It’s too late, Peter thinks, looking at the smoke coming out of the Baxter Building. Even at top speed he can see people and heroes all around, but no one seemed to be fighting anymore.
The shout-out for help came too late. He rushes in.
He sees Ben, kneeling in front of the portal. The locked, broken portal, where is Johnny?
Captain America puts a hand on his shoulder, but all he can do is try and remember how to breathe. He listens as the man explains what happened. How Johnny, Ben and Franklin blasted their way into the Negative Zone and cleared the invading army from the portal. How there were too many of them. Valeria’s plan, the army advancing, the sacrifice Ben was willing to make, even without his powers working at the time, and Johnny. Oh Johnny, stubborn Johnny. Dead.
Iron Man stands a few paces away from them, mask off. His expression is unreadable but Peter doesn’t think he’s particularly heart broken, he never liked Johnny. Steve’s expression is more easily read, he looks worried, and his face is a mix of grief, worry and pity. Peter doesn’t like it. He looks around, finds Valeria and Franklin crying next to each other, Leech is unconscious but looks otherwise unharmed. Half the building is destroyed, people are coming in and out. Sue and Reed are nowhere to be found. When he tries to ask for them he realizes he can’t speak.
A strange sound comes out of his mouth, choked, weak. His throat constricts and he cannot breath. Strong arms envelop him as his legs give out. His arms reach out on instinct and he is hugging Tony. His armor is a quiet hum next to him. Hands trembling, Peter clutches his back, anchoring himself. He tries to speak but only gasps come out.
“It’s gonna be ok, kiddo.” He hears Tony say, his voice sounds strange, full of pain. But Tony never liked Johnny, he never liked how much time Peter spent with him. Never approved of their friendship until Peter told him how much Johnny could understand him, how much it meant to him to have a hero friend his age. And so Tony put up with it. He just put up with it, right? “I’m so sorry, Peter.” And oh, Peter is crying.
“Tony.”
“I’ll fix it, kiddo. I’ll fix it.” Tony murmurs in his ear. Peter knows he can’t, no matter how much he wants to believe him.
But he can’t talk, so he doesn’t say anything.
Tony takes him to Avengers Tower, much to Peter’s protests. He wanted to stay, he wanted to mourn Johnny with the people that loved him more than anything. Not be there, where the most he gets is pity looks and hugs that don’t feel quite right. He wants to see Sue and Reed. He wants to be there when they arrive and receive the news. He doesn’t know if he would be much help, most likely not, if he’s honest with himself. But Tony brought him there and said some things Peter didn't quite catch in his state of mind. He’s shaking, hasn’t stopped since he left Baxter and has been locked in his room ever since he arrived. Most of the people that live there are dealing with the wreckage, he should, too. But he can barely move. Johnny is dead, he’s dead.
Johnny Storm is dead.
Suddenly stuck with a thought he fumbles for his phone. His breath catches when he sees the unread messages. There are plenty. From Ned and MJ and May. From Natasha and Clint, from Wanda. Johnny’s messages are at the very bottom, coming from early in the morning.
From: Flamebrain
tell every1 im sorry i ll miss game nightttt
babysitting D;
Me:
U love val and frank bro u no foolin any1
i gtg im w may
From: Flamebrain
u suck peter
tell may i love her
*image attached*
Peter’s heart aches, Johnny’s last message is a selfie with Valeria and Franklin. They’re not paying attention to him, but he is peace signing at the camera while they build something in the background. Peter baguely remembers now Johnny telling him the night before that Sue went to Atlantis to delegate for something and Reed was on another planet altogether. He looks at Johnny’s face in the picture, happy and carefree. He feels a shiver down his spine. The wrong kind. But he can’t get himself to care. He stays in bed re-reading and mourning the loss of his friend.
He wishes Tony was there, at least, but he’s not, so Peter makes do with what he has.
He cries himself to sleep.
Later in the night, he hears someone come into his room. Even with the drowsiness of sleep, he can tell it’s Tony, but he is, again, too tired to care. Tony is apologizing and Peter can tell he realized Johnny’s death cannot be undone. Peter already knew this, but it still stings. It’s not Tony’s fault. He opens his mouth and tries to tell Tony, but many things happen all at once.
