The List
“What group are you with this week?” Maria asked between bites.
“Second years for the rest of the month,” the blonde sighed, “they think they know everything.”
The man from the 40s regularly worked with recruits that were in the academy, it kept him busy and close enough to the military that he felt comfortable with it. SHIELD Academy was a three-year process, the highlight of each recruit's experience was always the time they spent with a real-life hero.
“Remind them they don’t know anything,” the blue-eyed woman snorted knowing that she would handle the situation much differently than Steve. Which led her to her cold-hearted nickname.
“They get enough of that with everyone else,” he shrugged and finished the rest of the food on his plate, “what about you, back to work?”
“We’re going to try,” she smiled and looked at Ellie who was cautiously looking at a goldfish cracker, “I’ll tell you about it when she takes a nap if you can stay an extra ten?”
At the mention of a nap, the girl shook her head and crunched the cracker in her hand, “not sleep.”
“You think you’re not sleepy but I bet you will be when you lay down in your new bed,” Maria got up and wet a paper towel, “can I see your hands?”
The child obliged, letting the woman wipe the jelly off her fingers before moving to her face, “how’d you even get it behind your ear?”
The girl shrugged and picked up another cracker which she once again broke.
“They’re good, you should try one,” Maria popped one in her mouth and pretended not to notice how the child observed her.
The three of them sat and talked until Ellie finished all but her goldfish, which she seemed to like crushing. Maria took finishing the sandwich and carrots as a win and helped the girl off her stool.
“Come on let's go put sheets on and you can lay down.”
The girl shook her head again and then looked at Steve who gave a small wave and she was trying her best to stay away from her room.
“It was nice meeting you, Ellie,” he smiled as she ducked behind Maria’s leg slightly.
“Bye,” her voice was little as she looked at the ground and then followed the blue-eyed woman out of the room.
They walked in and the child took in all of the new furniture, her eyes went from the clothes that Maria had hung earlier that morning, to the dresser and bed, “not sleep.”
“You are sleepy, I can tell,” the woman walked into the room and got the sheets that she had washed the day before, and made the bed. The light blue material was dotted with stars and spaceships, Phil thought of everything.
“Not sleepy,” Ellie corrected her own grammar and opened up the drawers to the dresser that were still empty, standing on her tiptoes to see inside the top ones.
“How about you just lay down for a little while,” Maria finished making the bed, noticing that the girl was looking at the pattern of the sheets, “I’ll come to check in 30 minutes and if you’re still awake you can come out to the living room with me.”
The woman didn't know if it was the allure of the sheets or the promise that she would come back, but something clicked with the girl and she nodded. She had made it most of the way into the bed before turning abruptly and staring at Maria.
“Ria,” she said very seriously.
“Yes?” The woman felt her anxiety increase at the unknown.
“Light,” the girl looked around the room.
The brunette looked around the room, it was fairly light in the afternoon sun, maybe it was too light for the girl? But then she looked at the girl's empty hands and understood.
“I bet Rogers would have put it somewhere safe for you,” a bet that paid off as she opened the small nightstand, “right here. Safe.”
The child took it in her hands before laying back down and clicking it a few times. Going to have to buy more of those.
“You try and sleep, I’ll be right in the other room and will come to check on you in 30 minutes,” she sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Ellie ran her fingers down the course texture of the flashlight.
Maria brushed her hand over the girl's face before walking out of the room and closing the door. Steve had made his way into the living room and smiled as the Commander met him on the couch.
“Some articles say that 5 is too old to nap, some say that they are great for brain development, and some say that Maria Hill is way out of her element,” she tilted her head back.
“I think it’s normal for any parent-”
“I’m not her parent, I’m just looking after her right now,” just like in the supermarket the day before, she corrected the statement. Not really sure why, but she felt the need to. Just like she and Natasha were just friends, she was just a temporary guardian. There was a difference.
“Well, I think that the feelings you’re having are normal. I would have no idea what to do with a kid,” he concluded, “but I think you’re doing a great job.”
“I’m trying,” she closed her eyes.
“That’s all that she needs, Ria.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments until the brunette looked over at the man next to her, “We’re going to try out daycare tomorrow.”
“I’ll keep an eye out for any teleporting kids,” he chuckled, “is that how it works, she can just teleport wherever?”
