The simplicity of summer
“Hey Ria,” the Russian’s voice was slightly breathy as she answered.
“Bad time?” Maria let out a breath she had been holding in at the question.
“Never,” Natasha responded, without skipping a beat, “what's up?”
It was at that moment that she realized she didn’t really have a reason for calling. That added with how the pair rarely called each other left her with a dry mouth and a shitty excuse.
“I was just- I wanted to see if you had heard about that vigilante that you know in New York? He just hit the SHIELD radar for crime fighting after 6 months of laying low,” she closed her eyes and shook her head. Why are you bringing up her ex?
Natasha let out a clipped laugh, “Who? Matt? No, I haven't talked to him in a long time but I’m not surprised he’s fighting again. The guy doesn’t know how to stay down.”
“Well you might want to give him a heads up that he’s going to get a visit from some junior agents here soon,” she took a sip of her beer and ran her hand through her hair.
“Will do,” the Russian hummed, “Why’d you really call, Ria?”
Busted.
“I… I just hadn’t heard from you for a while and wanted to check in,” it was the truth, the answer she should have given in the first place.
“I’m okay, I always am,” it was the same answer she had given Maria two weeks prior, this time her voice sounded more tired.
“I know but I’m with Clint and Laura and they hadn’t heard from you either so I thought I should check in,” she took another sip.
“Sorry, I’ve been working.” She could hear the sound of a lighter flicking before the woman on the other line exhaled.
“No need to apologize. You find anything useful?” The Commander titered between friend and boss as she asked.
“No, it’s like it vanished into thin air,” Natasha inhaled for a moment before exhaling the smoke from her lungs, she could picture the woman rolling her eyes as she normally did when she was frustrated.
“Anything I can do to help?” it was a long shot but she wanted to let her know that she was still there for her. Even if it was as a friend, even if it was over the phone.
There was a long pause, long enough for Maria to check to make sure the call wasn’t dropped.
“Can you tell me about Chicago?” The spies' voice was quiet.
The brunette snorted as she laughed and then hummed, “yeah Tasha, I can tell you about Chicago.”
She glanced back inside only to see two sets of eyes on her, she waved to the Bartons and then started telling Natasha about one of her favorite Italian restaurants. It had been the better part of thirty minutes by the time she finished talking on the phone, hoping the whole time that she was bringing even a little bit of peace to the woman on the other side.
Laura gave her a soft smile as she walked back into the house, closing the sliding glass door being her softly. Both kids were fast asleep on the couch and she wondered if she should bring Ellie upstairs or let her continue to rest.
“She’s been sleeping the whole time, no problems,” Laura always had been a mind reader.
“How's Tasha?” Clint kissed his wife on the cheek.
She shrugged, “Okay I think, tired, but okay.”
“She find anything useful?”
“Seems like a lot of dead ends, but she said she has a lead she’s going to follow tomorrow,” she took a seat at the table once more.
The three adults continued to talk until it was past everyone's bedtime and they would all need extra coffee in the morning. And yet, she didn’t regret it for a moment. She had missed the easy conversations with her friends, she missed the way that Laura smiled at her sarcasm and the way that Clint waved his hands around when he talked about old missions. The only thing that would have made it better was if Natasha had been there for it, the missing puzzle piece.
“Alright, I have to go bring this one upstairs before his sister wakes up and realizes everyone is still downstairs,” Laura stood up first, “she’s in the phase where she climbs into bed with one of us every night.”
Maria looked at Clint, she had no idea that was even a phase.
The archer shrugged, “she’s kinda a terror.”
She followed them into the living room where Ellie had extended her arm so she was touching the boy next to her. Both children were fast asleep, she had half a mind to let the girl sleep soundly in the comfort of someone around her age as she had grown up doing. Laura smiled at the sight.
It was for the best if she brought Ellie back upstairs where she could keep an eye on her in the child’s new environment and so she knelt down next to the girl and softly stroked her cheek until the child’s eyes flew open.
“Just me Ellie girl,” Maria kept her voice quiet and calm, “let’s go to bed, yeah?”
Ellie blinked a few more times and ran her hands around the couch.
