Save me from my mind
Tony stayed on the couch with Peter well after he fell asleep.
It was getting quite late in the day though and nighttime was approaching so while Peter slept on the couch, both parents went upstairs to have an important discussion with Morgan.
Tony was dreading it, knowing he already spoke to her about not telling Peter.
He was the one to knock on her bedroom door. “Hey, Morg. Can mom and I come in? We just want to talk to you.”
The door opened and Morgan glared up at them. “I know I shouldn’t have told Peter that Steve lives in the forest.” She sighed out.
“Then why’d you do it? After I told you not to.” Tony pushed past her to sit on one of the beds. “You knew how’d he react to that.”
Morgan shrugged. “Cause I just wanted to make him cry.”
Tony looked at Pepper who looked equally as upset as him. “Morgan. That’s not very nice. You know he’s really sensitive and I already told you not to do it. Then you did it anyways. Are you showing me that you can’t have fun on this trip?”
Morgan shook her head.
“Because I will keep you in this bedroom and you’ll only be allowed out to eat and use the bathroom. I am giving you one more warning. I’m not bluffing with you. Do you understand?” Tony was being 100% serious. He would in fact follow through and keep Morgan in her room this whole trip if he had to.
“Okay.” Morgan forced out. “I’ll be good.” She stood up to open the bedroom door. “Can I go now?”
“Yes. But remember our talk.” Tony watched her storm out then fell back on the bed with a sigh. “How is she barely eleven and already has an attitude.”
“Get used to it.” Pepper slapped his thigh. “It’ll only get worse.”
“Please don’t say that.” Tony had a fear of his kids growing up. He got up and walked downstairs to find the couch empty. He wasn’t surprised honestly considering Peter had already been sleeping for two hours and he usually woke up every two hours. For no reason at all.
He walked into the playroom, finding Harley lying on the beanbag chair on his phone and Peter lying next to him, watching whatever Harley was doing. “Hey.”
Peter waved to him but didn’t remove his thumb from his mouth to talk.
“What’re you guys doing?”
“Texting my friend and watching a twitch stream at the same time.” Harley showed his dad his phone although Tony thought it was nice of Harley to let Peter read his messages, it was almost 9pm and way past his bedtime, even if he did already have a nap.
“Nice. But it’s time for bed for someone.” He didn’t have to say that again since Peter lifted his arms up and happily laid his head on his dad’s shoulder. He was so ready for bed. “You tired?”
“Mmhmm.”
Thank goodness. Tony thought as he carried Peter upstairs, passing by Morgan and Pepper in the kitchen. He was handed a bottle and then shut the bedroom door and laid Peter on the bed. “Get a goods nights rest because tomorrow we’re going to go play in the snow all day.”
Peter didn’t respond and instead he rolled onto his stomach to crawl over to his pillows to sleep but Tony wasn’t done with him yet and dragged him back over to the edge. “Mmm!”
“I have to put a clean diaper on you first. Just lay still. I’ll be quick.” Tony was in fact quick even if he had no choice since Peter was attempting to move closer to the pillows every time Tony let go of him. “Alright. I’m done. Now you can go to bed.”
“Pat my bum.” Peter laid on his back, drinking his milk so Tony didn’t see how that was possible.
“I can’t. Drink your milk first, then I will.” He got on the bed and got comfortable, preparing to be there for a half an hour or so but within ten minutes, Peter was asleep so Tony carefully pulled the bottle from his mouth and tried to replace it with Peter’s thumb so he could stay asleep.
He had some peace to himself now, at least until he decided to go to bed.
.
.
.
Peter woke up in a daze.
He rolled on the bed and rolled into a body so he sat up and tried to see who it was. In the dark, he couldn’t make out the figure so Peter slid out of his bed and opened the bedroom door to go and find something or someone but he didn’t know what or who.
All he knew was that he was looking for it.
So Peter walked downstairs and turned the kitchen light on then remembered what woke him up in the first place; he was hungry.
He opened the fridge and grabbed a carton of milk but he didn’t have a bottle so Peter walked back upstairs to grab his from the bed only he spotted Morgan walking down.
“Why are you down here? Where’s dad?” Morgan looked around the kitchen but it was empty and dark, kinda scary feeling.
“I want milk.” Peter explained and chewed on his pointer finger. “I can’t reach.”
Since Morgan was feeling a bit angry from yesterday’s events and a bit jealous that her brother was getting more attention than her on this trip, especially since he got to sleep with their parents and she wasn’t allowed, she wanted to get back at Peter without her parents there to stop her.
So Morgan hummed and looked around. She spotted the car keys on the table just lying there. “Here.” She handed them to Peter. “We should go to the grocery store to buy some milk. We don’t have anymore here.”
Peter grabbed the carton off the table he pulled out of the fridge. “Here. We do have some.”
“Oh. It’s spoiled milk. We need to go get some. You drive.” Morgan pulled Peter’s arm towards the front door but Peter pulled back. “C’mon. We have to go quick before mom and dad wake up.”