“We don’t know yet, she’s never gone very far but I’m sure I’ll have 100 emails from researchers tomorrow asking to see how it works,” Maria sighed. It was a headache waiting to happen.
“And they know about it at the Center?”
“Yeah, but I’m going to tell them again tomorrow when I take her,” she worried about the whole situation.
“It will be okay,” the man answered as if he could read her mind, “better it happens at a SHIELD facility than some civilian daycare.”
Maria hummed in agreement, “I think it’s going to be another learning curve. She eyes kids like she's ready to kill them at the drop of a dime. Probably because she was actually trained to kill kids at a drop of a dime. God, I need to talk to Tasha.”
“It will be okay, she’s little Ria. They can handle it, if that can’t you can. Plus kids aren’t out of school yet so I bet there won't be too many for her to try and fight,” he made good points, “but I would still talk to Natasha, she should be back sometime soon.”
That was news to Maria who pretended not to feel the flutter in her chest, “good, can't let her take too much time off after saving the world.”
“Sure,” the man chuckled and went to stand up, “remember what I said earlier. Sure we’re friends but we’re also roommates and I can tell you there’s no one else who's sneaking out of her room before I leave on my run in the morning.”
Once again the brunette tried to ignore how that made her feel, “thanks again for your help today.”
“You’re welcome, she’s a good kid, Hill. You’re doing a good job,” the blonde went to open the door but turned around at the sound of a voice.
“Steve,” there was a little voice followed by little steps.
“Hi kid,” he crouched down to be at eye level with the girl.
“Missing,” she glanced at Maria and the man in the same way she had the night before when her flashlight died. The woman waited to see what she was going to produce.
“Missing?” Steve questioned before also looking at Maria who waited patiently, knowing something would emerge from the child.
“Um, yes,” the girl sighed and showed her left hand.
At some point, probably during their initial meeting if Maria had to guess, the girl had swiped a large screwdriver from Captain America’s tool bag. At first, she wanted to reprimand the child not only because it was a dangerous item to carry around, but because it wasn’t hers. But she thought about it further, the girl had brought it back and clearly looked upset with herself.
“Oh, missing,” he stuck out his hand and took the tool, “well thank you for bringing it back to me, sweetheart.”
Ellie nodded and stuck out her index finger to the man, a move that confused Maria but seemed to make perfect sense to Steve who smiled and gave her a thumbs up back.
“Thanks for all your help, Steve,” she winced, “I’ll text you.”
“My pleasure. Bye Ellie, bye Ria,” he let himself out of the apartment and Maria made sure to lock the door behind him.
“Back to your room,” she motioned with her head, following the girl as they went back into the child's space.
The girl got back into the bed, continuing to advert eye contact the whole time.
“Want to tell me why you took the screwdriver?”
“Like it,” the girl laid her head on the pillow.
“We can get you your own tools if you want, ones that aren’t sharp,” Maria felt like kid tools might be in her budget if she postponed buying new workout shoes, ones that weren’t the awful SHIELD-issued ones.
The girl shook her head and Maria waited to see how honest the girl would be.
“Want sharp,” the girl finally met the woman's eyes.
“How come?” she knew the answer even as the child hesitated.
“Safe,” Ellie said quietly.
“How about you finish your nap and we talk about this some more when you wake up?” Maria tried to buy more time.
“Okay,” the girl reached out and grabbed her flashlight before sliding back into her spot on the bed.
She tucked the girl in before leaving, closing the door quietly.
The apartment filled with the sounds of the city as Maria opened the windows in the living room, letting in the warm spring air. She leaned against the newly placed desk and basked in the sunshine that reached her face.
She straightened up the files that had been displaced in the move and plugged everything in before sitting back in her office chair and taking in the new view. If she was being honest, it was a much better spot than she had realized. The nook offered just enough privacy without her being secluded from the rest of the room. If Ellie was anywhere other than in her room, Maria could keep an eye on her while still being able to work.
The clock showed that it was just after 1pm, she would go and check on the child in 25 minutes which left her with enough time to call the other Russian in her life.
Maria: Thanks for Steve.
Nat: He was probably just moping around the apartment.
Nat: ur welcome.
Maria: Got 5 minutes?
