Chapter 3
Ellie had been back for a month, she’d taken to sleeping at her old place in Jackson and she had gotten back into the rotation for patrols, Maria had been nervous given Ellie’s mangled hand but she had insisted and Maria had relented. When Ellie wasn’t on patrols she was helping with JJ and she had tried to talk to Dina about them, but Dina hadn’t been ready to listen and eventually Ellie would quite herself. Dina used to help Ellie when she got tongue tied, but Dina wasn’t willing to help yet. They would sit with JJ, and they would talk only about goings on in Jackson.
Ellie would go over to Jesse’s parent’s home to sit with JJ whenever she wasn’t on patrol. JJ had begun warming up to Ellie, he would happily babble when he saw her, he had a few words down, but Ellie’s name hadn’t made it into his vocabulary. Ellie had given JJ the potato toy she had brought back from San Barbara, Robin had said it was called a Mr. Potato Head, it was from a movie called Toy Story, it was a movie Ellie had never heard of, she briefly wondered if Joel had seen it with Sarah.
Ellie had settled on the carpet with JJ, who was wobbly walking around and she was laughing and talking to JJ. As she had been hanging out with JJ she hadn’t heard anyone behind her.
Dina had had a long day and walked upstairs where she could hear Ellie and JJ laughing, she could hear Ellie telling JJ a story, one she had never heard before, “and that was when Joel finally showed it to me. You know what it was JJ?”
“Me,” JJ babbles excitedly.
“That’s right,” Ellie agrees, “it was a huge T-Rex. You know that museum isn’t far from Jackson, maybe when your bigger, and can hold a pack, maybe I can ask your mama, and we’ll go. Just you and me. You can climb the T-Rex like I did. Then you could scare me like I did Joel, huh maybe I should check the that the pond around is deep enough for it. Then we could listen to the rocket take off, it was awesome. It was easily my best birthday, maybe we could do that. Or maybe you’ll have other interest and I’ll find something just as good, okay, kid?”
“Yea!” JJ says excitedly again.
“That it is,” Ellie says agreeing again.
Dina smiled at the story, she had never heard it before. Dina could see a change in Ellie, since she had come back to Jackson, she was lighter, almost. Ellie had told her and Dina hadn’t asked, but San Barbara seemed to have done her good, whatever peace she found there was worth the trip, but still Dina wished Ellie hadn’t had to leave to find the peace she had found.
“Alright little man, you’ve had a long day, let’s get you into bed,” Ellie says and Dina watches as Ellie stands up and swings JJ around coming face to face of Dina, “oh I didn’t hear you come up.”
“Yea, I didn’t want to interrupt the story, a T Rex huh?” Dina says.
“Yea, it’s, well…I’ll put him to sleep, you can get off your feet,” Ellie says. Dina nods and heads across the hallways and she hears Ellie talking to JJ again, “I found a left -handed guitar in some broken down home on my last patrol. So, we are still on for me teaching you when your hands get bigger.”
Ellie turns back and around and sees Dina standing in the doorframe of her room, “how long you been standing there?”
“Oh yea know,” Dina waves off then asks, “do you think you’ll be able to play with a different guitar?”
Ellie looked down at the floor, embarrassed, and begins fidgeting, “I’m not very good at the moment. It’s strange switching to left handed guitar, the callouses aren’t in the same place. I’m still not used to strumming with this,” Ellie holds up her mangled hand.
Dina pushed off the door frame she had been leaning against, and took Ellie’s mangled hand in her own, “come to bed.”
Ellie’s snap up to Dina, “are you sure?”
Instead of answering Dina pulls Ellie towards her and moves her into the bedroom. Dina sits on the bed and pulls Ellie with her.
Ellie sits next to Dina instead of following her all the way down, Dina leans back up and sits next to Ellie, “how would you rate our first time in Eugene’s place?”
Ellie looks over at her smiling, remembering their first time, how she had asked about their first kiss then she answered, “numbers don’t go that high.”
“Oh yea?” Dina smiles hitting her shoulder with Ellie’s.
“Yea, it was pretty great,” Ellie smiles.
“Just kiss me, Ellie,” Dina tells her, and she pulls at Ellie’s hoodie.
“Are you sure?” Ellie asks.
Dina lets go of Ellie’s hoodie, “I am. I’m tired of being mad you left. I want you to replace on the anger with something else.” And with that Dina pulls Ellie again by her hoodie and this time Ellie lets herself be pulled onto Dina. Ellie brings her lips to Dina’s.
Hours later Ellie shifts awake and is momentarily surprised to find Dina next to her, her hair was spread out and Dina was close to her. Ellie could feel Dina’s breath on her cheek. Ellie looked around not sure what had woken her up. Then she heard JJ cries, Ellie shifted off the bed and found her pants and shirt and went into JJ room and went to get him.
Walking in, Ellie says, “hey big boy, what’s got you up so late?” She goes over to the crib and picks him up, “did you have a bad dream?” Ellie checks him over and sees nothing to understand why he was awake. Ellie begins pacing and walking around the room. JJ quiets down and Ellie begins to sing softly, “If I were to lose you….”
Finishing the song, Ellie notices that JJ was back asleep, his head resting on her shoulder. Ellie says softly to JJ, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna be around,” Ellie thinks about that but doesn’t want to make any false promises then decides on, “until I can’t be.”
Ellie puts JJ back in his crib and turns and see Dina for the second leaning against the door frame, “how long have you been there?”
“What’s the song from? You were playing that in Seattle,” Dina asks.
“When Joel started teaching me to play guitar, when we settled in Jackson, he played it for me. It was like a song just for me,” Ellie explains awkwardly.
“You really do seem to have let go of what happened to Joel,” Dina remarks.
“Yea, I think I have, I think I understand what he did in Salt Lake City and I just want to live my life, the one he gave everything for me to have one.”
“I think he made the right choice, if it had been JJ,” Dina says.
“I think I want my life, but I’m not sure he was right,” Ellie says, and at the look on Dina’s face, “if there were still a doctor who could find the cure, maybe all of this could end. No more shamblers or watching people we love stop being those people, but not being dead either.”
“You don’t know that it would change anything,” Dina says.
“No, I don’t,” Ellie agrees, “but being immune, it has to mean something, but I want this life with you and JJ. I don’t want to be some savior for the human race. I want whatever this life has to offer.”
Dina leans forward, “okay.” She gives Ellie a kiss, “let’s go back to bed.” And Ellie follows Dina back into the room. Ellie hopes that one day they will be able to move back to the farmhouse, and keep living out their life there with Dina and JJ. And a life that Joel gave her, and she still wishes that she could tell him that she understands now. That she forgave him.