last night, i was taking a walk along the river
and i saw him together with a young girl
and the look that he gave her made me shiver
'cause he always used to look at me that way
then i thought maybe i should walk right up to her and say
ah-ha-ha, it's a game he likes to play
zemo steps out of his car, a hopeful smile on his face as he looks around for james’ apartment building. zemo had gotten released from the raft just this morning, and he asked oeznik to bring him to new york as soon as he could. zemo hadn’t seen james in years, and he couldn’t wait one more second to see the ex-soldier. had he grown his hair out once again? had he upgraded his arm over the past few years? had he grown more muscular? had he taken a break from avengers related stuff?
zemo doesn’t know, he had absolutely no access to the outside world during his time at the raft. he would occasionally get a call from james, which he would eagerly answer, giving james whatever information he needed on hydra. all zemo asked for in return was three words, which james would whisper to zemo, as though it was a secret. i love you.
zemo locates james’ apartment building and makes his way up to james’ room, knocking on the door and frowning slightly when james doesn’t answer the door. is he perhaps on a mission? zemo didn’t see anything related to james on the few minutes of news he watched on the way to brooklyn, nor had he heard about the ex-soldier from anyone, including oeznik.
zemo adjusts the collar of his coat and makes his way back downstairs, but is stopped by an older man.
“did you need to speak to bucky?” the man asks zemo.
the baron nods, glancing back at james’ door. “yes, i am an old friend of his. do you have an idea of where he might be?”
“he is at the river. i don’t know why, he left in quite a hurry. maybe his cat ran away again?”
zemo thanks the man and jogs back to his car, asking oeznik to drive him to the river that the man had mentioned.
zemo smiles while looking out of the window, happy at the thought of james not being alone in that depressing little apartment. james told zemo about his apartment back when they were in madripoor, mentioning that it was barely furnished and james would almost never open the windows.
having a little cat must’ve brightened the apartment up quite a bit, and zemo spends the next 10 minutes wondering what james named his cat. perhaps something stupid, like katze, or maybe steven to honor his friend, though zemo doesn’t understand how anyone could honor a man like steve rogers.
oeznik parks the car once they arrive near the river, and zemo thanks him before quickly getting out of the car and searching for james, spending about 30 minutes looking for the ex-soldier before giving up and slowly walking along the river.
zemo perks up when he hears a familiar voice, his bright, lovesick grin returning to his face when he sees james with his cat in his arms, her stark white fur contrasting beautifully against james’ dark metal arm. zemo thinks james sees him, as the man’s eyes sparkle with love, sparkle with something that zemo had only seen when james was looking at zemo or talking about zemo.
zemo’s heart stutters when he hears james laugh and pull a rather beautiful woman closer to him, the sparkle in his eyes directed towards her. his happiness is quickly replaced with anger, his love for james turning into bitter betrayal. it was only two weeks ago that james had claimed to love zemo, why is he now loudly proclaiming the same feelings towards this woman?
the baron has half a mind to go up to james and the woman to confront the ex-soldier about his lies, and perhaps warn the woman to save her from the heartbreak zemo is feeling right now, but he decides to spare himself of the pain of hearing a rejection in james’ voice.
sometimes when i'm lonely, i sit and think about him
and it hurts to remember all the good times
when i thought I could never live without him
zemo, who no longer has a reason to stay in a foreign country, alone, moves back to the remains of sokovia. his broken home country was torn apart and stolen by its neighboring countries, so zemo ends up residing in modern day romania. he hadn’t planned on living in the same country that james once used as refuge after escaping hydra, but as fate would have it, romania housed the only remaining sokovian property that zemo owned. the rest of the buildings and houses were blown to hell, leaving only a small, yet cozy house.
zemo sends oeznik to another property, one in germany, just wanting to spend some time alone, as a free man. he spent his days reading, learning how to bake bread, and would occasionally go out to local markets to buy fresh fruit. he didn’t feel lonely at first, despite being absolutely alone in a country, a city, he no longer recognizes.
it’s not until he sees a young couple that reminds him of james and himself, that zemo starts to truly feel lonely, missing the man that was supposed to be his lover.
for the next few days, zemo would lay in bed, not wanting to get up, his face pressed against his tear soaked pillow as he thinks about all the phone calls, their mission in madripoor and latvia, everything.
