Always Be My Baby

Tony sat on the couch and watched Peter playing on his iPad with Morgan. It was almost bedtime and he usually took away screen times right before bed but Tony decided to let them play on it, just for tonight. 

His anxiety was racing. 

Tonight was the night that they were going to stop the bottles. 

Him and Pepper had a full week conversation about it, trying to come to a conclusion that they both agreed upon. Mainly Tony. They were supposed to begin the weaning a week ago but Tony desperately needed one more week of peace before all hell broke loose. 

He was scared. 

Scared was an understatement. 

They were about to wean Peter off the bottles and Tony was terrified Peter was going to hate him for it and maybe, possibly want Steve back. It was a ridiculous thought… but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking it. 

The plan was to start with the bottles first. Since those were less addictive than the pacifiers. They would start off by giving Peter one weaning bottle tonight in bed but no more after that. Then in the morning, he’ll get one weaning bottle when he wakes up but no more for the rest of the day. That will continue for the next few nights, it was undecided how long, then, the bottles would be completely gone and switched out for a sippy cup for the next few nights, then eventually to an open cup. 

Tony knew this was going to be hell. 

And he didn’t even want to think about dropping the pacifiers yet. Maybe he’ll save that for next year. God. He hated this part of fatherhood because moving on from one stage to the next when your kid wasn’t ready was a really sad and heartbreaking thing. 

He could already hear Peter’s upset and confused cries in his head. 

He checked the time, seeing that it was 7:50pm so about time for bed. He looked over at Pepper, she looked just as anxious as him. 

“Alright, guys, it’s time for bed.” 

“Five more minutes.” Morgan asked, looking to be really interested in what the two of them were doing on the iPad. “Please.” 

Tony stood up to see what they were doing. Morgan was about to beat the next level of Temple Run so he would be a monster to take that away from her. “Finish that level and then bed time.” They still had to shower, put on pyjamas and brush their teeth and although Morgan did all of that alone with just a quick good night kiss, it’ll take a bit to do all of that with Peter. 

“Aww you were so close.” Peter praised her. “We can play it again tomorrow when you wake up. Since it’s Saturday and all.” He handed the iPad to Tony when he held his hand out for it. 

“Let’s go up, you two.” 

Both of them raced upstairs and into Morgan’s bedroom. “Pete. Come back this way. Wrong room.” Tony stood by his bedroom door, waiting for Peter to come out of the bedroom. “Peter, let’s go, bud.” 

He ran out, running back down the hallway towards Tony. “Am I gonna have a bath or shower tonight?” He asked as he started stripping out of his clothes, taking off his underwear to show Tony. “They’re dry. Touch.” 

“Wow. They are. I’m so proud of you.” Peter’s been doing incredible the past week with his potty training. He’s been in underwear all day and all week he’s only had one accident which was Tony’s fault since he forgot to remind him to go pee when he’s been chugging down milk all day. “And a quick body wash shower.” 

He reached in and turned the water on, making sure it was the right temperature. “Try not to get your hair wet. Got it?” 

“Got it.” Peter stepped into the shower and immediately filled his mouth up with water to spit it out but then he saw Tony walking out of the bathroom. “Where are you going?” He stepped out to follow him. 

“I’m just going-” Tony turned around just in time to watch Peter slip on the slippery bathroom floor and land smack onto his bare butt. “Oh. Bud. Are you okay?” 

Peter sat there for a few moments but the fall scared him more than hurt him so he started crying. Tony wanted to get to him before he was full on sobbing so he picked him up and brushed the hair off his face. “Don’t cry. You’re okay, hey, did you see the new body wash mom bought? I think it smells like green apples.” 

“I-I saw it.” Peter sniffled, catching his balance as Tony placed him back on his feet in the shower. 

“Wow. Doesn’t it smell so delicious. I could eat it.” He admitted but then thought Peter of that. Peter would actually eat it. “But don’t eat it. It’s inedible.” 

Peter sniffled. His bottom was hurting a bit from the fall but he did feel better now. He handed Tony the soap so he could wash his body and get out of the shower to have a bottle and relax for bed. 

“Hold out your hands.” 

“Noo. You do it.” He whined, placing his hands behind his back. 

“Pete, I can’t do it all the time. Soap up your body and then I’ll rinse you off.” Tony tried to grab one of Peter’s hands but it was hidden behind his back. He sighed. One battle at a time. “Fine. Just this once.” 

Once shower time was over, Tony wrapped a towel around his boy and walked into the bedroom after him. Pepper was already in there and showed Tony the weaning bottle when Peter wasn’t looking. Tony nodded. He was dreading this so much. 

He grabbed a diaper from the box and set it on the bed, next to Peter. “Lie down, bubs.” Tony opened up his towel, getting a diaper on him then closing the towel again so he could cuddle up in it. 

“Baba.” Peter mentioned as he kicked out of the towel and crawled into the cold blankets. “Daddy. Baba.” He said again when no one heard him. 

Now it begins. 

Tony grabbed the weaning bottle off the dresser and handed it to Peter, watching him carefully. He read about 500 parenting books about how to wean children off of bottles but nothing prepared him for actually doing it. 

This was going to be so, so hard. 

Peter took the bottle and looked at the spout. He looked at Tony like it was a mistake and handed it to him. When Tony didn’t take it, Peter poked it. “It’s the wrong baba.” 

“It’s not. It’s the right one.” 

“No.” Peter pointed at the top. “See? It’s not a baba.” 

“Baby, this is your new baba. It’ll help to wean you off of your bottle.” As soon as those words left Tony’s mouth, Peter threw himself down on the bed and began kicking his legs out, screaming and thrashing in the bed. Tony just watched him. Peter was protesting and something went on with Steve’s raising that if Peter cried enough, he’d suddenly get what he wanted. And that only worked… sometimes with Tony and Pepper. Only sometimes. But it couldn’t work now. 

After a few minutes of Peter screaming, Tony decided to reach over and grab him, pulling the squirming boy onto his lap but Peter was fighting him. 

“NOOO! Dad. Daddy! Get off me! Go away!” He sobbed, kicking and thrashing in Tony’s arms. Tony had no choice but to let him go. He watched Peter slide off the bed and waddle his way into the hallway, crying so hard that he was coughing and gagging on the fingers shoved into his mouth. 

It was then that Tony truly realized how badly Peter depended on bottles and pacifiers and how he truly had no idea how to calm himself down without it. 

If you put Peter in a room with nothing and he was forced to calm down, he would probably give himself a heart attack with how badly he got himself worked up. 

