Help me when I’m falling
Peter fell asleep in the car on the way home.
Tony expected him to and actually hoped for it so he could put him into his bed and focus on a few things once they got home, without anyone climbing on top of him.
Tony pulled into the elementary school to pick Morgan up, parking out front. He didn’t want to leave Peter alone in the car but he had to sign Morgan out. Tony debated on coming back, it was still so early and school wasn’t actually over yet but he didn’t want to have to come back.
He debated on what to do but while he was doing that, he saw Pepper’s car pull into the school parking lot and pull up next to him. “What are you doing here?”
She looked confused. “You texted me to come pick Morgan up. What are you doing here?”
Tony honestly didn’t even remember doing that. “Oh. Oh. I forgot I did that then. It works out perfectly though because Peter is sleeping right now.” He looked in the backseat and saw that Peter’s thumb had fallen out of his mouth which also meant he would be waking up soon and Tony wanted to get him back home. “So you’ve got this? I wanna get him home before he wakes up.”
“Yeah. I’ll be ten minutes behind you.” Pepper blew him a kiss then went to park the car while Tony drove away. He could see their house in the distance when Peter began whimpering so Tony hushed him although he knew it wouldn’t work.
“We’re almost home, Pete.” He pulled into the driveway, shutting off the car and opening the back door. Peter looked absolutely miserable and almost in pain. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He cooed as he lifted him out of the van, grabbing the bag of wet clothes and his backpack then taking him inside the house.
Peter didn’t give a response but Tony didn’t expect one.
He dropped everything by the front door and immediately headed upstairs. “I think someone needs to go to bed and sleep for a few hours. You’re over tired, baby.”
Peter cried into his shoulder. “I’m not!”
That proved Tony right.
He laid him down on the bed and Peter kicked his legs straight, letting out a frustrated scream. He wanted to sleep but he was woken up and now he didn’t know how to calm down. But instead of telling Tony that, he screamed and cried for nothing in particular.
Tony pulled off the uncomfortable leggings on him and felt the front to see if he needed a change but he was completely dry. “Do you want to take off your shirt?”
“No!”
Tony left him to go into the bathroom and wash his hands then dig in the drawer where he hid the pacifier. He pulled it out and looked at it. Should he give in? Tony didn’t want this to cause Peter to cry for it every time he felt like it, which would be all the time.
But he also didn’t want Peter to be suffering like this.
He had a hard day.
So Tony walked into the bedroom and held the pacifier in front of Peter for him to see. He immediately grabbed it from Tony and placed it in his mouth, the crying coming to a stop and his eyes practically rolling back from pure exhaustion.
He fell face first on the bed, sleeping on his stomach with his knees pulled up to his chest, tucked underneath him.
Tony walked around so he could see his face and saw that he was already asleep or soon to be asleep. He happily left, knowing Peter was going to be okay now.
While he was sleeping, Tony cleaned up the kitchen, putting the pile of dishes into the dishwasher finally. He then hand washed about ten bottles and left them on the bottle rack to dry, feeling like he’s going to be doing this for a long time.
He wasn’t helping Peter stop the bottles and he didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t helping him. He didn’t really mind them if he was being honest. Peter wet the bed whether he had a bottle or not so he didn’t see how that would affect anything.
Of course Tony knew Peter wasn’t going to be Harley’s age drinking out of a bottle but right now, Tony didn’t see the problem with him stopping.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Morgan and Pepper walking into the house. “Oh. You scared me.” He placed his hand over his quickly beating heart, then Pepper was leaning in to kiss him.
“You should get some sleep. You seem… a bit out of your mind.”
Tony waved her off. “I’m good. We’re out of wipes so I need to go get some.”
“Where’s Peter?”
“Uh, he’s sleeping upstairs in our room.” He knew he had to mention the pacifier to her. “So… I gave him a pacifier.” Tony was scared to admit that but he didn’t regret giving Peter one. He was crying so Tony made that decision.
“Tony.” Pepper sighed. “Why did you do that?”
“I’m always the one who has to put him to sleep. He was crying uncontrollably and there’s only so much I can put up with. I gave him the pacifier and he was asleep in literally seconds, Pepper.” He grabbed a coffee mug from the cabinet and placed it under his coffee machine. He was in desperate need of it.
Pepper looked disappointed. “How can we get rid of all his bad habits if you keep encouraging them, Tony?”
“I don’t consider anything he does a bad habit. It’s just… part of his recovery process.”
“So you don’t consider him screaming so loudly until he gets a bottle a bad habit?”
Tony shrugged. “When you put it like that, I do. But that isn’t how it happens.” He took his burning hot coffee and left the kitchen. “I gotta do some work in my office. I’ll be out later.”
Pepper watched him leave. She was annoyed with Tony giving Peter mixed signals and she could only imagine how confusing and frustrating it would be for Peter.
Pepper decided to go upstairs and check on Peter then get some house chores done while she had the chance. As expected, Peter was fast asleep on hers and Tony’s bed. She gathered the laundry then walked into Peter’s unused bedroom. She couldn’t even remember the last time he's slept in there alone and even then, there was only a handful of times Peter has slept in his bed alone at nights.
Maybe ten times total in the last four years.
The other times he either started out in his bed and ended up with his parents, or Tony slept with him in his bed. Or, as it was now, he just slept with his parents from the time he went to sleep until the time he woke up.
Pepper missed the intimacy with Tony as they couldn’t exactly do that with Peter between them, but she couldn’t say she minded Peter close to them at nights.
The only difference was that she could sleep without Peter, Tony could not.
While Pepper was distracted, Morgan snuck past her and walked into her parent’s bedroom, shutting the door behind her and climbing onto the bed to look at Peter.
It was frustrating for her that their dad gave more attention to Peter. She knew it was because he cried a lot and didn’t like to be away from their dad but she still got frustrated with the extra attention Peter got than her.
Morgan leaned in closer to his face then she pulled the pacifier out of Peter’s mouth with some resistance.
A few seconds later, Peter woke up and began crying, having been woken up so abruptly and his comfort item taken from him. He pushed himself up and cried, looking around.
“Shhhh. I’m gonna take this from you now.” Morgan pushed him back down and covered a hand over Peter’s mouth to stop him from crying so loud. “Shhhh.”
Peter fought to get her hand off but she was stronger than him, especially since he was lying on his back and she was sitting over him.
She was also blocking his mouth and nose so he couldn’t breathe and it was scaring him.
Morgan let go to pinch his cheek, causing Peter to cry harder then she covered his mouth back up just as the bedroom door burst open.
“Morgan! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Tony lifted Morgan off of Peter and placed her on her feet. He had no idea what he just walked into. He had heard Peter start crying on the baby monitor he had in his office and then it sounded like muffled crying so he raced upstairs, thinking the worst.
He did not expect Morgan to be purposely hurting her own brother.
“What is going on here?” He picked Peter up, snatching the pacifier back from Morgan and giving it back to Peter just to stop the crying that was getting on his nerves. “Morgan. Start talking.”
Morgan looked down at her feet. “I want a pacifier too.”
Tony rolled his eyes at that, then laid Peter back on the bed so he could go back to sleep. Once he saw that Peter wasn’t going to cry for him, he grabbed Morgan’s arm and pulled her out of the room, down the hallway and into her bedroom.
“Don’t try this with me. Don’t hurt your brother just to try and get attention from me because I’m not letting this pass.”
Morgan knew she was caught so she crossed her arms over her chest and roughly sat herself down on the bean bag chair.
“I’m not going to tolerate this behaviour from you. You know better than this, Morgan Stark.” He spoke firmly. He didn’t want this to be happening again.
