What Could Have Been Different

He had hoped for everything to be alright in the end. Andrew had every trust in Daisy, Melinda, and SHIELD that they would get it done. There was no doubt in his mind that they could defeat this Hive thing. That’s what they called it: Hive.

However, things only continued to turn for the worst after he was no longer Lash and Daisy was freed from the sway.

Lincoln. Lincoln was now dead. He sacrificed himself. He sacrificed himself for Daisy, for the team, and for the world. This hit Andrew harder than he realized. The kid and him had just started to hit it off and maybe start over from the dynamic they had previously, hoping to make things right between one another. Now, that was all down the drain as well.

The only good that had come out of all of it was that Hive was also killed in the process. Everything else had pretty much turned to shit. Everyone on base was grieving the loss of Lincoln. Daisy was the worst. Andrew knew the connection she and Lincoln had, and he had seen the footage from the Zephyr of her breakdown after it happened. He felt himself being almost brought to tears at the girl’s cries.

He hadn’t seen Daisy much, if at all, since then. SHIELD still kept her locked up in the containment rooms. Andrew wondered why that was. She was confirmed to be free of the sway, yet everyone was treating her like she was a criminal that needed to be detained. Sure, she was definitely experiencing rough withdrawals, causing her to go back to Hive when it became too much, but even without his PhD’s Andrew could see how the effects of Hive mimicked a drug and understood repercussions that needed to be taken in those instances, but the treatment Daisy was receiving from the people May claimed just a year ago to be the only family Daisy had was not what Andrew would call comforting or empathizing.

No one went down and talked to her. Not even just to make sure she was doing alright. The only time anyone would go down would be to grill her for information as if she was being interrogated. Whoever went down there, usually Coulson or Jemma, would talk to her in such a demining tone. Everyone was telling her that nothing was her fault, yet they were treating her like it was.

Most moments, Andrew found himself watching over the security footage of the containment room they kept Daisy in. He watched as Daisy hardly moved except for when she needed to use the bathroom. She stayed curled up in her bed all day, barely moving a single muscle. Andrew watched when she cried, when she got sick, and when she wallowed in her own tears.

May was able to take him from his own thoughts briefly as she approached with two mugs in her hand. She handed him the one with coffee in it. “Just how you like it.”

“Thanks.” Andrew took the mug into his hands as it sent warmth through him.

“There’s not gonna be much of a difference,” May commented about Daisy. Andrew wanted to say something, knowing that May was just trying to get him to focus on something else, but he stayed quiet. “She’s barely eaten according to Simmons, and we don’t even know if it’s because she can’t keep it down or if she’s purposely not eating.”

“Could be both,” Andrew replied. “Many people who experience upset stomachs or nausea as a result of anxiety or even emetophobia might intentionally not eat in fear of not being able to keep it down. But then again, do we know the extent of what Hive has done to her physical health and her immune system?”

May shrugged. “She’s definitely hell of a lot weaker than before the sway.”

“I also can’t help but think about how her vibrations are reacting to everything as well,” Andrew added. “I’ve heard her talk about how it’s like bees buzzing right underneath her skin while her brain is rattling in her head.”

“She’s lost control a couple of times, mostly due to nightmares. That’s why she’s in a containment room where her quakes are contained.”

Andrew sighed. The doctor side of himself was telling him that there were protocols and procedures that needed to be taken in circumstances like this, and sometimes they had to be extreme, but there was also the emotional side of him, the side that is constantly told needed to be compartmentalized when dealing with patients, that hated these procedures. Maybe it’s because he was inhuman too. Maybe it was because he understood, to an extent, some form of what Daisy was going through.

They all had pretty much left him in the dark in terms of how they were dealing with Daisy. So that led him to ask the question:

“What is being done to ensure she gets better and gets the help she needs?”

Andrew wasn’t too surprised when he was met with May’s brief silence. “Well, anything we could think of that she could possibly hurt herself with has been removed from the room. Simmons also checks in every so often to check her vitals...”

“What about improving her mental health?”