He stood up and followed Peter into the hallway. Peter was standing near the top of the stairs, absolutely sobbing. “Peter. Let me help you-” 

“N-n-n-n-n-no. NO!” 

Okay. He was hyperventilating. Tony crossed the distance between them and lifted him into his arms but this time, Peter didn’t fight him. Drool dripped onto Tony’s arm but he was so used to it, he didn’t even care. He pulled Peter’s fingers out of his mouth and put his hand into a fist then stuck his thumb in his mouth. “Shh. Suck your thumb.” 

Peter didn’t take to it. “No! Give-give-give-give-give-” 

“Shhh. Hey. Look at me. Take a breath and calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick, Peter. One big breath in,” Tony took a breath to try and call Peter. Peter copied him. “and out. Again.” 

They did it three more times and at the end of it, Peter wasn’t so worked up. He was still crying but he was doing so much better now. Tony was actually surprised that worked. Wow. Maybe this would actually be easier than he thought. 

“I-I want a bottle.” 

“I know you do but it’s not a healthy habit that you’re dependent on so you need to get off the bottles.” Tony simply explained to him, deciding that honesty was the best approach. 

“Nooo.” Covering his hands over his face, Peter cried into them. “I’m dying.” 

That was like a bullet straight through Tony’s heart and he was about to turn right then and there and run downstairs to get him a bottle. He took a few of his own deep breaths and tried to remain strong. 

“Don’t say that. I love you, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay, Peter. I love you so so much and daddy’s so very proud of you. I know this is hard right now. I know that. I do. But I’m doing this for you.” 

Peter cried into his hands harder, shaking his head. “No you’re not! You hate me!” 

That was the furthest possible thing from the truth. Tony kissed his temple but Peter pulled away and that hurt more than it should’ve. “No. I could never ever hate you. I love you so much, my baby boy. So much.” 

“Then give me a bottle.” 

Tony stayed silent. What was he supposed to do here? “I…” He debated on doing it… should he? Tony took a step towards the stairs and Peter peeked an eye out. 

“Dada.” 

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Peter fucking knows exactly what he’s doing. 

Tony turned and kissed his cheek. “I’m not giving you a bottle because I love you.” 

Of course Peter wouldn’t understand that and was about to play every single card in the book and send Tony to the fucking hospital from a heart attack. Tony would give it to him though; Peter was resilient. 

He was the most resilient person Tony has ever met. 

And he knew that was due to what Steve had put him through. Peter had to be resilient to stay alive and not let Steve win. 

But that also meant if he wanted a bottle, he was not going down without a fucking fight. 

Peter smacked his chest at his words. “If you loved me, you’d give me a bottle.” 

Tony walked into the master bedroom and shut the door behind them with his foot then leaned down to pick up the weaning bottle on the floor. After reading so many books on bottle weaning, some suggested that he give Peter a bottle but with water. And Tony knew that wouldn’t work as well since he still wanted to give Peter milk but he couldn’t have the comfort of the silicone nipple. 

He sat on the bed and tried to offer the weaning bottle to Peter again but he slapped it out of Tony’s hands. 

If looks could kill, Tony would be a dead man right now. 

The two stared at each other, no one saying anything for the longest time before Tony broke the silence. He stood up and laid Peter down on the bed but Peter sprung right back up. 

“I want my bottle.” 

“We’re trying to wean you off of them because you’re way too addictive to them, Peter.” 

Peter got off the bed and ran out of the room but Tony let him. Pepper was downstairs so maybe she could handle this for once. Tony needed a break. It didn’t take long before Peter was appearing at the doorway, sliding along the wall and looking at Tony through the curls falling over his eyes. 

Tony turned to him. 

Peter looked ready to murder someone and that look was directed right at Tony. 

He must’ve realized that Tony wasn’t going to follow him out of the room so he came back. 

“Give me a bottle or I won’t love you anymore.” 

Tony sat up straighter. “Don’t talk like that.” 

“Give me a bottle or I’m never going to love you again.” 

“You don’t need a bottle, Peter. The sooner you realize that, the easier everything will be.” 

Peter crossed his arms over his chest, pausing to think for a moment. “Give me a bottle or I’m not going to be your little boy anymore. I’ll grow up. Tomorrow. I’ll grow up tomorrow and-and you can’t do anything about that.” 

The fact that that was very possible scared Tony. But he knew Peter was just saying that to try and get to him so he tried so hard to not let that statement get to him. Tony stood up and approached him. “You’re angry and I get that. But you need to understand that your mother and I are trying to help you, baby, you can’t be so dependent on bottles anymore.” Pacifiers we’re next. 

Peter's full resolve broke. He fell to his knees, sobbing once again. 

Tony stood there and let him cry for a few moments. He knew it was important for Peter to feel these emotions and not have something shoved into his mouth to calm down with. He also needed Peter to come to him for comfort so as hard as it was, Tony sat on the bed and watched Peter sob in a ball on the floor. 

It was probably one of the hardest things Tony’s ever had to do. 

He took a deep breath when he felt his own tears start to fall. But he had to be strong. It took four minutes for Peter to lift his head up from the floor and look at Tony. 

“Daddy.” He cried out, reaching for him. 

Tony held a hand out so Peter stood up and stumbled his way over to him, collapsing into his chest. Tony lifted him up and held him, not bothering to say anything as Peter cried on him. He simply just held him and hoped that was enough. 

Morgan walked over and Tony was so distracted with Peter that he hadn’t even realized she was standing there. 

“Dad. Why’s he crying?” 

“Go back to sleep, Morgan.” 

“Well I can’t sleep because he’s crying so loud.” 

Tony stood up. He could only deal with one kid at a time and this was exhausting. “He’s being weaned off of bottles so he’s sad. Go back to your room and try to sleep, Morgan. Please.” 

“No one came to tuck me in.” 

“Morgan.” Tony snapped then immediately felt bad. “Just… I’ll be there in five minutes. Go wait for me in your room.” 

She walked away so Tony turned his attention back to Peter. “Do you want to try your sippy cup again?” 

Peter shook his head against him then nodded. Tony took that as a yes and walked around the bed, grabbed the weaning bottle and laid Peter back down. He handed it to him then laid down beside him and placed a comforting hand on his bare belly. “I hate to see you so hurt.” 

He watched Peter take a few sips but since the spout prevented him from latching on comfortably, he took it out of his mouth and rubbed his eyes. He was tired. And crying took so much out of him. 

“Why-why can’t I have my baba?” 

“Because, baby,” Tony caressed his wet cheek. “you need to learn how to self soothe by yourself and you’ve become too dependent on bottles.” 

