Finding You

Rogue watched as Logan was leaving again, she got the speech like usual her and Laura, the promises of coming home. They weren’t new it was repetitive, Rogue held her head to the side as he explained well, it was more like just telling. He never explained anything and never gives any real reasons to what he does. He’s leaving to go see his murderous brother who attacks him at least once a year, wow what a great idea Rogue thought, wonder how long that conversation will last. This wasn’t going to end well. Rogue wasn’t always a pessimist, but if you’ve seen enough train wrecks what else can you expect?

Laura’s eyes widened at every word like something Logan would say could reveal a hidden answer like a puzzle. Rogue watched as Laura’s thumbs moved over one another how she stood there and contemplated what Logan was saying. It was hard to piece together what she was looking for. Rogue sighed, it escaped as Logan was grabbing his jacket from a chair in the corner of his room.

“Don’t worry I’ll be back before you know it.”

Rogue rolled her eyes, “it ain’t that.” But it was.

Logan threw on his leather jacket over his shoulders, “then what’s the issue, I’ll be back by the weekend.”

“Yup.”

Laura looked between the two, slowly becoming aware of this little dance.

“I promise you. Okay?” He put his hand on Rogue’s shoulder and his voice was softened at the end.

Rogue looked at the wall, how many times did he leave this year? If she held out her hand would she be able to count, sure he’s gotten better when Laura came into the picture, but she feels like he’s falling away, falling away into that same old rhythm. Of leaving.

“What are you really lookin for, Logan?” Her eyes went up to him and she stared him down. It was an honest question, what was he looking for? What?

The question left a haunted look on his face, and it made Laura scrunch up in worry. How Logan’s hand retracted from Rogue like it burned him in the silence of his answer.

Nothing. Rogue kept her eyes on him, like always. “You keep lookin for family” Rogue felt her throat cave in, “but we’re right here.”

Logan’s face fell, “I know that sweetheart, I know.”

“I don’t think you do.” Rogue pushed away his attempt at holding her and she left, she slammed his door on the way out with tears burning her eyes, they fell back into their routine. Of always leaving and always fighting. Nothing ever changes.

Salt, she tasted it on her tongue as she tried to hide her face from the coming storm, she didn’t see where she was going. Her forehead ran right into someone, “sorry” Rogue muttered. An icy chill overcame her, shit her face burned even redder.

“Are you okay?” Bobby asked.

“Yes.” Her response was quick as she dodged quite literally the conversation about to arise and passed him. Rogue went faster down the corridor into the student wing, made the same sharp turn around the corner and straight into her room and locked it shut. Then she breathed. Rogue breathed air like she was drowning, she inhaled in gulps. Wiping her eyes and face, she hated it, being left. Being alone. Trapped in her own skin. That’s what her life consistently felt like. Logan and Laura gave her some resemblance of normalcy and even that was a stretch, but being together just felt right. Like she had a family that accepted her. Now it was like a family that never stayed together.

Rogue tried to breathe as she collapsed on her bed face down. Taking in the soft scent of lavender washed comforter as her hands clasped the sheets trying to grab on something that she could hold without hurting. She just wanted to hold something without destroying, but much like her power Rogue felt that anything she touches would fall apart, just like the family she made.

A soft knock on the door made her huff a few more strains of lavender before she groaned out, “whaaat?”

It was a peppy voice, despite the tone of comfort, “can I come in?”

“Kitty, I just want to be alone…”

“Oh…uh…can I at least grab my ipod?”

Rogue rolled her eyes, she hated sharing a room with Kitty, “..whatever.”

The door creaked open and she could hear soft footsteps approach her bedside, “Kitty.”

“I know, I know…I’m just here for my ipod.” Kitty’s voice wandered a bit, “but, if this is about Bobby-”

Rogue wiped her face and groaned, “and why would it be about him?”

“Well y’know.”

Rogue looked up from her bed with her eyebrows up, “no I don’t.”

Kitty whistled and looked around the room, “that rumor you two are dating…”

“You gotta be shittin me.” Rogue pushed herself off the bed, “that twirp was supposed to end that goddamn rumor about me!”