He hears Tony talk about trying and failing, time and time again. And what does that mean?
The clock strikes midnight.
And everything goes dark.
Peter wakes up to his clock’s alarm. There’s many things wrong with that. On one hand, it's a Sunday and it shouldn't be on. On the other hand, he’s sure that FRIDAY would have turned it off for him, given the circumstances. It's not until he opens his eyes that he becomes fully aware of his surroundings.
He’s not at the Avengers Tower. He’s home, at his apartment.
It’s not his alarm that’s ringing, it’s a call from May.
He doesn't want to speak to her, but he knows sooner or later he’ll have to. Letting the call go to voicemail he looks around. Did Tony bring him? Seems unlikely, but Peter wouldn’t put it past him. He would have liked to at least be near people. He doesn't want to be alone anymore, but he can’t get himself to move. His phone starts ringing once more. He turns it off without looking and keeps trying to sleep.
When he wakes up again it’s to a completely different sound. He gets out of bed, almost falling in his haste. That’s Baxter Building’s alarm. Confused he looks out of the window and surely enough there’s clouds of smoke blocking the sky. A wave of nausea hits him as he puts on the suit he doesn't remember taking off and swings as fast as he can to Baxter. There’s a lump in his throat as he makes his way. He sees Falcon going in the same direction, and hears the humming of the Iron-man suit around somewhere. By the time he gets there it's like reliving a nightmare.
Ben is kneeling in front of the portal, the room is still hot this time. Valeria looks shocked and Franklin is desperately trying to get Ben to say anything.
He sees the Iron-suit arrive. The robotic voice starts to ask questions. Peter hears the same story. He doesn't know how much time he spends just standing there until Captain America puts a hand on his shoulder.
“I- I don’t understand.” He hears himself saying. Did he dream of this? Was this deja vu? Tony's face is blank, there’s no answer there. Steve’s voice is full of sorrow, as he explains what happened. Val and Franklin hug each other, crying. Leech is unconscious on the floor. People come and go. Sue and Reed aren’t there-
And so, unknowingly, Peter relives the day of Johnny’s death for the first time.
When Peter wakes up, the first thing he does is check his phone.
There's no text from Johnny. No picture, just a silly meme he sent the night before. Instead there’s a bunch of texts from May. It’s Saturday.
It’s Saturday, again. And Johnny is alive. What the fuck is going on?
Was it a dream?
His phone starts ringing and he picks up.
“Oh my god, Peter. I thought you were still asleep!” May’s voice on the speaker confuses him even more. He would have thought she’d start apologizing like everyone else, had she not heard- “Wait, were you still sleeping, young man?” Peter looks at the time on his phone. It's 9:30, he was supposed to spend the morning with May since it was game night. “Peter?”
“May.” He croaks, barely able to put two and two together. Is he still half asleep? Did he dream it all up? He struggles to breathe. At this, May’s tone instantly changes.
“Peter, where are you?” He can hear her moving. Probably grabbing her stuff to go get him wherever he is. “Can you hear me, Peter? Are you ok? Tell me where you are.”
“May.” He closes his eyes. “I- Johnny-”
“What happened to Johnny, dear? Is he with you? Are you hurt? Is he hurt? Peter, I need you to concentrate. Is he unconscious? ” He's dead, he’s dead, he’s… not dead?
“I’m home, I’m home I- I think I had a n-ightmare.” He hears her stop and sigh in relief.
“Oh my god, Peter. I almost called Tony. You can’t do this to me!”
“I’m- I- Sorry.”
“No honey, it's ok. I’ll be there in a bit.” she says, her tone changing again to sweet and worried. “I can bring ice-cream and Star Wars!”
Peter rubs the tears out of his eyes.
He hears two tones on the phone before someone picks up.
“Peter?” The brunette lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.
“Johnny?”
