As Loki approached their cottage he realized this was the first time in his very long life he felt like he was coming home. The thought snuck up on him, quiet yet resounding. He had felt his longing for this place since he had left, a constant ache in the back of his mind. But he hadn’t had a name for it until now. He was homesick.
Recognizing it now, he wanted to repeat it over and over again. Home. Loki imagined at one point he would have been horrified to think of a place like this as home. It was quaint and unassuming, one story high composed of only a kitchen, a sitting nook and their bedroom. A far cry from his days living in a palace. And yet it was perfect to him, or at least it would have been if Sylvie had liked it.
He knew the idea of “settling” was always going to be foreign to her. She tensed at his every suggestion of finding a place to live, and even after surrendering to the fact that they couldn’t keep living in the TVA, she seemed petrified of every other option they had tried. From the grand stone vila, to the manor Thor had recommended overlooking the water, Loki could tell from the moment they entered that Sylvie simply hated them. Even through her hearty denial, it was obvious from the way her eyes darted and her stance hardened, she simply didn’t want to be there.
Their current residence brought only apparent indifference. Loki typically would have tried for more, but it seemed as if that was the best they were going to achieve. If nothing else it was a marked improvement from her active disdain of everywhere else. So he prayed that eventually she would settle in, grow to love the space they shared or at least appreciate the life it contained, but as they spent more time living there her discomfort seemed to only get worse.
She didn’t have much to move in, but what she did she kept shoved in a duffle bag at the back of their closet just beside their bed. Loki had encouraged her to find some new things to decorate their home with, or at very least to actually unpack her few possessions but she had merely scoffed at his suggestions as if he was mad. After that, her discomfort rapidly spiralled to the point that she seemed to be in active avoidance of the house's walls, instead of spending most of her time outside and only coming in to sleep or when absolutely nencessary.
Every time he tried to ask her about it Sylvie would insist she was fine, that she was just adjusting, but it broke Loki’s heart to see her so obviously struggling. He had tried everything to improve the situation, putting up small pieces of Asgardian decor on the walls, then taking them down when she would scowl at them every time she passed, lighting candles that smelled of the sea that she seemed to blow out whenever he wasn’t looking, leaving the door open like she was a feral cat he was trying to lure inside. But nothing seemed to help.
He supposed, he shouldn’t have been surprised the solution came not by any of his efforts but by sheer luck.
Spending all of her time outside, often without anyone to talk to or anything to do, Loki could tell that Sylvie was itching for a way to fill the time. Eventually, her long walks into the nearby woods became tiresome and she turned her attention back to their lawn. The old cottage owners had apparently once had a garden, likely a rather bountiful one at some point, but lack of care and attention had left it overgrown and withering. Sylvie’s interest in it had started as an annoyance. Roots and weeds constantly grew beyond its confines creating both an eye sore, and the occasional tripping hazard. It took her rolling her ankle once to send Sylvie pulling and pruning at the overgrowth. Even at a glance, Loki could see what a massive project that was going to be, but Sylvie seemed committed to it and he was honestly grateful that she had something to do that didn’t require her wandering off at all hours of the day. So he watched every day as their lawn became a bit tamer.
The afternoon Sylvie had called him to come outside, he had assumed the worst. That something terrible had happened to her or that she had found something buried and rotting in their lawn. He was surprised to find her standing above a cluster of small purple buds beginning to poke out of the ground, a huge grin spreading across her face.
“I think it’s dragonseye,” she explained, Loki now being able to place the lilt in her voice, not as fear but as excitement. “It could also be netherbloom, but I think it would be too cold for that here. They must have been planted before, but those damn weeds kept them from blossoming.”
Loki watched in amazement as she gently brushed the bulbs, almost affectionately, before looking up at him, eyes wide with wonder.
“That’s great,” he stammered.
Sylvie nodded in agreement before turning her attention back to the small blooms.
“I wonder what else is growing under all this,” Loki tested encouragingly with a glance to the mess of tangled vines and roots.
“I don’t know,” Sylvie sighed, before taking a closer look at the weeds, “but I guess I’m going to find out.”
In the weeks following what once had been nothing more than a hazard and an eyesore, slowly was carved away into something beautiful and flourishing. Sylvie had found a number of other seedlings and stems beginning to grow now that they finally had a chance to. Slowly they had begun to sprout adding pops of colour speckled across their front yard.