Kitty tried to hold her grimace, but it fell through.

Rogue glared at her roommate, “and what else are they sayin?”

“Well…”

“Kitty.”

“Just about you cheatin on Bobby and getting caught and that’s why your all up in here crying.”

“What!” Rogue through her hands up, “I didn’t even date the boy! How the hell am I supposed to be cheatin on him and with who?”

The silence was long before Kitty gave in and told her,

“Pietro.”

Rogue visibly gagged.

“Oh it isn’t that bad!”

Rogue hid her face in horror, “this is like the time everyone thought Kurt was a drug dealer!”

Kitty laughed, “well he did accidentally-”

“That’s not the point.” Rogue gave a heavy sigh, “where’s Jamie? That boys gonna pay!”

“He’s in Xavier’s office.”

“Of course he is that squirts hidin, well not for long.” Rogue stormed out of the room and slammed the door, “can’t believe this” she muttered, “I don’t even talk to Bobby how the hell would I date him, then cheat on him! Fucking ridiculous.”

As she was muttering to herself she rounded one of the corners to ascend the stairs to the third floor and low and behold, the supposed beloved she screwed over, “oh hey Rogue.” He dodged her running into him again as his foot went backwords up a few steps.

Rogue wanted to hide under her hoodie, “oh hey Bobby…” all the confidence of confronting a twelve year old left when Bobby got in the way.

“Are you feeling better?” He tilted his head as he asked her.

“Yea feelin fine.” Rogue played with the end of her sleeves, that had holes from her anxiously gnawing on them.

“Good…” Bobby played with a silver chain on his jeans as they both stood on the staircase stiff and still, like any slight move would scare the other, “y’know…uh you had me worried for a second.”

Rogue looked up sheepishly at him wide eyes, “I did?”

“Yea, a lot of people can misinterpret things and I wouldn’t want that hurting you.”

Her voice got dull and monotone, “oh that. Yeah well it’s good you ain’t datin me.” The end of her sentence trailed off as she ascended the staircase right past him.

“No wait, that’s not what I mean, I mean I uh.”

“I know what you mean, Bobby. I ain’t hurt that you don’t wanna be with me.” Rogue sighed, “can’t blame ya for that.”

“No.” Bobby grabbed her wrist gently over her sleeves, “I like you, like that.”

“What?”

“I like you, and I thought the rumors were stupid because…we don’t really talk much so honestly I don’t know how it started. But I do like you and” he smiled softly, “well I just thought I got lucky…” he trailed off as he looked at Rogue surprise face, “but I didn’t want that hurting you if you didn’t like me. That’s not fair, so I can try to get it to go away so you don’t have to worry about it anymo-”

“You ain’t scared of me?”

“No.” Bobby answered almost immediately then his face grew red and he let go of her wrist.

Rogue smiled, and looked above the corridor to see if anyone was watching as she bit her lip and almost in a whisper admitted, “well…I think I like you a bit too…”

Bobby looked up, “you do?”

Rogue nodded, “yeah…if you wanna try somethin like the rumor be saying I wouldn’t mind.”

“Dating right? You want try that?” He asked so loudly it echoed in the staircase.

“Yes -yes” Rogue lowered her voice as she tried to hide a soft laugh, “we can try that…I think I’d like it.”

Bobby smiled, “okay good, want to go on a date tomorrow? I know downtown there’s a new roller skating rink?”

Rogue nodded, “sure.”

Bobby smiled and ran down the stairs past Rogue, then he stopped before rounding the corner, “oh and how about we do lunch after the rink?”

Rogue laughed and nodded her head, “yea that sounds fine.”

“Okay uh noon sound good?”

“Mhmm”

Bobby looked around frantically for a moment, “I don’t have to ask Logan’s permission to take you out right?”

Rogue covered her mouth with her hand she almost leaned over on the stairs giggling, “no, you don’t.”

Bobby wiped off some sweat, “oh phew because I am not prepared for that conversation.” He put both hands on his hips like he was contemplating something.

Rogue shook her head, “just get to where you were goin.”