”when you get out of the raft, i’m gonna marry you, zemo.” james said, laughing softly.
“do not joke around like that, james. i might just take you up on that.”
“nah, i’m kidding. i’ll take you on a nice date though. they’re building this nice restaurant near my place, it’s not really fancy enough for you but it’s the best we got here in brooklyn.” zemo could practically hear james’ beautiful smile through the phone, and he’s suddenly filled with the desire to see it in person. he barely got to see james smile during their mission, perhaps zemo saw a hint of a smile here and there, but it wasn’t enough for him. he wanted to see james truly happy. “how ‘bout this, on the day you get released, come to my place. i’ll take you to the restaurant then.”
“it’s a date, james.”
zemo’s dreams, his nightmares, are plagued with the memories of that night in madripoor, when james lovingly fucked zemo into one of sharon’s beds, kissing zemo passionately as the soldier held zemo close to himself, as though he never wanted to let go of zemo.
memories of the sokovia memorial. memories of the look of relief on james’ face when he finally proved that he was no longer the soldier. memories of the feeling of disappointment when zemo’s life hadn’t been taken away at the hands of the man he loved, but was instead handed to the dora milaje, who decided that a fair punishment would be to rip zemo away from the only man he will ever love, and lock him in the raft. memories of the emptiness zemo felt when he realized he would be living a life without james, an unfathomably dark life, one he no longer wanted to live.
for the first time since zemo answered james’ first call at the raft, zemo wished that james’ gun wasn’t empty.
and i wonder does it have to be the same
every time when i see him, will it bring back all the pain
ah-ha-ha, how can i forget that name?
it takes zemo three weeks, five days, sixteen hours, and twenty seven minutes to become somewhat normal, or at least normal enough to be able to go back to the markets to buy fruit, immediately breaking down when he sees a news report about how james saved yet another life during a mission, the news report broadcasting a video of james returning home after the mission, kissing his new girlfriend with the same fiery passion that james had kissed zemo with in madripoor.
zemo drops his bag, which is full of plums, turkish delights, and various teas, unable to tear his eyes away from the tv screen that’s displaying the news report, zemo’s eyes quickly filling with tears until they overflow and his tears fall to the ground below him.
seeing james opened up wounds that zemo so desperately tried to close with the help of tea and meditation, along with a glass or two of alcohol strong enough to make zemo dizzy with just one sip. and seeing him love a girl the same way he had claimed to love zemo…that was just rubbing salt into those wounds. it makes zemo feel used. he vaguely wonders if this is james’ way of punishing zemo for using him all those years ago.
it’s a bit late, and quite cruel if zemo says so himself. he had already apologized to james, although calling james a means to a necessary end wasn’t exactly the best apology in the world. to zemo’s defense, he really did mean it when he said sorry. clearly james didn’t understand that.
because every time he attempts to make his life normal again, every time he tries to forget about james, the ex-soldier somehow manages to come back into zemo’s life, destabilizing zemo in every way shape and form.
zemo picks his bag back up, harshly wiping away his tears before heading back home, crawling back into bed and refusing to get out for the next few days until he hears a knock on his door. he almost yells at whoever is at his door to come back another day, but when the knocking gets more and more urgent, almost desperate, he gets out of bed, rubs at his red eyes and opens the door.
look into his angel eyes
one look and you're hypnotized
he'll take your heart and you must pay the price
crazy 'bout his angel eyes
angel eyes
he took my heart and now i pay the price
zemo flinches when he looks up at one of the men behind the door, his bloodshot eyes being met with surprisingly warm, steel blue eyes. “j…james…” his previous anger, heartbreak, feelings of betrayal disappear when he sees that look in james’ eyes once again, this time it’s for zemo. “how did…how did you find me?”
“you really think the wakandans would let you go without keeping an eye on you?” he puts his hand on zemo’s cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb.
“they have no trust, do they.” zemo closes his eyes, relaxing under james’ touch and immediately missing it when james pulls his hand away to let sam push past both of them.
“can you blame them? you killed their king.” sam huffs out, grabbing a water bottle out of zemo’s fridge and chugging it.
“why are you here?” zemo asks, running his hands through his hair to make himself look more presentable.