Sylvie spent hours working away at what eventually became her flourishing garden. From sun up to sun down she plucked, pruned and planted. She had even begun making her way into town for something beyond the bare necessities as she began asking local florists and fellow gardeners for tips on caring for particularly tricky plants.
After a few months, her garden was in full bloom. Flowers and herbs sprouted, bright and flourishing, surrounding their home with a fresh scent of summer air.
Even as Sylvie still seemed to resent the inside of their home, Loki was grateful she had managed to find something worth loving on their property. He wasn’t surprised to find her working away at it as he approached the path up to their door. Loki couldn’t comprehend how much he had missed her until he saw her face again. It had only been a few days, a meeting with the United Nations about his formal pardon he couldn’t miss, that Sylvie had no interest in attending, but it was the longest they had spent apart from each other since finding each other after the Citadel and Loki hoped the longest they would have to for a long time.
Not wanting to disturb her focus, Loki just watched as she sank her hands into the dark soil moving to cover a small sprout. Once she patted it down with a look of satisfaction, he cleared his throat to catch her attention.
“Welcome back,” Sylvie smiled, wiping her hands and getting to her feet.
“Miss me?”
Sylvie looked down, her smile softening.
“A bit,” she admitted.
“Well, that’s disappointing,” Loki teased, pulling her towards him. “Here I was missing you a lot.”
Sylvie laughed before pressing her lips onto his.
“Look’s like you were busy,” Loki nodded to the new collection of stalks poking out of the ground.
“Mr. Fergson asked us to take them. His wife planted them years ago and she can’t take care of them anymore. He didn’t want her to have to watch them wither.”
“And he came to you?”
“He had overheard me talking to Freya about our Hawkstail, thought I might be interested” she shrugged.
“It’s nice he thought of you to look after something he cared so much about,” Loki noted, watching as Sylvie froze before nodding carefully.
“It was,” she agreed.
Loki’s next words were interrupted by a heavy rain drop falling down his face. He turned up to study the rapidly darkening sky.
“We should get inside,” he managed, even through Sylvie’s slight shift in obvious apprehension.
“We can make soup,” he added, glancing at the pile of carrots she was clutching.
With a tentative nod, Loki followed Sylvie into the warmth of their home.
The rain only got worse after that, quickly dissolving from a light drizzle into a full-on downpour. As approached Sylvie, bowls of warm carrot soup in hand, he watched her glance nervously out the window.
“All this rain will be good for the plants,” he encouraged.
“I’m worried about the wind,” Sylvie admitted, stepping closer to the window.
As if summoned by her concern, a howl of wind pushed the panes open and blew through the room.
Loki rushed up to shut them, this time securing the window with a lock before making his way back towards Sylvie. Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her down onto the couch.
“They’ll be okay. They’re tough,” Loki muttered into her hair, “have to be if you grew them.”
His words seemed to reassure her, as she rested her head against in shoulders.
They finished their soup in comfortable silence before Sylvie let out a yawn and leaned closer against him. Loki felt his own exhaustion weighing on him. He figured they should probably move to the bed, but he felt so warm and heavy he just let sleep take him there.
The sound of thunder sent Loki tumbling back into wakefulness. He felt a cool breath wash over him as he tried to make out his surroundings through the dark of night. Turning towards Sylvie he was met only with swirling shadows and empty space. Panic poured into Loki, as he searched the room his eyes locking on their front door, flung wide open sending in the spray of rain and the cold exhale of a thunderstorm.
Stumbling to his feet, Loki made his way out into the storm finally able to make Sylvie out against the onslaught of rain.
“Sylvie,” Loki screamed through the howl of the wind rushing up to her.
She stood frozen, staring at a pile of overturned dirt and branches that was once her garden. Loki felt a twinge in his heart at her apparent devastation.
“Sylvie,” he tried again more gently.
She showed no reaction to his calls.
“We need to go,” he attempted, pulling at her hand. But she stood locked in place. Thunder cracked over them, sending another flash chasing after it.
“It’s not safe out here,” he pleaded, “we need to get inside.”
“It’s gone,” Sylvie muttered more to herself than to him.
Loki gave her arm another pull, but still she refused to move away from the barrow. Resigning his defeat, Loki wrapped her arm around his shoulders and lifted her legs out from under her. She slightly twitched in his hold but made no effort to stop him. Just laying numb and unmoving in his grasp.