“Uh, no. It’s Deadpool. What the hell, Pete?” He can feel himself tearing up and May is watching him from the other side of the room. She insisted he called the blonde to reassure himself everything was alright. “You called me- Val, I’m pretty sure your mom said no poptarts for breakfast- Are you with May? If so, tell her I love her! Val I said no- you know what? eat whatever, just tell Sue I was very strict-” Peter can’t help but laugh quietly, May smiles and sits next to him, rubbing his arm in a side hug.
“She’s going to rat you out.” He hears Johnny say something else at the other side of the line. “Hey, is everything alright over there?” He asks, warily. No weird malfunctioning portals? he doesn't say.
“Peachy. Ben is with Alicia for the day, he left early. Man can hold his alcohol even in human form, one would think after last’s night bar hopping-”
Peter just listens to Johnny talk, about the guy’s night he and Ben had since he took the potion and was going to be human for a week. About how Valeria is eating his fifth poptart and is sure to regret it. How Franklin probably already sneaked up to the lab to do God knows what, Johnny definitely doesn’t. May left for the kitchen a while back, and he can tell Johnny knows something is off, but won't ask in case Peter doesn’t want to share. And he’s thankful, thankful that Johnny knows him so well, thankful that he’s alive.
By the time he hangs up, Peter feels much better and Star Wars is playing on the TV. There's waffles with ice-cream on the counter and May is hugging him like he’s a scared little kid and not an twenty something years old adult that needs to put his shit together. He goes out with May and has half the mind to grab his suit but decides against it. Everything is fine.
Later, he is running back as flashes of red and blue lights pass him, sirens blare and the sky turns gray. Above, he can see Falcon flying towards Baxter Building.
No, he thinks, not again. As he hears the hum of the Iron man suit somewhere close. He wants to ask what's going on, but he is too far away, and he doesn’t have his suit with him.
He’s too late again.
The next time, Peter lays in bed, looking at the ceiling. He texts May saying he won't make it. It’s two hours before he gets out of his stupor and bolts out of his apartment straight to Baxter. Suit hastily put on. He taps Johnny’s window but there’s no answer, he gulps and changes tactics, tapping directly to the kitchen, he can see Johnny arguing with Valeria about something. Poptarts, They’re talking about Poptarts.
“Jesus Christ- Hey Spidey! Val- I told you- you know what? Eat whatever, just tell Sue I was very strict, okay? Don’t give me that look!” Johnny smiles up at him, Val is rolling her eyes behind him. But Peter is not laughing this time. The blonde frowns. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be with May? Did you just- Peter Parker if you stood her up for heroics again I swear to god- oH wow.”
His arms are around Johnny in an instant. Peter knows he probably is being weird. It’s usually Johnny who starts this kind of thing, but he feels himself relax when the blonde hugs back without hesitation. Valeria is looking at them with a deadpan, still chewing her poptart.
“Hey, buddy. What's wrong?” Johnny is rubbing his back. Peter feels the tears coming against all his efforts.
“You’re gonna die.” he whispers, and the rubbing stops. Val pauses mid bite and looks at him with a frown. He hugs Johnny tight, trying to express his urgency, his seriousness.
Johnny pulls out of the hug and squints at Peter, who takes off his mask, and looks him in the eye. Suddenly there's a bit of uncertainty in his blue eyes.
“What do we have to do?” They both jump at Valeria’s voice. Johnny looks at her, surprise clear in his face. Peter can only feel an immense surge of love for her. The blonde is still confused, but nods.
Against all odds they believe him.
Peter doesn’t explain how he knows. Johnny accepts to call Ben back only when Valeria starts building a weapon for him to defend himself, since he doesn’t have his powers. Peter has no idea if this is what happened the first time, if he is gonna be able to change anything. But he can try.
Peter wants to call the Avengers immediately, Johnny refuses to call them until anything is actually happening. They have them on speed dial, with him there, so Peter grudgingly agrees. By the time Ben arrives everything has started. They’re all confused as to how Peter knows this is gonna happen, but they listen to him. Ben is possibly still wary. All in all they work together, the Future Foundation holds their own, and with Leech out of commission (Apparently Valeria has a very nice hook) Franklin is able to use his powers and make a force field around the portal. With some heroes appearing early to fight off the insects that made it out, Peter feels almost hopeful.