Morgan stomped her foot. “But-but Peter acts like this!”
“He doesn’t know any better, Morgan.” Tony knew Morgan was too young to fully understand what Peter’s been through, hell, Peter was even too young to understand it. Tony was always afraid he’d reach an age where he began to understand what Steve did to him wasn’t normal and he’d fall apart or lash out and do something awful.
“That’s not fair!” She stomped her foot again.
“You wanna talk about life not being fair, how do you think Peter feels?” He wasn’t trying to upset Morgan but he wanted her to understand even a bit. “What you did was awful. You were essentially being a bully to your brother for no reason. Do you understand that?”
Morgan thought it over then she whined out, “But if he has a pacifier, I want one too.”
“No. Do you need one?”
“Yes.”
“Oh yeah. Why?”
Morgan didn’t expect that. She shrugged then tried to think of an excuse. “Because… it helps me sleep.”
“Don’t lie to me. You don’t need one. You never even had one before. Your brother needs one to help him relax and we’re working on stopping that. Your behaviour doesn’t help.” He could also be saying the same thing about himself. He was the one who gave Peter the pacifier after all.
Morgan didn’t reply so Tony opened the door to leave. “You aren’t in trouble, Morgan. I just want you to understand that you can’t pick on your brother like that. Especially if he’s sleeping. Okay?”
“Fine.”
“No, not fine. You don’t speak to me like that. It’s yes or no.”
“Yes.” Morgan forced out.
Tony left after that. He started walking to his bedroom but he heard voices in Peter’s bedroom so he walked in and saw Peter sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed with three pairs of underwear laid out in front of him.
“So I’m guessing you’re not going back to bed?” He already assumed that after what Morgan did to him.
“He told me Morgan took the pacifier out of his mouth.” Pepper explained but Tony already knew.
“Yeah. I spoke to her.” He collapsed onto the bed in pure exhaustion. “So, what’s going on here?”
“I’m trying to get him in underwear. He has to decide what ones he wants to wear.” Pepper could see how unhappy Peter was over her decision but she wanted him to try and stay dry.
That got Tony sitting up. “Pepper. He’s not going to keep them dry and it’ll just stress him out. Until we talk to Karen, let’s just keep him in diapers. It’s fine.”
Peter heard that his dad was on his side so he stood up and crawled onto his thigh, sitting on it and wrapping his arms around his neck. “No underwear.” He whispered to him.
“See? He doesn’t want to wear them.”
Pepper sighed at her husband’s antics. “Tony. He needs to wear underwear. We’re all going to go grocery shopping and I want him in underwear.”
Tony didn’t and neither did Peter. Two against one. Plus Peter would be the one wearing them so he should be getting the final say anyways. He stood up with him. “I’m gonna get him changed.”
Pepper followed them into their bedroom and sat on the bed next to Peter once Tony laid him down. “When you give him the choice, Tony, he’s always going to say diapers. Even though he doesn’t need them.” Pepper said that last part to Peter and he covered his hands over his face, embarrassed now.
Tony shook his head at Pepper then moved Peter’s hands away from his face. “Once Harley gets home, we’re all gonna go to the grocery store and you guys can pick out whatever snacks you’d like.”
Peter could sense his mom looking at him but he didn’t want to look at her so he rolled onto his stomach, only to be flipped back onto his back so he forced out a cry.
“You’re fine. Once I’m done, you can go and do whatever you want until your brother comes home.”
“Harley’s already home, Tony. He never left.” Pepper told him then left the bedroom to disappear into the closet. “I’ll pick out Peter’s outfit.”
Peter appreciated her being gone so he didn’t feel so bad for making her unhappy with his decision with what he wanted to wear. He tried to sit up to go make his mom happy but Tony pushed his knees to his chest, holding him still.
“Mm.”
“Once we leave, you need to give me that pacifier. You can’t have it while we’re out.” Tony let go of his legs and grabbed a fresh diaper but when he turned around, Peter was trying to crawl away again. “Pete. I’m not done yet. Where are you in such a rush to?”
“Mhmm.”
Tony wanted to hear his voice so he reached his hand out. “Can I have that now?”
“No.” He slid off the bed and made a run for the bedroom door but Tony beat him to it, grabbing his arm and lifting him up. “Daddy. No.”
“Pete, give it to me. After you get dressed, we’re gonna go to the store.” He held his hand out for it so reluctantly, Peter spit it into his hand, already missing the comfort.
“I need it.”
“But you don’t, baby. I shouldn’t even have given it to you.” Tony sat on the bed and stood Peter in front of him.
“I-I-I do though. Daddy.” He watched what Tony was doing then gave him puppy dog eyes once he was done. “Dada.”
Tony’s heart melted completely. Peter used to call him dada when he was a toddler before he started calling him daddy. Wow. Just that simple little word brought back so many memories for him and it made him quite emotional.
If Tony thought hard enough, he could actually hear Peter’s toddler voice.
Peter saw that his dad was giving in so he leaned against him, gently touching his bearded stubble. “Just-just for a little bit.”
Tony felt like crying and he didn’t know why. He just felt so overwhelmed with emotions so he handed Peter back the pacifier and got the tightest hug in return. “I love you.”
“Mm. I love you too.” He spoke around the silicon plastic.
“Good. But I’m gonna need it once we leave. Alright?”
“No. After we get at the store.”
Tony gave in. Again. “Alright. Let’s get some socks and track pants on you.” He stood up, lifting Peter up with him and walking into the closet, finding Pepper digging through a box on the floor, looking at baby clothes. Peter’s baby clothes.
They were supposed to bring back happy memories but instead they only brought back painful ones. They smelt more like tears and snot rather than how Peter used to smell because of all the nights Tony spent crying and clinging onto the material, praying it would turn into Peter, of course it never did.
He set Peter on his feet and took the onesie from Pepper, shoving it back into the box and pushing it to the back of his closet where it belonged. “Why were you looking at that?”
“I forgot it was in here. I just got a bit distracted and wanted to remember how small he used to be.” She turned around and held her arms out for her boy. “Come here.”
Peter didn’t hesitate to join his mom on the floor. He was pulled onto her lap so he got comfortable. “I wanna see the box.”
“No, baby. We gotta get you dressed. That’s what we have to do.” He grabbed pants and pulled him out of the closet. “You put these on while I go to the bathroom.” He didn’t actually need to go, he just needed to take a breath.
He felt anxious for no reason.
Maybe there was actually a reason for that. Peter calling him dada, Tony knew he was only saying it to get what he wanted, and it worked so he was most likely going to be hearing that name again. Then the baby clothes. It was all too much at once.
Maybe he should see a therapist.
But Tony had a hard time trusting people and opening up.
He didn’t think he actually needed to see one.
Tony splashed his face with water and left the bathroom, finding the track pants on the floor. “Where did he go?”
“He went to Harley’s bedroom.”
Tony picked up the track pants and walked into Harley’s bedroom. Harley was combing his hair to the side but he didn’t spot Peter in there. “Where’s your brother?”
“Him and Morgan went somewhere. I don’t know where.”
Tony didn’t even think he was in the bathroom that long. How did Peter disappear so quickly?
He went to Morgan’s bedroom first, finding it empty and then he heard giggling coming from the bathroom in the hallway and he knew the two of them were in there. He went to open the door but it was locked.
“Hey. Unlock the door, Peter and Morgan.”
The giggling stopped. “Uh… I’m changing.” Morgan lied.
“I don’t care. Unlock the door.” He didn’t trust those two alone.
