Melting The Ice

The next few weeks were spent getting the hockey team ready for the tournament that was starting in Mid-June. James was ecstatic- everyone was. It wasn’t even the end of May yet, but it was near enough for everyone to be buzzing about it. The team had exactly four weeks this Friday until the first game, and Peter had decided to celebrate.

It wasn’t even a question of going, no one misses Peter’s parties, especially not when the Marauders are involved. It was only Wednesday, but people were already murmuring about it and asking him if he was going. Mostly girls, but whatever. All James could think about was Regulus.

Not like that, of course. He just wanted to ask him to the party. The only problem was that Regulus didn’t really seem like the type of person to party. This was confirmed when James asked if Sirius was inviting Regulus one night. Sirius had only laughed and swung his head over the edge of the sofa so he could stare at James upside-down.

“You couldn’t get Reggie to go to a party if you tried mate. He hates all that shit.”

“Couldn’t I?” James grinned from his position on the ground, tilting his head to peer at his best friend the right way around. Sirius blew the hair from his face and turned to face him properly.

“I would bet you twenty quid on it. No way are you getting him to come.”

“You know I'm taking that as a challenge, right?” James laughed as he straightened up.

“Good luck with that!” Sirius called as he disappeared into his room, sighing to himself and shaking his head at his friend. It wasn’t the first time Sirius had tried to get Regulus to go to a party or celebration with him. Regulus had never enjoyed anything like that, he would kill people if that meant he didn’t have to go to big social events.

Still, that didn’t seem to stop James because the very next morning he walked into Latin with a skip in his step, plonking himself down next to the black-haired boy and beaming widely at him. Regulus did not even look up, only letting out a short sigh in acknowledgement. James rested his head on his hand, his smile only getting wider as Regulus rolled his eyes and inched his chair away from him.

“You’re staring, Potter.” He stated quietly, eyes flitting to James just for a second before he glared back down at his paper. When James didn’t answer he reluctantly put his pen down and turned to face the boy, scowling. “What do you want?”

James’ grin turned into a smirk, and Regulus instantly regretted his choice of giving the boy any attention at all.

“No, to whatever it is, the answer is no.” He shot out hurriedly, eyes widening slightly in horror.

“I haven’t even said anything yet!” James exclaimed, dragging his chair closer so their knees were touching under the table. “How do you know what I was going to say, huh?”

“You have that annoying look on your face.” Regulus found himself saying, seemingly against his will. He could practically feel the smugness radiating off of James. Or maybe that was just heat, James was always so warm for some reason. Regulus tore his thoughts away from the general body heat of James Potter as the boy himself let out a soft chuckle, sending chills up Regulus’ arms.

“You’ve been looking at my face enough to know it then, I suppose?”

“I look at your face when we talk. That is generally what you do in a conversation, no?” When he didn’t answer, Regulus huffed. “I’ll ask again. What do you want?”

James pouted but when he saw Regulus reach for his pen again, his arm shot out to catch his hand. Regulus glared at him, but his cheeks had a soft glow to him which made him look too gentle to be angry in James’ opinion. He gave a small tug, but James just intertwined their fingers, looking mightily proud of himself when Regulus failed to pull himself away again.

“James.” He breathed, obviously trying to be stern but failing at that too. The shake in his voice made it sound all too much like a plea, and if there was one thing that Regulus Black did not do it was plead, beg, or even ask. He demanded, and that was that.

Until it came to James Potter, apparently.

It made both boys blush and pull away quickly, Regulus determinedly avoiding eye contact as he reached for his pen for the second time. Once again, he was stopped by the same boy.

“Wait, please.”

It angered him how much power James had over his body, but he didn’t have it in him to refuse.

“Regulus?” He asked tentatively.

“What.” Regulus said shakily, raising his eyes to James’ face reluctantly. He wished he hadn’t, the utter softness of it made his insides squirm in a deliciously disgusting way.

Maybe he was ill or something.

The youngest Black clenched his fists slightly, trying his hardest not to break the eye contact as James smiled slightly at him. “I just wanted to ask if you would come to the party with me tonight.”