“It’s upstairs,” she knew the girl was searching for her flashlight and slowly scooped her up.
Cooper barely stirred as he was hoisted into his father's arms and the brunette hoped that one day she would be able to pick Ellie up like that. That the girl trusted the world enough one day to sleep openly and not assume the worst when she was awoken. Maria opened her arms to the child who eyed her nervously before taking one hand and walking with the woman up the stairs.
One day, she hoped.
Ellie stood awkwardly at the end of the bed that was normally shared by a different member of the Red Room. She glanced around until her eyes fell on her flashlight, hurrying quickly over to the nightstand and bringing the metal item close to her chest.
Maria smiled, “ready for bed?”
The girl nodded tiredly and immediately got out of her clothes and changed into the pajamas that Maria had packed the day before. Ellie trailed her fingers over the little yellow stars that covered the blue material and clicked the flashlight once before climbing into the bed.
“You wake me up if you need anything, okay?” the brunette smoothed some of the curls that framed the child's face.
Ellie nodded and pulled both the flashlight and sheets up to her chest as Maria changed clothes and turned off the overhead light. She got into bed and thought about all the times she had slept in the same spot with Natasha next to her. The redhead wiggled around much more than Ellie, oftentimes ending up with her head on Maria’s pillow rather than her own. It was strange to sleep next to a girl who moved so little that at one point in the middle of the night, the woman squinted to make sure her chest was still moving with each breath.
The next morning, she woke up to the sound of someone (probably Clint) making coffee. It was when she went to sit up that she noticed it; Ellie was still fast asleep, but her hand was placed on the woman’s sternum to no doubt feel for her heartbeat. Maria smiled and tried her best to pull out from under the child’s hand. She was almost free before the girl’s eyes flew open at the loss of connection, she blinked once before letting out a breath and turning back over to sleep. Maria smiled and slipped out of the room as quietly as she could.
She padded down the stairs and tapped the countertop that the man was standing in front of, having learned from years of friendship that the archer rarely put his hearing aids in first thing in the morning.
Clint turned around at the vibration and smiled, *coffee?* he signed.
She nodded and leaned against the counter, it had been a while since it had been just the two of them.
*Sleep okay?* he asked as he handed over the mug.
*Yes, you?* she asked back, her ASL wasn’t as fluent as his but she still made an effort to use it rather than forcing him to rely on lip reading alone.
*slept great, Ellie?* He spelled out the girl's name.
*good, still sleeping* she smiled and followed the man out to the back deck where they sat and talked until they had both finished their drinks.
*Go on a run, I’ll take care of her if she wakes* he took the mug from her hand and walked back inside.
She hadn’t been on a proper run since taking on the role of Ellie’s guardian, it was one of the few things she missed. The Barton Farm was one of the running routes she was positive she could do blindfolded. When she had been held captive during a mission years prior, she had kept herself sane by running through every mental map she had, the route she ran at the Farm included.
*Don't overthink, go* the archer signed, smiling as he did so.
It was all the encouragement she needed as she went upstairs and opened up the top drawer of the dresser that she knew held extra workout clothes. She always teased Natasha about not being able to reach the top drawer, she once again found herself wishing the redhead was here and not halfway across the world.
“Little bear,” she softly stroked the girl's cheeks until the child woke up, “I’m going to go on a run but I’ll be right back. Go downstairs when you wake up,” to her surprise, Ellie blinked a few times and turned back over to go to sleep.
The Commander tied her shoes and waved to Clint before heading out into the warm morning air, the gravel crunching softly under her feet. It was a quarter mile down the driveway, another half down the road until she hit the next farm, and a mile longer until the country store. She took a deep breath and started down the well-known path.
At first, her mind started to flood with work tasks, she ran faster, then thoughts about Natasha, she pushed harder, then Ellie, she sprinted until her lungs burned. She ran, faster and faster until the only thing she could think about was the crunching of the gravel under her shoes. Running had been her outlet since middle school, all these years later, it still was.