Nat: all it takes is 5 minutes now ;)
Nat: yes.
The brunette rolled her eyes and scrolled over the apps on her phone until she selected the video chat option. The phone trilled once, twice, three times before Natasha answered.
The first thing Maria noticed was how tired the woman on the screen looked. Battle worn over what most people would assume was from the fight in New York. But not Hill. No, she knew that the battle the redhead was facing was coming from an internal struggle.
“Hey,” her voice, raspy as always, seemed distant.
“Hey yourself,” she repositioned her phone to try and get a better look at the woman on the screen without making it too obvious.
“Trying to check me out, Ria?” Natasha responded with a smile that didn’t quite make it to her eyes.
“In your dreams, Romanoff,” Maria pushed it off.
“Dreams or memories? They get a little mixed up at this point when it comes to you,” there was a heaviness to the sentence that settled deep in the brunette's stomach.
“As much as I would love to have that conversation right now, there are more serious topics that we should probably talk about first. Three things actually,” Maria checked the clock as a reminder to stay on task.
“Always the mood killer,” Natasha responded, scrunchie in mouth as she used both hands to gather the curls that framed her face and pulled them into a bun high on top of her head.
“Trust me,” she sighed, “I know.”
Maria sat for a beat too long to watch as thin fingers rearranged the mess of red curls with practiced ease until the Russian was the picture of messy beauty.
“Sooooo,” a perfect eyebrow arched, the corner of her mouth quirking up into a smirk, “you have something serious for me?”
“Right,” the Commander cleared her throat, get it together Hill, “I’m going to need you and Barton to make a guest appearance at the Triskelion in the next month to make sure we have your summer schedules. And if you could please ask Laura about any important dates this time?”
“Yeah she was not pleased last year,” the Russian shook her head remorsefully, “in our defense we both thought Father’s Day was in the fall.”
“Right, well this year if I could get a schedule that doesn’t piss off one of my friends, that would be wonderful,” the blue-eyed woman responded.
“Got it.”
“I also know that we had talked about…” Maria paused, unsure how to phrase it, “previous employers.”
“Employers is a funny way of putting it, but go ahead,” the Russian muttered.
“Well previous abusers sounded right but they were more than that and previous cult leaders wasn’t right either. Maybe-”
“Ria.”
“Sorry. I know that we talked about looking into them but I need you to know that right now, this isn’t SHIELD sanctioned. Until we have damning proof, evidence that is more than a 5-year-old found on the street, it’s going to be off the record only,” Maria looked into green eyes that seemed to be cool now, bordering on glossy.
“I know,” the eyes flickered away from the screen, she was starting to close off “I prefer it to stay that way.”
“Listen I can help but I need-”
“Later,” Natasha breathed out, “when I get you my summer schedule.”
“Okay,” the conversation was now over because Maria had gone by the books as usual.
“You said you had three things,” the redhead promoted, which surprised the woman on the other side of the screen.
“The third thing isn’t really important,” it was but she knew she was pushing her luck by bringing up something that was Red Room adjacent.
“What is it?” Natasha looked as if she had already checked out of the conversation.
“Ellie,” Maria waited.
“Need a ‘how to raise your ex-child-assassin” handbook?” Green eyes looked lazily at the screen.
“Kind of,” the brunette let out a humorless laugh.
What she actually wanted to say was “I’m in over my head, and that I don’t know what I’m doing. I miss my best friend, and I miss you even more. I feel like I’m going to turn into a drunk like my dad and fuck this kid up. I don't know anything about 5-year-olds, I don’t know how to get her to trust me and I don’t want to let her go. I want her to be surrounded by love but I don’t know how to love. I don’t know what I’m doing and I need help.”
“I guess I just have a few questions,” is what she actually settled on saying.
“Let me guess, a list?” the Russian smiled, this time a touch of life glinted in her eyes.
“You know me so well.”
“Send it over and I’ll give it a look but no promises,” Natasha shrugged, “anything else?”
Maria shook her head, letting the woman end the conversation.
“Okay, I’ll see you at work at some point,” green eyes fell back to flat.
“Okay, see you soon Tasha.”
“okaybye.”
She sat in silence for a moment, trying to piece together the conversation, unsure of how she felt about it. Feelings could be dealt with later, as for now, she had 15 minutes before she would check on the girl, the girl she had made a list about.