“But I don’t know how to drive.” Peter took the car keys from her anyways.
“You drove the golf cart in Bali. It can’t be that hard. Let’s go.”
Peter looked towards the stairs. He did really want milk but he didn’t want to get in trouble. He decided he wanted milk over getting in trouble plus he knew they could make it back before their parents woke up so Peter dragged up a chair to try and get the top lock open.
He groaned. “I can’t do it.”
“Cause you’re a baby.” Morgan pulled him off the chair, causing Peter to stumble and land on his butt.
“Ow! Hey! I’m not a baby. Don’t say that.” He pushed himself back up to his feet but Morgan got the door open and they were hit with the cold night air from outside.
Peter shivered and thought twice about leaving their cabin. He was only dressed in a shirt and a diaper. He looked down at himself and shivered at the thought of going outside. “I don’t know. It’s super cold out.”
“Then put a jacket on. We’ll turn the heat on once we get into the van but we have to be fast.” Morgan grabbed Peter's arm and pulled him outside but Peter’s toes touched the deck and he jumped back in.
“It’s cold.”
“What the hell is going on down here?” Tony was furious. He woke up to Peter being gone and he just knew something was going on.
He never expected this though.
“Shut that door right now.” He grabbed Morgan’s arm and yanked her inside then slammed the front door shut, turning to look at both his kids who were coincidentally silent now. “Someone better start speaking and explain to me why you guys opened the front door in the middle of the night.”
Peter stuck his thumb in his mouth, not wanting to speak.
“Peter wanted milk.”
Tony raised his eyebrows at her and that’s when he noticed the car keys in Peter’s hands. He grabbed them from him. “Do you guys have any idea how dangerous this could have been? Never mind leaving the cabin in the middle of the night but taking my car keys…” He wanted to know who’s idea this was.
“Both of you are losing your iPad privileges tomorrow.”
Peter threw himself to the floor and began sobbing upon hearing that.
Tony stepped over him to hide the car keys and pointed towards the stairs, looking at Morgan. “You get upstairs to your bedroom right now. I don’t want to see you step foot out of your room until tomorrow morning. Do you understand me?”
Morgan sprinted up. “Yes!”
Tony placed the milk back in the fridge and shut it then lifted Peter up, trying to get him to stand on his feet but the boy went deadweight so Tony flipped him onto his back. “Stop this. That was very bad, Peter. I am not happy with you.”
Peter cried harder.
“Cry all you want. What you did was incredibly bad and I’m not happy.” He lifted Peter up, holding him awkwardly against his side but Peter thrashed in his arms, wanting down. “Then walk upstairs.”
“I need milk!” Peter sobbed. “I-I-I…” He just came down to get more milk and his sister forced him outside and now he was getting in trouble for this but he couldn’t express how he was feeling so he grabbed his dad’s hand and bit it as hard as he could, drawing blood.
“Ow. Peter. Okay. Enough of this. Why did you just bite me?” Toby looked at his hand and had to go wash the blood off. That actually really hurt. He took a breath and looked down at him, trying to understand what Peter was going through.
This age was extremely difficult.
Peter getting kidnapped a second time was really really difficult for all of them to heal through.
It was like Peter expected Steve to come back at any moment to take him again and even though Steve was dead, Peter apparently refused to come to terms with that.
Tony grabbed a second bottle from the cabinet and filled it with milk then lifted Peter up, placing it in his mouth. The crying immediately stopped and skinny arms wrapped around his neck.
“Daddy.” Peter whimpered against him.
Tony carried him back upstairs and since Peter refused to be laid down, Tony got stuck holding him basically for the rest of the night.
Peter eventually fell asleep but Tony didn’t get to sleep until half past six in the morning, an hour before Peter woke up.
.
.
.
Pepper woke up with Peter for once.
She knew Tony had a difficult night with him, even though she didn’t know what happened yet, so she took him downstairs to keep him quiet so Tony could sleep.
Morgan opened her bedroom door shortly after her mom and brother woke up then joined them downstairs, still angry from last night.
“What’s with the pout? Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Pepper asked as she handed Peter his morning bottle then joined him on the couch.
“No. Dad yelled at me last night. I didn’t like it.” Morgan crossed her arms over her chest on the couch. She gave Peter a dirty look but he didn’t care as long as he had his milk.
“Dad did? Why?”
Morgan shrugged. “I was just trying to get Peter milk.”
Pepper assumed there was more to it. “Aw, honey. I’m sure dad isn’t upset with you. How about I talk to him when he wakes up.” She already planned on talking to Tony about last night but not until he woke up.
Right now, she had to get Peter into underwear and hopefully keep him in the same pair all day although after yesterday, Pepper doubted it. She stood up and grabbed wipes off the kitchen counter then patted Peter’s head with it. “Lie down. I’m gonna take this off you and get some underwear on you.”
“I want to help you, mom.” Morgan joined her mom's side. “I know how to do it.”