The sound of gravel gave way to the delicate sound of her shoes hitting pavement as she started down the main road, still too early for any traffic. Faster and faster she ran, outrunning every thought that came into her mind. It was the one time the Commander allowed her mind to be selfishly blank, only coming back into her mind as she reached the convenience store at the end of the road. She trailed her finger over the store sign, signifying her halfway point, and turned back down the road.
By the time she reached the farm again, she felt better than she had in weeks. The aching of her body was comforting, but not as comforting as the sight of Ellie sitting at the dining table next to Lila.
“Hi Ellie girl,” she smoothed some of the girl's hair, “you okay?”
The child nodded and winced slightly as Lila squealed when pancakes were placed in front of her. Clint placed another stack of the breakfast item in front of Ellie and handed her a fork before motioning his head to the kitchen for Maria to follow him.
“Any problems?” her mind started to race, she should have waited to go on the run, she should have been there when Ellie woke up, she should have ditched the run altogether-
“No,” he shook his head, “I mean- no, not really a problem but- I may have bribed her with space cartoons to follow me down here.”
Maria squinted, she tried to grasp the fact that the child could be swayed by space cartoons.
“I went up there to put my ears in and I could see her feet outlined on the other side of the door and so I knocked,” he scratched the back of his neck, “and she opened the door but just stared at me-”
The Commander let out a sigh, the girl was just coming to terms with the fact that her door at home wasn’t locked from the outside, of course, she wouldn’t know that these doors worked the same way.
“And I told her that you were on a run but she just stared and I wasn’t sure if she could understand me-”
Maria snorted, the kid could understand him. Little sneak.
“So I looked up how to say space cartoons in Russian and that seemed to get her attention and then Lila was up and so I told them I’d make pancakes, which apparently she knew the word for-” the archer continued to ramble.
“Barton,” she tried to get his attention.
“And so I said that they could watch cartoons and have pancakes… and juice which I know is a lot-”
“Clint” she rolled her eyes.
“But she’s so cute and she hasn’t even had these things, Ria! Think about Tasha and how much she missed out on, but Ellie is still so young that I get to give her all these things and she won't even try to stab me- well I think she won't try-”
“Clinton,” she smiled, “it’s fine, it’s the weekend.”
“Oh… Okay cool, yeah, no the weekend. Is something burning?” the blond turned back around to the stove where there was indeed a pancake burning, chocolate by the looks of it.
“Morning Lila,” Maria squeezed the child’s shoulders as she took a seat next to Ellie.
“Where Auntie Nat?” The little girl took a bite of the precut pancake.
“She’s off making sure little gremlins like you two are safe,” the Commander stole a piece of pancake and laughed as the girl squealed.
“Safe?” the little voice to her left asked.
“Yeah Ellie, Tasha is making sure everyone is safe out there,” she smiled at the girl who furrowed her brows.
“No,” the girl shook her head, “is safe?”
Clint brought over two pancakes for the child with the question, eyeing the woman to see how she was going to answer.
“Yeah little bear, she’ll be safe,” Maria replied, smoothing back the brown curls that poked out in all directions.
Leave it to the 5-year-old to be concerned about the safety of a woman who she still associated with the Red Room. The child truly had a heart of gold, it was just hidden behind fear and conditioning that left it hard to see.
“Syrup?” Lila yelled from her spot at the table, causing Ellie to wince at the loud noise.
“You got it, kid!” Clint yelled back, only to be intercepted by his wife.
“I’m sure daddy already gave you plenty of syrup,” Laura shook her head much to the displeasure of the youngest child.
“Is gone mommy,” the girl widened her eyes.
Laura hummed, “you either drank it or it’s soaked up by your pancake. Not falling for it Lila Barton!”
The 3-year-old eyed her pancakes before licking the plate and eating the rest of the meal, Ellie let a small smile creep across her face.
“Morning,” Ria smiled as the woman joined them at the table.
“Going on a run?” Laura eyed her clothing.
“Already went,” she reached over and helped Ellie cut the pancake in front of her.
“Dang it,” her friend smiled, “I was hoping I would get some extra alone time with this one.”
“You can have all the alone time if you get her to take her meds, Clint will you toss those to me?” Maria pointed at the pill bottle on the counter that she had brought down that morning.