After a few seconds, the door unlocked so Tony opened it and walked in. Both of them were standing there, looking extremely suspicious. He looked around. There weren't any drawings on the wall or weird homemade potions in the sink so what were they up to.
“What were you guys doing in here?”
Peter looked down.
“Huh? I’m waiting.”
Silence.
Tony spotted the cup of water in Morgan’s hand and gestured to it. “What were you doing with that?”
“Uhhh…”
“Peter and Morgan Stark. Do not lie to me.”
Morgan bursted out laughing and turned around to show her dad. She pulled the front of Peter’s diaper back, dumping the water in. “We’re trying to see how much water can fit.”
Tony crossed his arms. It was always something with these two.
“And why?”
Peter started laughing and the sound brought a smile to his face. “Cause it’s funny feeling.”
“Petey said cunny teeling!” Morgan laughed with him. “It’s funny feeling.”
“Yeah, it’s because Petey has a pacifier in his mouth making him calk tunny.” Tony purposely imitated Peter.
Morgan filled up the cup again and dumped more in but Tony stopped her. “Okay, guys. That’s enough. Now I have to go change him. Again.”
“I’ll help!”
“No, Morg, I’m gonna do it and we’ll be quick. Can you go put on your shoes and a coat? We’ll be done soon.” He took Peter’s arm, bringing him back into the bedroom. “You guys are too funny.”
“Yeah.” Peter agreed, watching him.
“What? Don’t tell me that’s pee.” Pepper walked out at the wrong time, causing Tony to laugh.
“It’s water. Morgan decided to do her own little science experiment on our son here.” He grabbed a new diaper and went to put it on but Peter spoke.
“I need to go poo.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks for telling me.”
“I’ll take him. We’ll meet you guys in the car.”
Tony watched her pull Peter into the bathroom, feeling reluctant to leave. He walked in after her, handing her a diaper. “Here. I’ll meet you guys in the van.”
While he waited to go, Peter swung his legs back and forth. He smiled at his mom when she looked at him. “Baby, you know you can’t leave the house with a paci.”
Peter wanted to. “Uh huh. Daddy says I can. Till we get ‘dare.”
Pepper wasn’t going to argue with him. “Alright. I’ll be right back.” She went into the bedroom to grab a pair of underwear. She knew Peter could stay dry. He’s done it before and even though recently he’s been having a few accidents, she wanted that to stop today.
So she appeared with race car underwear’s. “Look what I have. Don’t you want to wear these out instead?” Peter shook his head. “You’ll like them. Once you’re done, put these on and then we’ll head downstairs and go shopping.”
He looked at the doorway for his dad but he wasn’t there. “But… what if I need to pee?”
“Then you need to let me or daddy know so we can take you to a bathroom.” Pepper explained to the boy, waiting a bit impatiently for him to be done.
“But… but I don’t feel it-”
“Peter. You’re a big boy. Morgan can. Then so can you.” Pepper was frustrated with Peter. She hated that she was but she believed that Peter was having accidents out of laziness.
Peter would have stomped his foot if he could touch the ground. “But…” He didn’t even know what to say. He simply didn’t know he was having an accident until while it was happening and it was extremely frustrating for him. “I want daddy.”
“Daddy’s in the car waiting for us.”
“‘Den I don’ wan’ get to go anymore.”
“Peter.” Sighed Pepper. “I can barely understand you with that in your mouth. Take it out please.”
With a groan, Peter took it out, tossing it onto the floor and getting off the toilet. “I don’t want to go anymore!”
“Do you need to?”
“No.” He didn’t anymore, that wasn’t a lie. “I don’t wanna get wet pants, mom.”
“That’s up to you, Peter. You need to vocalize when you need to use the toilet, honey. Let’s go.”
Peter got his underwear and pants on then followed his mom outside grumpily. He gave Morgan and Harley a dirty look when he climbed into his car seat.
“How did it go?” Asked Tony as he put his phone down.
“He didn’t even go.” Answered Pepper, feeling just as annoyed as Peter felt.
Tony saw Peter’s pout in the mirror so he began reversing out of the driveway once Peter was buckled in and Pepper was sitting in the passenger seat.
“I told him that he needs to tell us if he needs to go at the store, right, Peter?” Pepper leaned back to look at him sucking on his thumb. “Baby. Don’t be so upset.”
Tony knew he was wearing padding so he wasn’t worried about it. “He’ll be fine, Pep. Plus we’re gonna get a cake just because. Right, Morg?”
“Yeah! Mom, dad says I can pick out any cake I want and we get to eat it after dinner today.”
“Hey! I wanna pick out a cake too!”
“You can! We can all do it together. I want chocolate.”
Peter agreed with her. And thankfully the mention of cake pulled him out of his bad mood so once they arrived at Walmart, Peter was happy again.
Tony loved how easily Peter could snap out of his moods. He wished he had that ability. “Hold my hand while we cross the parking lot, bud.” Peter lifted his arms up for him. “I’m not carrying you. I’m pushing the shopping cart.”
“Can-can-can- I mean-can I sit in it?”
“Maybe later. Let’s just start shopping first.” He pushed the shopping cart to the fruits first, grabbing a ton of strawberries, raspberries and blueberries but Peter put the blueberries back.
“I don’t like those.”
“But everyone else does.” Tony put them back, gently hitting him on top of the head with it. “Go pick what you want.”
“This is the wrong aisle, dad. I want-Uh, the cookies. And chips. I want um… plain chips. Or pickle.”
“Okay but I need you to pick a healthy food too.”
“Carrots!”
“Good toss them in.”
Morgan tugged Peter to the cake stands. “Let’s pick out our favourite chocolate cake. I decided on pink icing. What colour do you want?”
“Uhhh…” Peter chewed on his index finger as he looked at all the options. “Umm…”
“Hurry up and choose. I just wanna eat it now.”
Peter was extremely indecisive so he couldn’t decide what he wanted. Steve made all the decisions for him for his entire life so didn’t learn how to decide something for himself.
Tony was standing a few feet away from them, watching them. He loved how Peter was learning to be a bit more independent and wasn’t clinging onto him every time they stepped out in public.
As he stood to watch them, he also noticed the height difference between the two. Morgan was almost as tall as Peter. Almost. He could imagine Morgan being taller than Peter one day but he’d have to see.
He smiled. He was so grateful he got to watch them grow up together. That should be a guarantee for all parents but it wasn’t for him.
Peter turned to look at him then. “Dad. I-I don’t know what colour to get.”
“What’s your favourite colour?”
“Umm… I forget.”
“Is it… red?” Tony already knew that.
“Oh. Yeah.”
Once that was done, Peter stood on the back of the shopping cart, letting Tony push him through the aisles, piling up their shopping cart but once they got to the junk food aisle, Peter jumped off to grab what he wanted.
“It looks like we got a good mix of healthy food and unhealthy food.” Pepper pointed out.
“Good. I wanna get some more chub on that skinny boy.” Peter’s paediatrician wasn’t worried about Peter’s weight but Tony was. He was incredibly light and small for his age.
“He’ll get there eventually.” Pepper wasn’t too worried but she could tell that her husband was, rightfully so. “So, I’m surprised you haven’t noticed by now.” Pepper looked to Tony, chuckling at his confused reaction.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Pepper gestured to Peter. “He’s wearing underwear.”
For some reason, that upset Tony. “What? Why?”
“Why. Because he isn’t sleeping. He doesn’t need to be wearing diapers for no reason, Tony.”
Tony groaned. “Pepper. He’s not wearing them for no reason. He’s literally,” He groaned again, extremely frustrated. “He’s having accidents. Why would you risk that. He’s literally wearing grey track pants too. God, Pepper.”
