The Batch Family

Beth liked to think she had this parenting thing down pat now. There was barely anything that phased her anymore. Sure, her days were unpredictable and busy and sometimes messy. But she still looked forward to waking up each morning to see what would happen. And she knew she could handle it.

But there was one thing she did dread, that made her seriously consider running away and never looking back.

Sick days.

She almost had a super power for detecting a sniffle that was more than just allergies. The hairs would stand up on the back of her neck, and she'd zero in across the entire house to the boy responsible, and with lightning speed she'd sweep him up and isolate him in her room with whatever medicine was appropriate. But no matter how fast she attacked, the rest of the boys would inevitably follow down into the sad illness stupor. And then finally it would overtake her, requiring a visit from her own mother to come and soothe the sickness away.

This winter season, Wrecker was the first.

The five were playing outside, as best they could in their many layers of jackets, scarves, and hats she'd insisted they wear. They waddled about on the dead grass almost comically as they tried to use their limited movement to enact some sort of pirate scene. Beth was perched on a chair next to the window, fiddling with a knitting project in her lap that seemed to be perpetually half-finished every year (though this would be the year she'd finally finish it, of course), and glancing nervously outside at the incoming rainclouds that littered the sky.

Her greatest worry was about the rain, expected to be quite heavy and lengthy this season. She wasn't sure she could handle another winter full of cooped-up energy from the boys, nor the mud that would inevitably be tracked in every day. She was already formulating plans of only allowing them to enter from the garage, perhaps keeping a box of towels and clothes out there for them to change into before coming fully inside....

But all thoughts of the rain snapped away as soon as she heard the cough.

Knitting needles were abandoned. Before she could even process where her feet where taking her, she was outside breaking up that pirate fight, slinging an arm around her biggest son.

"Hey!" Wrecker protested, mainly from confusion. Another little cough squeaked out. It was gravely, raspy. Much more than a little tickle in the throat. She would need to act fast.

"Inside," Beth stated, nodding at the others to file toward the house with her. "Playtime's over."

"But we were just about to maroon Blackbeard on the island!" Wrecker whined, with a chorus of supportive protests from the others.

"Inside! And don't touch each other... or your faces... or anything. I want you all washing your hands right away."

She was practically dragging Wrecker, unable to lift him as she once could when he was younger and smaller. Thankfully his feet were following along, even though his words said otherwise.

"Mooom, noooo, it's not faaaaair!"

Another cough.

"Cover your mouth, baby. I don't want anyone else getting sick...."

Even as she said it, she knew there was no hope. If one of them had caught something, then they'd all been exposed by now. Now it was only a matter of managing symptoms, boosting immune systems as best as possible, praying whatever it was would be mild or quick.

"Wait, I'm sick?"

Wrecker stopped protesting and let Beth guide him into her room. He put a hand up on his forehead and fingers along his neck pulse. The other boys were piling in at the opposite end of the hall, kicking off boots and still carrying on with whatever pirate-related debate they'd been trying to settle from earlier. Before Beth closed her bedroom door, she whistled for their attention.

"Here's the plan. Echo, you--"

"It's Captain Hook," the five of them said in almost perfect unison, including Wrecker beside her.

Beth swallowed an annoyed sigh. Maybe she could use their imaginations to her advantage. "Captain Hook... You and your pirate friends have been exposed to... uh, the Black Plague."

Was that historically accurate to the time of pirates? She wasn't sure, and Tech didn't correct her, so the detail was good enough.

"They're not all my friends," said Echo. He motioned to Hunter. "Blackbeard tried to betray me."

"It's called myoo-tin-eeeer," said Hunter proudly, looking to Tech briefly to confirm that was the right word to use.

"Whatever. Listen. The Black Plague is killing off crews from all the different pirate ships. You have to protect yourselves quickly or you'll be next. Understood?"

They nodded their heads.