He takes his eyes off Johnny one second. He swears it’s just one. And before he can do anything about it, Johnny is already on the other side of that damned thing. He looks at Peter in the eyes, and says something. But Peter couldn't hear it. Between the sounds of fighting and explosions, Ben yells at Johnny. Peter hears the flaps of Falcon’s wings, Captain’s shield hitting something. The hum of the Iron-suit.
The portal closes.
Peter stays in bed wide awake. The clock almost hits midnight and he’s scared the day won’t restart again. He hasn’t said anything to anyone, but perhaps he should. He makes his mind up just as Tony enters the room. He jumps out of bed, startling him.
“I’m stuck on a time loop.” Tony freezes in place, opens his mouth to retort. “I’ve lived through this day four times, Tony! I need- I need help! I can’t keep watching Johnny die, I-” He gets interrupted by Tony grabbing him by the shoulders, he has a weird look in his eyes.
“When does the day restart?” he asks, but Peter is still shocked he believed him in the first place, to be able to talk. “When does the day restart?” Tony urges.
“M-midnight.”
They both look at the clock. It’s 11:59. There’s no time left.
“Peter, listen to me-”
But it is too late. The clock barely changes to 00:00 and Peter blinks.
When he opens his eyes is to the white ceiling of his apartment and the faint sound of his phone’s ringtone.
Peter is lost. He doesn’t understand what’s happening.
The days keep repeating and he keeps losing Johnny everytime.
He went to Tony again after he seemed to believe him. But the new Tony thought he was joking and made FRIDAY run tests on him.
The other Avengers were no help either. Wanda frowns and seems to take him seriously for a moment. But then the call for help comes and Peter stays behind, he runs the opposite way.
He fails, everytime.
Taking Johnny out of the Baxter Building doesn’t work. He brings Valeria and Franklin every single time. Even Leech sometimes goes with them.
When he tells Johnny exactly what is gonna happen, he takes it in stride. He won’t let Ben sacrifice himself instead. He always, no matter how, takes his place.
When he tells him about the time loop, the blonde either thinks it's funny or gets mad at him. May believes him, but she’s little help. She doesn’t know what to do, and never comes up with an idea Peter hasn’t already thought about or tried. It’s the same with Ned and MJ.
That is, until MJ mentions Dr. Strange.
“Isn’t he like a time wizard or something?” He looks at her in awe.
“Em, you’re a genius!”
“Duh.” she says, but she’s smirking hopefully. She loves Johnny just as much as him. Ned is jumping up and down.
“Dudeeee!”
Peter feels hopeful.
There is no hope.
Dr. Strange tells him there is something that is resetting time, something that keeps happening that Peter hasn’t managed to stop. He asks how many times Peter has come to him, but doesn’t believe him when he says this is the first time. Instead he tells him to find the thing making him repeat the day. Peter refuses to believe there’s any reason other than Johnny’s death, even when Stephen explains why that cannot be.
“If it was the event of his death, the time would reset the instant he dies. Not before, not after.” He floats and grabs book after book, Peter would be touched at how much he is actually trying to help him with his situation. But Stephen barely blinks when he’s told, time and time again, that Johnny Storm’s death is gonna happen before the sun even sets that same day. Like he didn’t even care.
“People die everyday, Spiderman. Heroes even more so. If what you tell is true, your friend made a choice, perhaps you should respect it.”
Peter doesn’t ask him again for a long while. He’s stunned by the mere suggestion of letting one of his best friends die. To abandon him.
He goes to game night after a particularly traumatic attempt involving him wrestling against Johnny inside the Negative Zone. Peter could still feel the resulting burns, even when they were already healed. No one says anything. He can hear Ned sniffing quietly. MJ is holding Peter’s hand so hard he thinks it’ll bruise.