Again, silence.

May responded eventually. “Well... she won’t... she doesn’t really talk when anyone goes down there so...”

Andrew scoffed. “But have any of you actually talked to her? And I’m not talking about Coulson or Simmons going down to either checking on her physical health or trying to get information out of her. I mean just talking to her. Letting her know that things are going to be alright? Even if she doesn’t respond, at least let her know that you all are there.”

“Look, Andrew,” May started. “This is a delicate situation. One none of us really know how to handle properly.”

“Okay,” Andrew said, understanding that they might not know how to go about this level of trauma, but it still frustrated him a bit that none of them had really made an effort, and at the moment, Daisy was unable to get herself help if they kept her locked up like an animal. “Have you guys contacted someone, like a therapist, to talk to her?”

“Not really.”

He scoffed again. He honestly could not believe what he was hearing as he got up from the chair he was sitting in. “So you guys have her locked in a windowless room, all alone, expecting her to get better on her own when it is clear as day that she needs some serious intervention to get that help?”

“We-”

“Didn’t a year ago, you told me that you guys were the closest thing to family Daisy had? Cause from what this has showed me, you all sure as hell haven’t been acting like it.” Was it a low blow to throw at May? Yeah. To be fair, he wasn’t even mad at May specifically, and he definitely felt bad about blowing up her right now, but he was definitely frustrated with the whole team and how their treatment of Daisy has been. At least when extreme measures are taken at, say, a psych ward, the patients still had physiatrists and counselors who help them and steer them in the right direction.

“Coulson’s orders. No one steps foot in there until we know it is safe to do so.”

“Safe to do so my ass,” Andrew mumbled. “Wasn’t it confirmed that she was free from the sway? Sure, she’s suffering from withdrawals, but a therapist is probably the best bet she has to get through it, yet it’s like you all want her to get through it on her own when she clearly can’t. That’s also not to mention the grief she’s feeling from losing Lincoln, the guilt for everything she did under Hive’s control, and the PTSD she’s probably experiencing from all the horrible things that happened.”

“But don’t you remember what you did?” May asked. “You turned yourself in to SHIELD when you realized you would turn to Lash so that Lash could be in SHIELD’s hands.”

“Because Lash was an uncontrollable monster,” Andrew retorted. “Is Daisy a monster? Because that’s probably what she feels like right now.”

May sighed. She had been feeling bad about the situation. She wanted to help Daisy, truly she did, but with everything going on, it seemed the poor girl was slipping through the cracks. The foster system had allowed her to slip through, but May made a promise that she would never allow that for her now.

Andrew shook his before heading off. “Where are you going?” May asked.

“Going to talk to Daisy,” Andrew replied.

“What?” May caught up to him. “Drew, you’ve literally been through something traumatic as well. Don’t you think you should at least see a therapist first?”

“Probably, yeah,” Andrew added. “But in the meantime, who’s going to help Daisy get better?”

May sighed again. No plans had been made. Again, things were still pretty hectic along with everyone trying to grieve and process everything that had happened. Soon, May nodded. “Go.”

Andrew stood for a few moments in the containment module before stepping into the room. He wanted to get a brief reading on the girl from a distance at first before going fully in.

Daisy didn’t do much except for change her position from lying to sitting on the bed. The color in her skin looked much better than it did when they were in the quinjet, but it still looked too pale from a doctor’s standpoint. It wasn’t hard to notice that dark circles under her eyes and the tear stains that left their mark on her cheeks.

And for however long Andrew had been standing in the pod, Daisy never acknowledged that he was there. Andrew couldn’t tell if she actually hadn’t noticed him or was choosing not to look in his direction.

After a few more minutes of observing the girl, Andrew made his way into the containment room. Daisy’s attention was brought up now. There was a look of sadness in her eyes that struck Andrew, but he still tried his best to put on a brave face. May had once expressed just how young Daisy suddenly looked whenever she was hurt and in medical, and this was a moment that Andrew could tell what she meant by that. She was young, that was a given, but they were all reminded just how young she was compared to everyone else during such circumstances.