The Commander unlocked her computer, checked the time, and pulled up the list of questions she had created. Some questions were more geared towards child psychologists, ones that were meant for Laura or other parents (Maria had heard about a SHIELD parent group that met on Thursdays she was saving some questions for), but the last and longest section was really for Natasha.
Her hope was that answers could lead to more trust and a better understanding of the girl for whoever ended up taking care of her. More information was always beneficial to Maria Hill, the woman who had a plan, a backup plan, and three backup backup plans. She reminded herself of this as she sent the email.
Subject: No pressure
Message:
Seriously, no pressure at all but if you’re bored on a flight sometime, any answers you have are more than what I have.
-Hill
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Her thirty minutes were up as she walked towards Ellie’s room, the sounds of the city still filled the space and Maria found herself thankful that the child was a heavy sleeper. As she suspected, the child was sleeping as she opened the door.
Her wild hair was the only thing visible from under the blanket cocoon she had created. The length made it so her hair cascaded down the side of the mattress and Maria wondered if the girl liked having long hair. The longer she thought about it, the more she realized the Little bear had probably never been asked. There were probably a lot of things that the child had never been asked.
The day continued on, Maria worked on checking in with the ground crew who were still working on cleaning up New York. She sent an email to Pepper to see if she needed more teams to help the area around the tower that had taken the biggest hit. She tried to not check her phone to see if Natasha had sent her anything (failed and checked twice). All before Ellie woke up and looked around for Maria.
“Over here,” the woman called from her desk that the girl eyed, “I know, it changed from where it was before.”
Little feet got closer until they were standing in front of the windows next to the desk that were still open, letting in a cooler breeze. The child reached her tiptoes and peered over the side then looked back at Maria.
“Are there people and cars down there?” it was late afternoon on a beautiful day, there was no way the street was empty.
“Yes.”
“Do you want a snack?” Maria asked.
“Yes.”
The Commander got up and started cutting up apples and thinking about what they would have for dinner. She was certain that she hadn’t had three meals a day like this in years, her body thanked her for the increased nutrition.
A blue plate was pushed in front of Ellie before Maria started talking, “so tomorrow, I have to go back to work,” her day wasn’t pressing but she didn’t want to wait for a day that was to bring the girl.
The girl readjusted herself on her knees on the chair and blinked at the woman before taking a bite.
“Which means that you’re going to go hang out at the Center for a little while,” she watched as the girl continued to eat.
“And you,” the girl nodded and took another bite.
“Well no, remember how earlier I said that we would come back here? We will, but I’ll be at work and you’ll be at the center. But I’ll pick you up after work and we’ll come here again,” Maria tried to explain as the girl tilted her head.
“Work with you?” she asked.
“Not this time, I have to go to work and you’ll go to the center and stay for a little while without me. Which is why we should probably come up with a few rules-” the brunette started as she watched the girl close her eyes tightly.
Her heart sank as she called out the child's name, no idea where she could be.
“Ellie? Ellie, honey, I need you to come out,” she yelled into the apartment, unsure if the child was still in it.
She looked around the open space before throwing open the door to the child's room, “Ellie? Are you in here?”
No response.
Her heart started beating faster as she searched the bathroom where there was no sign of the child. She looked around again, her hands shaking as she opened the door to her own room, pulling out her phone to call Steve and possibly SHIELD emergency response. She checked under her bed and started to dial as she opened the closet door.
“Ellie..” she dropped to her knees in front of the girl who had shoved herself in the small space behind Maria’s old west point sweaters.
“No rule,” the girl choked out, her eyes trailing tears.
“Ellie you can’t just- okay listen, you and I are going to have a talk right now, no one is in trouble but we need to talk,” the Deputy Director needed more order than what was currently happening with a child in her care.
“No trouble?” Ellie narrowed her eyes.
“No trouble,” Maria sat down fully outside of the closet and leaned her head back against the wall, “but we need to talk and I need you to listen okay?”
“Okay,” the girl remembered one of the first things Maria had taught her.
“When you teleport I don’t know where you go, do you know where you go?”
“Little.”
“You know a little bit where you’re going to go?” The brunette asked.
“Have to be there and think… hard hard but only there before and then… tired,” the girl played with the hem of her shirt, clearly unable to communicate exactly what she meant.