“No, honey. I’m going to do it.” Pepper didn’t think it was appropriate even if Peter didn’t protest it. “Can you do me a favour and grab me a pair of underwear from the suitcase though.”
While Morgan was doing that, Pepper pushed Peter to lay down but Peter whined.
“No. I don’t want to.”
“Then do you want to stand up?”
Peter whimpered. “No.”
“Then lay down because I have to take this off of you before you get a rash.”
Peter saw the underwear in his sister’s hands and he didn’t want to wear them. He knew his dad wouldn’t make him so he tried to get away from his mom. “Not you. I want daddy!”
“I know but daddy’s sleeping.” Pepper untapped the sides of the diaper and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor for now then wiping Peter the best she could with him refusing to let her. “Peter. Come on. Just let me. I’ll be gentle.”
“No underwear.” Peter slid onto the floor and tried to crawl away but his mom was in the way so he just sat there and cried. “Daddy!” He sobbed for his father.
Pepper gave up. She went to the suitcase and grabbed pyjama pants instead. “Alright. No underwear but you do have to put these on.”
Peter sobbed and let his mom get them onto him but he only cried harder when Pepper walked away.
Morgan was watching him on the couch. “Why are you crying? You’re hurting my ears.”
Peter looked at her. “Diaper!” He sobbed, pointing towards the front door for no reason.
Morgan felt bad. Especially after last night. So she saw that her mom was busy in the kitchen so she grabbed a diaper from the box by the coffee table and opened it up. “I’ll put one on you.”
Peter wiped the tears off his face and nodded, his crying quieting down but Pepper walked over, spotting them. “Morgan. Give me that. He can’t wear one if he doesn’t need it.”
So much for that. Peter started crying harder so he stood up to go wake his dad up. As soon as Peter ran into the bedroom crying, Tony was awake and pulling Peter against his side. Man. Was his crying ever loud first thing in the morning.
“Baby. What’s wrong?”
Peter sucked on his thumb and squeezed between his legs. “My pee pee.”
“I don’t understand, baby. Did you go?” Peter shook his head. “Do you need to go?” Another shake. “Then what’s wrong?”
“Hurts.”
Tony pulled down the front of his pyjama pants to see but there wasn’t any rash. “You’re okay. How about we eat some breakfast then we all get our snow gear on and go play in the snow?” That was the plan for today, at least for the first half of today.
“But…” Peter pulled his pants off and sat up. “Hurts.” He just wanted rash cream on which meant he got a diaper on after. He knew his dad would give in.
It was way too early for this. Tony hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet and he was already dealing with whatever this was. “Baby. You don’t have a rash there. Are you still tired? How about you come lie down with daddy.” Tony wouldn’t mind going back to bed.
Peter on the other hand was set on the fact that he was in pain. He moved closer to show his dad. “Look. It hurts a lot.” He laid his head on his chest. “Can I have cream?”
Tony ran his fingers through his curly morning hair. “Alright. Go get the cream. I’m gonna go to the bathroom then I’ll put some on you.”
Peter thought about that. It was downstairs and he knew his mom wouldn’t let him have it on since she would know he didn’t actually need it considering nothing actually hurt. “You just go get it. And I’ll wait here.”
Tony looked at him, raising his eyebrows but not saying anything as he used the bathroom and walked out, taking his shirt off and opening up the curtains. “Look at all that freshly fallen snow, baby. You wanna go play in it?”
Peter shrugged, pointing between his legs.
“Alright alright. Let’s go downstairs and get it together.” He walked towards the bedroom door but Peter didn’t move.
“Just go get it yourself then come back up here. Please. I don’t wanna move, dad. Please daddy.” He added, hoping it worked.
“Peter. I’m not gonna come back up here. Just come down with me.”
Peter relented.
He stood in front of his dad and lifted his arms up to be picked up and sat on his dad’s hip where he hid his face in his shoulder.
Tony grabbed the pyjama pants off the bed and walked downstairs. He saw Morgan sitting on the couch, watching tv so he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Good morning.”
“Hi.”
“Did you sleep good?”
Morgan shrugged. “I guess.”
He knew she was mad at him but he wasn’t going to let that make him pretend what happened last night didn’t happen. “Let me get your brother ready then we’ll talk.”
Pepper looked over at them. She made eye contact with Peter then he hid his face in his dad’s neck again.
“Where’s the cream, Pepper?” Tony asked then tried to set Peter on his feet but he clung onto him.
“On the coffee table.” Pepper rubbed Peter’s back. “I told him he has to put underwear on today. He doesn’t need to be in a diaper, Tony.” She warned the both of them because Peter wanted to wear one and Tony always gave in, letting him wear one even if he wasn’t sleeping.
Tony didn’t plan on putting one on him anyways. At least not right now. “I know.”
Peter whined in his ear. “Mmmmm. Noooo.”
“Baby. You don’t need to wear one. Let’s just have some fun today with no accidents.” He placed Peter on his feet and pulled him to stand in front of him. “After we eat breakfast, we’re gonna go play outside. Are you excited?”