Peter tried to understand that. “So… I’ll never have one again?” 

That was so hard to answer. The truth was no, he’ll never have one again. But that was hard for both of them. Tony liked to give Peter’s bottles since it offered him some comfort but he also liked the part of fatherhood where he had to wash all the bottles because he missed out on so many years of that already. 

“No, bud.” He had to be honest though. 

Peter stared at the sippy cup as he processed that information. They would give him weaning bottles right now but eventually it would be actual sippy cups then open cups. Tony would have to sort through all the sippy cups they’d keep for car rides or just to drink around the house, sippy cups that Peter wasn’t attached to. 

Peter also wasn't taking to the weaning bottle. He held a hand out. “Paci?” 

Since they weren’t dropping those just yet, not wanting to do too much at once, Tony turned over and grabbed one from his nightstand table, placing it in Peter’s mouth. “I want you to know that I’m not doing this to hurt you, baby.” 

“It feels like you are.” 

Ouch. “I know how it may feel. But, baby, you’ve become too dependent on bottles.” 

“I haven’t.” 

“You have, Peter. You need to learn how to self soothe. It’s very important.” Tony shouldn’t be one to talk, he calmed down by holding Peter or simply being near him. So he had some work to do himself. He reached a hand out to touch his rosy cheek. “I love you so much, Peter. You have no idea how much I love you.” 

“I love my bottles.” 

Tony sighed sadly. “I know. I know you do, baby. You’ll thank me for this one day.”

“I’ll never thank you for making me cry and hurt like this.” 

Tony took those words like a knife through his chest. 

He nodded. Peter was right. But so was he, one day Peter would thank him for weaning him off the bottles before they passed a point of no return. He was young enough now to get him off the bottles and teach him new methods of self soothing. 

Even if that included sucking on his thumb because Tony was sure that was going to be a lifelong habit. 

Tony was okay with that. 

The two of them continued staring at each other as they laid on their pillows. Tony didn’t respond to what Peter had said verbally but he did rub a comforting hand up and down his back, trying to lull him into a sleep despite his sad hiccuping as he tried not to start crying again. 

Peter fell asleep a few minutes later but Tony continued to rub his back, hoping to keep him asleep for longer. 

That took about three hours of crying and fighting. Not too bad for the first night but everyone was saying that nights two, three and beyond was the hardest. 

Night one bottle weaning down. 

.

.

.

Night one of bottle weaning was definitely not down. 

It was only the beginning. 

At some point through the night, Peter woke up crying and woke Tony and Pepper up with his loud wails. Tony got to him first and immediately started searching for the bottle until he remembered that they weren’t doing that right now. Urg. 

“Shh shh. Come here.” He grabbed the pacifier that fell out of Peter’s mouth and sat up, pulling him into his arms. 

“Wan’ baba!” 

“Shh shh shh. Close your eyes.” 

“Tony. Want me to take over?” 

“No. I’ve got him.” He stood up to try and get him back to sleep but Peter was still hung up on wanting milk. 

He decided that he wasn’t getting back to sleep that night. 

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.

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He found himself on the couch at six in the morning with Peter tucked against his side, sucking on a popsicle. Apparently a popsicle was the only thing to call Peter down and he was on his third of the day. 

Pepper made healthy juice pops so there was no sugar in it meaning Tony didn’t have to worry about that. 

Last night was brutal. 

Peter kept crying for a bottle and would sleep in short intervals. Twenty minutes or so on then he’d be awake and crying for about twenty minutes then back to sleep for another twenty minutes. 

It was by far the worst Tony’s had with him since he was a newborn baby. 

The thing is, Peter’s never been a good sleeper. When he was a newborn, he only slept if he was on Peppers boob or being rocked by Tony. Then when he was a toddler, he started to learn how to talk and use his vocal cords for screaming until he got the boob or Tony. 

And now he is a teenager who is dealing with recovering from a kidnapping and he has reached the next level of difficulty. 

Eventually, Peter finished the popsicle and began chewing on the wood, biting down hard. Without saying anything, Tony took it from him and replaced it with his pacifier. 

He had been doing the same thing with his other popsicle sticks so Peter didn’t complain and only wrapped himself further around Tony, sighing against him. Tony had no idea how it happened or whatever angel was watching over them in that moment but Peter ended up falling asleep. Tony had no idea how. 

But at the angle he was at, his head kept slipping down and it was hard for Tony to keep it up so he slowly and ever so carefully re-positioned Peter so that he was laying across his lap with his head in his arm. It was much more comfortable and Tony could also look down at his perfect sleeping face and forget for a moment how difficult he’s been. 

Tony eventually fell asleep as well. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was sleeping for or what time it was when he woke up but Pepper was sitting on the sofa across from them, her face in a book that read Weaning For Stubborn Toddlers. 

There were no books on weaning a fourteen year old boy who’s been kidnapped twice and raised by a different man for seven years who also had separation anxiety and attachment issues and a whole other list of traumas. Yeah, he looked. 

Karen even struggled and had to have meetings with her colleagues who studied the function of a children’s brain when put through trauma to apply it to Peter so she could fully help him. 

“Morning.” 

Pepper looked up at him. “Good morning. He’s sleeping. Finally.” 

Tony hummed and looked down at him. He looked to be in a deep sleep. “What’s the time?” 

“It’s just past nine. Morgan is awake and playing quietly in her room and Harley is still sleeping.” 

Tony yawned. His arm was asleep but Peter was laying on it so he carefully had to move his head away, still making sure to keep it leveled. It was like Junga, trying not to make the tower fall by making the slightest movements. 

“This bottle thing is going to mess up his sleep schedule.” Tony admitted, still in a whisper, as to not wake Peter up but he was out for the count. 

“I know but we have to stick to it. It’ll only get easier.” 

Tony chuckled dryly. “Honestly… if it gets any harder, I think I’m going to have an aneurysm.” 

“Tony. Don’t joke like that.” 

“You have no idea why I just went through with him, Pepper. He-he was up all night crying. And crying. And begging me for a bottle. I didn’t give in. But I was close to. This was by far the hardest night I’ve had with him since he was a newborn baby.” 

“You can always wake me up. I’m used to the crying so I sleep through it and… well, it goes into my dreams instead.” 

Tony looked at her for a few moments but couldn’t help but laugh. “His cries bleed in through your dreams?” He laughed. “So while I’m struggling with him you’re just there in dream land?” 

Both of them laughed. It wasn’t really funny but it had to be if they were going to get through these hard times. “Basically. Yeah.” 