That snapped the warmth right out of Regulus’ body, his shoulders tensing and his guard rising as soon as the words were uttered. He knew it must be some sort of overreaction, but the mere thought of going to a place crowded with unknown sweaty bodies and pounding music was enough to make him feel physically ill and unsafe. Let alone a party with James Potter. That sounded like hell reincarnated.

James could evidently see the answer written all over Regulus’ face before he’d even started shaking his head. It made him feel a deep sense of unease to see how quickly his whole demeanour had changed. Still, there was twenty quid up for grabs, right? That was why he was doing this. It sounded like he was convincing himself even as he thought it, but he pushed that all to the side and put on his most charming grin.

“Please, Reg? I promise nothing bad will happen, if that’s what your worried about. It’s just to celebrate the start of the hockey tournament coming up!”

With the mention of hockey players Regulus seemed to positively pale and if his guard wasn’t up before, it was now. His shoulders were so visibly tense you could see the muscles tensing underneath his shirt, his expression cold and unreadable as he turned to pick up his pen, finally succeeding this time.

“No.” Was all he said before he continued writing, not paying any more mind to it.

James felt himself deflate a little with disappointment. It felt like more than just a bet, by now. He genuinely did want Regulus to come.

“Please, I just want you to have some fun. I mean, I do get it’s not really your thing, though.” No response. He decided to persist. “If you change your mind, I can text you the address? You could even bring a friend if you want, Sirius will be there too!”

Regulus paused his writing.

“You don’t even have my number.” He mumbled. James bit his lip, stomach sinking.

Regulus glanced at him, his resolve cracking a little at his expression. The poor boy looked like a kicked puppy, it made him want to give in. He sighed and made up his mind.

James felt his heart leap as the boy rolled his eyes and gently pulled his arm forward, scribbling something on the dark skin. He could feel Regulus’ breath tickling the skin on his forearm and the gentle brush of his cold rings as the pen moved. James could have sworn his heart gave up when he sat up and stared at it, a satisfied smirk spreading over his face as his gaze flicked up to meet his own.

“Happy?” Regulus hummed. James nodded readily; cheeks red as he beamed at him. Regulus rolled his eyes and nudged him, ordering him to get on with his work. James did not in fact do this, he was too busy staring at the boy beside him, chatting on about his sport and waiting for his regular hums and eye rolls. By the end of the lecture, his page was still stark empty. Regulus sighed disappointedly and gave him a look, but James was too happy to care.

                                                                                                                ±……±

Regulus didn’t know what to do.

Part of him wanted to go to the party with James, but mostly he didn’t want to take one step inside that building. It was frustrating, he knew he would hate it, but he still wanted to go.

And with James Potter, of all people. For fucks sake.

No. He wasn’t going.

But then James’ face when he’d written his number…

It made Regulus fill to the brim with something hot and sweet, warming him from the inside. God, he really must be coming down with something. All the more reason not to go.

He sighed to himself as he pulled on his skates for the group session that week, eyes finding the blonde girl as she made her way over to him on her skates.

“Hey Reg!” She greeted him joyfully, blowing a strand of hair from her face as she sat down next to him.

“Hey Pandora.” He nodded, smiling briefly at her.

“Are you going to the Marauders party tonight?” Pandora asked, peering at him.

“The what?” He blinked, lips twitching as he stared at her.

“The Marauders! Haven’t you heard of them? You were literally talking to them.” When he didn’t react, she shook her head in dismay. “Your brother and James Potter were literally here the other day, so don’t try to tell me you don’t know who they are.”

“No, no I do. I just didn’t realise that’s what they were calling themselves.” Regulus chuckled, smirking at his friend and shaking his head. “Unbelievable. That’s so…”

“Arrogant? Egotistical? Stupid? Yes, all of those things. Which is why it’s so perfect for them. No offence to your brother and all.”

“None taken.” He said, amused. “It certainly is fitting then.”

“Well, yes. But you still haven’t answered my question!” Regulus groaned, rolling his eyes as he straightened up and stepped onto the ice.

“Do we have to talk about it?”

“Yes!” Pandora insisted. Regulus bit his lip, beginning his warm-up.