“Excuse me. I’m trying, Tony.”
“Trying what, Pepper. You…” He didn’t want to say it.
“No. What? I what, Tony?” She pushed.
Tony sighed. “You expect him to just… be fine. And he’s not. I hate that he isn’t, but… you should have at least talked to me about this.”
Pepper tried to not start a fight in the middle of a grocery store. “He’s fine, Tony. He peed on the toilet before we left, he’s fine.” She took the shopping cart, walking away from him to join the kids.
Tony just watched her, hoping she was right.
He didn’t feel confident about it though, he knew Peter better than Peter knew himself and so he kept a close eye on him while they shopped, making sure to watch for any signs of him needing to use the bathroom.
They had a shopping cart full of food and even a new lego set that Peter picked out after about fifteen minutes of indecisiveness. He was walking and looking at it, almost bumping into some random lady if Tony hadn’t grabbed his arm. “How about you put this back in the shopping cart for now and watch where you’re going.”
Peter smiled up at him sheepishly then dropped the box of lego into the cart, moving to grab Tony’s hand.
Tony ruffled his curly hair, noticing that he needed a shower tonight. His hair had crusty oatmeal or paint or something in it and Tony wouldn’t mind some quiet time later tonight too.
They turned down another aisle so Pepper could look at some new towels and at this point, Tony was even getting bored. He wrapped his arms around Pepper’s waist, kissing her temple. “How much longer?”
“Oh. You’re such a man child, Tony.” Pepper teased, pushing him off then tossing two white towels into the cart. “We need new wipes and diaper rash cream then we can go. Oh. And I want to look at the mirrors here.”
Tony looked at Harley, sharing an annoyed look with him. When he turned to look for Peter and Morgan, he saw them attempting to make a Fort in the towel rack and shook his head fondly. Of course they would do that. They must know how their mother shops by now; slowly and meticulously.
Tony hated shopping. He always did. Until he had kids, and now he loves shopping for clothes and things for his kids, that’s about the only kind of shopping he enjoys doing.
He squatted down in front of the mini Fort, peaking in. “What’s going on in here?”
“Daddy!” Peter squealed then moved his legs closer so his dad could join them. “Come in.”
“It looks a bit tight. I don’t think so. Do you guys wanna come with me to go get some more wipes and diaper rash cream?” He looked back at Pepper. “It looks like your mom is going to be awhile?”
Peter slid out first. “Yeah. I come.”
“Me too.”
So Tony took two of his kids across the aisle and into the section they needed to go to. “Stay here and give me a second to find the right one.” He felt like he was going cross eyed trying to keep an eye on his wandering kids and finding the right cream.
He looked over at them, seeing Peter standing on the line at the end of the aisle while Morgan was still in sight but outside the aisle. He smiled to himself.
Peter knew he wasn’t allowed to leave the aisle until his dad was with him. He made sure that was bedded into Peter’s mind. He didn’t have that rule so strict with Morgan.
He didn’t freak out if he didn’t have his eyes on Morgan. If he lost sight of Peter even for a second in public, an anxiety attack was always threatening to start right away.
He grabbed the rash cream and wipes then tucked it under his arm to walk back to them. “Got it. Let’s go back and hopefully your mother is done shopping now.”
Now that his dad was behind him, Peter walked out of the aisle and down the aisle beside it, pointing to a rack of bottles. “I need another one.”
“You have about twenty at home. Five are in our bed. You don’t need any more than that.” He placed a hand on his shoulder to lead him away from that aisle, despite Peter’s whine of protest.
It didn’t last long though since Peter realistically knew that he wasn’t going to get another bottle, despite seeing one and now craving for the comfort. He wanted to go home.
Back in the aisle with Pepper who was now looking at step stools, Peter stood there, feeling like he suddenly needed to pee.
He looked at his dad who was too distracted adding the items to the shopping cart to notice him.
Before Peter could speak up or before he even realized what was happening and trying to control it, his pants became warm so he looked down to watch the wetness spread down his track pants, turning them dark grey.
Morgan was the first one to notice. “Peter went pee!” She pointed out, tugging on her dad’s hand. “Dad, look.”
“What.” He turned to look at Peter and looked down at the boys now wet pants then made eye contact with him. Perfect. Just perfect. This was exactly what Tony knew was going to happen. And now they were in public and it was pretty fucking obvious what happened. He narrowed his eyes at Pepper. This was her fault.
“Oh no.” Pepper noticed, suddenly feeling extremely guilty. She should have listened to Tony. He did seem to know Peter better than her anyways…
Tony crossed the distance between the two and caressed Peter’s cheek. “Oh, buddy. Why didn’t you tell us you needed to go?” That question seemed useless. Peter seemed to be having trouble deciding that need for himself.
“Um… don’t know. I-I just… went.” He looked down at himself, cringing at the material sticking to him and his now wet socks and shoes. “Uh oh. I had an accident.”
“Yeah,” Tony decided what to do. He didn’t want to pull Peter through the store like this because it was so obvious. He sighed. If only Pepper kept him in the protection then this wouldn’t be happening. He turned to her. “I told you this would happen. He’s not ready to be wearing underwear yet. Especially out in public. Now look.”
Pepper seemed surprised at the sudden attack. “I didn’t know this would happen. How could I?”
Tony didn’t want to talk about this in front of his kids. He shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Peter’s waist then lifted him up. “I’m gonna take him to the van. Can someone buy diapers and bring them out to us.”
They walked to the van in silence.
Peter wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck, laying his head on his shoulder and shutting his eyes so he didn’t have to potentially see anyone looking at him.
He heard the van door slide open so he forced his eyes open and unwrapped himself from his dad once he placed him in the van.
When Peter went to sit in his car seat, Tony stopped him and got in with him, shutting the door behind them.
“What’re you doing?”
Tony leaned into the front seat to turn the car on, turning the heat on. “Lie down between the seats here. Let’s get these off of you and wait for Harley to bring us diapers. Please don’t pee again.”
Peter frowned. “I just don’t know.” With a loud and annoyed sigh, he laid down, thankful when his wet clothes were pulled off of him. “It’s itchy.” He started scratching his thighs, causing Tony to look faster for the pack of wipes they always leave in the car.
“Found it. Try not to scratch- aw, baby. Look how red you made yourself. You legs look sunburned now.” He chuckled, hoping to get a laugh out of Peter but instead he got a dirty look in return. “Alright. Keep your legs up.”
Peter flinched at the coldness but got used to it after a few seconds and he did feel a lot better now that he was clean. So he sat up, getting into his car seat. “I wanna go home. Buckle me.”
“We’re gonna wait until everyone comes back.” Pepper texted him to let him know she was checking out in line with Morgan and Harley would be there soon with some diapers so they waited for him to show up.
Peter moved to sit in the back seat with his dad, waiting impatiently. “Let’s play a game while we wait.” Tony suggested, knowing it might be awhile. “Let’s play 21 questions.”
Peter tilted his head. “What’s 21 questions?”
“We each take turns asking each other questions until we get up to 21.” Tony briefly explained. “You can go first. Ask me anything.”
Peter had to think about what to ask. “Ummm… if you could live anywhere in the whole wide world, where would you live?”
That was a good question. “Ohh. Good one. I’d have to say… Bali. I’d freeze time and go to the beach everyday with you.”
Peter agreed with that. “Yeah. But I’d wanna go to Italy and eat pasta!”
