If it Helps
It was Thursday, their last study session before the test. They had been studying hard, but James was happy with how it was going. He was humming as he went up the stairs to Regulus’ dorm until he heard a door slam and Barty came storming down the metal steps, sending him a glare with teary eyes as he went. James watched him go, brow furrowed as he slowly went up the remaining steps to Reg’s level.
Just as he was about to knock, the door swung open and Evan’s face appeared. He looked tired, he had dark bags under his eyes and his hair was a little mussed up. He blinked at James, evidently startled.
“Oh, hey James. You here for Reg?” Evan murmured, flashing him a small grin which barely reached his eyes.
“Erm, yeah. You good mate?”
“Yeah, fine.” The blonde nodded along distractedly, eyes searching around behind the captain. “Have you seen Barty?”
“He was just going down the stairs that way.” James smiled sympathetically, gesturing in the direction Barty had gone. Evan thanked him and followed in the same direction, leaving the door open. James shook his head and shut the door behind him, shrugging off his jacket and shoes before entering the kitchen-slash-living room. There was definitely something going on between the two boys. They just had to figure it out.
“Hi Reg.” He smiled warmly at the boy sitting cross-legged on the sofa, reading. Regulus didn’t look up, but his lips twitched into a small involuntary smile as he rolled his eyes.
“Morning James. You can set up on the table, I’ll be there in a second.”
James chuckled and got his Latin work out of his bag, setting it down on the table and getting comfortable in one of the chairs. He rested his head in his hand, watching as Regulus read. He had learned that Regulus absolutely hated folding pages or stopping half-way through a chapter; he liked to finish the chapter he was reading before he started tutoring. James was happy to sit and watch in silence, admiring the boy from afar as he concentrated on whatever he was reading. It was always a different book, Reg burnt through them quickly.
As he suspected, Regulus soon slipped a small leather bookmark in between the pages and sighed, stretching as he yawned and rubbed his eyes. James tried not to look at the sliver of skin that showed when his top rode up as he did so, averting his eyes to the Latin textbook in front of him and flipping through the pages to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. Regulus slumped down in the seat opposite him, but he kept up the pretence for a few moments longer so he wouldn’t have to deal with those stormy grey eyes burning into him.
It took James by surprise when Regulus slowly tilted the book down, so he was at eye-level.
“James.”
“Yeah?” His voice shook a little as he met the boy’s gaze. Regulus broke the eye-contact, flipping the pages and tapping gently on the paper.
“We’re on this section. We haven’t even gotten to that part of the book yet.” He stated, amusement tangling between his words as he lifted an eyebrow at James. James felt his face grow hot.
“Oh.” He choked out awkwardly. Regulus gave a small smirk and twirled a pen around in his fingers, leaning back in his chair and starting to say something. His words were lost to James’ ears, however, because he was suddenly way too enamoured by the silver rings adorning Regulus’ slender fingers.
“James. James!” Regulus snapped said fingers in front of James’ face exasperatedly, giving him a small glare once he’d snapped out of his trance. “Did you listen to any of what I just said?” He asked, annoyed.
“Erm- yeah. Revision. Latin stuff, conversions…or whatever.” James spluttered quickly, sending Regulus a sheepish grin as he sighed.
“Alright. Let’s try again. Pay attention this time, hm?” James huffed and pouted.
It took him a while to get into the flow of working, but once he was focused, they managed to get into a steady rhythm for about an hour. The silence was only broken by the soft click of pen on paper and murmured questions or soft breaths. James finally cleared his throat.
The first game of the tournament was coming up soon. He really wanted to make it to the finals this year, maybe even get a scouter to notice him. The first game was always an important one to him. It affected his mood for the entire season.
“Reg?” James asked gently, waiting for Regulus’ attention as he hummed. He rubbed his knuckles anxiously in anticipation. When the raven-haired boy finally looked up James let out a shaky breath and gave a small smile. “Erm- so it’s the first game of the season pretty soon, and I was wondering if…”
He trailed off, face twisting in worry as he searched Regulus’ expression for any resistance. He was just listening patiently as he always did, his pen down and his full attention on him as he nodded for James to go on. “I was wondering if you might come. You know, to watch?”
Regulus opened his mouth to answer, but before he could James found himself rambling off again. “You probably don’t want to, and that’s fine! Sorry it was a weird question, you hate hockey. That was dumb.” He chuckled forcefully at himself and hurried to look back down at his page.
