natasha-ohio
Natasha.
The name is bitter in her mouth as she reads the information for her cover back and front.
The idea was to be undercover long term. Posing as an all-American family in suburban Ohio. Natalia was picked because she was the top of her class. She would be able to blend in well and do anything that was required of her.
Then she meets the other child that would be posing alongside them. Nothing screams normal perfect family than a baby. But babies were rather messy and stupidly vulnerable so the Red Room produces a child that can walk and talk. She’s impossibly small and quiet but they must have trained her on who they were with pictures because she lets out a cry of delight upon seeing her new mother.
Natalia-- Natasha now-- didn’t expect to do anything when it came to the child. It wasn’t her responsibility and it wasn’t on the list of duties or rules she was to follow for the mission. Yet not even a full day after arriving at their house for the time being does the older Widow posing as her mother set the toddler down in front of Natasha and tells her to watch it.
The toddler does nothing but chews on the hem of her shirt, tapping a toy block rhythmically on the ground. Natasha can’t believe how… simple they are. A wooden cube keeps them occupied for a long time.
Melina starts to drop the child off with Natasha whenever she doesn’t want to deal with them. Natasha doesn’t blame her, Widows weren’t meant to be mothers, but she doesn’t want the kid either.
It doesn’t matter what she’s doing, Yelena will be set in front of her and Melina will leave her. Natasha doesn’t dare argue with her superior.
Then the child gets more ambulatory and no longer sits in place. She wants to explore everything. That includes Natasha’s room when Melina leaves her in there.
Natasha has weapons in her room. It’s not safe, especially for a clumsy toddler that wobbles on unsteady legs.
Melina finally dumps the young girl into her room and Yelena rifles through the lowest drawer.
“Stop that!” Natasha finally snaps at her, reaching out and grabbing the back of the toddler’s overalls to drag her away from the drawer. Yelena is very unhappy with being interrupted and she stares up at Natasha with a spooked expression, her face twisted as though she was going to cry.
If she cried, Natasha was going to get into trouble.
“Shh,” Natasha doesn’t know how to comfort her. She searches for something to distract the child and snatches up. “Yelena-- hey look at me.” Natasha lets her go and the toddler stares up at her with a wobbly lower lip. “Let’s go get your toys from your room, hmm?” Natasha wouldn’t mind sitting in that rocking chair in the room to watch over Yelena as she destroyed a room that wasn't her own.
This was Natasha’s room. It wasn’t hers fully but it was for the time being. She didn’t have to share it with other girls, she didn’t have to wear handcuffs at night, and she got to have privacy. She wasn’t going to let some messy little kid destroy it.
Yelena bolts out of the room as soon as Natasha opens the door but stumbles as she moves toward the master bedroom where Melina surely didn’t want to be interrupted. Natasha grabs the back of Yelena’s overalls once again as she narrowly misses tumbling down the stairs.
Natasha can’t remember ever holding a baby before. She’s barely even touched Yelena since she was appointed as her fake sister. Yet now she’s holding her out in front of her, Yelena’s face scrunched up in fear of almost taking a tumble down the stairs and then being hauled up and away like a sack of potatoes. Natasha quickly crosses the hallway and sets her down in the nursery, grabbing the first toy she saw and holding it out to Yelena.
Natasha doesn’t know how to play. She doesn’t know how to interact with children as others did. But Yelena peers up at her with wide hazel eyes shiny with unshed tears and Natasha swallows hard. Yelena reaches out to take the stuffed bear from Natasha’s hand and Natasha resists the urge to sigh in relief as Yelena blinks the tears out of her eyes and they roll down her cheeks silently but she doesn’t cry.
Natasha straightens up and moves toward the rocking chair in the corner but is stopped by tiny fingers curling into the cuff of her jeans.
Natasha tugs herself out of the hold and ignores the small sniffle she received as a reply.
It’s dangerous to get attached. So Natasha watches from afar as the little girl meant to be her sister starts to get better on her feet and talk more.
That also meant that she wanted to chat with Natasha about any and everything. She’d chatter on a mile a minute, most of her words jumbled nonsense that drove Natasha crazy.
Then Yelena tries to ramble to Alexei and the man yells at her, telling her to sit down and shut up. He startles her so badly that she falls backward on her bottom and chews on the hem of her shirt to keep herself quiet.
It’s quiet that night. Natasha didn’t realize how used she was to hearing Yelena babbling until the toddler kept putting things in her mouth to keep herself quiet. Natasha had watched Melina force a small piece out of Yelena’s mouth when the younger girl sucked on it. .
The babbling that she had been annoyed by suddenly didn’t seem so bad. Because Yelena was quiet, her glance continually flickering to peer at Alexei each time she made a noise.
She was scared, Natasha realized.
For some reason that she had yet to figure out, Natasha slinks into the nursery that night, standing over the crib until Yelena is peering up at her with those big hazel eyes. “Hi…” Natasha breathes out. Yelena is still quiet, her thumb planted between her lips to comfort herself. “Would you like to hear a story?”
Melina read to Yelena on nights when the toddler couldn’t be consoled. The toddler adored it and it never failed to make her chatter on about whatever story she had heard. Natasha had heard the same story over and over, Yelena’s absolute favorite. She starts to recite it from memory before pausing and prompting Yelena to fill in the next part.
Some part of her chest unclenches when Yelena pulls her thumb from her lips and supplies the next few words.
Widows had been trained to survive. They were taught not to need food or sleep for days on end to keep themselves alive.
Yelena was not a Widow. Not yet, at least. She still needed a schedule. She was growing. She needed food regularly and to be put to bed at a certain time, even Natasha knew that.
But Melina and Alexei either couldn’t be bothered sometimes or were too busy. Sometimes Yelena would find her and pat her stomach and tell her that her tummy was hungry only an hour after she should have been fed.
Natasha learns how to change Yelena into her pajamas after finding Yelena sprawled out somewhere fast asleep when she should have been up in bed hours ago. Now when Yelena gets tired, she will find Natasha and ask for her ‘jammies’. Even if Melina is available, she will skip right past the woman posing as her mother and straight to Natasha.
Then one night as Natasha woke Yelena up to go up to get her pajamas on, Yelena raised her arms up, letting out a soft sleepy yawn before she spoke. “Carry me, mommy?”
It’s not Yelena mistaking Natasha for Melina. Yelena called Melina ‘mama’.
Natasha’s words come out colder than she expects as she snaps out. “I’m not your mommy.” Yelena jerks awake, blinking up at her with a sleepy gaze as she stares in confusion at what she had done to make Natasha so upset.
Natasha was not a mother. She never will be. She never wants to be. She’s not even eighteen yet.
She is nobody’s mother. She’s not even anybody’s actual sister.
Natasha makes sure to keep herself at a distance.
That is until a few years later when Yelena breaks her arm trying to feed herself after Melina forgot once again.
Natasha finally realizes that despite how hard she tried, she did come to care about this little girl that looked up at her with nothing but adoration and love.
She cries for the first time in years when Yelena is taken from her arms and she’s cycled back through the Red Room.
Guilt that she stole away the last of that little girl’s innocence by allowing her to be taken back to the Red Room settles in her stomach like a rock and will stay there for the next ten years.