Like clock work; here you are tangled in the sheets with Bucky at his house. The atmosphere is calm and quite, the sun shining through his sheer curtains. It warms the room just a little bit, enough to have you shift under his weight as his head is laying perfectly on your chest and his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. If only you could wake up like this to him every single day.
But you knew that you couldn’t and there was no way that you would ever bring up the question. You knew with the way he looked at you in public with a dark lustful look in his eyes that you were just a secret for him. The soft touches on your lower back as he brushes by you when others are around, the way he doesn’t ever sit next to you in public settings, because you knew he would’t be able to keep his hands to himself. You knew that he wouldn’t want to commit, he had never been a guy to ever commit to something once in his life. So what made you think that you’d be the exception?
Your hands ran through his chestnut hair, the curls bouncing down as you released them over and over. Your thumbs smoothed over his forehead, tracing the faint lines embedding in his skin from always being so expressive. You felt his metal hand stretch out underneath and against your back, pressing gently into your skin. He nuzzled his face into your stomach as he leaned down, his beard rubbing against your skin. You could feel a small smile against your skin.
“Mornin’, sweetheart.” Sweetheart. The nickname that started it all. Something so simple yet so powerful to make your heart swoon in different directions. It was the only name that could remind you that this was all temporary, until he found someone his age to settle down with. Someone that could give him everything and more that he could ever want. You wanted to be that person, but he didn’t want what you had to offer.
He hovered over the lower half of your body, propping himself up in his elbows as he kissed down your stomach, right about where the fitting sheet stopped. The warmth from the bottom half of his nude body radiated through the thin cream colored sheets and right to you.
He pulled the sheet down gently, goosebumps rising on your skin in the wake of the thin sheet tickling you, until it was fully off and you were exposed to the air. And to Bucky. He smiled up at you, licking his bottom lip as he kissed your mound, nuzzling his nose for a second before kissing your clit softly.
“Buck..” You gasped gently, sucking in a long breath as he kissed further down until he was laying in between your thighs. He took your thighs and put them over his shoulder, flicking his tongue gently through your folds as he hooked his fingers around you, keeping your hips pressed against the mattress.
He didn’t speak, only kept his bright blue eyes on yours as he licked through your folds gently and slowly drawing out the softest whines from you. He thrived off the way you sounded, how you felt and what you tasted like. You were his own personal drug that he couldn’t stop taking. He didn’t want to share you with anyone; because he knew they wouldn’t treat you as good as him.
He was the only one who was allowed to learn your body, to play it the right way. He was the only one you needed.
And yeah, that might sound cocky and controlling, but to you all the red flags just look like flags when you’re wearing your rose colored glasses. You refused to see the flaws in Bucky that you knew were damaging. You knew that they would leave a mark on your heart when you would finally take it back. You didn’t know when that would be though.
He pulled you closer against him as he nuzzled his face into you, groaning softly against you as his tongue dipped into your dripping core. You weren’t going to lie and say that Bucky didn’t know how to please you, because he did and you knew he took pride in that. You knew that he felt some sort of way when he knew exactly how to make you cum on his fingers alone.
You let out soft gasps as he sped up, the familiar feeling that Bucky always gave you a few minutes in for assaulted your cunt with is tongue. Your hands found his fingers, gripping them as you tried to raise your hips off the bed for some more friction but he wasn’t having it.
“You’ll take what I give you, baby. Be a good girl and let daddy taste this sweet cunt, yeah?” Fuck, how could you refuse to listen when he said that to you? You lowered your hips and he smile against your folds in response, mumbling a soft good girl as he worked a bit faster against your clit. You couldn’t help but twist his fingers as you let out a soft moan of his name, his nose nudging your clit harshly as he sucked your folds. You felt the knot snap unexpectedly in your lower stomach, cumming all over his beard and his tongue.
“That’s it, babygirl. Taste so fuckin’ sweet.” He lapped up your juices hungrily, making sure to not waste a single drop. Your thighs were trembling around his head as he hands let go of your hips and resting on your bare thighs, massaging the flesh gently. He let you ride your high on his face before he pulled away, his beard glistening with your slick. His lips were wet and puffy, his eyes dark as he climbed over you and latched his lips onto yours.