“Oh right, I have to go!” Bobby nodded, “see you tomorrow?” he lingered around the corner with his head sticking out.

“Yes Bobby I’m right down the hall.”

“Right! I knew that… okay tomorrow then!”

Rogue nodded and gave him a thumbs up as the man ducked fully behind the corner and left leaving her laughing on the staircase. She was smiling ear to ear as she walked back to her room instead of storming into Xavier’s office and shaking Jamie. This was truly a miracle to her shitty day, and all of the insecurities she felt slowly melted behind as new thoughts of tomorrow came.

She opened the door, and collapsed on her bed with a light sigh.

Kitty was still fumbling with her ipod and ear bud cords trying to unravel the mess, “I swear one more knot am I’m gonna loose it!”
Rogue looked at her ceiling and was preoccupied with thinking of what to wear to comprehend was Kitty was groaning about.

“Did you talk with Jamie?”

“No…” Rogue smiled at Kitty who was jambled in the mess of white chords.

“Ooooo” Kitty raised her eyebrows, “who’d ya talk to?”

“Who do you think?”

“Was it good conversation?”

Rogue nodded her head.

“Oh” Kitty jumped up and threw her ipod and all the things wrapped around her on the bed and jumped on Rogues, “you have to tell me everything!”

“It’s not a lot, just he asked me out to go roller skatin tomorrow.”

“Oh like a date?”

“Yes…”

Kitty clapped her hands, “finally! I’ve been waiting for this moment, so here’s what were gonna do…”

The rest of their night was filled with laughs tumbling over with pillows and planning all that could happen under the hush of darkness while sleep evaded them.

While their day ended on a high note, other’s in the Mansion did not. One in particular was Jamie, his loved felt sacrifice was in vain. Now he spent the rest of his remaining summer night stuck in Xavier’s office going over feelings while he could be in his room playing video games or sitting by the fire with Laura…he sighed as his eyes wondered out the darkened window. The pink and orange sunset was fading into stars.

“I know this isn’t where you’d like to be.”

“Metaphorically or physically?”

“Well uh both.”

“Yes.”

“But your parents do care about you, they wouldn’t have sent you here if they didn’t.”

Jamie looked away from the window at Charles, “thank you professor, for that persuasive speech I think I’m cured. Can I go play outside now?” His face lit up hopefully at the end.

“Now Jamie if we don’t talk about this it will only get worse.”

Jamie threw his head back and groaned.

“What makes you feel like your parent’s don’t love you, did…they say something?”

Jamie rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, he went to his messages and opened up his mother’s texts, he then handed Charles his phone, “here.”

Charles looked at the phone Jamie gave him and saw his Mother’s text messages.

“Spring break starts April 14th, when are you getting me?”

“I called Dad, so your not getting me?”

(read)

“School ends June 17th….are you picking me up at the School or do I need to go to the airport?” (read)

“Sorry hun, we’ve been busy, we’re in Tokoyo for the summer. I called Xaiver and he said it’s fine to have students over the summer, it be good for you to help out!”

“Dad hung up on me. Are you picking me up for my birthday?”

“….Your Father and I have decided it’s probably better for you to stay at the school.”

“Your not coming back are you?”
(read)

Charles quietly sat there looking at the messages trying to articulate what to say.

Jamie played with his hands on his lap, “I know it’s not your fault.”

Charles looked up for the phone patiently waiting.

“But if they hadn’t known about this school, I’d still be sitting at home with my little sister, my friends. My parents.” He sighed, “it’s not your fault, but I do hate that you offered this place to them.” Jamie nodded his head, “maybe if they hadn’t known I wouldn’t be left like this.” He wiped his eyes, and then put his hand out for the phone still sitting in Charles lap

“Jamie I will talk to them.”

“It won’t matter, they pay your tuition right?” he grabbed the phone and nodded quietly.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Mmm” Jamie put his phone back in his pocket and left Charles sitting in his office alone. Jamie didn’t dare speak another word from embarrassment and because he didn’t know what else to say. It might’ve just fumbled out into a heap of a mess. So he left quickly, closing the office door behind him and almost running into Erik.