“You didn’t even let me answer.” Regulus tutted, swiping him on the arm. James looked at him questioningly and he rolled his eyes. “I’ll come if you want me to. If it’ll help you…or whatever.”
“Really? You’d do that?” James beamed, hands buzzing in excitement.
“I just said I would, idiot.” Regulus mumbled, a dusting of pink brushing over his cheeks as he snatched his pen back up and began writing furiously.
“The game’s this Saturday at The Hollow Rink. You know the one?”
Regulus nodded slowly, raising his head. “What time should I come?”
“Come at 11, then you’ll get to see me before the game. You’ll be my good luck charm.”
James winked and Regulus shook his head.
“Fine. I’ll be there.”
±………±
Regulus squinted up at the bold sign reading: GODRIC’S HOLLOW ICE RINK.
His body was jittering with nerves, but he’d said he would be here. He was here for James.
That in itself was weird enough, but watching hockey? God.
Who knew that the powers of a crush were so damn strong?
Regulus sighed and swore softly to himself, reluctantly dragging himself inside the glass doors and looking around the reception. This rink was fancy, one used for sports tournaments and competitions and such. It was the most famous one in London, supposedly. It sure looked like it, too. Everything in view was glossy and white, hints of black and brown polished wood glinting in the furniture.
There were a few paintings lining the wall which he looked at as he went past, red and gold uniforms displayed in every single one.
“Reggie, you came!” James’ voice rang out through the reception. Regulus turned to see him with half his gear on, grinning that strangely endearing lopsided smile. Regulus shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself, shivering slightly. It was colder in here than outside in the humid May air.
“I said I would.”
“I know, but still.” James ruffled his own hair, grin turning adorably sheepish as he looked down at the boy. James always did that when he was nervous. “Are you cold?” He asked, nodding at Regulus’ bare arms.
“No.” Regulus denied, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t know why he lied, but it felt more satisfying to spite the hockey player than to be warm. James just laughed softly.
“I shouldn’t have asked, honestly. Come with me, I’ll give you my jumper.”
“But I'm not cold.” Regulus insisted, smirking at James’ face.
“Just wear it!”
“Nope. Why would I wear a jumper if I'm not cold, James?” He said in a self-satisfied voice.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please!”
“No!”
“Reg!” James groaned. Then his face lit up. “What if you wore it for me?” James’ eyes turned wide and puppy-like. Regulus’ insides squirmed.
“Me wearing your hoodie helps?” He asked sarcastically.
“Yep!” James said happily, popping the ‘p’.
“Fine.” He relented. “But I'm doing this to help you, not me.” The shorter boy pointed a finger into James’ chest, tilting his head as if daring him to disagree.
“Alright, alright!” He laughed, holding up his hands in surrender and leading Regulus to the locker rooms. The rest of the team had their full gear on, red and gold screaming in Regulus’ face rather unpleasantly as he entered. All the heads turned as James strode in and beckoned for him to follow, but everyone pretty much looked away once James started talking to him.
Regulus glared at one of the players whose eyes lingered a little too long.
“Here.” James thrust a burgundy hoodie into his arms, smirking.
“I hate red.” Regulus deadpanned, looking up at him.
“I know.” His smirk widened. Regulus held up the hoodie, raising an eyebrow at the word “
‘POTTER’ and the large number 6 in bold on the back. It matched the number of his hockey jersey. Regulus was going to die.
“It has your name on it. In very bold letters.”
“I know!” James laughed gleefully.
“James…” The boy groaned, frowning.
“You’re wearing it for me, remember? It helps.”
“Fuck you.”
“Not today, love.” James winked. Regulus glared, cheeks warm as he pulled it on with a huff and dragged the sleeves so they wouldn’t drape over his hands. The hoodie was soft and warm, and it smelt like James. He pressed it closer to him.
“Potter! Gear up, you’re on in ten!” Madam Hooch barked from the door. Regulus carried on death staring James as he pulled on the rest of his gear in a rush, pretending not to notice while barely keeping the smirk off his face.
Sirius strode up to them, clapping James on the back and grinning with his helmet under his arm. He did a double take when he saw Regulus, blinking dramatically.
“You got Reg to come? What the fuck did you do to my brother James?!” His elder brother gasped, peering at Regulus in disbelief. Regulus rolled his eyes and scoffed, shoving his face away.
The hockey players began to file out soon, James hesitating for a moment before sending him a smile and turning on his heel.
“James?” Regulus called out, cursing himself for his desperation.
This was stupid. He was stupid. Fuck this.