Tony truly didn’t mind. Yeah, sure, having to deal with Peter’s crying at night time was a lot sometimes but Tony wouldn’t be able to actually sleep if he let Pepper take over. No, he was way too involved and controlling to let anyone take over what was his responsibility as a father. 

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“Put your boots on.” Tony walked down the hallway with Aisers leash in his hand. He was healing amazingly from the dog attack about two weeks ago, his hair had pretty much grown in fully and he was back to running around and being active again. He was still on medication to help with any discomfort but he had a vet appointment on Monday and Tony was confident he would be fully cleared. 

So they were back to their daily walks now. 

Not so much daily, sometimes all they had time for was letting Aiser run outside in the backyard for a few minutes. 

Life was busy in the Stark house. 

Peter walked out of the bathroom in a pull-up so Tony turned back to look at Pepper since she was the one who put that on him. 

“He didn’t pee and I don’t want him peeing his pants in -1 degrees weather.” She explained and Tony nodded. That was good enough for him. He wished they could wait until summer to work on the potty training but besides for the occasional accident, Peter was doing amazingly well. 

“Alright.” Tony took the track pants from Pepper, kneeling down in front of Peter to help him get them on. “Remember, pull-ups are only for accidents. Got it?” 

“Yeah. I already know. Mom told me. And if I’m dry when we come back, I get a special treat.” He grinned. He knew he could stay dry because he hadn’t had anything to drink today. Not even one sip of water. He was protesting not getting his bottles by refusing to drink in anything other than his baba. And it was going pretty well so far. His dad wasn’t happy with him though. Oh well. 

Tony stood up after helping him and saw Morgan making a mess in the mud room. “Morgan. Chill out for a second. Look at this mess.” 

“I can’t find my purple mittens.” 

Peter walked in to see what was going on. “I’ll help you find them.” 

“No!” She pushed him away when he got close to her, clearly irritated. Tony knew why, she was up all night from Peter’s screaming. Tony was surprised Peter was in a good mood right now but that could change at any moment. 

“Peter, go finish getting your snow pants on. Morgan, how about we check in your basket? I think we’ll find it in there.” Tony reached up and pulled her labeled basket down from the cubby space. He dug in it and found the mittens that Morgan wanted. “I told you they’d be in here.” 

Behind him, Peter was climbing onto the shelf’s so Tony grabbed his arm and pulled him down. “Let’s get you dressed. Go grab your snowpants.” 

“Okay!” 

The only reason Tony was taking all his kids out for a walk was because they needed something physical to do with themselves and couldn’t go out to a store or something because of Peter’s bottle weaning so here they were, going for a walk in the freezing cold as the sun was beginning to set. 

Pepper walked into the room with a sippy cup in her hand, filled with grape juice. “Take a sip, Peter. It’s yummy.” 

“No.” Peter turned away from it. Since waking up, he drank nothing in protest of not getting any milk in a bottle and it was slightly concerning. 

Tony took the sippy cup from Pepper and kneeled down in front of Peter. “It’s grape juice, your favourite. Mmmm.” Peter watched him carefully. 

“Even daddy likes it.” Pepper nodded at Tony, encouraging him to take a sip from the sippy cup. If it would get Peter drinking, Tony would. So he took a sip of the watered down drink, feeling awkward and uncomfortable from drinking with a spout like that. 

“Wow. So good. Your turn.” He held it out for Peter, mentally fist bumping himself when Peter latched on and took a few sips, apparently he was thirstier than he thought. 

Tony held it for him while he drank, drinking about half the juice in the cup. Tony grinned. He was so happy he got some liquids in him. “Good boy. Do you want me to take it with us?” 

“I wanna bring my bottle.” Peter tried, already knowing the answer. 

“No bottles. But I can fill this up with milk if you want?” 

Peter thought it over, considering it, then nodded. 

“I’ll fill it up. You get him ready.” 

“Thanks.” He handed the cup off to Pepper so he could get Peter ready, while also making sure Morgan was getting ready. He put a coat on Aiser last and slipped into his own boots. 

The four of them, plus Aiser, were off. Tony held the leash while Peter, Morgan and Harley walked ahead, talking about something that Tony couldn’t make out but could still hear their voices. At the lights, Harley automatically grabbed Peter’s arm until he caught up then Tony reached for Peter’s hood, not fully trusting him not to run out onto the road which he had done before. 

Tony let them walk ahead again, just enjoying this moment of peaceful bliss before they went back home and bedtime rolled around. 

Truth was, Tony wasn’t that concerned about the bottles, they managed to drop it once before. The biggest concern was going to be the pacifiers and Tony had no idea how they were going to go about dropping those. 

He didn’t want to think about that right now and just enjoyed being with his children in a moment where no one was fighting. Tony let go of Aisers leash once they made it to the open field of the park and he ran a few steps ahead, rubbing against Peter. 

Shaking his head fondly, Tony smiled. 

Aiser was definitely Peter’s dog. 

Aiser was the first one Peter connected to after getting back. It was like their dog could sense Peter was the person that they all cried over so when he came back, he couldn’t sense their sadness anymore. Or at least not the kind of sadness that threatened to take over and destroy you. 

Tony just felt anger like that nowadays whenever he saw Peter struggle over something Steve installed in him. 

Hence the sippy cup he had in his hand he wouldn’t stop carrying around with him. But it made Tony smile. Usually it was a bottle, but now he was willingly carrying a sippy cup. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so hard. 

He kept playing with the idea of it being easy but he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Help me!” 

Tony had his eyes on Peter the whole time so his call for help didn’t alarm him. Peter was currently trying to climb up onto the play structure with one hand, the other one too busy keeping a firm grasp on the sippy cup. Tony stood underneath him. “How about you give me your sippy cup so you can actually use both your hands.” 

Peter handed it back to Tony then scurried on up, reaching down for it right after. 

“I can hold onto this.” 

“Nooo. Give it back.” 

“I’m worried you’re going to fall. You need both hands if you want to climb on the play structure.” 

“Then I’ll come off.” Peter already began climbing down, causing Tony to shake his head. 

“Pete, we’re here to play. Go play.” 

“My sippy cup.” He whined once he got down and tried to pet it out of Tony’s hands, whining when Tony didn’t immediately let go. 

He eventually gave in and pointed to the swings. “Let’s go on the swings then. I’ll push you.” 

“Push me too!” Morgan ran out of nowhere and beat Peter to the swings. There were two baby swings and two adult swings. “I’ll help Peter into this one.” She pushed one of the baby swings and Tony grabbed it before it swung in Peter’s face when he walked in front of it. 