Erik eyed Jamie as the boy pushed past him from Xavier’s office, his eye brows furrowed and he thought, 'Nun, das konnte nicht gut sein’ (Well, that couldn’t be good).

As he approached Charles’ office before he could knock Charles already spoke, “Come in…” Xavier sighed, as he rubbed his temple.

Erik entered and closed the door behind him, “had an eventful day I see…”

“Yea eventful…”

Erik gave a side smile and sat down in the chair next to Charles, “Liebling, tell me what’s wrong?” He nudged his lover’s shoulder gently, brushing Xavier’s sweater with his knuckles on the soft blue. Just like that Erik watched as more soft blue met his gaze, they were clouded in worry, with small bags forming under Charles’ eyelids.

“Summer is usually easier than this…” he huffed.

“Mmm” Erik hummed as he waited for Charles to continue.

“I’m going to have to talk with Jamie’s parents.”

“About his behavior?” Erik raised an eyebrow curiously.

“More like their behavior, they aren’t communicating with him, and it’s obvious he’s feeling abandoned it’s going to affect his mental health, his schooling, his social life..” Charles looked more worried as he continued to list the issues Jamie would face, “then I would have to set up a conference, and who knows if they’ll even show! I’ve spoken with them on the phone and they seem like very good parents. They ask about grades, attendance, even extracurricular activities he’s involved with-”

“Just because they seem like good parent’s doesn’t mean that they’re.”

Charles stopped clutching his temple with his hand and rested it on Erik’s over his chair, “yes well, I know that now. They barely spoken to Jamie in months!”

The room was silent as Erik hesitated to say something. The pause lingered uncomfortably as Erik breathed in and tapped his finger on his knee with his free hand.

“Just say it we all know your thinking it.”

Erik sighed, “I’m guessing his parent’s are human then.”

Charles caught Erik eye as his partner’s reaction was unsurprised unlike his own, “yes…”

“Mmm…” Erik looked around the room trying not to think of something so obvious as, ‘this happens all the time, or I would’ve known this would happen, or look another human being a-’

Charles pipped in, “I think there is another contact on Jamie’s profile, maybe I should try getting in touch with them.”

Erik’s heart melted a bit, ‘the optimist.’ He thought as Charles pulled away to wheel behind his desk and start scrambling through old school files. As Charles looked through dusted manila folders from the former year, Erik folded his arms against his chest and asked, “so what else is bothering you?”

Charles barely looked up, “nothing just this.”

“Mm…well you were upset before this, you’ve been upset since this morning.”

Charles clicked his tongue, “no I haven’t.”

“Why don’t you want to talk about it with me?”

Charles stopped himself from rolling his eyes as he finally found the folder, “Erik, I know you don’t want to hear about it. So, I won’t tell you.”

“I’m asking you so I do want to hear about it, I care about you.” Erik try to soften his tone at the end, and he even lowered his arms to his side.

“Really?” Charles raised an eyebrow, “it’s about Logan.”

Erik had to clutch his jeans to try fight the struggling of rolling his eyes, “…..”

“See!” Charles huffed, “I knew you didn’t want to hear about it.”

“No, I do! I do, want to hear about it…” Erik had to almost choke out the words, and had to refrain from saying, ‘even if he is twice our age combine, please go on about how you baby him.’

“I can read your thoughts.” Charles added dryly.

“Well then, maybe don’t read them.”

Charles sighed, “see were fighting now.”

Erik put his hands up, “no, were not fighting, I…just don’t like Logan as much as you do, but” he added as Charles glared at him, “I am willing to listen to what is bothering you, because I love you. That is all that matters to me, you. If Logan is problem then I can gladly solve that issue.” He smiled jokingly at the end, but Charles wasn’t laughing. “I’m kidding Charles, Liebling” he tilted his head, “I’m listening.”

Charles tapped his finger on the mantilla folder with Jamie’s name on it and opened to start reading, “…Logan left again after we did memory work.”

“Mmm doesn’t he do that all the time?”

“Yes, but this time…he’s going to visit Sabertooth.” Charles looked up to see Erik’s eyes widen, “now you know why I’m so concerned.”