Peter was pouting. He was mad at his mom for changing his dad's mind. He nodded anyways. “I’m hungry first. I want milk.”
Pepper looked at him. “I already gave you a bottle, Peter. Would you like water or juice instead?”
Peter looked at his dad for help. “No. Milk. Please.”
Tony didn’t want to go against what Pepper said but he didn’t see the harm in Peter having a little bit more milk. “I’m gonna give you half a bottle then that’s it.”
“Until nap time.” Peter clarified and Tony shared a look with Pepper. Dropping the naps was still on the to do list but Tony couldn’t bring himself to actually acknowledge the list, never mind completing it.
He didn’t say anything as he filled up a bottle, handing it to Peter and lifting him up on one of the dining room chairs. “Come sit and eat. Breakfast will be ready soon.”
Peter watched his mom cut up his pancakes while he drank his milk. He gave his sister a dirty look when she sat next to him.
“Hey! Peter is looking at me rudely. I don’t like it!”
Tony rolled his eyes at Pepper. It was too early for this and he had to find it comical that they got angry over the most ridiculous things.
“Guys, just eat your food so we can get dressed and go have fun outside. It snowed last night.” Tony moved Peter’s stool away from Morgan so at least they couldn’t pick on each other.
Morgan ate all her food as usual and Peter only picked at his, sadly as usual too.
Tony also wanted them to get outside to burn all their energy off. “I laid your guys’ snowsuits on the floor so it’s easier for you to get dressed. Pete, can you go try to pee first.”
Peter ignored him and sat down on the floor, in front of his snowsuit. “Where’s my boots?”
“By the front door.” Tony answered then held his hand out for him. “Let’s go sit on the toilet before we go outside.”
“No. I don’t need to go.” He crawled over to Morgan’s snowsuit. “Why aren’t you asking Morgan to?” He pouted.
With a sigh, Tony told him the truth. “Because she isn’t having potty accidents like you are. Can you tell me why you’ve decided to start going to the bathroom in your pants?”
Peter shrugged. He didn’t know he was doing it until he was.
“Alright. Then come sit on the toilet with me.”
Peter still refused so Pepper took over. “Peter, you need to sit on the toilet before you get your snowsuit on. Let’s go together while daddy cleans up the kitchen.” Pepper lifted Peter onto his feet and took him whining and moaning to the bathroom.
She sat on the edge of the bathtub while she waited for him to go. “There’s no rush. Once you go, we’ll go outside.”
“Urgggggg!”
Pepper didn’t respond to that and instead focused on the book in the bathroom. It was a picture book from a few years ago and she didn’t know why it was even in here.
Peter pointed to his damp underwear. “See. I already went there. I don’t need to go anymore, mom. I wanna play in the snow.”
Pepper hadn’t even noticed that. She sighed and pulled it off of him. This was getting concerning now and she was trying to pinpoint when it started and what was causing this.
Had something happened to Peter that they were unaware of?
Did they unintentionally do something to him?
She stood up and left the bathroom. “Tony. Touch these.” She handed Tony the wet underwear.
“Uh, did you just make me touch pee?” He washed his hands right away.
“Should we go home early so I can take him to the doctors? I’m concerned. This isn’t normal.”
Tony felt the same way but he had to remember what they were dealing with. “If it were Morgan or Harley, I’d be concerned, but this is Peter. We know why he’s doing this. And I’m not even going to say his name but he’s the reason behind this. I don’t think it’s physical. I think it’s mental.”
“Which is even harder.”
“Yeah.” Tony agreed. “But we’re working on it with Karen. Let’s just enjoy our time here and I’ll take him to her as soon as we get back.” He dried his hands off and walked into the living room to grab a diaper. “In the meantime, he’ll wear this.”
“Tony.” Pepper went to protest that but she stopped. She felt like she was at a loss. “Alright.”
Peter jumped back on the toilet when Tony walked in. He had been looking out the window as soon as his mom left but he didn’t want to get in trouble. “I don’t need to go.”
“I know.” He sat on the edge of the bathtub. “Looks like you’re going to be wearing this then. Stand up.”
Peter followed orders. “All day?”
“Probably. I’m gonna talk to Karen about this. I don’t know why you’re doing this, buddy.” He secured it tightly onto him then held out track pants for him to step into, already thinking of a million reasons why Peter was having so many daytime accidents.
“Karen’s in Manhattan. We’re in… where are we?”
“In the forest.” Tony kissed his cheek then stood up to walk back into the living room with Peter following after him like a little duckling. “Go get dressed, Pete.”
Peter sat down in front of his snowsuit and began getting his mittens on first. “No. Not those. You need to put on snow pants first.” Morgan kneeled down next to her brother and held his snow pants out for him. “I’ll help you.”
“Okay.” Peter was grateful for the help. He sat there, letting Morgan do all the work while he still worked on getting his mittens on.