“Morg, he’s going to sit in the normal swing. He doesn’t want to go in the baby swing, right, Petey?” Tony fixed his hat, standing behind one of the big swings. 

He watched Peter consider it, looking between the two then walking over to Tony’s swing. “Yeah. I’m not a baby. You are.” 

“I’m not a baby.” Morgan argued. “You are. You cry too much.” 

“Do not. You smell like a baby!” 

“Okay! No ones a baby. You guys are both fourteen and eleven so enough.” 

“I’m not fourteen anymore. I’m going to be eleven today.” Peter insisted and Tony would take that. When Peter was eleven, he didn’t have a bottle or pacifier and now things were so different. Age thirteen was probably the easiest so far with him and now fourteen was an all time difficult. 

If things got more difficult than this, Tony would surely end up with grey hair covering his whole body. But he was hopeful they were almost almost out of the deep end. 

He grabbed Peter and lifted him onto the swing, giving him one big push then pushing Morgan once to get her started but she waved him off. 

“I wanna do it by myself, dad!” 

“Okay. Do it then.” 

“Keep pushing me, daddy!” 

“I am, kid.” Tony gave him another push, trying not to get smacked in the face by Peter’s boots. Harley walked up next to them with Aisers leash in his hand. 

“Harley! Push me!” 

Tony would happily trade off. He was tired just thinking about Peter being difficult tonight for him and he was not looking forward to it. 

They didn’t stay at the park for much longer since it was starting to get dark out so they headed back. Peter begged Harley to give him a piggyback ride but Tony said no since he wanted Peter to walk and get more tired. 

Which resulted in Peter sitting on the sidewalk for five minutes in protest but Tony waited… patiently, and eventually Peter got the hint and walked himself home. 

“Boots off at the front door. No one is tracking snow into this house. Peter! Boots off. Now!” Tony saw him trying to sneak off down the hallway but he was not having it. He grabbed his arm, forcing him to sit on his butt then he pulled his boots off. “Lie down.” He unzipped Peter’s coat along with his snowsuit then got both off. 

“I want to go play.” 

“Wait.” Tony tugged off his pants and felt his diaper, feeling that it was full. “Did you poop?” 

“No.” 

That response was too quick which meant he did. Tony sighed. He was so tired of changing poops. He debated sending him off to Pepper but it was his responsibility since he was just out with him. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Cause… I didn’t poop.” 

Tony rolled him over and pulled the side back, immediately letting go when it almost got on his finger. “Yep. You did. Go wait for me in the living room.” He stepped over him to take off his own jacket and boots then walked into the kitchen to make himself a coffee. 

“Hey. How did the park go?” 

“Good.” He kissed her cheek then looked down at Peter looking up at him. He looked back to his coffee brewing. Hurry up hurry up hurry up. “Peter decided to poo himself.” 

Pepper gasped and looked down at him. “Peter. Why did you do that?” 

“I dunno.” 

“I’ll change him, Tony. Don’t worry about it.” She kissed his cheek and held her hand out for Peter. “Let’s go get your bum changed.” 

Tony didn’t say thank you. He was thankful but Peter was her child too. He waited for his coffee to brew, desperately waiting for it to fill up as he heard Morgan yell ewwww from the living room. 

As soon as it brewed, he poured a bit of milk to cool it down and took a sip, burning his throat just the way he liked it. He took his mug and walked into the living room, seeing the mess Pepper was dealing with. He was lucky she took over. 

“I’m giving him a shower right after so don’t bother putting cream on him.” Tony told her. 

“Keep your legs up, Peter. Stop being silly.” 

“I’m not being silly. My legs are tired.” Peter sighed, usually his dad helped them up with one hand so he didn’t need to. 

“Imagine how much easier this would be if you went poo in the potty like you should be doing.” Pepper said, maybe a bit too forward but he wanted to be done with the diaper stage. It seemed to be lasting forever. 

Peter tried to roll away. “Peter.” Tony warned, forcing him to lie on his back again. He gave Tony a dirty look. Tony didn’t take offense to it. Peter’s dirty looks were always fucking adorable. 

He waited for Pepper to finish up, enjoying the time to drink his coffee. Once she was done, Tony was about to stand up to bring him upstairs but Pepper leaned over Peter. 

“You Mr, need to stop pooping in your diaper. You know better. Poop goes in the toilet. Do you understand me?” 

Peter nodded. 

“If you keep pooping your diaper, I am going to be very disappointed in you. And I won’t be able to trust you so you’ll have to sit on the potty all day. No time for playing with Morgan or playing with your legos. Do you understand me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good boy. Now go with your father.” 

Tony stood up and held a hand out for Peter, walking upstairs with him in one hand and his coffee in the other. Tony didn’t comment on what Pepper said to Peter, he was sure Peter got it in his head but it wasn’t that simple with him. 

“Dad?” 

Tony took a sip of his coffee, nodding at Harley to speak. 

“Can I use your car tonight?” 

“No.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Because you have your own car. Go fill it up with gas. That’s your responsibility.” 

“I don’t even think my car will make it to the gas station. It’s basically empty.” Harley complained, looking down at Peter then back up at their dad. 

“Harley. That’s your responsibility then. You have a car, and part of having a car is filling it up with gas. What do you want me to do?” Tony needed to bathe Peter to get him ready for bed but he also promised Morgan a bedtime story so he had to do that too. 

Harley shrugged at him. “I don’t know. Let me use your car.” 

“I have to bathe your brother, put your sister to bed and then get your brother to bed. I don’t have time for this.” 

“You mean you don’t have time for me.” 

Tony registered what he said as soon as he said it. He sighed. He was running on like two hours of sleep. “No. No. Harley. No, I don’t mean that. Look… give me thirty minutes and we’ll talk. Okay?” 

“It’s fine, dad. Really. It is. I’m used to it.” With that, Harley turned and left and Tony felt even worse. Fuck. 

He needed to quickly bathe Peter and read to Morgan then go have a talk with Harley. He realized that he was ignoring him and not giving him the attention that he so desperately needed but it was so fucking hard to balance everything. 

Tony pulled Peter into his bedroom and turned the shower on then tugged Peter’s sweater off. “Get in but don’t get your hair wet.” 

“Where are you going?” 

“I’m staying right here. Let’s make this quick.” 

Peter stepped in. “Cause you gotta go make sure Harley doesn’t cry?” 

Tony paused. Yeah, Peter heard that whole conversation. He wasn’t an idiot. “I don’t think he’s crying but he is upset.” 

“Oh.” 