Erik had employed Sabertooth a handful of times and the mercenary had even joined the brotherhood before, “well that’s not going to be much of a conversation.”

Charles glared, “I know.”

“He’ll make it back in one piece….” Erik muttered, “he always does.”

“Yes, well that doesn’t stop me from worrying, nor does it make Rogue or Laura feel any better.”

Erik tapped the chair trying to think of a solution, “if you want me to go and..fetch him I can.”

“No no, there’s no sense in doing that, Logan would just run back out the next chance he got. It’s just better to let him go now I guess….”

“Maybe when he’s done with this whole…memory obsession, you’ll worry less.”

Charles shrugged, “he is making progress, more than usual.”

“…Well, that’s good.”

“Yes it is, I just wish he’d take his time with his decisions, he leaves like he’s running out of time. If he’d just be a little more patient with himself” Charles sighed, “never mind.”

Erik nodded, as Charles rambled away, listening and interjecting to try to bring comfort, but he always felt that it was out of his depths when they talked about Logan. To Erik, that man was an anomaly, but to Charles, he was family. Which in turn begrudgingly meant that Erik had to try to care, even a minuscule amount for the gruff and over aged man. “…I can talk to him when he gets back..if you’d want.”

Charles gave a breathy laugh through his nostrils, “I would like to see that.”

Erik adjusted himself in his seat, “if it’s important to you, I’ll talk to him about…his behavior?” The sentence fell out of his mouth like they were talking about Pietro, it was a weird taste that they were talking about Logan, a full grown man, twice their ages combine, but nevertheless, Erik tapped the chair uncomfortably willing to try.

Charles smiled and put the folder down, just to be a pain in their arses he decided to say, “you know what, that’s a great idea!”
Erik knew that Charles didn’t mean that, but he did already offer it so now he’d have to stick with it, “okay then….I will talk to Logan when he get’s back.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay.” Erik nodded while regretting ever saying anything.

Meanwhile down the staircase to the second floor, Laura was wandering to the boys section of their dorm. Technically, girls weren’t allowed in the boys section past curfew which was 11 and the boys weren’t allowed in the girls section, but Laura figured the rules didn’t apply if it was summer, and they definitely didn’t apply if no teachers were around.

She tip toed against the wall, moving slowly behind the shadows, sure it was an overstatement with such lack of security, but it was still fun. Until she arrived at Jamie’s door. She heard him sniffling and wanted to block it out with her hands to her ears. She wanted to make the waves of sadness stop, she didn’t know why and she didn’t know how. However, she was about to find out. Laura took a deep breath and knocked on his door.

There was a pause in the sniffling as she listened to Jamie wipe his face with his cotton shirt. How he breathed in a few times trying to catch his breathe, and hid the evidence of his tear stained marks with his tumbling fingertips that shook a bit when he touched his cheek.

Laura waited on her heels as Jamie approached the door and how he opened it a crack, “hey…” his voice rough as he muttered it.

“Hi…can I come in?”

“It’s getting pretty late…can we hang out tomorrow?” Jamie looked up between the door crack at Laura.

“It’s okay to cry.” The words fell out because she knew his ears were bright red, "I wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” The words fell out naturally to Jamie despite both of them knowing it was a lie.

Laura felt something itch at the back of her brain and instead of waiting patiently for Jamie to open up the door she pushed herself in, “you don’t have to hide from me, were friends, if something’s bothering you I will fix it!” Now Laura was standing in Jamie’s room, tall and determined.

Jamie backed a bit from the door letting Laura have some room, “this isn’t something you can just fix Laura.”

“How do you know? Tell me and I can try!” Laura waived her hands frantically around while talking.

Jamie stood there unamused and he almost rolled his eyes, “Laura I’m upset over my parents?”

“I can kill them.”

“No.” Jamie almost hit his palm to his forehead, “no I don’t need you to kill them-” He looked up at caught Laura’s ‘mmm are you sure face?’

“No I don’t want you to kill my parents, Laura.”
“What if I just shake them up a bit?”