“I took you to Italy when you were a baby. You probably don’t remember it though.” Peter shook his head to confirm Tony’s suspicions. Even though Peter was around six months old then, Tony still wished he could remember it since technically, Peter could only remember four years in total with him. And seven years with Steve. It wasn’t fair… “Next question.”
Tony wanted to know the answer to this. “What’s your thoughts on your mom and I weaning you off the bottles?”
Peter's face turned angry. He looked at his dad. “I don’t like that question.”
“I know. But it doesn’t mean we’re gonna do it. I just want to know your opinion.” He felt like he already knew it.
“I don’t want you to take them away. I love them.” He rubbed his eyes, feeling like he was going to cry at the thought of having to go through it being taken away again.
It started with Steve giving them to him when he needed it for comfort. So he associated bottles with safety and comfort and now he couldn’t get enough of it, always feeling like he needed to have one with him, just in case. Like now.
“Okay. If you feel that way, then we won’t wean you off of it.” Yet.
Peter glared at him. His dad asked him a difficult question so now it was his turn. “What was the worst day for you when I was gone?”
That felt like a stab to the heart.
Tony ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was nervous.
He decided if he wanted to answer it. It was all…awful. No words could even come close to describing how torturous it was.
Tony thought about the few times he actually considered committing suicide. When he couldn’t take the pain of living without Peter anymore and wanted to be free from it all… but then he thought about days like this, moments he would miss out on if they eventually got Peter back.
So he decided to live.
And it was a hard decision to make.
But he did it.
For Peter.
Everything he did was for Peter.
He realized he still hadn’t said anything yet. “When-” Tony had to clear his throat. “On your tenth birthday. It’s such a milestone and it really hit me that I was missing out on everything.”
Peter nodded, showing no emotion.
So Tony decided to continue. “Also at that point it had almost been seven years since you were gone and every seven years your body regenerates so I had basically new skin that you hadn’t touched and you had new skin I hadn’t touched…” Tony had to reach out to place his hand on Peter’s knee. “So yeah. My turn.”
Peter sat up on his knees to hug his dad, sensing his dad’s emotion. “Don’t be sad. Cause I’m here now.”
Tony tried not to cry. He squeezed Peter so hard, hoping he wasn’t hurting him. “I love you so much, Peter.”
When Peter pulled away, he pat his dad on the head like Tony’s done to him so many times. “Now your turn.”
“Alright. Um, what would you say about going to Malibu next week?”
Peter gasped. “To see grandma and grandpa?”
“Yeah.”
“Obviously. Are we actually gonna go?”
“Maybe. It’s just a thought.” Tony liked that idea but they needed to have a few sessions with Karen first. “Your turn?”
Peter had to think. “Who’s-who’s your favourite kid?”
Tony gently shoved him. “Cheeky boy.” Tony thought it was pretty obvious already. He did love his kids all the same, just differently. Whereas he loved Harley and Morgan more than life itself, he couldn’t sleep without Peter, never mind have to live without him.
“Is it Aiser?” Peter teased.
“I didn’t do the dirty to make Aiser.” He chuckled but realized Peter didn’t understand what he meant, judging by his confused expression. “Never mind. I love all my creations equally.”
“But I give the best hugs, right?”
“Uh, hug me again just so I can decide.” Peter quickly hugged him. “Okay. That was a bad hug but yes, you do give good hugs. Most of the time.”
Peter laughed, sitting back down, his legs pulled up.
Tony looked at him. He wanted to ask him something but he didn’t know if he should. He didn’t know if he’d get another chance to so he decided to just ask. “Do you forgive Steve for what he did?”
Peter paled a bit so Tony wondered if he shouldn’t have asked that and brought up his kidnapper. Peter opened his mouth to speak but then he shut it again and thought about it.
Truth was, Peter didn’t know.
He was confused.
“Ma-maybe for the f-first time. But-but not the second time.” He remembered how terrified he was. “I was scared and-and I didn’t like it.”
“I didn’t like it either.” Tony admitted.
“Was-was it more scary the first time for you or-or the second time?”
Tony didn’t know. The first time was more painful but the second time, Tony was terrified Steve was going to murder Peter in a murder suicide.
“The second I’d say. I knew who had you then.” He didn’t want to mention the murder suicide to Peter.
Peter looked down in thought then looked back up at Tony. “Why-why couldn’t you find me the first time? You-you found me the second time.”
Tony had been expecting a question like this. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he always felt guilty for not finding Peter the first time.
He tried to find the right words to say. “I tried. I tried so hard the first time, Peter. You just… vanished. Literally. There were no leads. No evidence. Nothing to go on. I actually considered the fact that you were abducted by Aliens.”
Peter chuckled, despite the deep conversation. “That’s silly.”
Tony thought of a lot worse things. Things he imagined that he would never tell Peter.
“To answer your question, it’s because the second time, we knew who took you, we just had to find you before…” Tony stopped himself.
“Before what?”
“Before he did something bad.”
Peter’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Bad? But he-he wouldn’t hurt me, dad.”
Tony didn’t want to say it but he wanted Peter to understand. “Peter, when we found you, you had so many drugs in your system.”
“Cause-cause he-they-they wanted me to go to sleep lots.”
“Peter,” Tony tried. “Your body had an overdose of multiple drugs. It was so bad that you seized the whole way to the hospital.”
Peter didn’t want to believe it. “No. I didn’t. I just fell asleep for a little bit.” He didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t really remember anyways. He remembers Steve put him to sleep. Then Steve went to sleep and he probably woke up after they all left the hospital. Peter didn’t know where he was now, he didn’t believe that he stayed dead.
“Peter. He tried to take you away from me forever. We got to you just in time.”
Peter thought about it then he shrugged. “Your turn.”
With a sigh, Tony was going to end the game but Harley knocked on the window so Tony opened it up for him, taking the box of diapers. “Thanks. Wait, this is the wrong size. He’s a six. This is a five.”
Harley got into the passenger seat. “Oh. Sorry. It’ll still fit, right? I really don’t wanna go back in there. The lineup is massive.”
Tony ripped open the box, pulling one out. “It’ll be fine.” He kneeled down on the floor of the car and tugged on Peter’s ankle. “Come lie down so I can put this on you.”
“But… it’s not Lion King, dad.” Tony looked at the design in the front.
“It’s just to go home then I’ll put another one on you.” Tony pushed Peter’s knees to his chest, sliding it underneath him. “You seriously couldn’t have sent me a picture of the options, Harls?”
“What? I don’t know what brand he wears. I just know he wears them.” Harley shrugged, texting his mom to ask how much longer they were going to be.
Tony didn’t respond and instead secured them onto Peter. “Is that too tight?” Peter nodded, bucking his hips up. “Can you keep it on until we go home?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Get into your car seat so I can buckle you in so once mom comes, we’ll go straight home.” Peter stood up but he didn’t go for his car seat, after tugging between his legs a few times, he decided to leave it and climb into the driver's seat, grabbing the gear shift. Tony immediately reached over to grab his hand away. “Nope. Nope nope nope. The car is on, come sit back here.”
“But I wanna drive. Please daddy.”
Tony laughed at Harley's face and at Peter’s request. “I don’t think so. Ask me when you’re twenty five.”
“Twenty five?! That’s so many years away.”
“That’s the point.” He grabbed Peter by the arms and pulled him back, sitting him in his car seat. “Time to get you buckled in- oh look, mom and your sister are coming.” He did up the buckles and got out of the van to put the groceries away.
Peter watched them. “Are you going to drive us home, Harley?”
Harley snapped a picture of him just for the fun of it. “No. Dad probably will. Ask him again if you can drive, actually, ask him if you can go out with friends for the night. That’ll be funny.”
