The battle in Wakanda was hard. So hard. You had given it your all against the aliens barreling toward you and your team. Every ounce of your fight had been poured into keeping the enemy at bay with the hopes that Wanda could save Vision and destroy the stone. You thought you stood a chance when Thor had stormed the field, using his power to take out dozens of those alien beasts. But they kept coming, and you kept fighting. Even as Wanda and then Vision joined the field, you hadn’t given up hope. You couldn’t. It was the only thing keeping you on your feet and your eyes on the sky as Sam flew around. Sam Wilson, your other half. He flew through the skies and firing at any enemy he could. You had hope as the field began you to thin and it seemed like the enemy was retreating.
Then he was there. Thanos. The big purple monster that had done all of this. From the very beginning in New York to the fight in the train station that had brought you and your friends home at last. Brought you home to prepare for this battle. You had returned with Sam, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, and Vision and began preparing for this moment exactly. A final assault to keep him from Vision and the stone.
You had given everything. Every bit of power in your team was thrown at the titan, and it hadn’t been enough. Wanda gave everything and he still won. He still got the stone. You watched and struggled to get to your feet, as Thor came barreling through the air, axe in hand and struck. A blow that would have killed any man not currently wielding the power of the cosmos you were sure. But it wasn’t enough and you felt more than saw the ripple of power at the snap of his fingers. And then he was gone. The alien that had fueled your nightmares for years and had ruined so much of your world was gone once again.
You found your self clinging to Rhodey’s suit of armor and stumbling with him while Steve said, “Where did he go?” Searching for the enemy still. Then Bucky collapsed into dust and a pit of dread welled in your stomach. Your throat was dry as others began yelling for those that collapsed and Rhodey joined them yelling for Sam. You tried to join him but the words wouldn’t come. You couldn’t find him. He was gone.
*** FIVE YEARS LATER ***
So long since that horrible day in Wakanda. Since you lost all hope. The world was stuck in a collective shock and even now, many didn’t know a way out of this feeling. You certainly didn’t. Everyday you curse that purple monster for not taking you instead of Sam. For making you live in a world without him. Everyday you wished you could give up. Leave this world that had nothing left for you without him.
But you couldn’t. Sam wouldn’t want that for you. He would have wanted you to move on. Find something to work towards. So you tried. You helped Natasha set up a kind of headquarters for your scattered and diminished team mates. Helped Steve through his grief with losing Bucky again. But when they were okay. You left.
There was nothing left at the compound for you. Only reminders of the man you loved and lost. Reminders of the many friends you had lost that day as well. So you left. Not as dramatically as others. You kept in contact. Helped out when you could from where you were but you didn’t let your self go back to that place if he wasn’t there with you. Instead you travelled. Travelled as far as you could and back. Sometimes you’d spend a few days in one place, sometimes it was weeks or even months. The longest was when you went to Louisiana. You had to tell his family yourself. You left New York and went straight to the home your other half had grown up in and had only taken you to once. Once before everything went to shit.
You stayed there for 4 months before you had the urge to keep moving. But before you left you stopped at a gas station and saw the rack of post cards. That began a tradition you hadn’t expected. Everywhere you went you picked up a postcard and wrote about what you had done and seen, and sent them to the compound. You sent them to Sam at the compound.
Your logical side knew he would never read them. He would never see the “Love you” from Sarah and her kids on the very first card. He would never see the tear stains on almost every card for months. He would never see the beautiful views on the front and your hurried scrawl on the back. But you sent them anyway. One last shred of hope that you would see him and he would get these cards one day.
Then one day came. You had been recruited into the time travel adventure as Nat had so carefully captioned it. So many of your former teammates converged on the compound again. Your heart squeezed as you walked through those halls again. Without Sam’s warm presence to keep you company, it was cold and empty despite all your friends you had long wanted to see again. The team suited up and made a plan. A plan to save everyone. To bring back all that you had lost.
You went with Rhodey and Nebula to retrieve the power stone. It went smoothly as you could imagine it would. Until Natasha didn’t return and that pit grew in your stomach again. That pit that told you everything was about to go from bad to worse once more. Despite that, everyone had brought the stones back, and Tony had managed to create a gauntlet similar to Thanos’. When Hulk dons the stones and manages to wield their power, you are in awe. Hope. That's hope filling your heart as he manages to snap his fingers and another ripple of power flows into the world, into the universe. Hope had filled everyone around you. The birds chirped, and Clint spoke to his wife for the first time in years.
Then it all went to shit. Again. The compound was attacked. Thanos from years ago was there. Looking for the stones. Again. You fought with Clint to take out the alien beasts and to keep the stones from Thanos. Again. You fight until you reach the surface and you see the hoards of aliens pouring off of ships. The massive creatures flying through the air, looming over the destroyed area. Then sparks in the air further down the field near where you can now see Steve standing. The most beautiful sight brings you to your knees. It starts with three people, then you see him. Flying out of the portal is Sam.
Tears are streaming down your face as more and more portals open. Your lost allies returning to fight. Many that you recognize but so many new faces. Regardless, your eyes don’t leave Sam’s form as he flies above the growing and now chanting allies. Then Scott emerges from the rubble and you find your self joining their ranks. Finding your spot among your allies. Putting up a fight with the new found hope in your chest. You tear through enemy after enemy. Even if you don’t make it out of this one. You’ll be happy knowing your better half is back. Back in your life, however long you get to keep him.