“Yeah?” James turned, eyes lighting up a little as he tilted his head in question. Regulus took a breath, taking the few short steps to close the gap between them.
This was so stupid. He was going to do it anyway.
“Good luck.” He whispered, reaching up to sweep a lock of hair from James’ eyes, gently. Then he turned and he was gone.
James stood in shock, heat burning his cheeks as he scrambled to follow his team. He picked up his stick and before he knew it, he was out on the ice, taking a position in the middle opposite another player.
Glancing up to the stands, he spotted Regulus in his own jumper, arms wrapped around himself as he stared down at James. Remus was beside him and they seemed to be comfortable enough with each other. Regulus raised a hand in greeting, giving him a rare smile. James raised a hand back, but he was glad his helmet was covering his tinted cheeks, or he would be a right embarrassment to himself.
Turning back to the game, he nodded at his teammates, sending them all a grin. At last, he faced his opponent. He was a muscled boy with broad shoulders and a mean face from what he could see. He had dark eyes and a pointed jawline. James recognised the boy’s jersey and face from the other times they had faced off.
“Alright Avery?” James smirked confidently, eyes narrowing.
“Ready to lose, Potter?” Avery sneered back.
“You wish.” He spat, grip tightening on his stick as he shuffled slightly to his stance. His eyes took in all the team behind him, calculating their body and strength and measuring it up to his knowledge of them in the past. There were a few new players, but the main other two players he recognised were Snape and Mulciber. Snape obviously still hadn’t learnt how to use a fucking shampoo bottle by the looks of it. James snickered.
He’d had a long history with Snape. He was a long-term rival of him and Sirius’, they had been playing him since secondary school. He wasn’t bad, to be fair, but his technique lacked any interesting moves or bravado. His style was slippery, he was fast, but that was really his only strength. Apart from maybe his raging competitiveness and ego.
Not that James could talk about that.
The referee arrived with the puck in hand, hands on his knees as he inspected the two captains.
“Alright boys. I want a nice clean game to start the season.” James nodded, grimacing. He did too, but hockey was a rough sport. The Slytherin team was violent and often played just downright dirty. The referee looked pointedly at the Slytherin captain. “Is that clear Avery?”
Avery grunted and scowled, hunkering down to be at eye-level with James.
“No promises.” He muttered in a low voice, just so James could hear.
James glared but took a deep breath to calm himself, knuckles white under his gloves from how hard he was gripping his hockey stick.
The whistle was blown, the puck dropped, and so the game began.
_________
James was fucking exhausted by the second stoppage. Sweat glistened on his brow as he skated over to the side, gulping down some water with his helmet under his arm. Sirius was chatting with Marlene and the team about tactics while he took a drink. James ran a hand through his hair and searched the stands for Regulus, something he had done way too many times this game. But it was working- just him being here gave James a fire like nothing else.
He met Regulus’ eye and gave him a grin, winking. Regulus rolled his eyes and smirked, holding the hoodie closer to him. Just him wearing his name gave James’ stomach a giddy swoop each time he saw it. Then the blonde girl appeared, and Regulus turned to her. He stopped looking at James. James sagged a little, putting his bottle away and watching the whole interaction with an intense gaze.
He’d hoped that whatever had happened between him and Regulus had meant something. He still hoped that it meant something. It was just hard to keep up his hope when Regulus had so many better options. James’ skin burned with jealousy at this thought, so he sighed and looked away, trying to focus on the game.
They were at a locked draw, for now. By all the goals he and Sirius had scored, they’d managed to rack up 11 points which Slytherin had managed to keep up with. Every time they scored a point, they scored one back. It wasn’t too much to be worried about, but something was definitely wrong. Barty and Evan weren’t working like they usually would, not like they did in practice. He guessed whatever had happened was still affecting them.
James didn’t like being a stern captain- he hated that shit. But a game was a game, and you needed to put your life aside and fucking focus. That’s how it works. There was no sweetening it, it’s a well-known rule. Keep your life problems outside of the rink. He beckoned the two, both their heads hung. The whole game they were refusing to even look at each other, but everyone saw the longing glances they stole. The two made their way over to their Team captain, shoulders tense.
“I think you already know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. Pull your heads out your arses, yeah? I don’t know what the hell is going on between you two, but the whole fucking rink can feel it. Sort it out and leave it off the ice. Got it?”
The two nodded and looked at each other awkwardly. James sighed.
“Am I going to have to do this for you? Fucking talk!” He raised his arms a little and widened his eyes, walking off to Sirius.
“You sorted them out, captain?” Chuckled the co-captain, grinning knowingly at him.