Tony pulled his arm to bring him closer to himself so he could lather him up in soap. 

“Is he sad cause you don’t read to him?” 

“Probably.” Tony rinsed his hands and grabbed the shower head off then began rinsing Peter’s body. He shut the water off right after. Yeah, he could do a quick five minute shower with Peter if he wasn’t getting distracted or being difficult. 

He wrapped him in a towel after and carried him into the bedroom, grabbing a pacifier off the nightstand table and placing it in Peter’s mouth. He better enjoy them because they’ll be taken from him soon. 

Tony applied diaper rash cream onto him then fastened a diaper and got him dressed in pyjamas. “I’m going to go read a book to Morgan. Come join us.” He scooped him up, breathing in his scent. He didn’t know if it was a dad thing but Peter smelt heavenly. He smelt like apples with a hint of baby powder and fresh laundry. Tony could eat him up. 

“Oh. Tony. Harley seems a bit upset so I’ll take the younger ones so you guys can talk. I think he’s waiting for you.” Pepper seemed like she was looking for him and as much as he was looking forward to story time, Harley needed him more. So Tony handed Peter off to Pepper. 

“Alright. Uh, he’s in his room?” 

“No. He’s in the family room. Good luck.” 

Peter waved bye to him and wrapped his arms around his moms neck. He felt heavy in her arms since she rarely ever picked him up. He felt like a safe child in his fathers big arms and he loved it more than anything in this life. 

So he wiggled out of his moms arms and marched into Morgan’s bedroom, climbing onto her bed. She was changing one of her dolls' diapers with two pacifiers lying next to them. “These are mine.” 

“No. Dad said I can use them for my babies. You already have one in your mouth.” Morgan grabbed them protectively. That was the reason Peter even got addicted to pacifiers. He found one in Morgan’s room one day and the rest is history. 

Peter sat there on his knees, watching her carefully. He picked up one of her dolls but she snatched it back from him. 

“Don’t touch her! You just woke her up.” 

Staring at her for a few moments, Peter took his pacifier out of his mouth and leaned down to bite her on the arm. Morgan screamed. 

“Peter! Absolutely not. You do not bite. We talked about this.” Pepper quickly jumped in to pull him off and take his pacifier. “You need to use your words. Tell Morgan you didn’t like that rather than biting. We use our teeth for food. Not biting people.” 

“But… she-she-she said… she said no to me.” 

“Your sister is allowed to say no to you.” 

Peter refused to accept that. He absolutely hated the word no. “She can’t.” 

“Peter. No is an important word. If someone doesn’t like something you’re doing, they can say no and you have to respect that.” Her worry was that Peter didn’t understand consent. And that scared her for two reasons, Peter going too far with someone who was saying no although that’s unlikely since his heart is way too kind for that but then that also meant someone taking advantage of him. That thought always scared her and Tony. 

Peter couldn’t understand that. He took his pacifier back and sucked on it as he thought about it. He said no to his bottles being taken away. And he was pretty sure his pacifiers were next but he was going to put up one hell of a fight. His parents didn’t know what they were in for a f they took away his pacifiers. 

He also was sure he said no to getting kidnapped or drugged yet no one listened to him so why should he listen to anyone else. The word no was a made up word. It was a stupid word and no one listened to his no’s so he wouldn’t listen to anyone else’s no’s. Oh well. 

He slid off the bed and grabbed a book off the book shelf and handed it to his mom then got comfortable on the bed next to his sister. “Lie down.” 

“You’re on my babies soother. Move.” 

Peter sat up and let Morgan grab it from underneath him. He then laid back down, wishing he had a bottle but at least he had his pacifier. 

“I’m not listening to you read, mom. I asked for dad only.” 

“Your father is busy.” 

“Then I’ll wait.” 

Pepper sighed. Peter’s bedtime was soon and Tony could be with Harley awhile. She patted Peter’s thigh. He really was so easy going with everything. Although Morgan clearly just wanted her dad. Everyone wanted Tony’s attention. 

.

.

.

Tony walked into the family room, spotting diapers thrown all over the place. Peter and Morgan must have gotten into the box and had a diaper fight or something. He picked some up in his path and took a seat on the couch opposite Harley. 

They normally sat in the living room so the family room was also a play room meaning it was a disaster mess. And they did clean it but Peter and Morgan together could have a hurricane named after them. 

“I want to talk to you. Can you put your phone down.” 

Harley sighed but obeyed. 

“I know you’re feeling left out and I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It really does hurt me to know you’re hurting and I’m the cause of it.” 

“I’m not feeling left out.” Harley lied. Tony knew he was lying or else they wouldn’t be having this conversation. 

“You’re my oldest and sometimes your younger siblings take over all my attention and energy and I have nothing left for you. And I’m so sorry for that.” Tony admitted although he felt like a broken record because they’ve been here before and nothing was ever fixed. 

He promised Harley a night out for father son bonding time and that never happened. Maybe they needed to take another family vacation. But the thing was, before or after they wean Peter off the pacifier. Tony couldn’t imagine taking a trip on a plane with no pacifier. 

They’d have to see how the bottles went first. 

“I am trying to give you guys all of my attention but-” 

“I know I know Peter’s fucked up in the head.” 

Tony didn’t appreciate that wording. “Your brother isn’t fucked up in the head and I don’t want to hear you say that again. Something fucked up happened to him and he’s dealing with it the only way he knows how. But we’re not talking about Peter. We’re talking about you and I. I want to do better for you. I do. So let’s talk about this.” 

“There’s nothing really to say.” 

“Be honest with me. Tell me what’s on your mind. I promise you I won’t get upset.” 

Tony watched Harley think that over. 

“I… fine. Sometimes I feel like you don’t care about me enough. And I don’t ever remember a time you were 100% there with us. When Peter was gone, it was like you were gone too. I mean, you were gone for many years, but towards the end, even when you were actually there, you never really were actually there. You were like an empty shell or something. And now with Peter back, you’re happy and I love seeing that but I just feel like he exhausts you so much and then I hate how much energy he rages from you because it leaves us with nothing from you. And that part is really hard.” 

Tony listened intently to everything Harley was spilling out of him. He was being honest and Tony needed to hear that. 

“It’s all just temporary. I’m very sorry that I don’t have the time to give you some of my attention like you deserve. And I know I keep saying I’ll try and then we’re back to this conversation again. But we need something that we can do together. We used to drive together when I was teaching you, but now you know how to drive so we need something else.” 

“Yeah…” 

Tony honestly didn’t know. It’s not like they could build Lego together and bond or take a nap, cuddle together or play dolls and house. He found it so hard to bond with Harley. 