The horn of Scott’s van sounds over the din of battle, briefly pulling your attention away from the hoards before you. Another glimpse of Sam soaring over you sends you back into the focus of fighting. That is until all hell breaks loose again. The ships above begin firing powerful strikes down into both armies, and the sorcerers fighting amongst you create shields to fend off the chaos. You watch, as the ships then change course, aiming up into the sky, just as a being as powerful as the cosmos flies through the sky and into the largest ship, taking it out completely. There’s a more important fight going on somewhere on the field, you know it. But you aren’t there, so you focus on the enemies coming at you in the moment, taking them out as quickly as you can.
Then it all seems to still. The field is quiet, enemies retreating or down for the count. Then you feel the same ripple of power. So immeasurable even after feeling it twice before. You search the skies hoping that wasn’t your worst nightmare becoming truth again. But your eyes find Sam’s form again, and he isn’t disintegrating. No one is on your side. Only your enemies turn to dust until you’re only surrounded by allies. And you find your self looking toward the epicenter of the wave of power. You find yourself stumbling toward it, seeing Tony sat there, slipping away as he’s surrounded by his family one last time.
The feeling of dread fills your heart and tears fill your eyes as Pepper finally steps away from his unmoving and lifeless body. He gave everything. Tony Stark gave his life to finally defeating Thanos. The tears streamed down your face, as you drop to one knee. Others had done the same and soon the entire field was facing the hero, offering respect for everything he has done for this world and for this final sacrifice. Eventually, Rhodey takes Tony’s body away and you know it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. The loss hurts so much. Tony Stark was a good man and a great friend.
Everything’s a blur after that. Everyone leaves the battle field, often leaning against one another from injury, exhaustion, or both. You find your self amongst some Wakandan warriors, as you trudge away. Seeking some form of shelter. Somewhere to rest and recover. And to find Sam. Some sorcerers help portal people back to their homes. But the only home you’d truly had was laying in ruin around you, so you find a nice comfy boulder to sit on and wait. Wait for the crowds to thin as people leave. Wait for those wings to come into sight. Before you can find Sam, Bucky manages to find you. A tired but grateful smile pulls at your lips, as you make room for him on your slab of concrete. He sits beside you without a word and leans against your side, grounding you and himself.
You wait in silence for a while with Bucky beside you. Until he raises an arm, pointing to a shape further out that you had been looking. Sam. It was Sam. Before you could stop yourself, you’re jumping up and running across the rubble, narrowly avoiding a fall here and there, until you find yourself in his arms again. Your tears are renewed, as you hold him tightly to you, pouring five years of missing him into the embrace. There were no words to explain how you felt. How it felt to hold the man you thought you would never see again.
He reunited with Bucky and with Steve, and soon, you found yourself at Tony’s home on the lake, standing in all black surrounded by so many heroes from across the world and the universe, and saying goodbye and thank you to the bravest of you all. Sam put an arm around your waist and a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, as the wreath was set in the water by Pepper and began to float away. Then came Steve’s mission to return the stones. You stood back, as he gave what seemed to be a final good bye to Sam and Bucky. When he didn’t appear on the platform again, you knew it had been. You stepped up beside Bucky as Sam stepped toward the man on the bench, and received the shield and the honor of taking over the legacy.
It wasn’t until several days later that you found yourself finally in a room at a shield facility, trying to figure out what to do next. A text from Clint, asking you to meet him in a meeting room in another part of the facility pulls you out of your contemplating and out of your room. Half way to the meeting room, you find Sam. As you link hands, a smile settles on your face and you see a similar smile pulling at Sam’s lips as well. Together you continue toward that meeting room.
Finally, you arrive and find Clint waiting, clearly anxious and still grieving. “Hey Clint, how are you doing?” you ask softly, already knowing the answer. He meets your eyes with a sad smile. “Doing okay. I’m just glad to have Laura and the kids back.” He gives you a knowing look, glancing down at your hand entangled in Sam’s. You look up at Sam, squeezing his hand and say, “I know how you feel.”
“But that’s not why I wanted to see you,” Clint says, nodding toward the door and opening it. On the table sits a box neatly labelled Sam in Natasha’s handwriting and underlined. Clearing his throat, Clint says, “Nat saved them. Sent them on to my house. For safe keeping. Seems like she knew what she was doing. Knew that we would get everyone back and the compound wouldn’t survive.” You take a single step toward the box, already knowing what lay within. Sam stares at you for a moment before crossing the distance and peering inside, seeing stacks of postcards, each adorned with your handwriting. The top card he pulls out shows a beautiful scene of Louisiana, and you watch as his eyes scan the card a hitch in his breath when he reads his sister’s little note beside your own. The door clicks shut, as Clint leaves the two of you alone with the box.
“What’s all this?” Sam asks breathlessly, placing the card on the table and pulling out the next. His fingers brush over the edges and over the words filling the space, pausing on his name and the tear stains that had caused the letters to run together so many years ago. Finally joining him at the table, you pick up the first card off the table, smiling at the memory now. “I didn’t know what to do. Without you I mean. I didn’t have anything here for me anymore. So I went to tell your family everything that happened, and I stayed there for a while. But I didn’t know where to go. No where felt right without you beside me. I looked high and low for the place that felt like home. Every time I went somewhere new, I got a postcard and I wrote to you. Sent them to the compound, and I assumed Nat threw them away or something.” Tears pricked your eyes at the thoughtfulness of your friend. A thoughtfulness you won’t ever be able to repay.
An arm wrapped around you, pulling you into Sam’s steadying embrace. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and spoke into your hair. “And where is home now?” You pulled your head away from where it rested on his chest and met his eyes before saying, “Anywhere with you.”