“Oh, I don’t know. James asked me to go with him but…”

“James Potter asked you to go with him? Regulus!” She scolded him gently, swiping him on the arm.

“What?!”

“You have to go! There is no ‘but’s.” He opened his mouth to protest but with one look he fell silent. “I was planning on going anyway, so you’ll have to come with me.”

“Do I really have to?” Regulus huffed, stopping his stretching to frown at her. “I fucking hate parties.”

“Suck it up you miserable sod. We’re going.”

And apparently that was that.

So, after training, Regulus was dragged over to Pandora’s house where she went through her whole closet to find something to wear. She tried on so many dresses that Regulus lost count of how many different outfits she’d tried on by the time she finally decided. She ended up wearing a nice blue dress with light makeup and blue decorations in her hair to match. Pandora looked really pretty, even Regulus could admit that.

“Right! Now for you.”

He reluctantly let her pick out an outfit for him, since she probably had a better wardrobe than him, having not ran away in the dead of night. Pandora did have good taste, though. She chose a black button up and black jeans. It wasn’t anything too extravagant. Well, not until the blonde forced him to sit at the dressing table and began putting eyeliner on him.

When she spun him around, he was surprised to find that the whole look, all in all, wasn’t bad. Pandora had unbuttoned the shirt, just so you could catch a glimpse of his locket and also mussed up his hair. When they finally decided to leave, he had to fight her to put on his leather jacket and stop her from undoing more buttons.

“Pandora, I am not a slut, stop making me look like one.”

Pandora giggled and shoved him out the door. “You have a slutty waist. You look like a slut.”

“I do not.” He protested, flicking her head as she dragged him down the road.

The walk down to Peter Pettigrew’s house wasn’t far enough to drive, but it was long enough for Regulus to consider turning and walking straight back to his dorm. The houses along the street were obviously rich, just like Pandora’s house. There was already music shaking the building, light spilling out in flashing colours and cups strewn over the lawn. It was obvious it was the right house.

Pandora lead him all the way inside, forcing him to accompany her to the kitchen. It was loud and cramped, and the floor shook from under him. It was all so overwhelming that he could barely hear himself think, he had to shout his drink choice to the girl for her to be able to hear.

Regulus could already spot Evan and Barty amongst the crowd of dancers with a tall, dark-skinned girl with long braids. The three made their way over to him and Pandora, where he introduced everyone.

“This is Dorcas, we went to middle school with her.” Evan explained, grinning up at her as the girl rolled her eyes.

“Regulus.” He nodded at her. “Everyone, this is Pandora.”

“Hi!” She waved.

Barty practically squealed when he saw her.

“My god she’s so cute! Can we keep her Reg?”

“She’s a person, not a rabbit asshole.” He responded, exasperated.

Pandora just laughed and dragged him out of the kitchen. They forced him to the dancefloor for a bit, played enough rounds of beer-pong and other random alcoholic games until Regulus was fully drunk. He hadn’t felt like this in years, the lazy-happy feeling, the way his tongue slid words out and let his smile reach full control, the looseness of his hips as he swayed to the music in the corner, drink in hand as he spoke to Pandora. Regulus’ eyes wandered the room slowly as he nodded along to whatever the girl was saying, his eyes catching sight of a certain someone. The whole world seemed to slow down, yet his heart seemed to have sped up.

James Potter was dancing, the centre of attention as he chugged down a bottle of something and belted out the lyrics to whatever Queen song was playing. He wore a red t-shirt which had been cropped choppily, showing off his toned stomach as he spun around to face someone, grinning wildly. His cheeks were flushed and his glasses askew, hair even messier than it normally was, but somehow it still looked good.

Regulus could hear his laugh from where he was on the other side of the room, James’ eyes lighting up on the person he was speaking to.

Regulus moved slightly to be able to see who he was dancing with, then froze.

It was the receptionist from earlier, her long red hair spilling down her back as she swayed her hips and grabbed the bottle from James’ hands, taking a lengthy swig and returning a toothy grin. It was Lily. Evans, was it? The girl Sirius had clearly insinuated that James liked.

James was dancing with her. James liked her.

