Chapter 3
Widows didn’t really own possessions. They had things that were given to them but they could be taken away just as easily. Nothing was really ‘theirs’. Yelena was always careful not to mix laundry up because finding a missing shirt with someone else's things could lead to fights.
Popper the penguin was Daria’s first and favorite stuffed toy that Yelena had picked up for her one day. It wasn’t too big and Daria could easily stuff it into her pocket or her hoodie to keep it on her
Stuffed toys were a great comfort to Daria. She liked running her fingers over the soft fur while she idly watched television or ate. With Popper, Daria liked to rub its flipper between her fingers.
But as with anything, it gets worn with time. Popper grew to be well loved and it showed. The stuffing inside flattened with time and the flippers grew small thin patches from where Daria idly worried the fabric. It lost an eye that nobody could find and despite all girls learning how to cross stitch in the Red Room, Daria only entrusts Popper to Alice when she replaces the missing glass eye with a bright blue button that Daria picked out.
Popper made its way into any bed that Daria shared including Yelena’s and her sisters. Popper also joined in on meal times despite not being allowed to.
Eventually, Yelena has to look at Popper and tell Daria that enough was enough. “Popper needs a wash.”
Daria looks up at Yelena with wide eyes from where she was sitting at the kitchen table, pushing Popper further into her hoodie pocket, and shaking her head.
“Popper is dirty,” Yelena tells Daria. “He’ll go for a wash in the washing machine and then dry in the dryer and then he’ll be warm and snuggly again.”
Daria reaches for her notebook, one hand protectively cradling over the hoodie pocket protectively as she uncaps her gel pen.
HE IS FINE.
Daria holds the notebook up to Yelena’s face.
“He’s dirty,” Yelena tells Daria softly. “It will take one and a half hours until he’s clean and snuggly.”
WHAT IF THE DRYER EATS HIM?
Daria asked, holding up the notebook again. Viktoria lost a sock in the dryer and couldn’t find it. So she told her sisters that the dryer ate her sock.
“He’s too big for the dryer to eat,” Yelena remembers wash day for her favorite stuffed toy when she was a child. She had been afraid that it would drown in the washing machine.
NOBODY ELSE HAS TO PUT THEIR STUFFIE IN THE WASHER
Daria points out to her with a huff.
“Well, nobody else brings theirs with them everywhere,” Yelena replies, watching as Daria’s fingers slither into her hoodie pocket to rub the flipper on Popper. “Ksenia washes her blankets. She was afraid that they were going to fall apart the first time we did it but she realized that they didn’t fall apart, the dryer didn’t eat them, and they were all warm and smelled nice when it was done.”
POPPER IS NOT A BLANKIE
“He is not. You’re right,” Yelena inclines her head. “But he is dirty and needs a wash.”
NO
“Daria--” Yelena starts and Daria shakes her head.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Yelena reaches out to stop Daria from scratching out denial after denial in her notebook before she tore the page or cracked the pen from how hard she was gripping onto it.
Daria flinches away, swiping her notebook and hitting Yelena with it.
“Daria, enough, stop--” Yelena grips the notebook to stop her, and Daria lets go of it immediately, standing and moving away from Yelena. “Baby, let’s talk about this.” Yelena takes a step toward her.
“NO!” Daria yells, wrapping her arms around herself to protect the pocket where Popper sat. Yelena immediately froze at the sound of her voice.
Daria didn’t use her voice often but when she did then it was important to listen.
“Daria, baby, I’m not gonna take him from you,” Yelena tries to tell her but Daria had already sunk to the ground, her foot kicking a chair in between her and Yelena as a barrier. “Daria--” Yelena softens her tone, moving the chair of the way as she lowers herself into a crouch. “I know that you’re upset, baby.”
Daria lets out a grunt, hitting the ground with her fist, very unhappy with what Yelena had wanted to do.
The first time that Daria had a temper tantrum, Yelena had been so bewildered that she didn’t know what to do. She will admit that she didn’t know what she should do and had watched for a few moments as Daria hits at the ground, unable to articulate why exactly she had been so upset.
Alice had actually been the one to do something. She waited until Daria stopped flopping on the ground to stoop down and wrap her up in her arms as tight as she could. Yelena had been expecting Daria to freak out at the restricting pressure but to her surprise, Daria sniffles and relaxes against her big sister.
So Yelena waits until Daria doesn’t seem so upset and had stopped hitting at the ground before she moves forward. Daria lets out a cry of anger when Yelena pulls her up and into her arms. Yelena holds her close, squishing her youngest against her. Daria squirms, frustrated whines escaping her lips, but she doesn’t force herself out of Yelena’s hold. She could if she truly felt panicked enough but she doesn’t.
Daria slowly droops into Yelena, pressing her face against Yelena’s shirt. She signs the word for mama and sorry over and over again until Yelena grasped her wrist to bring her hand up to her lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
Yelena holds her littlest close, rocking her from side to side. Daria pulled Popper from her pocket and tucked him against her chest to rub the flippers between her fingers.
“Popper is a little dirty. He does need a wash soon so that he’ll be nice and clean,” Yelena is careful not to touch the toy clutched against Daria’s chest. “I’m not going to take him from you. You need to make the choice to clean him. He is yours, not mine.”
Daria looks down at the toy she held against her.
Three hours later finds Yelena watching Daria, who was sitting in a chair directly in front of the washing machine as she watches through the clear window as Popper was washed. Varvara was sitting at her feet for moral support, letting Daria play with her hair as they wait.
Popper comes out of the laundry room an hour later looking considerably cleaner and fluffed up from his ride in the dryer.
Yelena finds herself getting smacked in the face with Popper that night when Daria climbs into bed with her.