You moaned as you tasted yourself, your hands immediately going around his neck to pull him closer as the tip of his cock nudged your clit. You let out a whine against his lips, and all he could do was smile against yours as he pushed the head of his cock into you slowly.
He wanted to be able to never forget the way your cunt feels wrapped around him tightly, how he fits so perfectly.
“You were made for me, baby. Made to take daddy’s cock, so fuckin’ perfect.” He grunted as he pushed all the way in, a moan slipping from your lips as you hid your face his neck, He peppered soft kisses on your collarbone, nipping the skin as tracing his lips the length of the bone before going to the column of your neck so your head moved from the crook of his neck.
He bit on the thin skin, sucking a little mark before kissing up your neck. Between the soft kisses against your skin to the slow but deep thrusts of his cock in your cunt, you were drowning in all things hims. His smell crept down your throat to a point where it burned, your skin was ablaze from the kisses, the way his fingertips trailed up and down your sides and how he made sure to make calculated strokes in rhythm with his hands travelling up and down.
You have never felt this consumed by all things him until now, when in the back of your mind you knew you were in love with him. The gentle touches, the soft kisses and whispering sweet nothings while the two of you were tangled limbs together didn’t amount to anything outside of his house. It was all empty and broken promises, words and praises.
Yet somehow your heart still chose to believe him.
He nibbled on your ear gently as he sped his thrusts up, hands going to grip your hips gently as he pulled away and looked down at you, his forehead pressing against yours as the stickiness between your two bodies grazed against each other. The sun was beaming through the curtains perfectly on the side of his face, highlighting his cheek bones and the many freckles you traced every single night. The ones where you created your own patterns, making him your personal constellation, one that only you got to see.
His lashes kissed the apple of his cheeks, the faint crease lines around his eyes were seen by the brightness of the sun, but nonetheless making him look breathtaking. You wanted to take your time in memorizing each and every small feature he had, because you never knew when it would be your last.
“My sweet and perfect peach, aren’t you?” You nodded up at him as he brushed his nose with yours, his metal hand going in between your bodies, rubbing your clit gently but hard. You clenched around his cock, a groan escaping his lips.
“Need to hear you say it, sweetheart. Tell me your'e mine, tell me you’ll never leave.” His forehead pressed further against yours as he kissed it softly, your cunt gripping him harshly as you came again, moaning his name.
“I-I’m yours Bucky, only yours.” Your heart hurt as you spoke, because you knew that you were only in the whispers of the night, where the shadows hid the two of you just perfectly where no one would be able to find you. You almost couldn’t say the words, but somehow you managed with a choked moan, hiding the hesitancy deep in your throat.
He came with a moan against your forehead, peppering kisses down the side of your face before meeting your lips with his. He licked your lower lip gently before pulling back, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration, but there was always that hint of lust. Something that would never change to love.
That’s how you somehow let him convince you to let him take you away for another vacation. Somewhere farther from anywhere you’ve ever been with him. In the back of your mind you knew that it would be harder to not say those two words that were always on the tip of your tongue.
It would be a deal breaker, knowing he wouldn’t want to hear it.
“The second you feel any different, please tell me.” He held your face in his hands as he was standing over you, your back against the counter top in the house. He stayed the night because he had too much to drink during the barbecue your parents hosted. They didn’t want him to drive home under the influence and you knew he wanted you with the way he eyed you wearing the soft pastel pink sundress.
You nodded, however. Only wanting the feeling of his lips on yours again, and coming to terms that you only wanted him. You knew it was risky, making out with your dad’s best friend in the middle of their kitchen at two am. But the way he touched you, how he spoke to you and the way his voice was sickly sweet like honey, you felt like you were at home.
It was only supposed to be something on occasion, but then it came to a point where he couldn’t go without seeing you every few days a week. He couldn’t get your touch out of his head, the way you sounded when you came on his cock, and how sultry you looked after he fucked your brains out.
His hand was on your thigh as you drove in silence, occasionally feeling his thumb brush against your skin. Your heart lurches in your chest. Just act normal, you think to yourself. Though you know there isn’t any point where all of these touches you’ve felt from him a million times over, feels different to you.
“You okay?” His voice was soft, but it still made you jump as it broke through the silence. You gulped, not really knowing how to say that you loved him without him turning around and dropping you back at your house to never talk to you again.