Regulus didn’t know why he felt such despair at the realisation. It wasn’t like he liked James or anything, right?

Right?

Oh.

Oh Shit.

“Merde.” His whole world came crashing down around him as he blinked fiercely at his shoes.

Regulus liked James.

James did not like Regulus.

Regulus was fucked.

“Regulus?” Someone touched his arm gently, making him flinch. Regulus stared at the blonde girl in front of him.

“What? Sorry.” Pandora smiled sweetly.

“I was just going to ask you if you wanted to dance. Are you alright?”

Regulus took a shaky breath, trying to sort his thoughts.

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s dance.”

The small group made their way onto the dancefloor, as another song came on. Peter whooped and turned the lights to red as the music turned impossibly louder. Barty and Evan grinned, while Regulus just rolled his eyes.

Despite most of his instincts, he finally let loose and danced with his friends, a lazy grin on his face as he nodded along to the beat and twirled around a flushed Pandora. She laughed lightly as she went around, stumbling into him. In their drunken states, Regulus couldn’t do much but allow it as she clung onto him and swung her hips lightly. Barty knocked into him, turning so that he was smirking at Regulus as Pandora went to dance with Evan.

“Who knew you danced Baby Black?”

“Shut it Crouch.” Barty threw his head back and laughed, leaning forward slightly so he could feel his breath on his face and smell the alcohol on his breath.

“You really are a slut, look at you!”

“I’m not a fucking slut.” Regulus groaned, rolling his eyes and pushing his friend slightly. Barty grinned.

“Not yet, you’re not. Let me fix that.” He reached forward and unbuttoned the shirt a little more, smirking proudly as he leant back to look at his work.

“Slutty enough Evan?” Evan looked over and grinned.

“Oh, definitely. Who’re you tryna seduce Reg?”

“No one.” He snapped, but even as he said it his eyes were drawn back to the messy haired boy in the middle of the room, only this time he saw two hazel eyes staring right back.

James had stopped dancing briefly, his fists clenched and his jaw tight as he stared intently at Regulus. Their eyes bored into one another, James’ gaze so intense and heated that the whole world seemed to stop again. James tilted his head, his tongue poking into his cheek as his brow furrowed in thought and annoyance.

James didn’t even know what he was annoyed about, all he knew was that people were touching Regulus and it made his skin burn with something writhing and ugly, something sharp in his gut which made his mind point twisted arrows at the group surrounding the youngest Black brother. Every time that blonde girl appeared, she seemed to be all over him, and not to mention Barty and Evan. Even now, Barty was undoing more of the shirt buttons and ruffling his hair, grinning at Regulus before his eyes found James’. Then he smirked.

Son of a bitch.

James shook his head and blinked up at the ceiling, breaking the eye contact to recompose himself. He didn’t like this feeling. It was upsetting, he didn’t like not feeling happy, but this fire inside him wanted to burn everyone who even breathed at Regulus. This fire wanted to curl from inside him and bury itself in Regulus’ cool atmosphere until it cooled off, sizzling like an overheated penny ran under water.

Regulus swallowed, suddenly all his senses being returned to him in max volume. He needed to get out, he couldn’t breathe. James wasn’t even looking at him anymore, but it wasn’t like Regulus could see anything.

Everything was a blur as he darted away from the crowds of people, past the beer pong table and up the stairs. He was  chasing that breath of fresh air he tasted, chasing his freedom away from the intense glare and that harsh dagger to his throat each time James glanced towards that red-haired girl. She was so beautiful. Full lips, kind eyes and rounded hips. Her warmth radiated throughout the room, her laugh light and soft, her cheeks glowing with passion. Lily was everything he couldn’t be, and everything he hated.

Regulus was choking out dry sobs by the time he spotted the balcony doors, cracked open to let in air. He flung them open and slumped into the fresh air, breathing in the stars in gasping breaths as he clutched the icy black rail in his shaking hands. The boy’s knuckled were white as he tightened his grip on it, squeezing his eyes shut against the noise in his head and party. He wanted to scratch his skin off, peel off the buzzing corrupted layer, show people how soft he was inside. Regulus wanted to crack his ribs open and show James his beating heart, offer it up on a dinner plate in hopes it would be enough.

