The First Christmas
“What are you doing here?” Maria finally lifted her head from the Russian's shoulder.
“Spreading Christmas joy for all who celebrate of course,” the redhead smirked.
“Oh, of course, how could I have missed that,” the Commander returned the smile.
“Clint was supposed to tell you I was coming,” Natasha furrowed her brows.
“He might have on the way from the airport, my mind has been… occupied,” she glanced away.
“I know ways that we could clear it up,” the Russian tilted Maria’s head down and paused for just long enough to give the brunette time to pull away.
Instead, Maria leaned into it as she had the icy water that morning, allowing the soft lips to take over her thoughts until all she could think about was Natasha. Her senses flooded with orange and something sweet as she pulled herself in closer to the woman in front of her, only taking small breaks to breathe in the smell of home between kisses. She backed the woman up to the table she had been sitting at, bracketing her arms around Natasha’s hips as they sat against the wood surface behind her. Maria pressed into Natasha with a new sense of desire, finding the clear mind she had been looking for.
“Hey, hey,” the redhead put her hand on Maria’s chest and pushed her back slightly, “not that I’m not totally down for this but…”
The Commander pulled herself back and stared at Natasha who had tilted her head to the side finally taking a real look at the woman in front of her.
“But?” Maria questioned as the memories of the day came flooding back, frustrated that they had stopped.
“But you’re running from something, and I’d rather get that information up front so I know what I’m walking into,” Natasha ran her thumb along the curve of Maria’s jaw as she spoke.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” the brunette pressed forward and encaptured the Russian’s lips once more.
She thought she had gotten away with it until Natasha broke for air again and once more pressed her hand into Maria’s chest, “No, no you have to tell me about what’s going on. How many times have you made me talk about it before we did anything?”
It was true, Maria always made Natasha talk about what was going on in her head, what she was running from before they had angry sex.
“That’s- it’s different,” she swallowed.
“Well, in that case, I’ll take the extra room for the night and see you in the morning,” Natasha shrugged and pushed past one of the arms that had caged her in.
“Tasha wait,” Maria caught the spy’s fingers just before she walked away.
“It’s not fair that only one of us has to follow the rule and while I know you wouldn’t hurt me, I still deserve to know exactly what I’m getting into before I get into it.”
Maria threw her head back in exasperation, the Russian had a point.
“Fine,” she huffed, “I lost two agents today, 56 and 98 both cypress protocol. Okay?”
The silence dragged on as Natasha seemed to mentally weigh the pros and cons before she nodded, “Okay.”
Maria used the grip on the woman's fingers to pull her back in until she was flush against her body. She ran her hands down the woman's body until she hooked her thumbs into the waist of Natasha’s pants in silent question. The answer was given as the Russian threaded her fingers into Maria’s hair which had somehow come down from her bun in the process.
It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t soft and kind, but it was exactly what Maria needed. She realized this as her mind finally stayed quiet while she lay blissed out on the laundry room floor, nearly asleep.
“Better?” Natasha asked as she absentmindedly drew patterns on the woman’s back.
Maria hummed, “Think they’ll be mad we had sex in their laundry room?”
“They’ve done worse,” the redhead mused, “We’ve done worse.”
The Commander snorted at memories that flooded back.
“Want to talk about the agents?” Natasha brought her back out of memories with a question Maria didn’t want to think too much about.
“Not particularly,” she shifted to sit up and pull the rest of her clothes back on.
The redhead waited for a moment, taking in the sight in front of her with her head tilted to the side before she finally joined in getting re-dressed, “You know where to find me if you do.”
Maria nodded and stood up, hand outstretched to the woman still on the floor. Natasha took the help and soon both of them were standing in the small room, the windows framing a perfect cascade of snow that fell. The commander glanced at her watch and then locked eyes with the woman in front of her.
Natasha craned her neck slightly to look at Maria, a soft smile on her face as she let the blue-eyed woman tuck a stray curl behind her ear, “Merry Christmas, Tasha.”
“Merry Christmas, Ria,” she tilted her head back just a small amount as she stretched up to kiss Maria.
It was soft and warm and everything the sex hadn’t been, she soaked it up deepening the kiss when-
“Mommy?” Ellie called out into the kitchen.