“Yeah, shut up. You know I don’t usually do that shit. They were slowing the game down.”
Sirius just nodded and smirked, eyes searching the stands for someone.
“Looking for a certain someone? Someone called Remus?” James grinned, elbowing him slightly and ignoring the pang of hurt as Sirius shoved him off.
“Shut it!” He snapped, face red as he stalked away. James glanced up and found just who Sirius was looking for. Remus walked back up to Regulus and sat down beside him, the two nodding at each other briefly. The friendship between those two was something James could never understand.
As the whistle blew for the final 20 minutes, James rolled his shoulders and made his way onto the ice. He eyed the defence pair warily, but they seemed to have come to some sort of agreement because they stepped onto the ice together and took their positions, nodding at each other before getting into stance. He took a deep breath and waited for the whistle.
The game was off again in a blur, the Slytherins more violent than ever. James had been knocked over and skimmed with their blades so many times he lost count. The team was just slippery enough to get away with it, constantly blocking with just a little too much force, knocking him a little too hard when they tackled him. James just had to grit his teeth and bare it, knowing the rest of his team was pushing through the same as him.
A lot seemed to be better now, Barty and Evan were in perfect sync even as they passed the puck to him. He scored another goal, just about, but it was to little affect. The puck was shot right back into their net, despite all of Pete’s best efforts. Peter was a bloody good goalie as well, but these players were sneaky as shit.
James glanced up at the timer, panting heavily. His whole body ached in bruises which would no doubt be flowering tomorrow, he could feel a trickle of blood running down his shin from where he had smashed it into the ice, but there was only six minutes left on the clock. The two teams were still neck and neck, if James could score just one more goal they would win. Six was his lucky number, after all.
He gave Barty and Evan a quick nod, skating past them quickly.
“Get the puck to me, I’m going to try pull us ahead.”
The two nodded and set off for the puck while James skated to the other end, positioning himself for a good shot. He sent worried glances at the timer as the seconds ticked down. Suddenly, a figure was blocking his goal.
“Going in for a last-minute shot?” Snape leered, his lip curling. “You’re not going to win that easily, Potter.”
“You still haven’t seemed to have won the battle against the shampoo bottle Snivellus, so I'm not sure I’ll take your word for it.” James jeered, skating around him swiftly and picking up the puck from Evan in one fell swoop.
He dodged the defence narrowly, dribbling it to another angle with Snape hot on his heels. He made a swipe for James with his stick, but missed greatly, only sending another wave of energy though the captain as he swerved Mulciber’s hulking frame. He was already in shot as he drew back his stick and wacked the puck with all his might, but even as he did so he felt a crashing blow to his ankles.
His skates slid on the ice, leaving a scrape of ice sludge behind him as he crashed down onto it. James’ only thought was the puck as it hit the back of the net and seconds later the whistle blew. James groaned, looking down at his ankle. He had landed on it funny, but it wasn’t too bad, it just stung. His blade had cut down his calf in one line and blood was oozing from the fabric covering his leg.
“Nice one James!” Sirius laughed, face bright and eyes wild as he held out a hand to help him up. James couldn’t help the grin that split his face as he took the hand and limped to a stand. Marlene skated over and she and Sirius took his arms, helping him to skate to the exit as their team crowded around him to congratulate him. James was grinning ear to ear even as blood dripped down his leg in fat droplets.
The medical team checked him over and cleaned up his cut, giving him the all clear before he stripped off his gear. He shoved it in his bag, having a quick shower and changing his clothes but keeping his jersey on. Sirius had already gone on to see Remus, they were walking home together apparently.
When he left the changing rooms, Regulus was waiting outside. James beamed at him and Regulus bit his lip carefully, James could feel him studying his face.
“You did really well James.” He smiled finally, flushing as James stepped closer.
“Yeah? Must’ve been my good luck charm then.” Regulus laughed quietly and shook his head, looking up at him through his eyelashes. James watched him, eyes finding his lips as he resisted the urge to kiss him. No, he wanted to be patient, to be sure this was real. He wanted Regulus to make the first move.
“You’re ridiculous.” Regulus mumbled under his breath.
His eyes scanned James’ face again, a strange expression resting on his face which was painfully masked. James had to fight every impatient bone in his body. He wouldn’t let himself raise a hand to Regulus. He needed to know.
Regulus let out a long breath, his eyes flickering down to James’ lips then back up to his eyes. There was a question in them as he rocked forward slightly, so close that if either one of them were to move an inch their lips would brush, but then he leaned back and tilted his head. A look of satisfaction on his face as James frowned.