In hopes that the ice hadn’t frozen it solid, that the decay hadn’t ruined the rest of him, that the rot hadn’t reached his mind. Maybe it already had. James was an infection and it had clearly spread to his brain, because even now in the depths of a panic attack all he could think was that he was at this party for James and he hadn’t even spoken to him tonight. He hadn’t even looked his way until he had, and then everything had come crashing down.

It seemed he didn’t need to worry about James’ presence, though, because mere second later the door cracked open and a dark silhouette slipped onto the balcony beside him. Regulus could feel the warmth, the sparks of fire coming from the hockey player as he leant against the rail silently. Regulus was trying his hardest not to look at James. Not to look at the way the moon lit up his silky black hair, the way the stars reflected in his glasses and the way even now James was looking at him with the utmost adoration.

“You alright Reg?” He asked.

Regulus shook his head slowly. James tilted his head in sorrow, raising his arms to beckon him forward into his burning atmosphere.

Regulus was drunk. Regulus was tired. But this was not the reason he stepped forward and dropped his face onto James’ shoulder, letting out shaking breaths and balling his fists in the red shirt. He could feel him rubbing soft circles on his back, breathing slow and exaggerated for him to follow, leading the way out of the dark.

Regulus gasped out a sob, actual tears soaking his shirt as he felt his knees buckle beneath him. James let out a soothing noise and lowered them to the ground gently, leaning back against the rails as he ran a hand through the boy’s hair.

Regulus forced himself to calm down, hiding in the smell of James’ cologne and his soft shirt. Eventually he decided he had to emerge, though. He lifted his head up reluctantly, gaze falling on James’ face.

He was looking up at the sky, the stars presumably. When he felt Regulus move, he looked down and smiled gently. James ran a hand through his hair again, slower this time as Regulus let out a shaking breath.

He didn’t let go or detach himself from James. He didn’t have the energy to push away his only source of comfort right now.

“Hey.” James whispered, his voice sweet and small as it snuggled into the air, dispersing in his vaporised exhale of air. It made Regulus’ stomach swoop. Regulus really was sick. Sick with James Potter and all his stupid comfort and warmth and smiles, tucked away as screenshots in Regulus’ heart, cradled like something precious in a storm.

“Hey.” Regulus croaked back, letting his head fall back into James’ chest as he gazed up at the boy. James was like nothing he’d ever seen, something entirely out of this world. They didn’t speak for a few moments, content in the rhythmic breathing and beating of hearts right next to each other as the party raged beneath them.

“I’ve been looking for you.” James murmured into his hair, eyes up at the sky as he breathed in Regulus’ scent.

“Me?” James nodded. “I'm right there.” Regulus raised a shaking finger to point at his star, staring at it lovingly. Sirius’ star was the brightest, he always outshone Regulus in everything really, and even in the bloody sky Regulus couldn’t beat his own brother. But now, well now James was looking for him.

No one had ever looked for him.

“Where are you Regulus? I feel like I'm always looking for you.” James blurted out, his hand freezing where it was in his hair. Regulus turned his head and studied his face carefully, the small blush spreading over his cheekbones and his mussed-up hair, as James stared wide-eyed at him.

“I'm right here, James.” He got out breathlessly. James’ eyes flitted down Regulus’ face, landing painfully obviously on his lips before snapping away. He had a guilty expression on his face when his stare met Regulus’. He just chuckled airily, his own gaze finding James’ lips.

Regulus didn’t know who leaned in first, it was more of a gravitational pull pressing their lips together. They were always drawn to one another, but this was nothing like any of the other touches; legs meeting under the table, hands brushing as they walked, shoulders colliding.

Those touches had been mere sparks, but this kiss was flame, and it burned delightfully between them.

It let them breathless and singed, lips tingling as they pulled away slowly.

Regulus went through three different stages of emotion. Happiness, numbness, then utter panic. He was up and off the balcony in a matter of seconds, heart racing as he took the stairs three at a time, only to find he couldn’t get out.