Maria felt her face flush as she took a step away from Natasha and opened up the door.
“Hi sweet girl,” she cleared her throat and walked into the kitchen, “are you okay?”
“Bed alone,” the girl explained as she tilted her head watching Natasha emerge from the laundry room.
“Right, yep I was just headed upstairs,” Maria nodded, trying to avert the girl's gaze.
The child wasn’t falling for it as she looked at Natasha and then back to Maria.
“Hey Ellie,” the redhead said with a straight face.
Ellie waved at the ground before running back upstairs. Maria groaned internally, unsure of what any of that meant or how much the child could actually put together.
“She seems to be…” Natasha tried to find the words.
“Doing the best she can,” Maria felt an edge of defensiveness come into her voice.
“Right,” the Russian nodded as the room fell into silence.
“I should probably-” she started.
“Right, yeah of course,” Natasha nodded once more, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night Tasha,” Maria said as she exited the room, following her daughter.
“Night,” the redhead echoed from her spot in the kitchen.
Ellie was still awake in the bed as Maria changed and crawled in next to her, trying to figure out what to say. She had almost figured it out when she felt the girl wiggle into the spot at her side, something she hadn’t done before. Maria’s fingers found their way to the curls of the child’s hair before she realized what she was doing. It had been weeks since Ellie had let her comb through her hair without getting uncomfortable after the first few seconds.
“I love you, Bear,” she whispered into the night, unsure if the child was even awake anymore.
Three fingers pressed into her side, she didn't need to look to know that the child had signed “I love you” back.
“Mommy,” Ellie poked a finger into Maria’s cheek as she pulled the woman's eyelid down.
Maria turned her head to the side, trying to get away from the tiny-fingered assailant.
“Mommy,” the child shoved a finger into Maria’s cheek once more, this time kneeling next to her on the bed as she put all 47 pounds of her body into the push.
The Commander finally opened her eyes as she glanced at her watch, 6:27am.
“Ellie, can we try and sleep for a little longer?” The day before had been exhausting and she longed to turn over and bury her head in the soft pillow.
“No, awake.” The girl was adamant.
Maria went to argue that she should try and sleep for a little longer when she realized the child meant that not only was she awake, but by the slight noise coming from the other side of the door, the Barton's were as well.
“Okay, okay,” she sat up and stretched, “Merry Christmas, Bear.”
“Man break in last night?” Ellie was still getting a grasp on holidays.
“Uh, yeah he- he might have,” she grimaced, realizing that she didn’t set up any of the small gifts she had brought with her. There wouldn’t be any presents under the tree for her.
She wracked her brain, trying to figure out how she was going to sneak them down before the former member of the Red Room would notice.
“But let’s go have breakfast first,” Maria pulled out an old West Point hoodie from her back and threw it on over her pajamas.
Ellie hesitated at the door as she heard Lila squeal from downstairs.
“It’s okay, you know them and if you want to come hang out up here, we can. You just tell me okay?” She knelt down next to the curly-haired girl who still stood frozen at the door.
<ok>
And so the two of them went downstairs and into the kitchen where Lila and Cooper were already covered in what looked like syrup. The room became quiet as the children all looked to their respective adults who nodded in encouragement.
“Hi Lellie,” as per usual, Cooper was the first to break the silence.
“Hi,” Ellie spoke up, gaining a collective sigh of relief from the adults in the room.
Lila squealed again and reached a sticky hand out towards Ellie who shrugged it off.
“Li, honey you gotta quiet down, Auntie Nat is still sleeping,” Laura sighed, “sorry if we woke you up.”
“No worries,” Maria reached out an appreciative hand towards Clint who placed a hot cup of coffee in it, “you’re the best.”
“Mommy now that Lellie is up we can have stockings?” Cooper bounced excitedly on his feet.
The Commander hadn’t thought about stockings, so much for a great first Christmas, she ran a hand through her hair.
“Only if Ria is okay with candy this early in the morning,” Laura gave a reassuring smile.
Ellie snapped her head towards Maria, eyes hopeful at the mention of candy.
“One piece,” she smiled back.
Clint held up two fingers to the little girl who once again looked to her adult, puppy eyes fully engaged.