Tony watched them. He made sure not to make a noise so he could just enjoy watching his two youngest. He would have expected Peter to be the one helping Morgan but Morgan was an amazing sister with so much patience towards Peter.
He honestly didn’t know how he got so lucky with all his kids, and how truly amazing and strong they all were.
Especially Peter.
Even after all the hardships and trauma he’s been through, Peter is still the happiest child Tony has ever met and he’s incredibly grateful each day that Peter is his.
“Daddy.” Tony was pulled from his thoughts. He saw that Peter had his snow pants on but that’s it. He stood up to walk towards Tony. “Daddy?”
“Yes, baby? What is it?”
“I got my snow pants on.”
“Wow. Very good. Go get the rest on.”
Peter stared up at him. “Can I have milk?”
He had two half filled bottles of milk that he still didn’t finish so Pepper handed one to him. “You’re not taking it outside so finish it here.”
Peter laid down on the living room floor, drinking it and twirling his curls around his finger with the other hand. “Mm.”
As he was drinking, Morgan got his boots on for him and Tony couldn’t help but laugh and record them. Peter definitely had everyone in the family wrapped around their baby finger.
“You guys are too cute. You’re such a good sister Morgan.” Pepper cooed.
“I’m the big sister now.” She grinned.
“Morg, it’s fine if you wanna play house and pretend you are but you aren’t really.” Tony needed to say that. He couldn’t have Morgan repeating that. God forbid Peter believes her too about that.
Peter sat up and tossed his bottle. “I want to do it by myself now.” He grabbed his coat, putting it on and then his hat. “Look. Dad. Dad. Dad! Dad!”
“Yes. Wow, Pete. Very good. Zip it up and then we can go out.” Tony was already ready and opened up the front door to let Aiser run out.
He went out alone with his two kids, Harley was still sleeping, Tony also didn’t really mind being alone with them plus there wasn’t really anywhere they could go.
The property was big but he could still keep his eyes on them which was what Tony needed.
He let them run, well, waddle in their snow suits over to the edge of the forest then plop a seat in the freshly fallen snow.
He gave them their space to play while still watching them.
“Yummy.” Peter took a bite of the snow. “Just don’t eat the yellow snow.”
“Obviously. Unless it’s flavoured like banana.”
“When would snow ever be flavoured like bananas?”
“Uhhh an ice pop. Obviously.” She rolled her eyes and started digging down to reach the bottom of the deep snow. “Wait. Do you hear that?”
With a gasp, Peter looked around. “No. What does it sound like?”
“Like snow crunching.” Morgan stood up to look into the forest. “I think I see someone.”
Peter crawled over to take a better look but he didn’t see anyone. “Dad says no one is in the forest. That it’s just us here.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Liar. He says he wouldn’t bring me here if someone lived in the forest. I’m not gonna play with you anymore. I wanna play by myself.” Peter pushed himself onto his feet and walked over to the swing that was covered in snow. “Dad! Lift me up!” He wiped the snow off the swing but he couldn’t get into it. “Dad! Dad!”
“You’re not gonna fit with all that snow gear on, bud.” Tony started walking over to him but Peter ran away so he walked back to where he was sitting on the porch. He didn’t want to chase Peter.
He also didn’t feel like arguing with him over the swing so he left it.
Tony watched them play for a bit longer but he was starting to get cold and he couldn’t imagine how cold they would be since they were actually rolling in the snow and eating it.
He would give them a few more minutes. Peter was digging in the snow with a random sand bucket he found and Morgan was a few feet away from him, standing there looking into the forest.
“I’m gonna make hot chocolate for everyone when they want to come inside.” Pepper called from the front door. He looked towards her and smiled, that sounded good and made it feel even colder outside.
“Okay, we’ll be in soon.”
Tony stood up to go see what they were playing with but Aiser ran past him, almost knocking him over. “Aiser. Woah, what’s the rush.” He fondly shook his head at the dog and looked back towards his kids but he only saw Morgan.
He didn’t panic just yet though.
He looked side to side but no sign of Peter.
Tony jogged over to the edge of the forest. “Morgan. Where’s Peter?”
Morgan turned to him. “Um…”
He looked around again but he didn’t see Peter anywhere and now he was starting to panic. “Peter? Morgan, where’s your brother? Where did he go?!” He was panicking now. He literally looked away for two seconds but that was all it took last time and he’s already done this once, he can’t do it again, he can’t lose Peter again-
“He went into the forest.”
Tony ran towards the edge of the forest and looked inside but he didn’t see him. “Where is he, Morgan?!”
“Stop! You’re scaring me!”
Tony was about to lose it. He looked down and saw tiny footprints so he followed those and they came to an abrupt stop but there still wasn’t any sign of Peter. What the hell.
Tony looked around, spinning in a circle and spotted Peter squatting down by a tree so Tony ran towards him, lifting him up. “Peter. Oh my god. Oh my god. Baby. You just scared me. Fuck, Peter.” He didn’t care about swearing. His heart was beating so fucking fast it actually hurt.
“Daddy. Put me down. I was talking to someone.”