The crowd had formed around two girls, the whole room was spinning so much that Regulus could barely make out the people until someone moved and Dorcas and a blonde girl were revealed.

“What I don’t get is why a pest like her is doing here! She’s not even in our fucking school!” The blonde girl spat, glaring daggers at Dorcas who narrowed her eyes dangerously and stepped forward.

“I would watch your mouth McKinnon.”

“Yeah? Or what?” McKinnon snarled as she stepped closer, raising her chin defiantly to look at the taller girl. Dorcas smirked and tilted her head, leaning forward to whisper something in her ear. The girl went bright red, mouth hanging open and then snapping shut. She raised a fist and caught the dark-haired girl right on the jaw, a bad aimed one which only made her head turn.

There was a collective gasp as Dorcas brought a hand up to her face and cocked her head to stare at the girl who was panting heavily, a look of horror flashing on her face.

“You fucker!” Barty appeared, stepping up beside his friend and sneering at the blonde. That was when Sirius pushed through, a grin on his face as he cracked his knuckles and glowered at Barty.

“Marlene, Sirius, stop!” Came a voice from behind Regulus, snapping him out of his trance. James only spared him a glance as he pushed past him and made his way through the crowd, the people making a path for him as he stood between the four. Regulus darted behind him, going straight to Barty and Dorcas as James murmured to the two.

“What even happened?” Regulus asked, only to be answered by Sirius.

“We have a fucking party crasher, that’s what. She thinks she’s so much better than everyone when she’s got her head so far up her arse, she can barely even fucking walk straight!”

Barty lunged for him, but Sirius lived for the fight. They were around the same build so they each managed to get a few good hits on each other before James and Regulus pulled them apart. Pandora pottered over, face worried as Dorcas inspected Barty’s bruises. Everyone had already dispersed under Peter’s command, leaving the room empty apart from the two groups.

“Cas, I'm fine, I swear.” Barty groaned.

“You’re such an idiot, you didn’t need to get involved. Now you’ve gone and bruised your fucking face.” Dorcas tutted to herself, reprimanding Barty with the air of a displeased elder sister.

Regulus glanced at James’ group, all sending them small glares and jostling about murmuring to themselves. It was weird, feeling so separated. He wasn’t against Sirius, or James, that wasn’t what this was. But it felt like there was something between them that wasn’t there before. 

“I’m not a party crasher, by the way.” Dorcas shot, sending a scathing look towards the group. “I was invited by Barty and Ev because I'm moving here.” She leant forward a little and raised an eyebrow. “Looks like you’re the one with the head up your arse, Black.”

Barty dragged Dorcas out of the house quickly, Regulus following close behind with Pandora without a word.

The drive back in Dorcas’ car was silent, only the radio playing softly in the backround as the streetlights flickered past in an orange blur.

“Did Evan leave?” Regulus finally broke the silence. In all the chaos, he’d forgotten that Barty had arrived with someone else. Looking at him now though, his expression fell even worse. He avoided eye contact as shadows passed over his face, clearing his throat slightly.

“Yeah, he went back to the dorms early.”

Regulus wanted to persist, but it was obvious that Barty didn’t want to talk about it. At least, not with Pandora Dorcas in the car. She took Pandora home first then dropped them off outside Hogwarts gates, waving goodbye as they made their way to the dorms.

Once the two had climbed the stairs, Regulus couldn’t help but stop outside the door. Barty halted, looking impossibly tired as he raised his eyebrows at him. Regulus tilted his head, calculatedly, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Barty mumbled, rubbing his face. “Can we go into our dorm now?”

“No. What happened? I can tell there’s something going on between you and Evan.”

The silence dragged on uncomfortably as Barty stared at his feet. “Barty-“

“I kissed him.” He cut him off. The words lingered sourly in the air, leaving a bad taste in it as Regulus leant against the wall, huffing out a breath. He was too tired for this.

“Oh.” Was all he could think to say.

“Yeah.” Barty grumbled, sounding weak. “Oh.”

Regulus unlocked the door and went to bed quickly, desperate to close his eyes and forget everything that had happened. Memories of James’ lips still tingled on his own as he stared up at the ceiling blankly.

No one got much sleep that night.