Another look that was in Daisy’s eyes was confusion. It was like she was asking the universe why anyone would want to voluntarily come in here, especially after everything that had just happened.

Andrew took a seat at the couch across from the bed with a sigh. The two of them sat in silence for quite some time. Andrew would sometimes wait, seeing if Daisy would speak to him on her own, but after almost an hour, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. That’s when he started to spark some small talk conversations.

He would talk to Daisy about his day. He would tell Daisy how everyone else was doing. Andrew knew that maybe Daisy wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened, but he wanted her to know that there were still people looking out for her and wanting her to get better. If no one else would help her see that, then he was willing to step up.

This lasted for a few more days. Daisy wouldn’t speak a word, her eyes still full of darkness and grief, but as time passed, Andrew could see some slight improvements. She would go from lying down to sitting up straight. She used to not look at him, and now she lets him know that has her full undivided attention. Instead of sitting towards the head of the bed, Daisy had pushed herself towards the foot of the bed, her legs perched over the edge.

Every so often, May would come in with tea or coffee for the two of them along with a small meal. Andrew was also happy to see Daisy eating as well. Some days, he could tell that she struggled, but she pushed through.

It really was amazing what treating someone like a human being instead of a pariah that needed to be locked away could do to a person.

It was when Andrew was telling a story about one of his family get togethers, the first one May had been to after they started dating, that Daisy had spoken for the first time in what felt like forever.

“I don’t know how to move on from this,” the young woman admitted.

Andrew pushed himself forward, setting his coffee mug on the coffee table, as he listened to what Daisy had to say intently.

“What I did...” she continued, “I don’t... I don’t know how to move on from this. I know I was brainwashed and all, but I remember everything. It felt as if those decisions were more own. He... It made me want to do the terrible things I did. Then Lincoln... it all feels like my fault.”

Andrew tried to find the words besides saying, “but it wasn’t your fault.” Those words weren’t going take away the memories and the deep feelings Daisy had.

“When I was Lash,” Andrew started. “I had wanted to kill the inhumans. Lash’s wants suddenly became mine as well. I truly believed that he was fighting for something much bigger than you or me. I don’t know why or how it happened, but the temptations were just too much. That’s something that I am going to have to live with forever.”

“But you don’t remember everything you did as Lash, do you?” Daisy asked.

“I remember some,” he answered. “It’s mostly blurry memories. It’s like Lash’s rage engulfed me and made any thought I had incoherent. But like you under Hive, it was like those decisions to kill were my own. Sometimes, these thoughts reached passed Lash and they were coming straight from my own mouth.”

“How do you live with it?”

Andrew sighed. “It’s gonna be a hard road, I know that. Trying to repent for everything that feels like you’ve done wrong can be almost as harmful to the mind as living with it, letting it eat you alive. But there’s no going back to the past and changing it. There’s only moving forward.”

Daisy nodded softly at Andrew’s words. “Some good came out of Lash though.” Andrew listened intently. “He... you saved me. I... never got thank you for that. So thank you for saving me.”

Andrew felt a warmth grow in his chest as Daisy’s words sunk in and the small smile that grew on his face was hard to wipe off. If that wasn’t enough, Daisy had stood up and made her way over to the couch. To his surprise, she hugged him. He was a little caught off guard as she hadn’t shown him this level of affection even before everything went down, but Andrew slowly wrapped his arms around the girl.

“You know,” Andrew began. “Lash and Hive seemed like similar beings, but something that Lincoln had told me, the inhuman designs were to create an equilibrium. Yin and Yang sort of thing.”

“He told me that too,” Daisy replied. “So Hive and Lash were made to balance each other out?”

“Seems like it.”

Daisy hummed softly. “Thank you for talking to me.”

Andrew understood before just how Daisy had made her spot in the hearts of everyone on the team, but now, he truly understood as he found himself caring for her as if she was his niece or something.

“You should get some rest,” he told her.

“Same time tomorrow?”

“Same time tomorrow.”