Tony placed Peter on the ground but didn’t let go of him. “What? Talking to who?”
Peter shrugged.
“Peter. You can’t do that. You can’t just walk away into the forest. Do you understand me? You could get lost. Or hurt. Or an animal could attack you. Or someone could take you from me and hurt you. You can’t go in the forest, Peter. You can’t ever ever ever leave daddy’s sight. If you can’t see me, I can’t see you.”
Peter looked in the other direction so Tony followed his eyes.
“What’re you looking at?”
“No one.”
“Peter.” Tony didn’t see any footprints other than his and Peter’s.
“No one, dad.” Peter squirmed uncomfortably. “I need to go pee. I wanna go on the toilet like a big boy.”
Tony was concerned. “Peter, what did you see out here?”
“No one.”
“Peter-”
“I was just looking for Steve!” Peter crossed his arms over his chest and began walking back.
That was another hit to Tony's heart. He grabbed Peter’s arm, harder than he expected. “What do you mean, Peter?”
He was worried more than anything.
Peter shrugged again. “Morgan said he’s in here. I was just looking for him.”
Tony watched him walk back to the cabin, confused and concerned. Did Peter still think that Steve was alive? They told him he died. Tony didn’t know if Peter was forgetting that or maybe he didn’t want to let go for whatever reason.
Peter had Stockholm Syndrome, Tony knew that.
Or at least he did in the beginning. Tony thought Peter hated Steve now, but now he was willingly looking for him in the forest. Weird.
He didn’t say anything and led his kids inside, shutting the door and double checking it was locked. He grabbed Peter’s arm before he ran off and tracked snow all over the house. “Take off your stuff here. Both of you.”
“I wanna go in a bath. With Morgan.” Peter exclaimed and jumped up and down and high as his thick gear would let him.
“You can go in a bath but not with Morgan.” Tony missed those days but they were sadly over. “Do you want me to help you take this all off?” He didn’t even know why he was asking because there was no way Peter would do it by himself.
“Yes please.” Peter laid on the floor, not helping Tony to get him undressed in anyway. He actually made it more difficult by trying to turn onto his hands and knees to crawl away. “I wanna go in the bath. Daddy.”
“Peter, give me a chance to strip you.” Tony pulled his track pants off then Peter was crawling away before Tony got the chance to get anything else. He wiped the sweat off his forehead from all that work and went into the bathroom to run a bath.
“Morgan. Will you come in the bath with me?” He stood up, leaning against the couch where she was sitting.
“No. You’re a boy. That’s weird. If you were my sister then I would. But I don’t have a sister.”
Peter pushed her.
“Hey! Mom! Peter pushed me because I said I’m not going in the bath with him!”
“Peter, don’t push your sister. How about you go with your dad into the bathroom.” Pepper handed Morgan a hot chocolate with a bowl of marshmallows so Peter grabbed a handful and ran into the bathroom.
“Dad? Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna put marshmallows in my bath. Okay?”
Tony was preoccupied with their conversation in the forest. “Huh? Okay.” He didn’t even hear what Peter had to say. “Take off your shirt and your socks.”
Peter looked down at his feet then gasped and ran back into the living room to grab more marshmallows. “Look, mom! Six.”
“Excuse me.” Pepper turned to look at him, a stern expression on her face.
“Six marshmallows.”
“Oh. Oh, I thought you said something else.” She turned around to finish making the next hot chocolate but it looked like Peter didn’t want to drink it. Or stay still for that matter.
Tony saw Peter run by the bathroom out of the corner of his eye so he shut the water off and went to see where he ran off to. Their cabin wasn’t that big, it actually wasn’t big at all, not like their home.
“Peter, your bath is going to get cold. Come here.” He followed him into the storage room and found him squatting down between two boxes. “Let’s go- wait. Are you going poop?”
“No.”
“Stand up. Peter.”
“I’m not.” He pulled Peter into a standing position just to make sure. He’s seen that position way too many times. “Told you. I was just hiding. And exploring. I’ve never been in this room before.”
“That’s because it’s not for kids.”
“Who’s it for?”
“Daddy. Now let’s go.” He walked back down the hallway but Peter tugged on his arm.
“Can you carry me? My feet hurt. I’ve walked way too much today.”
Tony lifted him up, forcing Peter to look at him in the position he was put in. “You’ve walked too much, wow, poor baby. You need a foot rub, don’t you?” He teased.
“Definitely.”
“Ask mom to.” He shut the bathroom door and placed Peter on his feet. “Stop-hey. Can you sit still for a second so I can take your diaper off? Do you want to sit on the toilet and try to do a pee pee before going in the bath?”
Peter decided not to. “No. I can just pee pee in the bath. That’s what Harley does.”
“Harley doesn’t take baths, kid. Hop in.”
“I want Harley to come in with me.” Peter tried to give his dad puppy dog eyes so Tony would give in but Tony honestly wanted to talk to Pepper about what happened outside so maybe this would give him that opportunity to do that.