He’s tried, time and time and time again. But everytime, it’s Johnny who ends up in the Negative Zone. He watches as the insects chew through the door, letting the invaders in, as the two of them go in, only for Ben to be pushed back, sometimes it’s Peter, others someone else entirely. Sometimes, the sacrifice is a close thing. Between all the heroes that arrive, all of them, aware that they might not come back if they decide to stay on the other side. But it's always Johnny looking at Peter from the other side.
He finally catches what Johnny says before the portal closes.
“I’m not afraid.” he says, face serious and body tense. As if he had to prove himself to anyone. As if he has to prove himself to Peter, of all people.
By the time he becomes aware of his feelings, he has lost the count of how many times he has lost Johnny. Peter laughs at himself for ever wondering why it affected him so much.
He brings it out with Tony first. He doesn’t know why he didn’t start with May. Or perhaps he does.
“I love Johnny.” He says, and Tony, taken by surprise, drops the tools he was using.
Peter is ready for him to be angry. Tony never liked Johnny. He’s ready to fight for the blonde's honor. This time loop business is taking Peter's world apart. And the brunette’s mouth hangs open when Tony starts to complain about owing Bruce money now.
“Couldn’t you wait to… I don’t know, Thanksgiving? Christmas?” He picks up his tools and keeps working, as if what Peter just told him isn’t a big revelation.
Similar reactions happen all around.
“You know how I’m in love with Johnny, right?” He says casually, Ned and MJ just nod. “Oh my God!”
“Wait, You didn’t know?” Ned asks, mid bite. “Dude!”
MJ just rolls his eyes, all knowingly and mumbles an “About time”.
He didn’t expect May to be different. She really isn’t if Peter thinks about it, she is worried about someone’s feelings, just not Peter’s.
“You don’t break that boy's heart, Peter.” she says, serious. And Peter gapes at her. Which makes her glare at him. “You don’t even realize how long this boy has loved you, do you? Honey, you are just like Ben.”
Peter would complain, but he is frozen in place.
May smirks and grabs his hands. “Go get him.” She hurries him out of the sandwich place they were eating at. “He’s waited for you long enough!”
She says it in an encouraging way, but instead she breaks Peter’s heart even more.
He hears the sirens from afar. It’s a long way from the top of the Statue of Liberty. Johnny is not there, he’s dying, probably right at that moment, and Peter is sitting there letting it happen. He’s sitting at the top of the torch. Mourning what he’s lost and never really had in the first place. Would never have, actually. Because no matter how many times Peter told Johnny how much he loved him. The blonde stayed put. He reciprocated Peter’s feelings, with a passion that was almost overwhelming.
But he still died before sunset, every day.
He tells Tony, at 11:57, how much he loved Johnny Storm and asks him why it is always the people he loves who end up getting hurt. He asks him why he is cursed with reliving the death of the one he loves most time and time again. Is it a punishment? He must have said something right because Tony grabs him by the shoulders.
“Peter, listen to me. You need to go to Strange.” Peter frowns and tells him he already tried that, multiple times. Strange won’t help him save Johnny. At this, Tony hesitates but continues as the clock approaches midnight. “ Ask him about Absolute Points. Tell him I sent you. Peter, I-”
The time resets, and Peter does as told.
He’s not sure how to feel about what Dr. Strange tells him.
“From what I know about Absolute Points -- a point in time that cannot be changed, for doing so would permanently break a universe by seemingly creating a pure paradox.”
“Then why do I keep getting sent back?”
“You said Stark had something to do with it.” He states. Peter is about to protest. “Knowing him, he probably came to me, long before you did.” Words die in his mouth, finally realizing what's going on.
“...But he hates Johnny.” Stephen makes a face.
“Perhaps hate is a strong word.”
“He can barely stand him! He can’t even be in the same room! He- he-”
“He loves you.” says the wizard, coming down from wherever he was, book in hand. Showing him a particular page, with a particular spell. “Like the son he never had.” It hits Peter like a ton of bricks.
“He said he was going to fix it.”
And he tried, Peter realized, from the very beginning. He can barely recall the first time at the Avenger’s Tower. Leaving Peter there, a shell of himself, and trying to fix it. Fix him. Even the times he didn’t see Peter break down, he knew, of course he knew.