The thought of never seeing him again, hearing his voice and feeling his touch is what helped you not let those three words tumble out of your mouth no matter how much you wanted to say it.
You were breaking your own heart by keeping him around. You ignored the countless red flag because there was always a small sliver of hope that he’d change.
But there was no concern for how anything sounded, how sometimes things felt different. Your heart chipped away each and every time he looked away from you in public and focused on another woman in front of him. Just to pull you into his lap at the end of the night and tell you that you were the only one for him. You were the kiss and don’t tell.
You nodded anyways, shooting his a tight and small smile. “Just tired, Buck.”
He pulls into a hotel, turning the car off and grabbing the luggage all the while helping you out of the car. To everyone else you look like a couple, a happy pair that you so desperately wanted. But on the inside you knew it was just his way to get you and your body all to himself.
He opened the hotel room for you, the balcony windows open and the curtains flowing in the sea breeze wind. It was gorgeous, you could see the sea from your room, the sound of the waves breaking on to the shore calmed your anxieties down a little.
You felt his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you flush to him. You leaned the back of your head against his shoulder, his chin resting on yours as he turns towards your face and kisses your temple. You lean into him just a bit more, afraid he would disappear if your skin wasn’t connected with his. He smiled against your temple as he presses his hips into your ass, a soft moan escaping your lips as you feel his hard dick through his jeans.
“Was thinking we could go down to the beach, just you and me. There’s a small little place we could go to for privacy.” He nibbled your neck as you whispered a soft, please. He smiled again, pulling back and patting your rear gently.
You both quickly got changed, taking a few extra towels as you followed him down through the beach. The sun was close to setting as the two of you left, but the temperature on the beach was warm enough that the loss of the sun’s heat didn’t make you cold. You held his hand in yours, his eyes occasionally finding yours for a few seconds before looking away again. You didn’t know why he was looking at you that way, but you felt something off about him. Unless if was just your worries and the glass of champagne the two of you had before leaving.
You neared a small little mad made pond, separating from the rest of the ocean but still submerged with the sea water. You both got in, finding a seat on his lap as he pulled you against him. His arms wrapped around your waist, your thighs on either side of his and your hands resting gently on his chest.
You examined his face in the moonlight, seeing the same features that you continued to fall in love with on the daily. You could never get tired of looking at his face. He smiled up at you, kissing your chin gently before going to your lips. His fingers trailed up your spine, tugging at the small little knot on the back of your bikini top before taking it out and letting the top fall into the water. It left you nude under the dim light from the moon and his hungry eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart.” He was breathless as he looked up at you. his eyes never leaving yours when he pulled your hips against his. Your lips parted slightly at the sensation, pushing your hands up his chest to his shoulders. For a second as he stared at you, you could feel a small sliver of love in the long gaze he kept with you.
You felt a shift in the air as he stared at you, licking his lips slowly before his metal hand cupped the back of your neck and pulled your lips to his. He couldn’t get enough of the way your lips felt on his, how soft they were and how they always sounded so pretty when you were a mess underneath him.
He wasn’t sure how he got so lucky to have someone like you in his life, but he knew that he could never let you go. The way the two of you worked so well was something he could never trade anything for. You were his, only his to have and to hold whenever he needed. You had both agreed it was just something to have fun with, something to do casually and it worked so well for him.
But it didn’t work for you anymore.
You felt his lips travel down your jaw, nipping slightly before he pulled away. He turned you around so you were facing away from him. He pushed on your lower back gently and you sat forward for him, your hands on hi sknees as he took his cock out and pushed your panties aside. You lwoered yourself on his cock as you felt the tip through your folds, letting out a moan as he stretched you out slowly. His hands were onyour hips guiding you down until you were fully seated on hsi thcik cock.
“Feels divine, baby. Pussy made just for me.” His lips kissed the shell of your ear as he pushed up into you and bent you over the side of the man made pond; over looking the sea out in front of you. His hands snaked your front and wrapped around your neck. Only he would think to just choke you with a sea view like this as he pounded into you from the back.
Water splashed withech rough thrust of his hips. You pressed your ass into him to meet his thrusts, but he grew impatient, just wanting to fuck you the way he wanted to. He gripped your throat harsher, letting out a choked moan as you smirked, feeling his other hand gripping your hip.
