tony…he and Peter sacrificed themselves to save the universe from Thanos. Tony knew that whoever snapped would not make it off the battlefield. And he’d rather it be himself than his kid. Even if that kid wasn’t exactly his .”
“You haven’t gotten over it. Their deaths. It still affects you.”
Astute observation.
Stephen could only nod. “I knew Tony would die and I could do nothing to stop it. I saw a seventeen-year-old Spider-Man die in attempt to save the one father figure he had left in his life.” And I was the one to tell his aunt that her nephew had died at age seventeen in an intergalactic war.
May Parker blamed both Tony and Stephen for the death of her nephew for a long time, even though Tony, like Peter, was dead. Stephen blamed himself too, something he didn’t let on. After all, he saw 14,000,605 outcomes of that war, with the only win being where the man he loves dies. And he wished he knew Peter would have done what he did before he did it. He wished he could have stopped both their deaths.
May Parker had spoken to Stephen Strange at most three or four times since the death of Peter Parker. Those times were at the funerals of her nephew and Tony Stark, and one other time in which Stephen was at the Tower and found a few things belonging to the late Spider-Man, in particular a small box with his aunt’s name on it. She hadn’t spoken to the sorcerer much, or at all, since, though when Stephen had alerted her of her nephew’s death, he made sure to tell her how brave the kid was, how selfless he was and how loved he was by the Avengers. By him and Tony.
And if there’s one regret in Stephen Strange’s life, it is that he couldn’t save Peter and Tony’s lives.
America Chavez was stunned silent. She did not know Stephen much prior to their Multiverse-hopping endeavor, but hearing how he lost two of the people he cared about most nearly broke her. And him, as she saw. The Cloak of Levitation was wiping tears from the sorcerer’s eyes.
America had experience with loss, losing her mothers when she was very young. An orphan in the way Spider-Man was…that Peter Parker was. It wasn’t exactly the same as losing a boyfriend or a son , but losing two people that she cared so much for, losing her mothers , nearly killed her inside. She can see that so evidently with Stephen.
“Deaths like these aren’t ones you…‘get over’ easily…” Stephen admits softly.
“It’s as if you read my mind, sorcerer.”
“You lost your mothers…and I…well…I don’t exactly know what to call them…but…I lost them.”
“Your family. You lost your family. We both did…albeit in different ways, but, we lost them. And losing people like that pains you to no end.”
Stephen nods. “My family.” he sighs, knowing the truth behind that, that Peter was his son even not by any legal means. That he loved Tony Stark and always will. Even if his late boyfriend and late son were…gone. Breaks his heart all over again.
Stephen can see why Wanda did what she did to find her kids. Though he wouldn’t advise using the Darkhold. He understands the want she had. To know if the children she created out of pure magic in Westview existed in other universes. Like how he wants to know if Tony and Peter are alive in any other universe. If Stephen Strange himself has a place with them in any universe.
Logically, he knows there is at least one universe, in the infinity that is the Multiverse, where that is true. Where he has what he wants with Tony, where Peter is Tony’s unofficial son like he was on 616.
Deep down he hears some semblance of Peter’s last words. Dad! Dad, I can’t let you do this!
Dad . He’d called Tony ‘Dad’ .
That caused both Stephen’s and Tony’s heart to break.
Tony’s death…broke Stephen’s heart all over again. Would’ve broken Peter. If he was awake. Alive.
Tony’s last words to Stephen was that he loves him. Called him Dumbledore as a joke and gave a pained laugh before saying, Really truly, Stephen. I love you. I love you 3000. Both…Both you and Peter.
Moments later Tony had died, and Stephen couldn’t keep it together.
He’d kissed Tony, before he died. Certainly left the others in shock.
No one questioned him about it. About kissing Tony. Not immediately, anyway. Rhodey had asked once, though more bout his relationship with Tony rather and him kissing Tony, only to be dismissed by the Cloak of Levitation. Stephen doesn’t think he ever gave Rhodey an answer.
He slightly snaps out of his thought regarding the Avengers and people he knows and loves, his speech trailing off, thinking about the young girl in front of him who also lost her family. Her mothers. And she’s travelled to no less than 73 different universes throughout the multiverse and has not found a single variant of them or even herself. Which means that America is the only variant of herself in the Multiverse. That thought saddened him, just on the basis that America would most likely never see her mothers again. Though Stephen Strange could see infinite versions of himself, so, if he were to travel the Multiverse, he’d be able to find a variant of himself. And variants of Tony Stark and Peter Parker. At least he’d be able to find his loved ones in another universe.
