We stayed on top of that cliff until the storm broke. Until the sun broke over the water and shined off the light house. Until anything and everything we knew lay ripped apart at our feet. Max's short brown hair tickled my chin as she rested her head on my shoulder. At some point my fingers had curled up in the strands.
When my father died I felt this great and never ending sadness that left me weak. So fucking weak. And I hated it. Anger became easier. Anger at my father for leaving me. Anger at my mother for calling him that day to come get her. Then later for marrying step-douche. And anger for Max.
So much anger for Max.
I think I've loved Max since we were little girls. But that love hurt when she went away, and I was done being hurt. Everyone left me. No one fucking cared about me.
Not until Rachel.
But then she disappeared. Murdered by that sick bastard. I wish that I had Max's power. Then I could go back and kill Nathan Prescott with my bare hands. So many things I wish I could go back and change. So many regrets.
How many regrets did Max have?
......
“All I created was just death and destruction,” Max cried. I could barely hear her over the howling wind, and the pounding of my heart. I had never been so scared in my life. The tornado that loomed over her shoulder seemed to be the grim reaper brought to life. Max thought it was her fault. That she had brought this storm down on Arcadia bay. No, Just no.
“Fuck all of that, okay? You we're given a power. You didn't ask for it... and you saved me. Which had to happen, all of this did... except for what happened to Rachel.” I was rambling, but I couldn't stop. “But without your power we wouldn't have found her. Okay so you're not the goddamn Time Master, but you're Maxine Caulfield... and you're amazing.” Pause. Such a long pause as I gathered every single scrap of humanity and goodness I had left inside me. “Max this is the only way.” I handed her the picture of the blue butterfly. The one she had given me just days ago. Max tentatively grabbed it.
“I feel like I took this shot a thousand years ago.”
“You... you could use that photo to change everything right back to when you took that picture. All that would take is for me to... to...” I choked. To die. To cease existing. To have this fucking shitty life amount to nothing. To never get to tell my mother that I was sorry. To never become more than a college dropout. To never avenge Rachel's death. To never give Maxine Caulfield a proper kiss. Max backed away from me, horrified.
“Fuck that. No... no way! You are my number one priority now. You are all that matters to me.”
I couldn't stop the tears at that point. Thank goodness for the rain. No one would ever have to know. Though if she went back in time then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have seen her again, or realized how much I...
“I know,” I told her. “You proved that over and over again... even though I don't deserve it. I'm so selfish... not like my mom... Look what she had to give up and live through and she did. She deserves so much more than to be killed by a storm in a fucking diner. Even my step... father deserves her alive. There's so many more people in Arcadia Bay who should live... way more than me.”
“Don't say that. I won't trade you.”
“You're not trading me. Maybe you've just been delaying my real destiny. Look at how many times I've almost died or actually died around you. Look at what's happened in Arcadia Bay ever since you first saved me. I know I've been selfish, but for once I think I should accept my fate... our fate...”
Wow. It only took death for me to finally grow up. A little too late. Story of my fucking life.
“Chloe...”
”Max, you finally came back to me this week and you did nothing but show me your love and friendship. You made me smile and laugh, like I haven't done in years. Wherever I end up after this,,, in whatever reality... all those moments between us were real, and they'll always be ours. No matter what you choose, I know you'll make the right decision.”
“Chloe. I can't make this choice.” I grabbed her shoulders and made sure to look her right in the eyes. Her stupidly beautiful gray eyes. Like she had her own personal storm raging right in front of me within two small circles.
“No Max, you're the only one who can.” I love you. I don't want to die. “Max... it's time.”
Max turned away from me and before I could think of what to say, a goodbye of some sort she ripped the photograph in half. I didn't know you could feel two opposite emotions so strongly at the same exact time, but in that moment I felt relief and regret. They raged a war inside of me and I didn't know which would win.
“Not anymore ,” Max said as the wind carried the two halves over the edge of the cliff. Max's eyes followed the pieces until they landed on the large tornado making it's way to the town's center. She looked so small and alone. I stepped up towards her and took her cold hand in mine.
“Max, I'll always be with you. Forever.”
With a small cry Max buried her head into my chest. I wrapped an arm around her, but refused to look away from the tornado. This is what Max had sacrificed for me. What she had done, to keep me alive.
......
How many regrets did Max Caulfield have? I didn't know. I just knew that I didn't want to be one of them.