“Why?”
“Because he doesn’t want you leaving him.” Harley laughed then got bored of it so he jumped to the back seat, tickling his brother’s bare thighs while he was at it.
“Ahhh! Stop!” Peter squealed, unable to move anywhere.
“Did you pee your pants on purpose in there?”
That question frustrated Peter. “Obviously not. Why would I do that?”
Harley had his suspicions but he wouldn’t say them to the boy. “I don’t know. It was just a question.”
“Well, it was a stupid question.”
The whole car ride home, no one barely said a word besides for the music playing quietly, there wasn’t any talk.
Peter was also getting tired so he stuck his thumb in his mouth, content to do that until he could get a bottle so as soon as they got home, Tony started unbuckling him when Peter asked him. “Can I have milk?”
“Are you ready for a nap?”
“Yeah.” He happily accepted his dad’s arms and laid his head on his shoulder, ready to have milk and sleep.
.
.
.
Tony tossed Peter’s wet underwear and pants into the laundry machine. “I wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t taken the diaper off of him.”
Pepper rolled her eyes. “Oh drop it, will you. I made a mistake. You were right. Is that what you want to hear?”
“No. You act like he’s fine and he’s not fine. You force him to pretend to be okay by making him wear underwear without even talking to me about it first despite knowing he’s had multiple day time accidents.”
Pepper already felt bad. She didn’t need Tony to say it over again.
“I didn’t think he would pee himself in the middle of the store. I thought it would encourage him to say he needs to go pee.”
Tony gestured wildly, annoyed at the situation. “You think I put him in diapers because I like changing them?! He’s wearing them because for some reason he can’t tell when he needs to go or not and it all started at the cabin and I’m thinking it has something to do with Morgan bringing up Steve still being alive. Because for whatever reason, Peter believes he is.”
Pepper took the clean laundry basket and walked away from Tony. She wasn’t going to deal with this right now.
Tony followed after her, making sure not to talk in front of the closed bedroom door Peter was in. He waited until they got downstairs in the living room and he started again.
“What you did was extremely unfair to Peter and me.”
“You? What do you have to do with this?”
Tony couldn’t even believe she was asking him that. “Are you fucking serious? He’s my son. This stuff happens and I’m always the one who has to pick up the pieces.”
Pepper was silent for a few moments. “Was he… was he upset when you brought him back to the van?”
“No. He wasn’t surprised, that scares me. I wiped him clean and we just… talked until Harley arrived.”
He thought back to their conversation. He kinda wanted to finish it.
“Okay. Look, I’m sorry. I know now that I shouldn’t have put him in underwear but part of me still thinks that you are encouraging these accidents by allowing him to be in diapers so much. We need to decide what we’re doing. Especially giving him bottles when he isn’t even sleeping, we should stop that-”
“No.” Tony was quick to cut her off. “No. I’m not agreeing to that. It’s not harming anyone.”
“Besides for when he’s twenty and still doesn’t know how to sleep without a silicone nipple in his mouth. Tony. You need to think about this stuff-”
“Don’t you think I do! Don’t you think I already think of every single fucking outcome for him there is to think about! I’m-” Tony stopped talking when he heard whimpers coming from the monitor on the table connected to the one in their bedroom, facing Peter.
Tony looked at the screen and could see Peter tossing and turning so he ran upstairs, knowing he was having a bad nightmare.
He opened the door, careful not to wake Peter up though. He heard it was dangerous.
Peter was shaking his head back and forth, visibly panting and mumbling something that Tony couldn’t understand.
He sat on the edge of the bed, brushing Peter’s sweaty curls off his forehead with his hand. “Shh. I’m here. Daddy’s here. It’s just a bad dream, baby. It’s not real.”
Peter flinched at his touch. “No. No. Stop it. Help me. I-I…” He trailed off, mumbling something Tony couldn’t understand. Tony would love to jump into his nightmare and fight his demons for him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t so he continued to reassure Peter he was there and hope that offered him some sort of comfort.
Peter swung his arm, smacking Tony in the face and then he let out a gut wrenching scream.
Tony almost fell off the bed from the sound of it and it brought Tony into a panic attack to hear Peter screaming like that. His hands started shaking and it felt like he wasn’t breathing.
Oh. Because he wasn’t.
He struggled to gather a breath of air and placed his hands on Peter’s shoulders, shaking him awake. “Peter… Pe… Peter.” Tony couldn’t breathe himself. He looked over and saw Pepper run into the room and approach Peter so now that Tony saw his boy was getting taken care of, he went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and sinking down to the floor.
His hands were shaking so bad and it felt like his body was underwater, being pulled further and further down.
Tony gasped for a breath and couldn’t.
He placed a shaky hand over his chest and stood up, walking into the shower and turning the cold water on, sinking down to the floor and letting the cold water wash over him and bring him back to consciousness.
Once he managed to calm down enough, Tony took a few more breaths.
He used to wake up screaming like that when Peter was gone.
It wasn’t often.
But often enough.
When he had nightmares so badly that he woke up soaking wet from sweat and screaming so loudly his voice hurt the whole next day.
He hated that Peter had to experience that and now Tony couldn’t stop thinking that maybe, the game he played with Peter in the car today was the cause of that.
He felt so fucking bad.
After some time, there was a knock on the door.
Tony didn’t have time to say go away before it was being opened and then shut and locked.
He looked up and saw Pepper standing there.
“Peter…?”
“He’s okay. He’s with Harley. He just had a bad nightmare but he doesn’t want to talk about it.”
Tony nodded. He wanted to know what it was about.
“Are you okay?” Pepper shut the cold water spraying down on him off then handed him a towel.
“Y-yeah.” No. I’m a fucking mess. “I-I don’t want the kids to see him like this. Give-just give me a minute.”
Pepper knew why he freaked out so much. She witnessed one too many of his nightmares and had to wake up to him screaming so badly, just like Peter did.
She squeezed his hand then stood up. “Take your time.”
Tony eventually managed to sit up and strip his wet clothes off, drying himself with the towel and dressing in boxers and track pants then walking outside his room to find Peter.
He heard whispering and followed them to Harley’s bedroom, finding Harley lying on the bed with Peter in his arms. Tony needed to hold him.
“Peter.”
As soon as Peter heard his dad’s voice, he got off his older brother and crawled over to his dad, lifting his arms up for him.
Before Tony picked him up, he took his shirt off of Peter, waiting to have skin to skin contact with him like he did when Peter was a baby. It worked to calm a crying infant down. Tony hoped it would work now. Also for himself to be closer to Peter and calm down after his panic attack.
He carried him back into their bedroom but instead of sitting on the bed like he usually would, Tony sat on the couch by the window, holding Peter on his lap so he could look outside.
Since Peter’s head was facing the other way, Tony gently nudged him so he could turn the other way and look outside in a hope to calm him down.
Without saying a word, Peter turned his head, lifting up his left hand instead now to suck on his thumb for comfort.
.
.
.
Tony was grateful for Pepper.
She woke up early, taking Peter downstairs once he woke up so Tony could sleep in.
Tony and her talked for hours after he put Peter to sleep last night.
It was a much needed talk.
They eventually came to an agreement that they weren’t going to take the bottles away from Peter until he was ready. Tony thought that Pepper only agreed though because he basically said he wasn’t going to take the bottles away from Peter as long as Peter is asking for them.
Maybe they would revisit this talk in a few weeks.
For now, Tony decided to enjoy getting to sleep in. Yeah, it’s 7am but to Tony, that’s sleeping in.