“Reg.” He breathed, swallowing slowly. Regulus tilted his head, humming quietly. He seemed to come to a final decision because next minute Regulus’ lips were pressed hard against his own, the kiss impatient and searing through all of James’ thoughts. His hands were in James’ hair, and on his neck, and his lips were lovely and cold. It sent a shiver down his spine as he placed his hands on Regulus’ waist, digging his thumbs into his hips as the kiss pulled apart.
Regulus’ eyes were dazed and his lips slightly swollen, a delicious shade of red which made James want to sink his teeth in until it drew blood. The boy blinked and it seemed like the spell broke, instantly trying to pull away with something resembling panic in his eyes. But James was ready, and Regulus didn’t get far before James caught his wrist and spun him back around, turning them so he was blocking his exit.
“I think you’re done running, love.” He smiled softly, his grip firm even as Regulus glared.
“Let me go.”
“If I do that then you’ll just run away, no? I don’t want to go another week not talking and ignoring everything.”
“Well, you don’t always get what you want in life, James.” Regulus spat, eyes narrowed as he twisted his wrist out of James’ hand, only to be caught again moments later. He scowled, shaking his wrist testily to see if he could get him off.
“Let me go.” He repeated slowly.
“Will you run away?” James asked, head cocked to the side with a smirk on his face.
“Fuck you.”
“That’s not an answer.” The hockey player grinned.
“Why are you doing this?” Regulus sighed, looking down at his wrist miserably. James blinked.
“Is it not obvious?”
“No, you fucking idiot.” Regulus rolled his eyes. James shrugged.
“I want you.”
Regulus’ head snapped up, his expression startled as he stared, wide-eyed at the boy in front of him.
“No, you don’t.” He replied sharply.
“Yes,” James insisted, “yes, I do. I like you.”
Regulus opened his mouth to say something, but he was at a loss for words.
“No.” Was all he could seem to come up with.
“No?” James laughed, eyes crinkling up in amusement.
“No, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t.” Regulus carried on, growing more confident. He needed James to understand, he needed to wipe that annoying smirk off his stupid fucking face.
“Is that so?” He asked, in the same amused voice. Regulus was growing frustrated.
“Yes!”
“And why is that, Regulus?”
Regulus fell silent. Yet again, his words had been taken from him. He frowned angrily, trying to make sense of his thoughts.
“Because…I like you. You can’t like me.”
James burst out laughing, his grip on Regulus’ arm disappearing as he doubled over in fits of hysterics. Regulus didn’t think what he’d said was funny. He hadn’t said it as a joke. His cheeks burned. “Shut up. Stop laughing at me!”
The boy straightened up, rubbing his face and taking deep breaths.
“But Regulus, I do like you. Whether you like it or not.”
“Very much not.” He grumbled, glaring at the tiled marble floor.
“Well, either way, we like each other, right?”
“Oh.” Regulus replied, staring at him. “Right. Well what does that mean then?”
“People usually like…date when they like each other. I mean, if that’s something you would be into?”
Regulus thought for a moment, a fluttering inside his chest as his head slowly came round to the whole situation. But even with this new revelation, his heart sunk.
“James…even if I wanted to, we couldn’t. There’s Sirius.”
“What about him?” James’ face crumpled in confusion.
“He would never let us have this. I could never do that to him.”
James shook his head. “Regulus, what goes on between us has nothing to do with him.”
“But…James. You don’t understand- I don’t understand. I’m not good at all that stuff- all that lovey-dovey shit that happens. There are more cons than pros in this situation even without betraying Sirius.”
“I don’t think we’re betraying him, and I don’t think you can be good at relationships. Plus, you won’t know until you try.”
He paused.
“We don’t have to tell anyone yet. We could just…you know, test out what feels right.”
“Yeah?” Regulus still looked unsure, so James pressed on.
“Yeah. ‘Course Reg, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We could just be in each other’s space.” He shrugged and Regulus smiled softly.
“Okay. Yeah…I’d like that.”
James hummed happily.
“Me too.” He stepped forward. “Can I kiss you?”
“Hm…I suppose.” Regulus smirked.
James pulled him closer and kissed him gently, hands finding their place at Regulus’ sides as the boy smiled into the kiss, slender hands finding his mess of hair. The two broke apart and Regulus grinned. A real smile, one that reached his eyes, a small laugh spilled out of him.
That was a good start to a hockey season, if James had ever seen one.