“We can go work out together. That’s something I want to get back into and I know you enjoy doing that.” The tower had a private workout gym but Tony’s had no time to go recently. 

Well, in the past three months since Peter’s gotten kidnapped and returned broken as ever. 

Harley nodded slightly. “Sure. Actually that could be fun. But would you actually go without Peter?” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to be with him 24/7. We can go in the evening before dinner or even while he’s at school.” 

“Yeah… I mean, sure. We can try it out.” 

“Look, I don’t want-” 

“Daddy? Where are you?” 

Tony sighed. “In here, baby.” 

Peter walked in with a different pacifier in his mouth and three in his hands. “I want you to read the book to us. Not mom.” 

“Okay. I’ll be up in a second. Go back upstairs.” 

“Peter! Give back my dolls soothers!” Morgan banged her way downstairs and grabbed the pacifier from Peter’s mouth. Tony knew Peter was going to bite her so he covered a hand over Peter’s mouth. 

“Morgan. Do not take his pacifier from him. Give it back then we’ll talk.” Tony looked at Harley. “I’m sorry, Harls, one second.” 

“It’s fine.” Harley watched his siblings, a bored look on his face. 

Tony knew it wasn’t fine but there honestly wasn’t anything that could be done. As unfortunate as it was at times like this, Tony couldn’t tell Peter and Morgan to wait because Peter would bite her and Morgan would cry so that just wasn’t an option. 

Morgan tossed it on the floor and Peter raced to pick it up then ran at Morgan, about to hit her but Tony grabbed his arm first. “Both of you, stop it. Morgan, don’t take his pacifier or I’m going to let him bite you.” Tony pushed Peter away from him. “Both of you go upstairs.” 

“But I want you to read to us.” 

“Yeah. Just you.” Peter used his best puppy dog eyes as if he had to convince Tony. All he had to do was look at his father and Tony would immediately give in to whatever he wanted. 

Ruffling his hair, Tony said, “I will. You guys go pick out a book and I’ll be up soon.” 

“But we already picked out a book.” Peter whined, playing with Tony’s wedding ring. “Just come up now, daddy.” 

“Peter and Morgan, leave your father. He’s coming up soon,” Pepper took Peter’s hand and guided them both to the stairs but not before peeking around the corner to say to Tony, “Can you bring up a sippy cup of milk.” 

“I will.” Peter probably wouldn’t take to it but they had to offer it to him at least. He waited until he knew the brats were gone then gave his attention back to Harley. “I can’t remember what I was going to say but I want you to know that I love you. More than you’ll ever know, you’re my first born, my oldest, and I’m sorry that means you don’t get the attention you deserve sometimes.” Now Tony felt bad about this part. “I do have to go. If you want to join us for story time, you can.” He stood up, his knees cracking. He honestly didn’t expect Harley to say yes so when he agreed, Tony smiled wildly. “Great. I need to get milk for Peter then I’ll meet you up.” 

Tony did wish he could give Harley more attention and he was always thinking of ways he could do that but never actually acted on it. 

Maybe in a year or so when Peter’s not so dependent on him… but who’s to say he’s not going to be dependent on him a year from now. Who’s to say Peter’s not going to be dependent on him five years from now. 

He filled up a nuk sippy cup with milk and took it upstairs. As he walked down the hallway, Peter’s voice got louder with the story he was telling. 

Tony rounded the corner and walked into Morgan’s bedroom. He walked in on what he pretty much expected. Peter was sitting on Morgan’s rocking horse with a cowboy hat on and Morgan was feeding one of her dolls with one of Peter’s bottles. Yeah, Tony was going to have to take that away before Peter asked for it. 

Harley was lying on Morgan’s bed, a book in his hand. It looked like he got to the first page before losing their attention. 

“Both of you lie down if you want story time.” 

“Dad. Watch me ride the horse.” 

“Wow. Very cool. Now lie down.” 

Peter jumped onto Morgan’s bed and crawled between her and Harley. “I picked the book.” 

“I picked the second book!” Morgan yelled, causing Peter to wince. 

“And I picked the third.” Snickered Harley. 

Tony fondly shook his head at Harley then handed Peter his sippy cup of milk. He took two sip then put his pacifier back into his mouth. Yeah, Tony expected that. He couldn’t latch onto it for comfort so he didn’t drink it. It was the whole point of the spout but Tony still wished he could offer him a bottle occasionally without getting him too dependent on them again. 

“‘Ead ‘dis un.” Peter pointed to the other book on the bed. 

Tony was always amazed how he understood him most of the time. So he picked up the book Peter pointed to and read the front. “Is it bedtime, Wiggly Piggy.” Tony read the cover and got comfortable, holding the book so his kids could see. 

He glanced at Peter every so often, seeing his eyes concentrating on the non stimulating pictures and about half way through the book, his eyes began to droop. Tony continued reading. 

“But why did the piggy’s mom not let Wiggly Piggy sleep in her own bed?” Asked Morgan, a bit too loud for Tony’s liking. 

“Well… because there wasn’t any room.” 

“Oh. But then why didn’t she just move her big body over?” 

“Because the mom wanted Wiggly Piggy to sleep in her own bed. Now close your eyes. Time to sleep.” Tony set the book on Morgan’s bookshelf and leaned over to kiss each one of his children. Harley got up to leave and when Tony went to lift Peter up, he shook his head. “It’s time for bed. Let’s go.” 

“Mmmm!” 

“What? You wanna sleep in here?” 

Peter nodded. Tony wasn’t so sure about that. Peter woke up every two hours at night and he’d surely cry for his bottle at some point. But he did look comfortable. And he and Pepper hadn’t slept alone together in months. 

He sighed. “Alright. I’m right down the hall if you need me.” He kissed them both again, lingering longer on Peter. “I love you both so much. No fooling around. Good night.” He walked to Peter’s bedroom and grabbed the baby monitor, unplugging it and walking back into Morgan’s bedroom, plugging it in quickly so he could keep his overprotective eye on Peter from the other room. 

“What’s that?” Morgan asked. 

“A camera.” Tony wasn’t going to lie. “Good night you two.” He kept the bedroom door open just so he could listen in for Peter easier. 

When he walked back into the master bedroom, Pepper looked surprised to just see him walk in. “Where’s your other half?” 

“He’s sleeping with Morgan, if you can believe it.” He sighed loudly when he laid down. He was so exhausted. He was probably going to pass out in a second. 