“He’ll come tonight, too.” Said Dr. Strange, raising an eyebrow. “Should I refuse?”
Ah, there it was again. His disinterest for Johnny’s death. But could Peter really blame him? He didn’t know Johnny, not like Peter did anyways and, come to think of it... He had cared, hadn’t he? He helped Tony, after all.
“No.” he said. “Help him, I- If you refuse he’ll hold it against you forever.” Peter looked at the floor, face twisting in pain. “I’ll tell him not to come… next time.” He fought against the tears, not wanting any more pity, but Strange offered none.
He doesn’t do it immediately. Even though he knows he should. The look Stephen gave him told him the wizard knew he wasn’t going to. But Peter still woke up that Saturday morning. And a few more.
Instead he flirts with Johnny until smoke comes out of his ears, red faced. He jokes about eloping and sending postcards to Tony every now and then, and the blonde laughs so hard he almost cries. He kisses Johnny so much Valeria throws a poptart at them, Peter catches it mid air and bites it smug. Feeling on top of the world he’s bold enough to video call Tony, ask for his blessing and kiss Johnny like there’s no tomorrow, he can feel Johnny laughing while they kiss. Tony squeaks at the other side of the line and he can hear Bruce’s quiet whooping and Clint laughing and saying ‘Get it, Peter!’ Captain holds up his cup of coffee while Sam gives them both an enthusiastic thumbs up while still holding a newspaper. At some point Nat takes the phone and winks at them in approval while Wanda claps her hands excitedly, Vision floats behind her smiling calmly. But Peter is only aware of the way Johnny’s blue eyes look at him, in a way Peter is only aware now, they’d always looked at him. Just him.
Johnny has loved him for so long, and Peter only gets to love him back half a day, every day. It’s bittersweet.
He looks back at the phone. It’s in Tony's hand again. Johnny moves, clearly uncomfortable. But Peter holds him in place.
“I’m glad you’re happy, Peter.” In the background he hears Clint and Nat awwing, clearly making fun of him. Tony flips them the bird without looking, but doesn’t take his eyes off Peter.
“Thanks, dad.” Johnny squeezes his hand. Tony’s eyes open as saucers, and he hears a bunch of exclamations. Holy shit! He said it! Did you hear that?! Tony is having a heart attack! He hangs up the phone, and ignores the ‘You’re so mean, Pete’ Johnny throws his way and hugs him, breathes him in. And Johnny hugs him back smiling.
That night, when Tony comes to his room, Peter hugs him with all his might. This time they both cry. It's so weird thinking about the lengths he was willing to go for Peter’s happiness.
Peter wishes he could be mad, it was a mistake after all. Had made Peter hurt more than he would have, had he lived through it one time only. But-
“I love you, dad.” And Tony squeezes him harder.
The day starts over
Peter looks at Tony.
“You don’t have to fix it. Johnny made a choice and it’s time I accept that.”
He tells him everything.
For the first time in what feels like forever, the clock reaches 00:01, and Peter laughs. It comes out hysterically. Almost maddening. But Tony is there holding him. Pepper is at the door, she may be crying too. Peter can’t be sure. He is too busy trying to remember how to breathe, just like the first time, the concept escapes him.
All he can see is Johnny, at the other side of that portal. I’m not afraid. A whole army of insects behind him. I’m not afraid. A billion to one.
But Peter is afraid. Of keep going, without Johnny.
He can’t make himself go to the funeral, not even May makes him leave the bed. By the time he visits the Baxter Building again it’s been so long the reparations are almost done. Hugs Sue so tight she breaks down again. He holds her, the kids join the hug. So do Reed and Ben.
Sue gives him the tape, tells him it’s just for him, but he decides to watch it with all of them.
“I leave you the best thing I have.”
And Peter is still afraid. But he feels just a little braver after that.
Peter stands in the middle of the wreckage, the world around him is ending, but he watches, wide eyed, as the portal to the Negative Zone opens, once more.
“Peter, what are you wearing?”
“Johnny?”