“I’ll tell him to come and hang out with you then.” He couldn’t leave Peter so he just opened the door and called for him. “Harley? Your brother wants you.”
“What?”
“Come here.” He watched Peter lick the bath water. “That’s dirty. Don’t do that.” He got the cutest grin in return.
“Yeah?” Harley walked into the bathroom, taking a glance at Peter in the bath. “I don’t wanna babysit, dad.”
“Who said anything about babysitting.” He patted Harley on the shoulder. “Just hang out with him. He wants you to stay with him, right, Pete?”
“Yeah!” Peter gave a sharp nod. “Wanna see my butt?”
Tony left them alone and walked upstairs where he found Pepper reading a book quietly.
“Hi.”
“Hi. Pete’s with Harley in the bath.” He saw the look she gave him. “Not together obviously.” He shut the bedroom door so hopefully no one was listening to him. There seemed to be a kid everywhere he went these days. “So, while we were outside, I swear I looked away for two seconds and Peter was gone.”
“What.”
“He walked into the forest. I had to follow his footprints to find him and when I did find him, he insisted he was talking to someone and got super defensive when I asked him who.” He took a breath. “Then he told me he was talking to Steve…”
“What.”
Tony didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do. “I… I need to talk to him about it but I don’t know what to say. He has to know Steve is dead, right?”
“Well we told him. He can’t just forget about that but maybe he made himself forget it.”
Tony had been thinking about it. “Morgan told him Steve was in the forest. That probably made him go looking for him- but why would he go looking for him. I don’t get that.”
Pepper didn’t understand it either. “Recovery is… hard. To say the least. Let’s talk to Karen about this when we go home in a few days.”
“Alright. Harley’s with him now, I’m gonna go talk to him about it. Just to see if he wants to talk about anything.” He sat there for a bit, needing to mentally prepare to go downstairs to talk to Peter about this and find a way to bring it up that wasn’t so obvious.
He forced himself to go down and opened the bathroom door, surprised to find the floor still dry and Peter trying to float on his back. “Very impressive, Pete. Say bye to Harley now. Thanks for watching him.”
Harley gave Peter knuckles and left so Tony sat back down on the stool. “What did you guys talk about while I was gone?”
“Just boy stuff. You won’t understand.” He shrugged.
“Oh yeah? Why, cause I’m not a boy?” He sarcastically asked him.
Peter pretended to think about it. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen you naked before.”
“Okay.” Tony stopped him before the conversation got any weirder. He could never tell with Peter. “So do you want to talk about who you saw in the forest?”
Peter froze for a few moments then stuck his thumb in his mouth, pointing towards the door, silently telling his dad he wanted to be done with his bath now.
“Just talk to me, Pete. I want you to be able to come to me and talk to me.”
Peter didn’t even know what to say. “I just go for a walk in the forest.”
“But why?”
“To look for friends.”
“Friends, Peter? I don’t understand.” Tony was so confused and he was sure Peter was too. “Do you… do you think of Steve as your friend?”
He was genuinely curious to know the answer, and a bit sad.
Peter thought about it. He didn’t want to talk about his kidnapper and how that man ruined his life and hurt his family for so many years, also how Steve stopped him from having fun for all those years. He just wanted to know why. Why him? Out of all those kids in the park that day, why did Steve choose him?
Peter still didn’t know that answer and he wanted to know it. What made him so special, well, unlucky he should say.
He looked down and shrugged. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Peter-”
“I wanna get out now.”
Tony looked at him sadly but he couldn’t push it so he pulled the plug and grabbed a towel, holding it out for Peter and wrapping him in it.
Peter pulled the towel tightly around himself. “I want a bottle.”
“Alright. I’ll get you one.” He should be saying no but he couldn’t after that talk.
Peter followed him like a duckling into the kitchen and waited patiently for his bottle. Once he got it, he ran upstairs to go find his mom.
Pepper was surprised to see Peter coming into the bedroom without Tony following behind him but Tony must have figured that Peter needed one on one time with his mom. “Hi baby. Did you have a nice bath?”
Peter didn’t respond and instead joined her on the bed, getting comfortable beside her and laying his head against her chest. “I wasn’t looking for Steve in the forest.” He admitted. He was looking for Steve though… kinda… he just… he didn’t even know. His head was so confused.
“Oh. Then why were you in the forest?” She asked slowly, running a hand through his curly hair and focusing on his face.
“Um… I don’t know. I just was.” He stuck the silicone nipple in his mouth just to chew on. “Dad thinks I was looking for him. But I wasn’t.”
“Okay. Can you tell me why you said you were talking to him then? Were you?”
Peter nodded then shrugged. “I-I just wanted to see if he was there. Morgan said he was. I don’t want him to be though.”
Pepper caressed his soft face. “Peter, Steve isn’t in the forest. Morgan was being mean to you when she said that. Steve died, do you remember that?”
Peter stared straight ahead for a few moments. “Yeah. But-but I just don’t want him to be in the forest. I just, I really don’t want him to take me away again.”