“Fine,” Maria said, just happy to see that the girl was engaging in typical childhood behavior.
It was all it took for the three youngest to go running into the living room where the Deputy Director could now see six evenly spaced Christmas stockings full of candy and little items for each person in the house.
“Thank you,” she leaned into Laura’s side and kept her voice low.
The woman shook her head, “wasn’t me.”
She was about to ask the next question when she looked at the staircase and saw a very smug (and overly tired) Natasha standing on the last step. Maria looked at the woman and couldn't help the smile that crept over her face. Natasha’s hair was glowing in the morning light, her wild curls framed her face like a ring of fire as she pulled them up to a messy bun on the top of her head.
“You’re staring,” Laura chided.
Maria rolled her eyes and refocused on her daughter who had found a travel-sized flashlight that Clint was helping her add batteries to. The girl kept her distance at first but slowly inched forward as he clicked the button that illuminated the device.
“Mommy look,” Cooper held up a sheet, “new Ben10 Stickers!”
“Wow Santa must know you love that show,” Laura walked over to her son, leaving Maria with a raised eyebrow.
The Commander took the hint and went to stand by Natasha, “thank you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, clearly this was all the magical man and his superpowered reindeer,” the redhead yawned.
Maria snorted, “Well if he had any extra help, I’m grateful.”
“You’re welcome,” Natasha took the last step down and bumped Maria’s shoulder.
Ellie pulled out candy piece by piece, meticulously examining each item as she did so. Maria watched and realized there were a number of pieces she didn’t recognize. Natasha walked over to the child and sat down next to her, making sure to give enough space. The girl eyed her at first before realizing that Natasha was only there to explain the items she was unsure of.
The two began to speak quietly in Russian, both sitting on their knees, ankles crossed, backs ridged. Maria was fascinated by their similarities which only became more apparent as Natasha placed one item on the floor before picking the next one up, Ellie mimicking each movement perfectly.
As she took a seat on the couch, closer, she could see that most of the candies were Russian and that the other items also had Cyrillic script printed on them. Ellie would give a curt nod after every explanation Natasha gave. Only looking up to make sure Maria was still nearby once or twice.
“Okay rugrats,” Clint called out, causing Ellie to flinch slightly, “breakfast then we can do presents.”
“Lellie did you see my new stickers? And I also got this pocket compass and so we can see some of the stars that face one way tonight by using it I bet,” Cooper chatted along as they walked towards the kitchen.
“Or can find using stars really,” Ellie spoke up for the first time.
Cooper stopped and stared at the girl next to him, “You talked to me again!”
Ellie stared at the ground, clearly embarrassed.
“What do you mean use the stars?” the little blonde boy breezed past the curly-haired girl’s red cheeks.
“Can use them to tell what way you face,” she shrugged and glanced up.
“Wow really? I bet daddy will go out when it’s dark with us,” he continued walking, taking his spot at the table as he talked to Ellie who sat down quietly next to him.
“If you have presents, now is your chance to throw them on the pile,” Laura whispered as she walked by Maria.
She took the opportunity to sprint upstairs and grab the few small gifts she had gotten her daughter, trying to not feel too bad about the lack of size as she carried them back downstairs. It was Ellie’s first Christmas, it was okay if there weren’t mountains of presents because she didn’t know any better anyway. Or at least, that’s what she tried to convince herself of as she added them to the pile for everyone else.
By the time she got back into the kitchen, Ellie had peanut butter on her face, Natasha was sitting on the counter drinking coffee next to Clint, and Lila and Laura were sneaking chocolate chips into their mouths. It was everything Maria had ever wanted, a moment so sweet she waited to walk in, scared that she would only bring the darkness she was still carrying from the day before.
The brunette stayed off to the side as she drank her own coffee which had now cooled almost completely.
“I don’t know how you can do that,” Natasha called from her spot next to the sink.
She shrugged, knowing that most days she didn't have the luxury of warm coffee and had just grown used to it, “It’s not so bad.”
“We might have two kids but we're not that broke,” Clint walked over and plucked the mug out of her hand, “come on I’ll get you a new cup.”
Maria followed him into the rest of the room, letting herself feel the warmth not only of the new beverage but of the love that flowed around her.