He reached over on the bed like he always does but he doesn’t feel Peter, no, because he’s downstairs. Tony knew that and yet his heart still skips a beat when he doesn’t feel Peter there.
Tony does instead feel not one but two bottles that are both empty.
He eventually got out of bed and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and use the toilet then he headed downstairs, finding Peter lying on the couch, a bottle in his mouth. Wow. That’s three already.
He leaned over the back of the couch, kissing Peter on the cheek. “Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well?”
“Hi daddy.” Peter grinned, turning to sit up on his knees and reach up for his dad. “I had a dream that we went to the beach and went snorkeling.”
Tony was so glad he had a good dream. He was scared Peter was going to have a nightmare last night so Tony had his hand placed on Peter’s chest to count his heart beats, hoping they didn’t speed up due to a nightmare. Again.
He walked into the kitchen, taking the offered coffee Pepper made for him. “How did you know I was awake?”
“The baby monitor is still on. It’s on the coffee table. Peter was watching you sleep too.”
Tony felt oddly weirded out at that. “That’s… strange. I’ll make sure not to fall asleep with that thing on again.” It was one thing to watch Peter sleep but another thing for Peter to watch him sleep.
He sat down on the couch, wrapping an arm over Peter’s small body. “We have our session with Karen today. Are you excited? Nervous? Just wanna get it over with? What’s your mood?”
Peter pulled the bottle from his mouth. “Uhhh… I feel like… chicken nugget.”
Okay. Tony smiled at him, playfully flicking his nose. “Alright, well finish your bottle because we gotta go upstairs to get dressed in about an hour.”
“We still have time before we go.” Pepper took a seat on Peter’s other side. “I changed him this morning so you can change him before we go.”
Tony was okay with that. He preferred to do it anyways. “Okay.” He went to take a sip of his coffee but Peter smacked the bottle against his face. “Ouch. Peter. Watch that.”
“Oops. Mommy says I can bring it with me to see Karen. She says I can. And-and that I can wear my pyjamas if I want.”
“I said you can bring a bottle. I didn’t say anything about you wearing your pyjamas.” Pepper clarified.
“No. You said ‘you can wear whatever you want’. And I choose my pyjamas!”
“Considering your pyjamas consists of a shirt and a diaper, I’m gonna go with no.” Tony gave him a smile when Peter gave him a forced dirty look. “But you do look really cute in that.”
“Fine. Then I wanna wear underwear and track pants.”
Figured that Peter would want to wear underwear when they don’t actually want him to. “So you’re saying you wanna have another accident?” Peter stared at him. “I’ll tell you what, you can wear underwear if you can keep this,” He gestured to the diaper. “dry for the next hour. Deal?”
“No. I don’t like that deal.”
“Then diapers it is.” Tony shrugged.
Peter shrugged too. “Okay! Tickle my feet.”
For the next twenty five minutes, Tony was tasked with massaging Peter’s feet while the episode finished. After that, Tony suggested they go upstairs but Peter insisted on watching another episode and they had time so Tony stayed there, pulling Peter beside him now so he could hold him close.
Pepper came with them this time.
Harley stayed home to watch Morgan, and even though Harley was still sleeping when they left, they trusted Morgan not to get up to anything bad or dangerous while Harley slept. They couldn’t say the same for Peter.
Tony unbuckled him from his car seat and held out his hand so Peter could jump out. “Are you excited to see Karen again?”
“I don’t know.” Peter shrugged.
“It’s okay if you aren’t. But it’s important that you talk to her and that you’re honest with her.”
Peter nodded and tried to keep that in mind.
He stayed silent the whole way up to the office, holding onto his dad’s hand.
Tony knocked on the office door then they were greeted by a smiling Karen. “Good morning, Peter. How are you?”
Peter shrugged. He knew he would have to leave his dad now so he turned and tried to hide in his dad’s stomach, lifting the man’s shirt up and trying to climb on him.
“Peter. Don’t do that. Come on.” Tony managed to pry Peter out of his shirt but Peter lifted his arms up for him so Tony picked him up, setting him on his hip and walking into the office, going straight for the couch in the corner.
He saw a few toys already set up and he appreciated the effort Karen put in into making Peter feel safe and comfortable. He tried to put Peter on his feet but Peter wrapped his arms and legs around him, refusing to be put down.
“Peter, let go. I’ll come back in an hour.”
“No. No. Stay here.”
“Baby. I’ll be back, I promise. I always come back.”
“Daddy!”
Tony sighed and turned to Pepper who was having a quiet conversation with Karen. “Peter, let go of your dad. We’re gonna go wait in the hallway. We’ll be right out those doors if you need us.”
Peter still didn’t want to let go so he tried to think of every excuse. “My stomach hurts. I have a tummy ache.”
“No, you don’t.” Tony knew he didn’t. He leaned down, unwrapping Peter’s legs and then his arms, placing him on the couch. “Give me a kiss. I’ll be back.”
Peter gave him a quick kiss then stood up. “Wait! I need to go pee pee! And-and I want to go in the toilet like a big boy.”
Tony sighed. He knew Peter didn’t need to go. “Baby. Don’t make excuses. I’m going to be back.” He stood up, straightening his back out and turning to Karen. “He’s in a diaper. So don’t worry about sending him to the bathroom. And Pepper allowed him to have a bottle so, here.” He handed it to Peter after saying to Karen.
After one last hug and three kisses, Tony managed to leave Peter.
Peter felt so alone.
He drank his bottle and pulled his feet up onto the couch.
“What happened to your underwear, Peter?” Karen shrugged. She knew he was having accidents from what his parents told her but she didn’t even know why. She wanted to try and figure it out today.
“They don’t fit me no more.”
Karen nodded. “Alright. Do you miss wearing them?”
“No. Dad likes me wearing Lion King more also. But-but yesterday I got, it was like Cookie Monster, and… other names I don’t remember what they’re called.”
“Oh, did you watch Sesame Street?”
Peter fiddled with the nipple on his bottle. “No. I peed at Walmart in my pants.”
Karen wasn’t told this. “Oh no. Why didn’t you say you needed to use the toilet?”
Peter didn’t know. “I didn’t feel it. I just go.”
Karen wrote that down in her notebook. “Let’s talk about Steve. Are you okay with that?” It was a change of subject but Karen had a feeling the daytime wettings had something to do with him being on the boy’s mind.
Peter froze for a few moments then regained his composure and shrugged, continuing to play with the silicone nipple of the bottle. “What do you wanna talk about about him?”
“Have you been thinking about him a lot recently?”
Peter didn’t come here to talk about his kidnapper. He didn’t want to even acknowledge him, too scared Steve would find him again. He just wanted to ignore it and hope it all goes away.
“No. I never do. Why?”
“Your dad told me that you said you were talking to him in the woods at your cabin.”
Peter reached for a fidget toy on the table, dropping his bottle onto the couch beside him. “Oh. You know there was lots of snow up there. There’s not much in Manhattan.”
Karen hummed, writing something down in her notebook. “Peter, if you don’t want to talk about Steve, we don’t have to. I’m not going to force you to talk about anything you don’t want to.”
Peter nodded. He knew how it worked.
“So, I’m going to ask you again, do you want to talk about Steve?”
“Steve? Who’s that? I-I don’t know who you’re talking about.” He refused to acknowledge the man who hurt him. And hurt his family. Especially his dad.
Karen placed her notebook on the table, leaning back on the couch she was sitting on. Peter watched her carefully, waiting for her next question.
“Do you remember what happened the day that your father found you in September? Do you remember what happened to Steve? What happened to you?”