“Fuck you how I want to, you hear me? You’re mine to use however I want, isn’t that right sweetheart?” He growled softly, under his breath as he watched the way his cock was swallowed by your cunt. You could only nod as you reach into your bottoms and rub your clit.
He groaned, taking his hand from your neck and gripping your hips as he pounded into you. Your mind was foggy with love and lust, mind hazy as you felt every inch of his cock. You felt him throb inside of you, only making you moan louder. You never wanted to go without the feeling of being filled to the brim of his cock. He called you cockdrunk, and he had never been so right.
“Buck.. shit..” You let out a whine as he smacked your ass, water splashing onto your back. You let him fuck into you, clenching around his cock as he leaned over your back and pressed his chest into you.
“You like that, baby. You’re so perfect for me, never letting anyone else have you.” You let out a small moan, leaning your head forward as you came around his cock at his words. He hissed as you gripped him, fingers digging into your flesh as he released inside of you. His forehead was pressed against your shoulder, and you felt an immense wave of sadness wash over your body as he panted gently behind you.
He kissed your skin as you let out soft breaths, trying to blink away any tears that might show up. You closed your eyes and let out a soft breath, your heart racing as you spoke the words he didn’t want to hear.
“My feelings changed.” You felt Bucky pause, his chest still against your back and his lips still against your shoulder. He didn’t move for a second to process what you had just told him. Your heart hammered in your chest and you felt your palms hurting from the anxiety eating away at you with each silent second that passed.
He pulled out, fixing your bathing suit bottom and tucking himself back into his shorts. You grabbed your top and stayed turned from him as you put it back on.
“I-I’m sorry,” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you turned towards him, your eyes downcast away from his. You don’t know if you were able to look into those eyes you fell in love with after this confession. After he told you there would’t be anything else but lust.
“You’re kidding, right?” His words cut through you like a knife, your arms wrapping around your waist as you suddenly felt cold despite the warm weather. “What we have is good, it works for us I don’t-”
“It works for you, Bucky. Not me, not anymore anyways..” You looked away as you sucked in a breath, looking up at him and seeing the confusion in his eyes, and a look you never thought you’d ever be on the receiving end for: hurt.
Bucky was hurt.
You couldn’t understand why he was, not knowing if your confession and the look on his face meant he felt the same or that you betrayed him. It wasn’t fair, for him to be hurt when you were dying on the inside. Putting yourself through torture just for a taste of his lips against yours. You were actively stepping on your own heart every single time you said yes to him.
“I don’t understand. I don’t know what to say.” You pursed your lips and nodded. “How long.” Your head whipped up to his gaze and you bit your lip. You don’t think you were ready to tell him how long you’ve been in love with him.
“It doesn’t matter, you don’t feel the same way.” You started to get out of the water, passing by him as his hand caught your elbow gently, making you look up at him.
“Please.” His eyebrows were furrowed, looking down at you and seeing the gears move in the back in your mind contemplating on if you wanted to tell him. Part of him hoped this was some joke, a prank getting played on him and you’d go to laugh at him. But the other part of him knew this wasn’t a joke. He knew that you felt this way about him. He could see the way your eyes changed, how they were softer when looking in his direction, your touches were less rough and needing and more softer and took their time mapping out all of his scars on his back and chest.
“Six months.” Your voice was hoarse as you spoke, and that’s when you felt your heart rip itself to shreds when it dawned on you how long you were in love with Bucky. How long you have been deliberately putting yourself through hell for a man who wouldn’t do the same.
“I will always love you.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, scared that the way you spoke to him after the air has shifted immensely, he would get upset at hearing those words. You pulled your elbow away as he looked down at you for a moment, tracing the outline of the slope of your nose to your lips, knowing this would be the last time he could see you.
He let go of you elbow as you got out all the way and grabbed a towel, biting your lip and going back up to the hotel. You quickly grabbed your items and went to the front desk, asking for a room.
You didn’t hear from Bucky that night, not when you left the next morning and you saw his car was already gone. Not for the next few weeks. He stopped coming by, stopped texting, stopped calling to a point where your father even asked if he was okay. You only shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it.
You were too busy nurturing your broken heart, what was left of it anyways. He took some pieces away with him when he left the hotel that night.