Loki stumbled back through the door, slamming it shut and letting the blissful warmth of their home refill the room. He softly placed Sylvie down on the couch. She was sopping wet, rain drenching her hair and through her clothes causing it to cling to her skin, and leaving her violently shaking. Although Loki couldn’t tell if it was from the shock or the cold. He took her hands, letting his magic dry the both of them.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice tender.
Sylvie shifted in place, the fog lifting behind her eyes. She looked down at her hands, then out the window before her expression went cold and her posture stiff.
“I’m going to bed,” she muttered as she got up, leaving without another word.
Morning came with clear skies and cooler breezes. Loki woke up to Sylvie seemingly still asleep, turned away from him and breathing slowly. He reached out a hand to run through her hair. Every ache in his body wanted him to stay in bed beside her. His limbs felt heavy and the air was cold against the warm weight of his bed. But his dread gnawed louder, so with a sigh, he rolled his way out of bed to survey the damage.
He knew what he was going to find before he saw it, but his heart still broke when he saw the marring. Branches from a nearby tree had crashed their way through her garden, knocking over entire bushels and spouts and overturning the soil. The wind had swept up some of the smaller sprouts, leaving them torn and wilted and the rapid change in temperature left the leaves and petals of many plants grey and cracked.
Studying it Loki couldn’t help but mourn for the hours lost spent allowing it to grow, the work and the care Sylvie had poured into it. Tearing his sight away he made his way back into their room, taking a seat on Sylvie’s edge of their bed. As he leaned towards her Loki realized she wasn’t asleep as he assumed, but instead was just lying still, staring blankly at the wall.
Loki lightly reached for her shoulders but she shrugged him off.
“It’s gone,” Sylvie repeated.
It wasn’t a question but Loki found himself nodding in confirmation regardless.
“Sylvie, I’m so sorry,” Loki whispered.
She didn’t respond, instead just kept her eyes trained forward.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Loki offered carefully, searching in desperation for any way to make this situation better.
“No,” she breathed, her voice sounding ragged.
“Do you want space?”
“Don’t you have something to do today?” she challenged.
“I was supposed to be meeting Thor later, but I don’t have to go.”
“You should go,” she let out flatly.
“Do you want me to?”
Sylvie was quiet for a long moment before she let out a heavy sigh.
“You should go,” she repeated a bit harsher through a swallow.
Conceding his defeat Loki gave Sylvie a last reassuring smile.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Loki promised before leaning over and planting a light kiss on her cheek.
For the rest of the day, all Loki could think about was her. He felt awful for leaving her alone, every one of his instincts screamed telling him it was a bad idea, but he also understood he didn’t always know what Sylvie needed to process and the last thing he wanted to do was intrude. The more selfish part of him struggled with his own powerlessness being around her when she was in this state. Knowing he was useless to pull her out of it.
He was grateful when the day finally ended, but still, he felt a nagging sense of panic, a cold stone pressing through his stomach as he rushed back home, stopping outside their door he glanced at the destruction again.
He knew how much her garden had meant to Sylvie, how her eyes seemed to light up when she talked about it. He hated the knowledge that this would be another thing she lost, not by any fault of her own, but by a cruel stroke of fate. Rubbing a hand across his face Loki pushed his way inside.
Instantly he could sense something was wrong. The space felt unnaturally still, eerily quiet.
“Sylvie!” Loki cried, desperation landing heavy on his tongue.
He knew that silence was going to meet him before his pleas even left his lips. Rushing into their bedroom, he found only an empty bed and a thrown blanket. The bag that held all of her belongings was gone, leaving a note scribbled in its wake. Only two words long, it still managed to shatter what was left of Loki’s heart.
“I’m sorry.”
Crumpling the note Loki raced back outside. The rain of the night before had left the ground soft and muddy. He thanked every drop for making it so he could still make out Sylvie’s boot prints. Looking out into the setting sun, he took a shaking step forward to follow her.
By the time he found her the sun had slipped away into the shadow of night. As Loki finally laid eyes on her, his body swarmed with cool rich relief, extinguishing the hot panic building in his chest. She was leaned up against a tree, her face flushed and breathing hard.
“I suppose I should be grateful,” Loki called, frigid anger rapidly overtaking the space left behind by his panic, “at least this time I got a note.”
Sylvie froze, refusing to meet his eyes she reached for the straps of her bag flung over her shoulders.
“What are you doing here?” she managed through tight breaths.
“Did you really think I was just going to let you disappear into the night? Without even saying goodbye?”