Peter tried not to think about that. “Um… I-I went to sleep. S-he gave me a needle then I went to sleep.”
“Did anything happen before that? Do you remember?”
It was all a blur. Peter couldn’t remember anything. He dropped the toy onto the couch and picked up his bottle instead. “I-I heard a loud bang. Then someone came inside our house. But-but then I went to sleep.”
“And where did Steve go? Do you know?”
Peter started drinking his bottle, shaking his head.
“Can you remember seeing him when you woke up? In the hospital?” Karen knew Steve died before Peter could even have gotten a chance to see him.
To her surprise, the boy nodded.
“Yeah, daddy took me to see him to say bye. Then we went to the hotel.” That’s how he remembered it.
“Peter, that didn’t happen. Do you know why?” Peter shook his head. “Do you remember your parents talking to you and telling you that Steve had died in the hospital?”
She watched the boy's face. He looked like he was going to start crying and then he took a few sucks on his bottle and wrapped his arms around his knees. “No. I-I remember. But…” He knew that his mom was dead then she came back to life, same with his family. Steve said he killed them yet they were sitting outside the door.
He sighed in frustration. He couldn’t express what he meant so he laid down on the couch, drinking his bottle and twirling his curls with the other hand.
“What is it, Peter? Are you having difficulty expressing yourself?”
“Yes!”
“How about I help you then. Want to try?”
Peter just wanted to go home. “I want daddy.”
“He’s right outside. If you really want him, I can have him come in here. But how about we try working together first.”
Even though Peter let out a big groan, he sat up and was willing to try. “Cause-cause-cause he’s says that my mom died too. But-but-and she doesn’t. But then he says that. Then she didn’t.” He chewed on his bottle. “And-and-and-and then before, before at his house, he says that my family all died. But they aren’t. So then they say Steve’s dead. But Morgan says he’s in the forest.”
Karen was trying to understand what Peter was telling her. He struggled to get it out but he did and she was proud of him for it.
“That was very brave of you, Peter. But Steve had lied to you. He tried to trick you.” Karen wanted to say brainwashed, but Tony didn’t agree with anyone using the terms brainwashed with Peter, he thought it was confusing and unfair for Peter to hear that. “It was extremely unfair of him to do that, I know, but he lied about your mom being dead and he lied to you about your family dying.”
She wasn’t surprised that Peter believed him, especially the second time. It wasn’t fair that Steve still had so much power over him.
“But-but maybe he just was telling the truth then they all come back to life. So still could Steve.” He leaned closer and whispered. “I think he’s living in the forest.”
Morgan really messed up Peter’s mind, Karen thought. It was obviously unintentional but she still did it.
“He isn’t, honey. I can promise you that. Your mom and dad told you that he died, do you think they would lie to you?”
Peter immediately shook his head. “No… but they don’t have to be lying. Steve could have lied. He-he could have pretended to die and then he’s gonna come and take me away again. And-and kill my dad!”
“Why do you think he’s going to kill your dad, Peter?” It was some pretty dark thoughts for a fourteen year old.
“Cause- I don’t know. Steve said he would. He said it!”
“But he can’t hurt you or your family, Peter. He died. He went to heaven.” Or hell. But it wasn’t Karen’s place to talk to Peter about heaven and hell.
Peter gasped. “So-so I’m gonna see him there when I die?! I don’ wanna be with him again!” The boy cried out.
“No, Peter. You will never see Steve again.” Karen reassured him. “How about you ask your parents where Steve went when he died? Maybe they can help explain it to you.”
“But he didn’t die!” Peter exclaimed. “He tricked you! He tricks everyone.”
Peter sat back on the couch, tired and frustrated. He decided he was done talking to Karen about this but something was still on his mind. “I don’t want Steve to take my dad away from me.”
“He won’t, Peter. Steve is gone, alright? He died.”
Peter shook his head. He didn’t believe her. “I want my daddy.”
Karen couldn’t keep him from Peter any longer so she stood up and opened the office door. “He wants you, Tony.”
Tony looked like he had been waiting and expecting that. He stood up and walked into the office, not hesitating to lift Peter up, holding him close. “Hey, baby. Did you have a nice talk with Karen?” Peter stook his head. “Are you tired?” A nod. “Okay. How about we get some ice cream then go home?”
“I want paci.”
Tony looked at Pepper who was rubbing their son’s back. She didn’t say anything but she did shrug so Tony took that as his call. “Alright. I’ll give you one when we go home.”
He wanted to talk to Karen to see how it went so he grabbed a diaper and wipes from the bag Pepper had. “Mom’s gonna go change you in the bathroom quickly. Then we’re gonna go.”
“No. You.”
“I’m gonna talk to Karen.” He walked into the bathroom and stood a reluctant Peter on his feet, successfully making him start crying. Great. “Five minutes. Mom will be quick.”
While they went into the bathroom to do that, Tony turned to Karen, sitting down on the couch. “How did it go?” He was anxious to hear it.
“Well, I think the reason he’s having daytime wetting is because of anxiety. He thinks Steve is still alive and that Steve is coming to kill you and take him away again.”
Tony had to process that. Why didn’t Peter tell him? Or tell Pepper, or anyone? He felt so guilty. “I had no idea. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Peter struggles to express himself with words. We know this. That’s why he bites, screams, has random temper tantrums. He struggles to use words so it’s important to encourage that and help him.”
Tony tried. He really did but Peter tested him every chance he got, making Tony give in or just put him down for a nap.
“How-how Uh, do we stop it then? Not the bedwetting but… the daytime wetting? I mean, it’s a lot.”
“Just keep reminding him that Steve is gone and that he’s not going to kill you or take him away. He’s scared that Steve is still alive and refuses to acknowledge that he isn’t. Once he realizes that, hopefully he’ll stop having accidents. I think he’s so used to it as well, so he forgets he needs to go and doesn’t recognize the signs.” Karen explained. “Have him sit on the toilet every hour or so. Even reward him for staying dry or using the toilet. That will help.”
Tony was already making a list in his head of what he wanted to get to help Peter overcome the daytime accidents.
Everything came full circle, they never got to potty train Peter and now it kinda was like they were.
Even though it was unfair to Peter, Tony couldn’t help but feel satisfied that he still got to experience this with Peter, Steve didn’t take everything from them.
Karen spoke, pulling Tony from making the mental list in his head. “He should be wearing pull-ups. Not diapers. He should be able to take them off himself when he’s going to the toilet.”
Tony waved her off. “No, diapers are easier. I’ll do it for him.”
“Tony. Let him have independence. Put him in pull-ups.”
Tony was giving Peter independence but Peter didn’t want it. “I do. Look, diapers are easier for me to change and he likes them better. We’ll still take him to the toilet, just in a diaper.”
“You are going to encourage him to not pee in the toilet by keeping him in diapers.”
Tony looked away. He wasn’t encouraging Peter, was he? Pepper said he did.
The bathroom door opened just in time. He turned to watch Peter run out of the bathroom, straight into his father’s arms so Tony stood up, picking Peter up with him and setting him on his hip. “All clean?”
Peter shook his head.
“No, you smell clean.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek and hoisted him up higher. “Let’s go home. Can you wave bye to Karen and thank her?”
“Thank you.” Peter said in a tiny voice, offering her a small wave then laying his head on his dad’s shoulder. He was so ready to go home.
Peter didn’t end up making it home. He fell asleep seven minutes into the car ride. Tony couldn’t have been more grateful for that. He explained to Pepper everything Karen explained to him, then they stopped by Target to get a few things. Starting with stickers and a chart.
Tony didn’t know how this was going to work but he was excited and nervous to find out.