“Until he cries and wakes her up.” Pepper admitted what Tony was thinking but if Tony could get at least two hours of uninterrupted sleep, he’d take it. Poor Morgan didn’t know what she was in for. 

Tony yawned as he reached over to turn the monitor on and could make out Peter moving around, his hand playing with his curls and the other looked like it was holding Morgan’s hand. He could hear one of them saying something and he assumed it was Morgan, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying to him. 

Tony fell asleep in a few minutes. 

.

.

.

Tony was sitting on the couch in the living room while Morgan and Peter played on the living room floor in front of him. 

He wasn’t really focused on what they were doing or what they were playing since he had to answer a few emails before Pepper got home from work. He pressed send and looked at the time. Wait, Pepper wasn’t working today. It was Saturday, wasn’t it? 

He shut off his laptop and stood up, stepping over a few Lego pieces to go try and find Morgan and Peter. They were just here a minute ago, weren’t they? 

“Peter?” He called out but there was no answer. 

“Where are you, buddy?” Tony walked down the hallway and opened the front door, walking out onto a street he didn’t fully recognize but he knew where he was. 

Up ahead was a man standing in the middle of the road, looking in the distance at something. When Tony turned his head to try and follow his gaze, he spotted Peter standing there, looking between the two of them. “Peter?” Tony called for him. “Come here.” 

The strange man started sprinting towards Peter in a second and when Peter screamed, Tony’s body shook. He took off running towards him but he kept running out of breath and having to take breaks and his fucking legs were taking way too small of steps. It’s like he forgot how to run or something. 

“Peter! Come to me!” Tony yelled towards him. It seemed like the more he ran, the further away he got from Peter. “Peter!” 

“Sir?” 

Tony turned around. 

In front of him was a man dressed in all black. He was an inch or two taller than Tony with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes burning straight through Tony’s soul. 

Tony knew him. 

“Where is he, Steve? Give me my son back.” 

“He’ll never truly be yours.” 

Tony looked down at Steve’s arms and saw Peter lying there, his body limp like that policeman who carried his son out of that house in FingerLakes. Only this time, Peter was covered in blood like he was attacked. 

Tony released a sob and tried to reach for him but he couldn’t get his arms to move. “No. No, what did you do?” 

“I didn’t do this. You did, Tony. You’re not good enough for him.” Said Steve, still holding Peter. “And I want him back.” 

Tony sobbed over Peter’s body. He knew he had to be dreaming but it felt way too real. Way too real. “No. Peter. Don’t leave me, baby. I need you. I need you, please come back to me.” 

“We need to say our goodbyes, Tony.” 

Tony looked over at Pepper. She was supposed to be at work. Why was she here? Why was he here? He was sitting on his knees on the muddy field with Peter’s body lying in front of him. He was pale and cold. 

Steve was standing over them, looking down at Tony begging Peter to wake up. 

“Tony. We need to let him go. Our time with him is over. Say goodbye to him now.” Pepper tugged on Tony’s arm so Tony yanked her away. 

“No. This isn’t real. I need to wake up. I need to wake up.” Tony smacked his head. “Wake up. WAKE UP! Wake up wake up wake up!” He knew he was sleeping but this nightmare was feeling way too real. 

“Tony!” 

Tony glanced back at Pepper. She was standing a few hundred feet from him, wearing a purple dress she wore to one of their banquet parties. She always looked so beautiful in that dress. 

“Tony!” 

He looked forward to Steve. He was standing over them but Tony couldn’t see his face from this angle. It was pouring rain and he was soaking wet, dripping from head to toe. 

Peter wasn’t alive anymore. He was just a body, a cold, lifeless body lying there in the rain and mud. Tony grabbed him under the knees and behind his back then stood, lifting him up. 

“Tony!” 

“Let’s go.” 

Tony followed Steve towards a box in the ground. As he got closer. He saw that it was a coffin and he cried harder. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I don’t want to.” 

“You have to, Tony.” 

“He’s still so young. He isn’t ready to die.” 

“It’s his time.” Steve placed a hand on Tony’s back then gently took Peter from him and laid him down in the coffin then closed the lid. He gestured behind him to another coffin, a much larger one. 

Without saying anything else, Tony climbed into it and laid down, shutting his eyes. He looked to his right and saw Peter’s smiling face but he blinked and it was gone. 

Sitting up, Tony pushed the lid off the coffin, kicking it off of him so he could climb out. He looked around for Steve so he could scream at him and beg him to give him his baby back, tell him that he needed Peter. 

But Steve was too far. 

He was standing too far away to get to now. 

“Tony!” 

“Where’s Peter?” 

Tony turned around to face Pepper but he woke up with a gasp. He was panting and his pyjamas were soaked with sweat. “P-Peter?” 

Pepper was grabbing his bicep. “Tony. You need to breathe.” She reached over and turned the lamp on. “You’re pale and sweating.” 

“Where’s Peter?” Tony tried to calm down but his breathing was too erratic. He then made out of distant sound of crying coming from the baby monitor and he remembered that Peter slept in Morgan’s bedroom last night. 

He got out of bed to go get him. 

“Tony. Tony. You’re a mess. Take a second.” He didn’t stop so Pepper stood up to follow him into Morgan’s bedroom. 

Peter was sitting up on his knees, crying while Morgan looked like she was searching frantically in the bed for something. 

Tony didn’t say anything. He just lifted Peter up and hugged him tightly against his chest, wanting to squeeze him harder but he was afraid of crushing him. It still felt like he was sleeping and he hated that. 

He carried Peter back into his bedroom where he should have been sleeping this whole time. He sat on the bed with him, trying to calm down as well as get Peter calmed down. But Tony didn’t mind the crying. He just needed to hold his warm body. Alive. 

Pepper walked in and placed a pacifier in Peter’s mouth, instantly quieting him. 

“Let me take him, Tony.” 

“No.” 

“Tony. Go freshen up. Take some time. I’ll take him-” 

“No. I’m fine.” Tony stood back up, shooting Pepper a dirty look. 

“You’re not fine. Let me tak-” 

“No. Stop.” He took Peter out of the bedroom and down the hallway, debating if he should go to the living room but he wasn’t really thinking so that’s exactly where he went. He walked to the kitchen to make Peter a bottle because screw everything. 

He opened the fridge and pulled out the jug of milk but then paused. 

Peter wasn’t crying. 

He wasn’t asking for a bottle and hadn’t really asked for one all week. Tony groaned and put it back, squeezing Peter tighter. “I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me, Peter. Don’t ever leave me.” I won’t survive without you. 

Tony held him, terrified to let him go. 

But he knew he never would.