Pepper felt under prepared to help Peter. She didn’t know why he was feeling this way. “But he won’t ever take you away from us again, Peter, I promise you. He’s gone.”
Peter didn’t understand that. His whole life he was lied to. He was told his mom died in a fire, but yet, here he was in his mothers arms. He was told by Steve when he was taken for the second time that his whole family was killed and that it was his fault, yet here they were with him.
Maybe people lied to him about Steve. Or maybe people just came back from the dead, he didn’t know.
He didn’t reply to his mom and instead drank his bottle and fisted his mom's shirt with his other hand.
Pepper stayed like that with her youngest son for quite some time.
Tony didn’t check on them to see how Peter was doing so Pepper thought that he was really affected by something, most likely Peter saying he spoke to Steve in the forest.
She would check on Tony later but right now her son needed her.
With a kiss to his forehead, Pepper spoke, “How about I give you a nice massage? Then you can put on comfy clothes and we can have a cozy, relaxing day.”
Peter nodded, pulling the bottle out of his mouth with a pop. “I wanna have a nap.”
“But you just woke up, we didn’t even eat lunch yet.”
Peter looked down at his bottle then squeezed between his legs. “Uh oh. I need to pee.”
Pepper was proud of him for acknowledging that and telling her. “Okay. Thank you for telling me, let’s go sit on the toilet.”
When she separated from Peter and got out of the bed, she saw Peter looking between his legs and a stream of pee coming out so she quickly placed the towel there so it wouldn’t go onto the bed. Maybe a bit too late.
“Peter, you have to give me more than a five second warning.” Peter looked at her.
“I just don’t know.” He sighed, lying back down and putting the bottle back in his mouth. So was so frustrated with everything and he didn’t know how to express any of his emotions. All he could think about was Steve and he hated that.
He screamed and kicked his legs out in frustration then threw his bottle across the room, watching it knock over a picture frame then fall to the floor, rolling under the dresser.
Peter sat up and screamed, reaching for it. “My bottle!” He cried, leaving Pepper completely lost. “It’s gone! I want it!”
“Peter-”
“No! No. NOOOAAA!” He tossed himself onto the bed, smacking his head against the headboard and breaking down in sobs. Pepper was completely lost and didn’t know what to do so she just watched Peter cry, holding his head and looking at her, waiting for someone to comfort him.
When she didn’t immediately rush towards him, Peter started crawling towards her, sobbing. “Mommy.” He cried but the bedroom door opened.
Tony had heard the awful crying downstairs and immediately raced up to see what was going on.
Once Peter saw him, he almost gagged from how hard he was crying.
“Oh Peter. What’s happening?” He wasted no time picking him up and rocking him side to side. “What happened to him?” He looked to Pepper for answers.
“I… I don’t know. We were just talking. Then he peed on the bed, got frustrated and threw his bottle then… he just started crying like this.”
Tony wasn’t sure he understood the problem but something clearly upset Peter. Harley even came up to see what was going on.
“Dad? Is he alright?”
“Yeah.” No. “He’s fine. He just needs to calm down. Can you go make him a bottle please. Quickly.”
While he was waiting for Harley to come back, Tony sat on the bed and stood Peter between his legs. “Shh shh. You’re okay. Look, everything’s okay, Peter. What’s wrong, huh? What happened?”
Peter pointed at the wall. “Bottle!” He cried out.
“I don’t understand, baby. Tell me. Take a breath, and use your words.”
Peter tried to. “He-he-no, mommy’s takes it!” He cried into Tony’s shoulder.
“I didn’t take anything. You threw your bottle, Peter.” Pepper tried explaining to him but he was way too worked up for no reason.
“Here, dad.”
Tony gratefully took the much needed bottle and pushed it againsts Peter’s lips, sighing in relief when the crying came to a sudden stop. Both parents shared a look with each other about this random crying fit.
Tony wished he knew what was going on in Peter’s head.
If only Peter could explain to them that he was terrified of Steve being alive and his kidnapper actually living in the forest and coming to take him away.
He clung onto his dad tighter.
He was so scared and confused.
Tony stood up with him, tossing the pee soaked towel into the laundry bin and grabbing a diaper and cream from the dresser then he whispered into Peter’s ear. “Let daddy lay you down so I can put a diaper on you. I don’t want you to have any more accidents.”
Peter didn’t reply but when Tony laid him down, he didn’t protest it.
Both of them could tell that Peter was tired, especially after that random meltdown.
Tony finished up quickly so Pepper grabbed body cream and poured some onto her hands, rubbing it in. “I’m going to give you a relaxing massage, baby. It’ll help you calm down.”
Peter stretched his legs out. “Mm.” He grabbed his dad’s hand, placing it on his bottle so Tony could hold it for him and he could fully relax while still drink milk.
Yet another situation they had to deal with.
Tony didn’t know if this was a new struggle in the recovery process or what Morgan said to Peter, sticking in his head. Maybe both. Tony didn’t know.