Whistling Wind
The first year of Peter's death was unimaginable. It had flown by in a breeze and Pepper thought that maybe they had gone through the worst of it, that the next years to come it wouldn't hurt as bad. Then the one year mark came.
The world went on full tilt and Pepper thought the breath was knocked out of her. This was probably what Tony meant he felt like when fall rolled around and Peter's classmates continued on to their senior year. It was five in the morning, Christmas Eve and she was alone in the darkness. Tony had been staying up well past morning ever since they came back to the cabin when Morgan's school went on winter break.
Pepper toed her way out of bed, she didn't know why she was being so quiet, it wasn't like anyone was in the room for her to wake. She slipped past the door and sauntered down the hall until she landed at a closed door. Peter's door. She stared at the lettering that Morgan had made for him, the lopsided P and the letters that chased in follow. She traced her fingers along the crayon marking, letting her hand drop to the door handle when she went over the last letter R. She pressed down on the handle and let the dry air bask her face as she walked in. She closed the door behind her. The room was all Peter's and it always would be. She thought about when they turn old and grayer, when Morgan finally eventually moves out when she gets older, how this room would stay the same. How every other room in the house would grow with them, except this one would stay idle and stagnant.
The room had become her little safe haven, a spot to cry and not be judged. Sometimes she swore she could feel Peter's presence, she swore it. It was like Peter saying, "Hey mom, I'm safe and you're okay." Pepper sometimes comes in and looks at Peter's small doodles, admires his lego collection. Today it was a curling up on his bed and crying kind of day. A day that you wish would end and never come again.
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Morgan broke a year and a couple months later in April. It just hit her at full force. She would walk into her parents room and just look at them and instantly burst into tears, crocodile tears. She wanted her brother, and she would repeat the phrase over and over again. Tony didn't know what to do when she got like that, he would just hold her and agree, he also wanted her brother.
Pepper had caught her talking on the walkie talkie on multiple occasions. It was her way of communicating her feelings, getting it all out. Sometimes Pepper, guilty, would turn on Peter's walkie talkie and just listen to all the things Morgan would say. She was talking to a ghost. One particular day, Pepper was sat on the bathroom floor, walkie talkie in hand. Morgan was in Peter's room, lying on his floor under his bed, staring at the bedframe that used to support a teenagers weight. Pepper was holding in sobs as her daughter was recalling the day Peter died, she was talking in monotonous staccato. Morgan didn't talk so much as to how Peter looked, or how he wasn't responsive, she talked about them. Her parents. She talked about how her parents were broken and that she felt so alone. She talked about Rhodey and his distraction methods. She was so young, but was able to talk about everything with the clarity of a person five times her age.
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Tony and Pepper sat far in the back, amongst parents and families alike. Well, almost alike. They were all there for the same reason, but not Pepper and Tony, not really. They both watched as student after student walked across the stage. Tony's eyes were locked on one spot on the stage for the majority of the event. A single chair that didn't occupy a student, but sat a bouquet of flowers, along with a cap and gown drapped over. There sat Peter's face in a picture frame, a school photo that was taken his Junior year. He was smiling with his teeth and a single curl had fallen over his forehead, even though he tried so hard to gel his hair back that day.
After the ceremony Pepper held Tony's hand as they waited by Ned and Mj's parents to congratulate them.
"They did an amazing job up there mentioning and honoring Peter," Ned's mom ventured. She had become well acquainted with the Stark's, she was there to lend an ear or hug whenever Pepper needed it.
Pepper smiled for both Tony and herself, "yeah, it was nice."
Ned ran up and hugged his mom and dad, and Mj's mom and dad, and Tony and Pepper. He was in the hugging mood. This was a great day, and a bad day, but right now the great was overpowering the bad.
Tony pulled Ned back and thrusted a present into his hands. Ned smiled up at Tony, "thanks Mister Stark!"
Tony tapped on the gift tag, "Don't thank me kid."
Ned looked at where Tony's finger was pointing. 'From Peter'. He gapped at it, close to tears. Then he was tearing it open. Ned stared at the gift, putting a hand over his mouth and nodding his head.
"I don't know what it is, he had it made before he passed," Tony was trying to hint to the kid that he wanted to see it as well. Ned turned it around and showed Tony. "Oh," Tony said. That's all that could come out.
It was a picture of Peter and Ned all dressed up in their graduation caps and gowns, something Tony thought he'd never see.
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Morgan asked her dad to take her to the cemetery, she just needed to have a chat. She was ten now and longed for her brother more than ever, the fifth grade was hard.
"I begged mom and dad for almost two years if I could have a younger sibling and they'd always say 'Why would we mess with perfection', I know they were aiming it at me," Morgan sniffed. It wasn't often she would cry anymore when talking to her brother. She continued, "but they were definitely talking about you."
Morgan felt bad, almost sick to her stomach that she couldn't remember much of Peter. Most of her memories were contained through photos and videos that her parents would show her or small anecdotal stories the Avengers would muster up when they felt happy to share. The memories that she did have of him were far and slim, she didn't want to lose those, so she wrote out every memory she could think of into a diary. It was something she could hold onto for a lifetime, something to remind her that he once existed, that he was here.