"Okay. So, Captain Hook, I need you to wash your hands in the kitchen sink with warm water and lots of soap. Sing that yo-ho pirate song at least two times. When you're done, go to the couch and stay there until further instruction. And then Tech..."

"Smee," they harmonized.

"...Smee, then it'll be your turn. Kitchen sink. Warm water, lots of soap, pirate song twice. Sit in the dining room until I come back."

"What about me and Old Wooden Leg?" Hunter slung an arm around Crosshair, who immediately recoiled and balled up his fists.

"I told you, that's a dumb name and I'm not using it!"

"Stop touching each other!" Beth called after them, but the arguments were already ramping up faster than she could quell them. Wrecker somehow squeezed past her back into the hallway.

"It's better than mine, Poopdeck Pete!"

Echo and Hunter joined in his snickers over the silly name.

"I told you," Crosshair didn't pay them attention. "I'm Davy Jones."

"You can't be Davy Jones," Tech tried explaining. "He's dead. That's why he has a locker in the ocean. It's where all the dead people go."

Beth stormed down the hall, grabbing whatever boy she could reach first and starting to pull them into different directions so they were at least several feet apart. She shushed them as she did, so eventually the bickering petered out.

"Listen," she emphasized as best she could, turning in a circle to look each in the eye as she spoke. "I'm trying to stop you all from spreading germs here. Remember the last time you were sick? Not fun, right?"

They all shook their heads. Wrecker fittingly coughed again.

"Okay. So we're going to make sure it's not that bad again. Captain Hook: wash in the kitchen, sit in the living room. Smee: wash in the kitchen, sit in the dining room. Uh, Blackbeard?"

Hunter raised his hand.

"Bathroom, then your bedroom. Davy Jones: bathroom, then Wrecker and Tech's room."

Crosshair started to whine. "But their room is so dirty...."

"I'll clean it later, just stay put. Wash really good, don't touch anything else. And if anyone else starts coughing, cover your mouths for goodness sake."

"What about me?" Wrecker grinned at her.

"Poopdeck Pete, you're coming with me."

She'd really need to institute some sort of fire-drill system with these boys, Beth thought as she furiously scrubbed at Wrecker's body in the tub. He made many noises in complaint - shrieks, whimpers, giggles for the ticklish spots, and of course, lots of coughing - but Beth hardly noticed. In her head, she was already mapping out a few plans that she could get them all to memorize for future situations. A plan for sick days, a plan if one of them got injured and needed to go to the hospital, a plan for actual fires.... She could come up with cool codenames, so as soon as she said it, they would all know exactly where they should go and what to do. No more wasted time in hallways trying to crowd control.

"Ow! Moooom!" Wrecker let out a particularly loud screech as Beth tried getting the sponge into the grooves of his ear. She finally snapped out of her reverie.

"Sorry baby." She let the sponge fall into the soapy water, which was looking a bit murky now, giving her satisfaction that she hadn't been overreacting at his need for a good scrub. "Here, I'll let you finish, okay? Wash your legs and feet, then you can rinse off. I'll get some clean clothes and check on the others real quick."

She was really quick. It's like her body was moving on auto-pilot, handling as many things at once before going back to her room. Time was the enemy and she was not going to let it win. Turning on the heater, of which she was usually so conservative in using, while running down the hall. Throwing an armful of clean pajamas into the laundry room dryer to get them nice and toasty. Checking to make sure the other four boys had followed her instructions for their hand-washing and room assignments. Breaking into her Costco reserve of tissues, ensuring there was a box in each room. Digging out the spare air mattress for Tech to use in the dining room. Even getting some broth into a big pot to start cooking on the stove. Within the time it took Wrecker to finish his scrub and get out of the tub, Beth had returned with all the important tasks completed.

"This towel is really soft," said Wrecker. He snuggled into the folds of the fluffy white bath towel as he dried off. Beth chuckled as she set his pajamas on the counter, fresh from the dryer.