Ellie let out a deep sigh as she saw the orange bottle fly across the room.
“I know,” Maria shook out a pill.
“тебе не нравится taste?” Laura asked the child, the last word being the only one Maria could understand.
The curly-haired girl shook her head and scrunched up her nose.
“Держу пари, шоколад помогает,” the woman said with a smile, one that was mimicked on the girls face.
Laura got up and walked over to the stove where she got a few chocolate chips, placing the majority in front of Ellie and two in front of her own daughter who immediately put them in her mouth. Ellie swallowed her pills quickly and finished by eating the chocolate, only looking at Maria after she ate them.
“Stooping to bribery huh?” the brunette shook her head as she watched her friend sit back down at the table.
“I was never above it Ria,” Laura gave a devilish grin.
The days at the Farm always seemed to go by faster than anywhere else, Monday coming to a close as they walked down the driveway. Cooper had insisted on showing Lellie how fast he could ride his bike as the group of kids raced down the gravel path. The adults walked slowly on the first true summer night of the season, keeping an eye on the children from a distance.
“You’re going to have to get a new car,” Clint sighed, “it kills me to tell you that because I for one love the sports car but it’s not going to work. Bobbi might buy it off you.”
“Morse?” She glanced at the archer, she had only seen the agent ride a motorcycle.
“Yeah, got tired of riding the bike in the rain,” he nodded.
It had been a particularly wet spring, she couldn’t blame the woman for wanting a drier option. Still, she was upset that she had to sell her new car at all.
“I got so much shit for my old car,” she threw her hands up, “and now, it turns out it would have been perfect!”
“That’s the thing about kids, honey,” Laura laughed, “everything, and I mean everything, is hindsight. But the good news is, I have a jump on you and the lessons that I've learned with Coop so I can help you out.”
“If you could put that in a book for me-” she stopped herself, her smile falling slightly, “I mean who knows how long I’ll have her. There might be better families or a better opportunity for her.”
“Ria, you know that you’re-” whatever Clint was about to say was cut off as a portal opened up next to him, causing him to let out a high-pitched scream before he cleared his throat, “sorry.”
Maria laughed before looking at the girl in front of her, wondering what happened. But instead of looking at her, the green-eyed child looked at the woman next to her.
“Lo,” the girl caught her breath and tried the woman's name again “Lo-Lo.”
“What is it, sweetheart?” Laura crouched down next to Ellie, pushing past the mispronunciation.
“Cooper fell. He scrape hands,” the girl heaved between breaths and raised both of her own hands to show where the boy was hurt.
Clint slowly jogged towards the scene of the bike accident at the end of the path. Ellie’s face relaxed at the sight of help being sent to her new friend.
“Thank you so much for telling me,” Laura gave the girl's shoulders a squeeze as she stood up and followed her husband, “we’ll meet you back at the house.”
“You okay, little bear?” Maria was simultaneously proud and worried as the little girl sagged from the energy used to teleport.
“Tired,” she leaned against Maria who scooped her up and propped her on her hip.
“I bet,” the brunette turned around and started the walk back to the house, “you did a good job, coming to get an adult.”
The two continued their walk until they were on the back deck of the house, Maria explained how Cooper might not want to be around other people for a little while if he is hurt or embarrassed. Ellie tilted her head at the last statement.
“Embarrassed?” Maria asked, watching as the child nodded, “it’s when you don't have a good feeling inside after you did something that didn’t go right.”
It was funny, the woman had been in and out of therapy since she joined SHIELD, but having to explain emotions to Ellie was one of the most useful ways that she had found of pin-pointing her own feelings. She leaned back on the step they were sitting on and watched as the girl absorbed the knowledge. They sat in comfortable silence until a bandaged Cooper joined them in the setting sun.
“You are hurt?” Ellie had concern etched on her face as she looked at her friend.
“A little bit,” he held his hands up for her to inspect carefully, “but my helmet kept my head safe and mommy says my hands will be better in a couple of days.”
The Russian nodded and gave a small smile as the boy gave her a thumbs up.