“Hang on,” Maria had an idea and got up.
She returned from her desk with a few pieces of paper and a pencil. They needed to figure this out before the child was back at the Center.
“Okay, how about you draw what happens in your head and show me that way?” she handed the items over to the child who placed them on the floor next to her.
To her credit, the picture that was emerging started to make sense even if the drawings were jumbled. After a few more minutes the girl paused and slid the paper over to Maria.
A stick figure was on the far end of the paper with a word written in Russian on top.
“Elizaveta,” Ellie pointed to her chest and then the stick figure.
“Looks just like you,” the blue-eyed woman didn't miss the blush that hit the child's cheeks at the praise, “and what are these?”
“Think hard, places before,” the girl pointed to the four squares next to the stick figure.
The first box had a bed in it with a long line next to it, “what’s this?”
Ellie pointed to her nose and made a face, the first box was the medbay from the Helicarrier where she had gotten the feeding tube. Maria’s brain started to spin out at the thought of the girl teleporting back to the medbay, what if there was someone in there? What if that person was dangerous? Could she teleport to a moving object?
“Okay,” she tried to calm herself and took the pencil writing ‘Helicarrier’ above the first box, “this is the Helicarrier. What about this one?”
The second box was filled with smaller boxes and was colored in, mostly dark.
“Here,” the child pointed to where she was sitting.
“Okay, closet, got it,” Maria once again labeled it, “and this one?”
The last box had large boxes with circles under them, if she had to guess they were supposed to be cars.
“Parking lot,” Ellie had learned the name but it still didn’t explain which one.
Maria wrote ‘Parking lot’ across the top of the last box, “just these three places you can go?”
Brown curls fell as she shook her head, “can go other places been to but… harder and so tired.”
“Okay, thank you very much for explaining this,” the woman studied the picture and once again needed to calm her mind before speaking, “so these three places are the easiest to go?”
The girl nodded, big green eyes looking at the picture and then at the new piece of paper that was in Maria’s hand.
“No one is in trouble but we’re going to make some rules before we go tomorrow,” she tried to keep her voice even as she wrote “RULES” on top of the paper, “now I know you probably can’t read English very well yet so we’re going to talk about them and I’ll write them down to remember them, okay?”
The smallest “okay,” left Ellie’s lips.
“Rule one is for me,” Maria spoke and the child’s eyes went wide, “number one rule is that I will keep you safe, okay?”
She knew, she knew that was what the child craved more than anything from the fear in her eyes at any loud noise, to the screwdriver, to how she was raised. she knew that all the girl wanted was a safe place.
“Okay,” this time the word was louder.
“Rule number two, you only teleport if you think you’re about to get hurt, you do not teleport unless you absolutely have to okay?”
Maria wrote it down and stared at the girl who furrowed her brows, “okay.”
“Rule two A, you only ever teleport to this spot,” the woman circled the second picture, “Ellie when do you teleport?”
“When about to get hurt,” the girl was entranced by the writing, eyes wide.
“And where do you teleport to?”
She put one tiny finger on the second picture.
“Where is that?” Maria needed the girl to understand.
Another finger pressed into the floor where they were sitting.
“Great job little one, that’s right,” she nodded, satisfied that the child understood what was being asked of her.
“Rule three, we do not yell when we are angry. I don’t yell at you, and you don’t yell at me, okay?” this one was more for Maria to keep herself in check, she would not be her father.
“Okay, no yell.”
“Yep, no yelling. Rule four, we don’t lie to each other,” the woman wasn’t positive if this was a problem with the girl, but had read it in a parenting guide that focused on rules for children, “okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay and one more rule, five rules for a five-year-old seems good,” she started writing, “we treat people and things with respect. We do not hurt people and we do not hurt things, okay?”
The Commander wrote down the fifth rule and waited for the girl who still hadn’t responded.
“What if they hurt?”
“If they hurt you, find an adult and if you can't, where do you go?” This was the real test to see how much the child had retained.
“Home,” the girl pointed to the floor.
The word caused Maria to falter as she nodded, “that’s right, Ellie. You come here, you come home.”
She looked at the girl who was very pleased with herself, unaware of how much she just changed about the entire dynamic between the two of them.