Loving you is cutting me
You had a rather large cottage in the country of England, You liked it there.
There was a small town a few miles away but that was it, you were completely and utterly alone.
You used to hate the quiet because it gave you time to think and you didn't want to think because every time you thought your mind just went right to your family, Ever since you'd seen Yelena you held on to every piece of memories you had with them. Because no one lives forever.
If you were thinking about your family you weren't think about Yelena which was also a bonus.
She shouldn’t have walked away, That was all you could think. You would never have left like that, Yeah 'Was' past tense. It had been 10 years! Just because you weren't in love with Yelena didn't mean you loved her any less.
You haven't seen nor spoken to her in 6 months, she probably hates your guts.
You spent your nights with a bottle of wine, Everyday for the past six months a whole bottle of wine. What had she done to you? You couldn't think, or even do anything without seeing her face.
It was better when you had no idea where she was or if she was even alive.
Tonight it was raining, so you had your evening bottle on the living room floor, While watching Dirty Dancing. You liked that movie all they wanted was each other and dance, Johnny and Baby's life was so simple.
Your relationship with Yelena was over, you knew it and she probably did too. It's no way to live your life, You never believed in soulmates until you met Yelena and yet your drinking wine on your living room floor. Alone.
You slept on your couch most nights, because even though you spent almost your entire life sleeping in your bed alone it still felt so empty.
Yelena's Pov.
Life is shit. The love of my life hates me, and that pesky bishop won't stop texting me.
Y/n's in England, it's not to hard to find her I know how she thinks.
I've known where she was for 5 months, I just can't bring myself to go talk to her. What would I say? "I'm sorry I stormed out because you don't love me anymore".
Your POV.
You woke up on the floor next to your couch, You had only gotten through half the bottle.
It was 6 in the morning, the rain left a gloomy day. Great just what you needed.
You felt powerless, powerless against everything and everyone which was pretty ironic because you could kill someone with your middle finger. And yet you were powerless.
Love can't fix this. Not even the strongest kind.
"We had a fight who cares?" was replaying in your brain, Because it felt like the end. That fight felt like the end, The end of your relationship and your life.
Yelena left you alone to face the world, The horrible, cold, brisk world.
You lost.
You lost your family, your home, your childhood, and heck you lost your life! You didn't want to lose Yelena too, But you were afraid. Afraid you had already lost her.
You wanted to know her pain, you wanted to feel what she felt. You wanted to know if she hurt like you did, you wanted to know if she couldn't take the pain of losing you like you couldn't take the pain of losing her.
You were so mad, but you also felt like your heart was ripped out of your chest in the most painfully way imaginable. It's like a wrecking ball came in a destroyed your entire world.
You were just sitting there on your floor, tears were staining your checks.
Ding Ding.
Your stupid phone, It was an unknown caller. It was still 6, so if your milkman was calling saying he couldn't make the rounds because of the storm you were going to throw your phone.
You answered the phone and you heard breathing on the other end, "Hello...?" You were confused at the strangers lack of words.
"Y/n" Yelena spoke, She sounded like she had been crying for hours. "Y/n" Her voice was miserable,"Y/n I want to fight for you more than anything, I want to fight for us." She took a pause and you just listened, "But I've fought for to long, I'm tired and I just want to rest. And there is no 'us' there never was, our whole love story was built on lies! I can't keep living like this, Loving you comes with more pain then I have ever wanted to let myself think! I shouldn't have left like that and I am truly sorry about that, but loving you is cutting me and I can't keep sewing myself up." She said before hanging up.
Her analogy of what it was like to love you hurt, it hurt so bad you wanted to crawl into a ball and never wake up.
And yet before you knew it you had woken up covered in sweat, It was 1 in the morning. It was a dream? That was a dream? You had grabbed your phone to check your call history, and sure enough you hadn't had a call in 2 weeks. You had no idea when you drifted off but your face was still tear stained.
That dream was your worst nightmare but her voice was comforting, you had different nightmares like these every night each hurt more than the last.
According to google people only feel this terrible if they are still in love, and if you were still in love you wouldn't be having this problem! You'd be on a beach with Yelena.
Knocking.
It was 1 in the morning and raining, who would actually be here? You slapped yourself in the face just to make sure you were awake, all good. You got up and opened the door, and you saw her. Of course it's Yelena. "I'm fucking manifesting the future" You whispered, "What?" She was drenched, a taxi doesn't take you the full way so she probably walked.
"What are you doing here?" You turned your attention to her, "I-, Well I was thinking about you then I got on the first plane to England." She stammered.
"Can I come in please?" She was completely soaked and where she was standing she was still getting poured on.
"No" You didn't even take a second to think about it, "Y/n, I'm soaked" She protested.
"You can stay out there, make your piece then leave" You had no emotion to your words or expression, "I am so sorry" She was on the verge of tears. "I do not care" You were about to shut the door in her face when she stopped you.
"Do you spend your nights alone crying? Because I do. Do you see my face everywhere? Because I see yours, Y/n you may not love me anymore or you may not be in love with me but you are my everything because you are all I see." Yelena was so sincere it hurt.
"Yelena, loving you is cutting me and I can't keep sewing myself up" You voice was a mix of anger and hurt.
"Your throwing us away like that?" She was mad now, "You threw us away the second you stormed out in New York." You were snarky but hurt.
"I was mad because I could never stop loving you! I was mad because you didn't find me! But I was wrong, and I hurt you and the good thing to do is walk away and let you live your life. But Y/n I love you and I will never stop loving you, You are my present and future and I can't imagine my life without you." Yelena's words were full of passion and love.
"The right thing to do is walk away, we are broken beyond repair Yelena."
"We don't need to be repaired Y/n because we have to fight for love or else what is there left to fight for?" Yelena talked in a convincing tone, She brushed a strand of your hair back "You can tell me to leave right now and Ill go, you'll have to see me again" She looked at your with a glimpse of hope in her eye.
Everything in you was telling you to tell her to get the hell off your property, but you couldn't "Don't leave."
You took her lips in yours and kissed her.
For once in your life you feel like you got your happily ever after, after all you are kissing the love of your life in the rain.