“Who’s Grace?” it wasn’t anger in Laura Barton's voice… but it was close as she walked onto the deck, Maria’s phone in her hand, “and why has she called twice in the last 10 minutes?”
At the mention of the woman's voice, Ellie turned to look at the phone, an action that did not go unnoticed by Laura.
“She’s just- she’s a teacher at The Center,” The Deputy Director stood up and plucked the phone out of her friend's hand, “probably just wanted to know if Ellie was okay. I um- I think I forgot to tell her that we're here, so I'll just go let her know.”
Laura had a single eyebrow raised as Maria walked back into the house, “I’ll be right back,” she promised to Ellie who tilted her head to the side and squinted her eyes, “and I’ll tell her to tell Liam you’ll be back.”
The girl smiled and turned back to the boy next to her. The brunette took the stairs two at a time until she was in her room where she closed the door and dialed the number.
“Hey,” Grace’s voice was as kind as ever.
“Hey,” Maria smiled, suddenly feeling like a teenager on the bed.
“I swear I’m not desperate,” the blonde laughed, “I called to ask if Ellie was okay and then read her file and saw she was out of town so I called again to say that I read the file. Which- now that I’m saying it out loud I realize I could have just texted.”
The Commander laughed, “you could have but don’t worry, it’s nice to hear from you.” What was she doing?
“Well,” she could hear the smile on the woman's face, “I’m glad I called then, are you getting an actual break? The Maria Hill on vacation?”
“Something like that,” she smiled, “it’s been nice, I think we're going to catch fire files here soon.”
“Well don’t let me keep you from that,” Grace answered.
“I should get going then, but it was nice to hear from you,” she rolled her eyes, who are you?? “Oh, and Ellie wanted me to make sure that Liam knew she was coming back in 2 weeks. She doesn’t want him to think she just left.”
“She’s so sweet, I’ll make sure he gets the memo. Call whenever, I missed seeing you two today.”
“Will do, bye Grace,” the brunette knew she would get shit for it the longer she was upstairs.
“Have a good night, Maria,” Grace responded.
She moved quickly down the stairs and rounded the last corner where she could see the Bartons sitting at the table on the deck, a third beer bottle waiting for her at her usual spot.
“I’m just saying, I’m clearly her favorite-” Laura started.
“Because you speak Russian!” her husband cut her off, finishing his drink.
“Clint, she understands English just fine,” Maria laughed as she took her seat, “she just played you into thinking she didn’t so you’d give her sweets.”
“She calls me Lo-Lo,” Laura smirked, “I should be the Godmother, I have a nickname.”
“We’re not religious,” the Commander rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink.
“It’s not about religion, plus who else would it be?” The woman narrowed her eyes, “Grace?”
“I told you, she’s just someone who works at The Center-” she started.
“Who makes personal phone calls after hours.” Laura cut her off.
“And sends texts with smiley faces,” Clint added.
“You went through my phone?? Barton, that's a federal offense, I’m the Deputy Director!” her hand made contact with the man's shoulder until he almost fell off the chair he was sitting in.
“I didn’t, I didn’t but I do have great vision and you were texting her in my line of sight,” he sat back up and smiled at his wife who gave him a high-five.
“Not fair, you don’t get to tag team me,” she took another sip and smiled at the trio of children who came rushing up the stairs of the deck.
“Look!” Lila yelled as she held up the old jar that now glowed softly. The child brought the jar up and started to shake it before her father grabbed it.
“Nope, no shaking bugs Li” he sighed and handed the jar to Ellie.
The girl was carefully inspecting the insects as they crawled around the jar, smiling when a few of them started to glow.
“Do you like the little critters?” Maria whispered in the child’s ear who nodded, “even if they crawl around like this?”
The brunette moved her fingers around the girl who giggled at the sensation and god she could listen to that sound for the rest of her life. She sat back up and locked eyes with Laura who softly smiled. Ellie walked back over to where Cooper was still standing and lifted the jar to his eyes.
“I think we can get more in there tomorrow,” he tilted his head, Ellie mimicked the motion, “I count 7. What about you?”