The exchange of presents was chaotic enough to leave Ellie placed firmly at Maria’s side, her new toys carefully lined up around her. Maria had purchased a new Lego set, a picture book about astronauts, and a small art kit with paper to draw and paint on. The Barton’s had gifted her another Lego set, and Natasha had gotten her a spinning top game that Ellie had recognized almost immediately.
It was that toy that Lila had just picked up and looked at.
“It is mine,” the curly-haired child got defensive before looking at Maria who raised a warning eyebrow, “please.”
“Play with!” Lila held it up higher.
“It is mine.” Ellie clenched her fists.
“That we can share,” Maria took all the wind out of the girl’s sails, “because we share with our friends.”
“Let’s play with this one first!” Cooper called out from where he had dumped out a small puzzle.
The Barton child got his sister's attention enough for her to put Ellie’s toy back down.
“Thanks, Cooper,” Maria was genuinely grateful to the boy who had a way of defusing situations like his mother.
Natasha laughed at whatever Clint had just signed, most likely a joke that wasn’t appropriate for the children who were now making quick work of the puzzle spread on the ground. Laura watched over them all as she floated between the kitchens and living room, snapping pictures as she went.
“I'm going to go call Bobbi but I was thinking after that we could go run off all that sugar in the snow?” Clint called out into the room.
Ellie smiled and looked at Maria who hadn’t seen the girl's reaction to more than an inch or so of snow, “snowball.”
Maria laughed, “I bet we could make some really good snowballs.”
And so the members of the house got dressed up in their warmest layers to head out into the fresh snow from the night before. Ellie wore Cooper's snow gear from years prior that she insisted on not needing. Maria would add an extra layer to her daughter every time she protested, unsure of how the child would actually react to the cold temperatures now that she was no longer in the Red Room.
“Mommy,” Ellie huffed as she got outside, “CANNOT MOVE!”
“Let’s see if we can find you another scarf,” Maria half joked as the girl waddled out into the deep snow in front of her.
Cooper and Ellie worked alongside each other to try and build a snowman with Clint and Natasha while Maria dn Laura sat on the porch watching Lila eat the snow.
“Come on Ria!” Clint threw a halfhearted snowball that landed at the feet of the Deputy Director, “Come join!”
“No thanks,” she held her hand up, “had enough snow for one lifetime in Chicago.”
“Booooooo!” he got the others around him to join as they all laughed.
She shook her head again, growing up in Illinois had given her more than enough experience in the snow, “you all have fun though.”
The respective groups all continued what they were doing, the snow still falling slightly.
“So, you going to ask her out yet?” Laura sipped on her hot chocolate.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Maria shook her head and watched as Ellie took off yet another layer of clothes to add to the snowman.
“Cut the shit Ria!” the older woman laughed.
“We’re friends.” Maria’s face flushed as she remembered the night before.
“Friends who can’t take their eyes off each other?”
“Yeah,” the Commander ducked her head, “something like that.”
“Seriously,” Laura turned to face her fully, “what’s keeping you from asking her out.”
“I don’t know,” she picked at her fingers, “she's busy and I’m busy and I have a kid-”
“Who she loves,” the former agent pointed out the pair working together.
Natasha had picked Ellie up to place her scarf on the snowman, both of them smiling.
“Those toys she got her? All Russian brands which means she was thinking about Ellie the last time she was back, enough to buy things for her. Plus it’s all stuff she really likes, that’s not a coincidence.”
Maria knew that, she had figured that out after Ellie had pulled out another favorite candy. Natasha had listened to not only Maria about what the girl liked over the last few months, but listened to the girl as well.
“I know,” she smiled and shook her head.
“I just think you should give it a real shot this time.”
“We were... I mean I was going to but then Ellie was taken and Natasha left to deal with it and I haven't…”
“Excuses,” Laura waved her hand dismissively.
“Says the woman who ignored her future husband for the first 3 months after they met!” Maria laughed.
“Could you blame me? He chased after me like a puppy for all 3 of those months, plus we got married 6 months after that so like… it all evens out or something,” the woman leaned into Maria as they both laughed.