Jamie thought about it for a split second and he laughed a little, “I don’t think jumping them is gonna make them love me.”

Laura’s face fell as Jamie admitted what had happened. “Oh.”

“Yes.”

Unlike the professor Laura didn’t need evidence to know that was true, she could see it on Jamie’s face, and how his voice cracked from the pain.

“See Laura there’s nothing that you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do…they don’t love me because of who I am-” Jamie looked up and inhaled covering his eyes with his hand, “and it’s not even something I can change. If I could-”

Laura hesitated almost scared even but she reached out her arms around Jamie’s back and hugged him, “don’t change. Don’t change for anyone.” Her arms tightly wrapped around his spine as pulled him into her, “you’re Jamie.”

Jamie sniffled and laughed a little into Laura’s hair, “yeah.”

“If they don’t like you for who you are then fuck ‘em.”

Jamie tried not to snort at the blunt remark, “…thanks Laura.”

They stood frozen in eachother’s arms as the silence of the room grew Jamie wiped his tears with the back of his hand, and trying not to tap on Laura’s shoulder, the embrace was suffocating, but warm. Despite it be hard to breathe, it felt comfortable.

Laura was trying not to get too distracted from Jamie’s dove soap smell mixed with the fresh cut grass of the soccer field, but it made her smile. It reminded her of summer, when she pulled away and looked at Jamie, he was like summer. She had never known what summer would’ve felt like without enduring school, and she liked the refreshing freedom it brought. Now that Jamie wasn’t shining happily like usual it bothered her, to Laura it just didn’t seem right, like it was unnatural for a summer to be so cold. ‘However, Jamie is not summer, is he…’ she thought. “Did you want to do something?” she looked at his expression he was tired, but she wanted to make sure he’d be okay.

“…I think I’m just gonna head to bed.”

“Do you want me to sleep with you?” Laura tilted her head.

Jamie blushed, “uh well” he knew boys and girls couldn’t have sleepovers for the most obvious reason, cooties, but he figured if Laura had it, he’d probably already would’ve gotten it, “sure!”

Laura smiled and thought, I never had a sleepover before!

Jamie smiled as well and gave a light yawn, “I know it’s your first sleepover and all, I hope it won’t be disappointing if we just y’know sleep…?”

‘He knows?’ Laura played with the bottom of her shirt and blushed, “no it’s okay, I think it’s going to be fun either way.”

Jamie nodded, “okay, do you need to go back to the girls side to grab pillows and a blanket?”

Laura looked around, “no I don’t want to risk it” she took off her slippers and hopped into Jamie’s bed.

Jamie had his eyes wide, “oh.”

Laura patted the spot next to her on the twins sized mattress, “we can stay up a little and talk too!”

Jamie looked around like this may be a mistake, “sooo your okay if we sleep in the same bed?”

“Yes, where else would you sleep?”

Jamie tapped the floor with his foot, “okay, as long as your comfortable.”

“Well you won’t be weird right?”

Jamie shook his head fast, “no, not like weird weird.” He climbed into bed next to Laura and they were cheek to cheek, shoulder to shoulder. “I do….turn in my sleep….and sometimes kick.”

Laura shrugged, “I’ll just hit you harder.”

Jamie smirked, “thanks!”

Laura nodded toward the lamp, “goodnight.”

Jamie moved his hand up to turn off the lamp, now both of them were laying in darkness, Jamie could hear his heart race in his ears.

Laura could hear the racing of Jamie’s heartbeat, “I thought you were tired?”

His voice cracked a bit, “no I am, I am.”

“Mhmm…can I talk to you about things…if you’re not tired?” Her voice was soft as she was unsure about herself.

Jamie turned his body to face her, “what is it?”

Laura blushed a bit, but under the cover of night she knew Jamie wouldn’t have seen, “I just like talking to you…you make me feel happy.”

Jamie smiled, “you make me happy too!”

Laura nodded into the pillow that smelled like him and her heart raced and she didn’t know why, “thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being my friend.”

Jamie sighed happily, “I think…you’re my best friend and not just because you’re my only friend.”

Laura laughed quietly, “thanks.”