Sylvie tightened her grip, her eyes darted into her surroundings. Loki knew the expression of someone cornered and looking for an out. He had seen it in his own reflection too many times not to.
“I’m trying really hard here Sylv,” Loki whispered, his voice harsh, “I am trying to be patient, I am trying to be understanding. And I have no qualms with doing that for you, but you can’t do this. You have to meet me halfway. That means telling me when something’s wrong. Not just running away from it. From me.”
Sylvie absently began rubbing her boot into the ground, still avoiding looking at him.
“It’s-” she started quietly, “it’s stupid.”
“Try me, can’t be stupider then this,” Loki challenged.
Sylvie winced before lowering herself to take a seat and inhaling a long breath.
“Everywhere I’ve ever lived has been destroyed. Everything I’ve ever touched, I’ve seen burn,” she spoke with a tremble. “I want to live with you, I want to be happy here. I do. But every time I step into that house, into any house, I just keep thinking about how eventually it’s going to be destroyed too. And you love it so much, you want a life there. I just know that as long as I’m there it can never be that for you. I tried to change, I swear I did. I found that garden, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was helping something grow, instead of breaking it apart. I let myself believe that things could be different, that I could be different. But then-” her voice trailed off as she looked down, but her implication was obvious.
“So I know it’s small and dumb, and that it was just plants and dirt. I know I overreacted and shouldn’t have run, but I’m so sick of watching my worlds be torn down.”
Loki felt himself moving towards her until her face was in his hands.
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“It feels like it is,” Sylvie retaliated. “I just don’t want you to lose your home because of me.”
Loki leaned down to meet her lips, they were warm against his chill. As Loki took her in he realized, this is what he felt for when he ached to come home. This is what he missed. What he longed for. Not a place, but knowing she was there.
“You are my home Sylvie,” Loki smiled through swelling tears. “As long as we’re together it doesn’t matter where we go. It doesn’t matter what comes for us. Bring on the floods and storms, let the sky come crashing down and the ground crumble beneath us, we can find a way to fix all that. The only way you could take my home from me would be leaving like this.”
Sylvie let out a trembling breath, letting her tears fall across his palm.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he nodded with a soft smile and a open hand.
“I should have told you about all of this sooner,” she managed as Loki helped pull her to her feet. Together they began to make their way back.
“That would have been nice,” Loki agreed, “But I shouldn’t have pushed us to leave if you weren’t ready.”
“We couldn’t keep living in the TVA,” Sylvie retorted with a head shake. “I’m pretty sure if we hadn’t left soon Mobius would have just thrown us out himself.”
Loki smiled, conceding to her point and wrapping his hand around hers. Despite the circumstance, being able to just walk with her at dusk was admittedly pleasant.
“I’m sorry about your garden,” Loki added after a moment, tentatively reapproaching the subject.
“It’s a silly thing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things.”
“It was important to you and it was taken away, that’s not silly.”
“It’s just dirt,” she sighed.
“It’s not, it was something you worked to grow.”
Loki felt his foot hit their doorway before even realizing they had already reached it.
Sylvie let out a breath, before turning to look at the wreckage.
“It’ll grow back,” she managed with something close to a smile.
Loki wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on top of hers.
“It will,” he promised.
Loki took in the morning sun shining across his face. He loved the touch of a new day dawning, even if it required him being so unnaturally early. Pulling away his focus, he tossed another tree branch into his ever-growing pile. He couldn’t understand how he had already collected so many, and yet still had so far to go. His progress was slow, ungodly slow, but as he knelt down to study the garden’s soil, already he could see signs of life peaking through.
“Morning,” a voice from behind him called.
Loki turned to face Sylvie, she was still wearing his sweater that she slept in the night before. Her hands were wrapped around a large green mug, lightly steaming in the cooler air.
“Morning,” Loki returned with a grin, “did I wake you?”
His question was lost to the look of realization pulling over Sylvie at what he was doing.
“Loki, you didn’t have to-” she started.
“I know,” Loki cut off, “but I meant it when I said there was nothing that we couldn’t fix together. Even this.”
Sylvie knelt down to look at the small sprouts that survived the carnage, beginning to peak up towards the sun.
“It’ll take a while,” Loki admitted.
“Well then, I suppose it’s good we’ll be sticking around then. These poor buggers will need all the help they can get,” Sylvie grinned.
“A good thing indeed.”
“Come on,” Sylvie encouraged, taking his hand, “I think you’ve earned a coffee break.”
Loki smiled as he let Sylvie pull him home.