Morgan ripped a blade of grass from beneath the headstone, "sometimes I think you're still around, like I catch a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eyes." Morgan laughed, "it's ridiculous honestly! You're," her voice lowered, "you're kinda shitty for leaving me. I know it wasn't your fault, you couldn't stay and that's okay. I mean superpowers are real, why can't you just come back again?" The tears were back, flowing freely down her face and hooking onto her chin, "dad said it wasn't possible. He even yelled at me for bringing it up. Uhm," she cleared her throat and wiped a hand across her face in a futile attempt to clean up the wetness, "Queens misses you, this weird bodega guy misses you too. Mom said you used to eat there everyday after school or something, he asked if I liked my sandwiches squished down flat too. You're weird for that by the way."
Morgan didn't know what else she wanted to dump on him, she stood up and wiped the dirt off her knees. She could always come back again later and again after that. Peter was something that would never leave her, something she could always count on.
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The second Christmas after Peter's passing, Pepper took out the gifts from under Peter's bed, placed them under the tree to finally be opened. Everyone opened their's, they all got little trinkets, things that Peter made himself. Everyone opened their's, except Tony.
Every year like clockwork Pepper brings out Tony's gift from Peter and puts it under the tree until it eventually became a traditionalized Christmas decoration with no means to be touched and only gawked at year after year.
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After Mj graduated from grad school she fell in love with a man who was nothing like Peter, and everything like Peter all at the same time. It probably wasn't healthy to be comparing the man she was going to marry with the boy she liked back in highschool. She was open about her past though and her fiance, Liam, was okay with her rambling stories about him.
When Mj got pregnant the first time and miscarried, she felt that tug in her chest, the same kind all those years ago. She thought things like, 'why do I get to be here when my baby can't,' and other horrific thoughts. Liam never left, he stayed with her through the ups and downs of grief, he was just as hurt and distraught. Even though Mj never got to meet her baby, she was able to connect to Pepper in a big way. Then they tried for a second child.
Their rainbow baby was born on a sunny summer day in August. August 10th to be exact, Peter's birthday. Liam was the one to suggest that they name their healthy baby boy after Peter, and Mj nodded her head.
Althought Ned thought that Peter's death would tear apart his friendship with Mj, it actually made it stronger. The first few months were awful, they didn't talk to eachother and never even looked in eachother vicinity. Then senior year on the first day of school they locked eyes with eachother, Mj as bold as ever made the first move. She walked up to Ned and pulled him into a bear hug, making him promise to 'never leave me again'. And he hadn't.
Ned was the first visitor to hold baby Peter, they settled on letting Ned pick his middle name, it was only fair with him being the godfather and all. So there they sat in a dimmed hospital room, one not filled with sad questions and misery. While Liam and Mj sat on the bed finally allowing themselves to take a small rest, Ned sat by the window holding Peter Anakin Jones, holding him so his little brown eyes could hopefully make out the Spider-man art that was spray painted on the building across the way.
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Ten years. Ten years too long, but ten years felt so short. How did they get from there to here? The Stark family, along with Mj's family and Ned, all sat around Peter's grave. Leaving flowers on Richard, Mary, Ben, and May's graves as well. It was the ten year death anniversary. It was cold and freezing, but that didn't stop them from coming to say hello.
Ned was teaching Pj, a nickname they all settled on because it was kind of cute, to make a snowman. They were building a little one to sit next to Peter's gravestone, using pennies for the eyes.
Tony was scolding Morgan for making a snow angel over some random person's grave. Although when Morgan got up and showed him, Tony did stop and looked at it and giggled. It was a little funny.
Pepper was discussing with Mj how much donations they got for the Peter Parker-Stark foundation, how many kids in the hospital were now going to get presents for Christmas this year because of it. It was tough for families with ill children to make the holiday's special, especially with the insane amount of hospital bills. Sometimes they just didn't have enough to spare. That's what the foundation was all about, helping families with sick kids, even afterwards when some of the unlucky families began to grieve. They try to pay off their hospital bills or give money for their mortgages and rent, help siblings get into science programs and build robots.
"Maybe we can set up a summer camp, something for all those science nerds out there. I know I would've loved to go to one if I had the money, we can make it cheap or even free?" Mj threw out her idea, loving anything that was inspired by her late friend.
Liam felt out of place sometimes, unsure what to make of this makeshift family. He welcomed it though. He never got to meet Peter, only in pictures and videos, but it wasn't the same. He knew for a fact that if Peter was alive he wouldn't have met his new family, he wouldn't have had an incredible kid or fell in love. Or maybe he would've, but who is to say. He secretly thanked Peter, not for dying, but for living. It was odd and it made no sense, it was weird grieving someone you've never met, he felt guilty for it. He felt stupid for it, felt dumb for crying when the room got sad, felt embarrassed when he looked at pictures of the kid in their house and longed for him.
It was getting darker, they were packing up their things and getting ready to say goodbye. It wasn't a forever bye, it was a see you later bye, because they would be back. They always came back.
Tony tossed a snowball at the back of Pepper's head, cowering behind Ned when Pepper looked back to see who had thrown it. Everyone laughed when Pj ratted Tony out. Then the wind whistled, like it was laughing along with them.
It kept whistling as they walked back to their cars, the sun setting behind them. The snow beginning to fall softly. Birds that shouldn't be in the snow chirping a sing songy tune.
The wind continued to howl on through the night, it was like Peter whispering in their ears...
"We're gonna be okay."