“we need your help, zemo. there have been rumors of the last few members of hydra regrouping and trying to bring it back.” james sits on zemo’s couch, getting comfortable while looking up at zemo, grinning slightly as he watches zemo fix his hair. “cute.” he mumbles, in sokovian, making zemo smile for a second before he puts his hands down.
“i have been in the raft for three years, james. i do not know anything about hydra anymore, i do not know anything about recent events, as i have not watched the news until the other day.” zemo moves to his kitchen, starting to make some tea for his unexpected guests. “you just had a mission, correct? i saw a news broadcast about your return home.”
“yeah, they’re treatin’ him like the hero he is.” sam grins at james, patting his shoulder gently. zemo’s heart twists when james looks up at sam, his eyes filled with love, the kind of love zemo thought was reserved for only him.
zemo clears his throat when he sees sam looking into james’ beautiful blue eyes, the captain’s eyes filled with hopeful love. zemo hadn’t expected sam to ever feel for james in that way, but he’s not surprised. who wouldn’t fall in love with those striking blue eyes? “that girl you were with…” james looks away from sam, glancing at zemo. he’s disappointed when james doesn’t look guilty. “she is quite beautiful, no?”
sam snorts and sits down next to james, licking his feet up onto zemo’s table, causing zemo’s eye to twitch slightly. does that idiot even know how much a table like that costs?. “leah? shit, he broke up with her the day after our mission ended. who’re you with now, man?”
james shrugs, taking the cup of tea zemo was holding out for him. “no one.”
“bullshit, barnes.” sam playfully pushes james before looking up at zemo. “you know, he went through a new girl each week while you were in the raft. i didn’t think an ancient bastard like him could do it, but i’m not even kidding.”
james pushes sam away from him, anger evident in his eyes. “shut up, wilson.”
zemo inhales sharply before returning to his kitchen, suddenly unable to stomach the floral tea he was previously looking forward to trying.
look into his angel eyes
you'll think you're in paradise
then one day you'll find out he wears a disguise
don't look too deep into those angel eyes
“samuel, may i speak to james? alone?” zemo asks after pouring the expensive tea down the drain, eyes emotionless as he looks at james.
sam nods and steps outside, making a call to someone to inform them that zemo has no new intel on hydra.
“what’s up, zemo?” james turns around, looking at zemo.
zemo looks into james’ eyes, the calming blue of them nearly making zemo back out and let everything go. so he looks away, refusing to look at james. “a new girl every week? correct me if i am wrong, james, but when a man says that he loves someone and would like to take that person on a date, he should not be with anyone else, no?”
“zemo i…”
“save it, james. i really respected you, you know? i thought you were one of the only honest men left.” he sniffs softly, standing up straight and gripping the edge of his kitchen counter so hard that his knuckles turn white. “did you mean it when you said that you love me, james? or was that…” he laughs bitterly, his voice trembling, filled with tears. “was that just so you could get information out of me, james? like i did to you?”
“zemo, no, i…”
“you what? you love me? who else did you say that to, james?” he shakes his head, watching as his tears drip onto the counter. “i loved you, james. if it was going to help you, i would have given you any information you needed, even if you did not love me. but you chose to manipulate me. you are not any better than i was. but at least i feel guilt for all the lives i have taken, all the lives i have ruined.”
james stands up, going over to zemo, perhaps to hug him, maybe to give him a kiss. but zemo pushes him away and points to the door. “if you did this as revenge for what i did to you and steve rogers, if i was wrong to cross my name out of your notebook, i apologize for my actions. i regret hurting you and using you. i was consumed by rage then, but i am no longer the man that hurt you. i hope you take this apology and never come here again. i, like you, have been in one fight to the next most of my life. no more, james. i am tired. i wish to rest and spend my remaining days in peace. after everything i have gone through, after everything and everyone i have lost, i believe i deserve this.”
zemo looks down when james gives him one more pleasing look, knowing he’ll cave in and believe james’ ‘i love you’ if he looks into james’ beautiful eyes one more time.
the few droplets of tears become a decent sized puddle when james slams zemo’s door shut, leaving zemo to suffer alone.
but not for long, no. zemo was being quite literal when he said that he wants to spend his remaining days in peace. only a few days later, zemo ends up drinking so much alcohol that he feels like there’s more alcohol in his body than blood. he goes to bed, and he never opens his eyes again.