"Would you rather have that one instead of the Hulk?" she teased, referring to an inside joke they now had, based on what Beth dubbed as The Great Beach Towel Fiasco of Christmas '22. 

Wrecker tried to laugh but ended up coughing instead. "Momma, am I really getting sick?"

"Afraid so," she said as she she helped him into his warm clothes. "Don't worry, we'll make sure it's not too bad this time."

"Does this mean I get to sleep in here with you?"

Beth nodded and his face instantly lit up.

"Can we watch a movie?"

"Sure. What should we watch?"

While Wrecker mulled it over, Beth was already counting through various devices in her head, to see if she'd have enough for the other boys to be able to watch something, too. Being split up into different rooms would surely cause some shenanigans if she didn't get ahead of it with enough activities.

"The Avengers!" Wrecker finally exclaimed before falling into another fit of coughs.

"Shh, baby, take it easy." Beth pulled him to her and rubbed a soothing hand over his back until the coughs subsided. "You sure you want to watch superheroes? Not pirates?"

"Yeah. The pirate game was lame. Tech just talked the whole time and Hunter didn't let me have a cannon."

Beth guided him over to her bed and got him settled in under the blankets. She briefly thought back to when they'd first moved into this house, how difficult it had been to get them to sleep in their own rooms for the first time. Many a night she'd been awoken to a boy or two sneaking in to snuggle next to her. It was sweet at first, but soon she desperately needed her alone time and had to make a hard and fast rule. Momma's room: off limits.

Unless someone was sick, of course.

It was late, probably close to midnight. Wrecker was nestled against her side, his eyelids heavy but still clinging on to consciousness as the end of their now third movie played out. He was warm, but the thermometer kept spitting out a normal reading, so it was likely just their combined heat from snuggling under so many blankets. So far he'd only complained of a cough and headache.

She'd gotten the others tucked into their respective places a few hours prior. Echo on the couch. Tech on the air mattress with a blanket fort he'd insisted on building around it. Crosshair in his own bed while Hunter had volunteered to take the other bedroom instead. They'd all been fed a some chicken noodle soup and orange juice. Vitamins had been passed around and a combination of air purifiers and humidifiers set up in the rooms. If she was lucky, Beth wouldn't have to deal with any severe symptoms from them and could just help Wrecker's cold pass.

But no sooner did she have that very thought than her bedroom door cracked open to reveal a not-so-good looking Tech peeking through.

"Mom," he whispered. "My throat hurts."

She wanted to sink into the mattress, so deep that she could never be found. Maybe if she hid long enough, it would all blow over and she wouldn't have to deal with any of it.

"I'll be there in a minute, dear. Just lay back down."

She made to get out of bed but Wrecker clung to her.

"Don't leave me...."

"Wreck, I've got to help your brother real quick."

Tech did not end up leaving, but instead came further into the room with little whines as he held his throat. Echo was behind him.

"Tech, Mom said we had to stay in our rooms."

The door was wide open now. She could hear a cough from down the hall, and as she tried to pry herself from Wrecker's hold, Crosshair shuffled in coughing, and Hunter followed right behind with concern.

Beth gave up. She huffed and fell back against her stack of pillows. Even she could feel her sinuses starting to swell up. They were all sick now. There was nothing left to fight.

"Come on." She lifted up the edge of the blanket and motioned for them all to join. One by one they piled into her bed, some next to her, some on the other side of Wrecker.

Credits were rolling on a long forgotten movie as the six of them all huddled together, commiserating in their shared predicament; ill, or just becoming so, but quietly cherishing the unexpected moment of being so close together, just as they once used to. Beth had already accepted the inevitable, but still had one concern left on her mind. But it was almost as if her beloved sons could read her mind, or sense her apprehension, as the comfort came soon after.

"Don't worry, Mom, we'll make sure you don't get sick, either."

"Yeah, we'll help you feel better, too."

"It's okay, Momma...."

They'd be alright, she was sure of it. They'd get through these sick days just like they got through everything else.... together.