“You said that your Tony Stark was a man of science…and a narcissist. Why did you ever fall for him if that was the case?” America asks, snapping Stephen out of his thoughts and changing the subject to something more…positive.
“I also said I was a man of magic. And also a narcissist. I guess it works that way,” Stephen joked. “I don’t exactly know how or why I ‘fell in love’ with Tony Stark. May have been his intelligence. Or his overall idiocy and ridiculous self. He was…quite chaotic. He was brilliant. He invented time travel …Ultron…the Iron Legion…AIs like J.A.R.V.I.S. and F.R.I.D.A.Y.…many Iron Man suits, like Rescue and War Machine…and all other versions of his own Iron Man suit. And Ultron…well…in this universe he became evil and tried to kill the Avengers and the entire world…so we are not considering that as an achievement.”
He sees a smile on America’s face. “You really love that man.”
“Seems as if so.”
“You miss him too. I can see it. Have you dreamed since after the whole Scarlet-Witch-altercation?”
That question would be considered weird if dreams weren’t literally a view into another variant of yourself .
“I had. Not much…but…it was just depressing. And before you ask, there was no Tony or Peter.”
“Are you happy, Stephen?”
America is focused on Stephen. She can see how Stephen acts while thinking about his Tony Stark. She concludes that 616’s Tony Stark was a good man. She thinks back to see if she ever met a Tony Stark that resembled what Stephen had described, and remembers one that seemed insanely close to Earth-616’s Tony Stark and who he was. She’s unsure about that universe’s Stephen Strange, but America hopes that Stephen is doing well and is at least somewhat happy.
At this point, America knew that Christine Palmer was important to Stephen. She knew the impact that Christine had on him. All it took was a broken watch and a memory-rewatcher-thing from Earth-838. Stephen had followed up saying it was a “waste of time” after it had played a memory, from a date with him and Christine. America agreed it was a waste of time as well, after seeing her own memories, memories of her mothers being whisked away to who-knows-where, presumably dead.
“I’m sorry you lost them like that…” America says, realizing both of them had been silent. It’s uncharacteristic. Both the silence and the talking . Talking about loved ones like this. She’s been around both Stephen and Wong long enough to know it was something he rarely ever did.
“I’m sorry you lost your mothers the way you did. That…is worse than me losing the kid…and Tony…”
America didn’t even have to ask why. She knew why Stephen had said that. She was the only America Chavez that exists throughout the entire Multiverse. Just like her mothers were the only ones. There isn’t another Elena Chavez in the Multiverse. There isn’t another Amalia Chavez in the Multiverse.
But there are other Tony Starks and Peter Parker’s and Stephen Stranges.
“I know you aren’t up for…sharing…often, but, if you’d like to tell me about this Peter Parker guy, that’d be nice…mainly because I can tell you miss him too.”
“What are you, some kind of psychic?” Strange jokes.
“Nah, just really observant.”
Stephen scoffs. “You would have gotten along well with Peter. And Peter is-…was Spider-Man…that Wong and I talked about in that restaurant that one time. And no , he didn’t shoot webs out his ass.” That thought alone made Stephen laugh a bit. “He considered Tony Stark to be his father-figure. He was an orphan, took in by his aunt, May Parker. He…he got an internship at Stark Industries, where he got to be Spider-Man as an Avenger . He was a dork who loved Star Wars and was extremely intelligent. He really cared about the Avengers and his family and his friends, it was easy to see it. And he and Tony Stark saved the universe…well… my …t-this universe.” And they both sacrificed their lives to do so .
“Both of them seemed to have been amazing people. You’re lucky to have had them and they were lucky to have you.”
“I appreciate the sentiment.”
The Cloak of Levitation moves around Stephen, still secure at his shoulders.
Stephen jumps when Wong all but barges into the room.
“Stephen.”
“Beyoncé.” Strange teases, much like he did around the time he first met the now-Sorcerer Supreme.
“It is customary to bow to the Sorcerer Supreme.” Wong retorts.
Stephen looks at America, and the two of them bow to Wong (per ancient custom, as he so knows), before questioning what the hell is going on.
“Someone requested your presence, Stephen.”
“Who?”
“Someone you…used to know.”