The snow began to pick up soon after that, the flakes coming down in sheets as the wind swirled around. Ellie and Cooper had been chasing each other, shoving snow down each other's shirts and squealing in laughs as the cold snow hit their skin.
There was a large gust of wind as Cooper tucked more snow into Ellie’s shirt, the girl laughing and yelling in Russian as she chased him back. Maria looked to Laura for a translation but the woman squinted into the near whiteout, suddenly much more serious.
The brunette followed her gaze and saw what she did, Natasha’s eyes darted around until they locked on Ellie. She moved quickly, picking the girl up and holding her close. Ellie’s eyes widened and she whined slightly, trying to wiggle out of the quick embrace.
“Tasha,” Maria called out, standing up and walking off the porch and into the cold snow.
The redhead made no indication that she had heard her name, Ellie continued to wiggle, only stilling once she heard what Natasha began to mutter as she looked at her.
“Not there,” the girl spoke first in English and then repeated in Russian a few more times.
“Clint, can you take the kids inside,” Maria hadn’t noticed Laura following her until she heard her voice directly next to her.
The archer scooped up the children and brought them into the house, not wasting any time asking questions. Ellie looked around and locked eyes with Maria before shaking her head after she closed her eyes tightly as if trying to say she couldn’t teleport without taking them both through the hole.
“She’s saying Ellie shouldn’t be here,” Laura explained before talking to Natasha directly in her mother tongue.
It seemed to help slightly as she looked between Ellie, Laura, and then finally at Maria who tried to stay as calm as possible. Another minute passed before Natasha finally relaxed her grip on the girl, allowing her to drop down.
“You okay?” Maria knelt in the snow, pushing stray curls out of the girl's face.
“Yes,” she nodded, before looking back at Natasha who was speaking in broken sentences.
“She shouldn’t- you can’t be here- She isn’t supposed- it’s too cold- if they find-,” the Russian panted as her eyes flew around once more.
“Lo Lo,” Ellie called out to Laura, “she need… warm sour… drink?”
She squinted and looked at Maria, “yellow.”
“Warm lemon water,” Maria figured it out as Laura did, “Honey you go to the house and get it with LoLo.”
Ellie nodded once, a girl on a mission as she moved back to the house. Leaving Maria alone with Natasha, who had calmed only slightly. She moved forward, placing a tentative hand on the woman’s shoulder.
“You’re okay Tasha, Ellie is okay,” the brunette got closer, running her hand down the woman's arm until she reached her hands that were as cold as ice, “we’re all okay.”
“She shouldn’t be here,” Natasha’s eyes filled with tears, “it’s too dangerous. It’s too cold.”
“Then let's head back inside, huh?” Maria tugged slightly on the Russian’s hand, “It’s nice and warm inside.”
Wordlessly, she followed Maria as they trudged through the snow and back to the safety of the porch. The wind picked up again as the brunette knelt down and helped them both out of their boots.
“There you go, let’s get inside and warm,” she kept her voice as soft as she could.
Laura met them at the door, Ellie on her heels.
“We can just take a seat on the stairs and take these layers off,” Maria explained everything before she did it.
Natasha leaned away as the Commander helped her out of her clothes, snow falling off of them and onto the hardwood around them. She was down to her dry layers when Ellie handed her the cup of hot lemon water, saying something in Russian as she did so. Laura put her hand over her heart as she listened.
The redhead sat for a moment longer before she lifted the drink to her lips, closing her eyes as she did so.
“Thank you, baby,” Maria kissed her daughter on the head, watching as the warm liquid brought Natasha back to a lucid state.
“We grew up same,” Ellie nodded and then sighed, “Natalia, Yelena, Kiara, and Elizaveta. So know what to do.”
“You did so well,” she smoothed back the girl's hair, “how about you go have some snacks with Coop and Lila?”
“Okay, Mommy,” Ellie ran off, this time Laura following her.
Maria sat down next to Natasha, slowly she wrapped her arm around the woman and brought her into her side, “you back with us?”
The redhead nodded slightly, “I’m sorry, I thought-”
“It’s okay, I gotcha,” Maria squeezed Natasha’s shoulder, “you’re okay.”
This time, it was Natasha’s turn to start breathing again. They were going to be okay, as long as they had each other.