The girl studied the jar for a moment before nodding in agreement. The two continued to watch as the small bugs lit up, seemingly brighter and brighter as the night moved on. At some point, everyone was out of drinks and Maria got up to replenish, smiling as she listened to Cooper try and explain flashlight tag to the two younger girls.
“You need to tell her,” Laura's voice floated into the kitchen as she followed the brunette.
“Tell who what?” She ran a hand through her hair and faced the woman in the warm light of the room.
“Don’t you play dumb with me Maria Hill,” the woman had her mom voice on, “I’ve watched the two of you do this dance for years. But now it’s done because you have a kid and she’s hellbent on taking down an entire trafficking operation alone?”
Maria sighed, it wasn’t as simple as that.
“You know I love you, right honey?” Laura leaned on the counter next to her.
“I do,” she glanced down towards the ex-agent.
“Then you know that I’m saying this out of love for you, and love for Tash,” The Commander braced for the harsh reality that was about to come out of Laura's mouth, “you have two options. One: you let Ellie and Yelena bring the end of what could have been a wonderful thing because you’re scared of being hurt or hurting her. You never know what could have been, you risk losing her as anything, including a friend.”
That was the last thing she wanted but she knew the Russian well enough to know that she was big on cutting people out of her life that caused her pain. If she ended things it would cause them both pain, if she ever hurt Natasha, if she lost her forever, she didn’t think she could do it- she- she couldn't breathe.
“Or,” Laura placed her hand onto the woman's back and rubbed large circles soothingly, “option two: you tell her how you actually feel and see where it takes you.”
“What if-” she peeled the label off the bottle in her hands, “what if she doesn't want me?”
“Then the sky is green and Tony Stark stopped being a self-serving asshole,” Laura chuckled, “plus you already have a backup, what's her name? Gretchen?”
“Grace,” Maria rolled her eyes.
“Right, Grace,” the mom emphasized the name, “I just think that the two of you need to sit down and talk it out, you’ve both been through enough therapy to know that. Or jump her bones and get pregnant and figure out the rest as it comes along.”
“As well as that’s worked out for you and Clint, I think we may be lacking the equipment,” Maria shook her head and smiled, “plus the physical stuff’s always been easy.”
“Trust me, we all know that” Laura shook her head and sighed, “There’s a reason she loves that stray cat.”
“Liho?” Maria herself was also fond of the cat that frequented Steve and Natasha’s apartment.
The woman hummed in agreement, “skittish, you have to be careful with your movements and let her come to you. But as soon as you show her that you have food, that you aren’t going to hurt her, she understands the intentions and relaxes. She just needs to know that you’re safe, and what your intentions are.”
The Commander continued to peel the label off her beer bottle.
“She knows you’re safe, now all you have to do is show her your intentions and wait for her to come to you,” Laura squeezed Maria’s hand and walked back onto the deck.
The brunette followed a little later, thinking about what she needed to tell Natasha, thinking about what she needed to tell Ellie. She thought everything through as she watched her friends talk and the kids continue to run around in the warm summer night. It wasn’t until Lila fell asleep in her father's arms that they all decided to call it a night, Ellie's eyes looking like they were moments away from closing into slumber.
“Come on little bear,” Maria reached her hand out and led the two of them up the stairs, throwing a “night” to the Barton’s over her shoulder as she did so.
As soon as they walked into the room, the child raced over to retrieve her flashlight from where she stored it on the nightstand. Ellie smiled, clicking it on and off twice before pulling it close to her chest and closing her eyes.
Maria smiled as she pulled out the girl's pajamas, leave it to my- she stopped herself and walked over to the child who immediately pulled off her clothes and stepped into the pajamas. She got the two of them in bed and turned off the light before letting herself continue the thought. It was silent other than the child’s breaths that were evening out, still, she waited until she was sure Ellie was asleep before she finally said it to herself. Leave it to my kid to love something useful rather than a stuffed animal, she smiled, leave it to my kid, she reiterated in her mind, my kid, she said one final time. It had been over a month since the two of them first met, she had no idea if it was too soon, she had no idea how to be a mom, she had no idea if Ellie wanted her as a mom, but at 11:23pm on May 29th, she knew one thing for sure. The child lying next to her was hers.