The days had shown so much improvement, in not just Daisy, but the entire team as well. Andrew was the one to open the flood gates of them coming down to see Daisy. Jemma would stay slightly longer when taking her vitals, talking to her best friend. Fitz would sometimes go down and show off whatever invention he had come up with or whatever he was fixing that day. Coulson and Mack always brought food down, telling stories about their lives before SHIELD.

What really warmed Andrew’s heart was when he found Daisy on the bed, cradled in May’s arms, both of them fast asleep. There was slight ping in Andrew’s heart, seeing May getting to have the future they had once planned without him, but he was still so happy for her and for Daisy, knowing she had the best out there looking after her.

As usual with recovery, there were also hard days. Sometimes the grief of losing Lincoln was just to much where Daisy would revert back to not talking at all, but that didn’t stop Andrew or the rest of them from being with her, letting her know that they were all there whenever she needed them to be. They all had realized just how much they needed to stand by her during this time.

Sometimes, the withdrawals would get bad. Luckily, they hadn’t been to the point where Daisy might end up harming herself, but they always did result in panic attacks. Each of them made sure to eb there to comfort her and bring her back down when they happened, and after they happened, Andrew made sure to discuss it with Daisy.

Soon, Daisy was deemed well enough to finally go upstairs and back to her own bunk. Andrew and Daisy still had their talks; he wasn’t going to leave until he knew for sure Daisy was at a point in her recovery where the withdrawal moments were not as frequent.

One day. The two of them found themselves at the dining table in the common room. Someone had left the TV on with the news channel playing. Andrew had placed Daisy’s mug of tea on the table, realizing just how hyper focused she was to the screen.

“Another attack on an inhuman was reported in downtown Los Angeles this afternoon. Sources say that the attack was orchestrated by the Watchdog organization, most known for their goal to rid those of enhanced abilities such as the inhumans. Here’s senator Ellen Nadeer with more on the subject...”

Andrew did not hesitate to grab the remote and switch the television off. “You shouldn’t pay attention to all that right now,” he told Daisy. “It’ll make you go crazy.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Daisy asked as Andrew sat across from her.

“Does what bother me?”

“Ever since the Sokovia Accords went live, it’s almost as if the attacks on inhumans have been becoming more frequent. I thought these Accords were supposed to help keep us safe, but it feels like the government is just allowing all of this to happen with no punishment for those who are behind the attacks.”

“I’m sure once the Accords have been fully in place, then everything will be put into place,” Andrew suggested, but he wasn’t sure if he even believed that. Truthfully, it had bothered him quite a bit too.

“I mean, these are our people,” Daisy continued. “We’re being slaughtered in masses just because of something we are born with.”

“People are always willing to look for a reason to hate. Once they are told they are not allowed to hate on one thing, they go out and look for another.”

Daisy nodded, really understanding what Andrew was saying and knowing that he was talking about so much more than being inhuman.

“Some of these people probably wouldn’t have to be facing this if I hadn’t quaked the terrigen crystals into the ocean.”

There it was again: Daisy blaming herself for something that was most definitely not her fault.

“You did what you had to do to make sure your mother didn’t murder more people with the crystals.”

“But she was still right about the world not being ready for us. I mean look around.” Andrew nodded. “Every time I hear about an attack, deep down, I just want to leave the base and go out and make sure those people are protected. I’m safe here, but everyone else is being fed to the wolves with the people who said they would help doing nothing.”

“Maybe now isn’t the best time for that,” Andrew explained. “But I know you, Daisy. I know how much you care about people. I know that once you are ready, you are going to go out and help those people.”

“Like how you’ve been helping me?” Daisy asked.

“Maybe not in the same way I do as a therapist,” Andrew chuckled softly. “But you will be making a difference in the inhumans’ lives. You’ve already made a difference in mine.”

Daisy met Andrew with a smile. She had been smiling more and more recently, really embracing the love and care her family had given her during this time. She held up her mug. “To making a difference.”

Andrew tapped her mug with his. “To making a difference.”