Finding You

The mall was crowded, back to back cars, Logan finally found a parking spot fifteen minutes into the swearing monologue that was under his breath. The parking spot was tight for the mini van, but Logan couldn’t care less if the car got scratched up. Mainly because the entire side had marks on it from Kitty scraping against the fence while it was closing. So one more scratch couldn’t make it any worse. He heard a little bang and walked over to Laura side as she hit the car next to her with the door “…oops.”

“Do you need help getting-” Before Logan could finished she already jumped over him and kicked the door back in mid air. There goes being discreet Logan thought as he slapped his palm of his hand against his forehead. “Okay, lets go.”

As they were making there way into the mall, which was flooded with people Logan heard the thumping of Laura’s heart beat get faster. “We can leave whenever you want.”

Laura looked at the big double doors and crowd then back at her father, he didn’t look mad or disappointed, just worried. I really want to go… “I think…I’ll be okay.”

Logan rubbed circles into her back as they went through the doors, Laura immediately grabbed Logan’s hand and squeezed it. The bulbs from the lights were a harsh white glow that made her look away and she starred at the floor as they went up the escalator. Taking a few breaths and rhythmically squeezing his hand she got some reassurance. Despite the crowd on the second floor which was shoulder to shoulder, and lines of people going in and out of stores, Laura tried to concentrate on her breathing instead of the ringing of cashiers and the echoes of coins dropping on the floor. Her father pulled her through the crowd and they weaved in and out of people. Her father smelt like pine trees and sandalwood he felt like the forest on a cool summer’s day. Laura concentrated on her dads flannel shirt and counted the squares 1, 2, 3, 4…..25, her father abruptly stopped and she rammed her nose into his back.

“Oww”

“Is this what’cha want?”

Laura looked up to see Sephora, “how did you know?”

“I can smell the cosmetics…”

Laura did a little sniffle moving her nose up and down, hmmm she scruntched up her face, very artificial smells…. like cotton candies mixed with all the flowers of the world…great…I can already feel the headache.

Logan smiled as he watched her, and patted her head “you going in or what?”

She nodded and grabbed his hand pulling him into the store with her. Laura was greeted by one of the workers she did a little awkward wave and moved past, everything was colorful, pastel. Some stuff reminded her of Jean, she saw some similar products, but she didn’t know any brand names. Other stuff looked like what Rogue would wear, she smiled to herself, “Dad, what do you think?” she pointed to very dark makeup which was glittery.

Logan looked over from where he was daydreaming from, he picked up an eyeshadow and smelled it. “You want to put this on your face?”

“Ugh” Laura rolled her eyes “I can’t take you anywhere.”

“Don’t tell me you can’t smell the 10 artificial dyes in here.”

Laura’s nose twitched a bit, the perfumes she was standing next to made her want to sneeze. However, she pressed on looking at eyeliner now, she saw a purple one and picked it up. “I want this one.”

Logan inspected it and looked at the price, “12.99 for a stick…”

Laura ignored his comment and looked at the nail polish, she always liked nail polish if I put it on my claws would it hurt when I retract them? She was debating if it would give her some internal poison when she heard giggling near one of the aisles. Laura leaned over and saw a Mom putting eyeshadow swatches on her daughter, the daughter was laughing “stop tickling me.”

The Mom had eyeshadow on her fingertips and was chasing the child around.

Laura stood and watched, in the past it always caused her anger, resentment, jealously. Now the anger left a hole and it was hollow.

Laura turned around and saw her dad reading the tiny ingredients on the eyeliner, and muttering to himself.

She played with her fingertips debating to ask him anything about her mom, or any mom in general. When Logan looked up at her “you ready?”

Laura took some nail polish, and nodded. Both of them drifted to the counter to pay for it, while Logan was digging in his back pocket for his wallet Laura was lost in thought. She saw the ring on the cashiers left hand and wondered about her father. I wonder if he’s happy being single?

Logan was stuck carrying the bag giving him no free hands as Laura swung his other arm up in the air going up and down. He hated having no free hands and the scents of hundreds mixed into the crowd was nauseating.

A women mazed through the crowd and bumped his shoulder she had wavy black hair and dark tan skin. She had a leather jacket on with a black shirt and jeans. Her amber eyes met his and she looked surprised and he got an eerie sense of deja vu as she passed. It was like a seen a ghost, his hairs stood up, and his heart raced. He looked back, but she sifted into the crowd.

Laura pulled her dad along and the smell of the food court was mixing in with the sweat of the people around her, which made her want to plug her nose “does anyone shower in this fucking place?”

“The mall is disgusting what did you expect?”

“Public decency.”

Finally they made their way to the escalators down, Laura was tapping her foot growing impatient of the few second trip, because a young family was in front of them. The father was holding his child’s hand as his wife leaned her head against the nook of his neck. The mother leaned over and kissed him making Laura scrunch up her nose. She looked at her dad who looked absolutely tired and she could tell with a sniff of her nose that he was bothered. Laura put her attention back on the couple as they got off, is he lonely? She never really thought about it before because her dad liked to be alone, but there was definitely a difference between alone and lonely.

After they found their car and Laura climbed into the passenger side, both of them plopped in and Logan started the engine and reversed. While pulling out of the parking lot, a person on a motorcycle cut behind him, “Ah fuck.” He slammed on his breaks, but admired the black matte Lightning LS-218, “damn that’s expensive, almost ran them over too. Laura watch”

Laura turned her attention to him as he gave out another lecture, “if you don’t look behind you can end up running over a stupid person. You should always look behind you, and don’t walk behind cars when pulling out, cuz that shit hurts.”

Laura nodded her head, as he continued to complain about people in the parking lot.

When they finally got cleared from the mall and were on the highway she turned her attention to Logan knowing he can’t escape her questions in a car.

Logan realized that Laura turned her entire body to him, “what’s up?”

“Why are you single?”

Logan’s raised his eyebrows, “what?”

“Are you lonely? I hear unmarried men are the loneliness is that true? Is there a reason why women aren’t dating you?”

Logan looked deep into Laura’s eyes for the two seconds he could take them off the road. He knew she didn’t mean anything by the questions he can smell her curiosity from where he’s sitting. It’s just the way she asks it, “askin it kinda blunt aren’t ya?”

“I don’t want you to be lonely because of me.” The admission fell out of Laura’s mouth and she was surprised she admitted that herself, but it’s what she felt.

“I’m not lonely.”

“Then why are you single?”

Logan rolled his eyes, “do you think every single person is lonely?”

“Yes.”

“Some people don’t like being in relationships let alone romantic ones that doesn’t mean they’re lonely.”

“Oh….so your single because you want to be.”

Logan thought about it for a moment, I mean not really “…sure..”

“So you are lonely.”

“I never said that.”

“Well you lied about wanting to be single.” Laura started to cross her arms and glare at him, like she was questioning him under a light.

“That doesn’t mean I want to be married.”

“No, but you don’t want to be single.”

Logan’s head was hurting, “this is pointless why does my relationship status matter so much?”

“I told you I don’t want to hurt your chances on finding someone.”

“Trust me kid I got actual red flags, and having you isn’t one of them, so drop it.”

Laura was taken back and stopped leaning forward, “you really don’t think I’m holding you back?”

Logan leaned his hand over and ruffled her hair, “no so stop thinking like that.”

“Well…do you want a girlfriend. I can definitely find you one.”

Logan gave a airy chuckle, “I would be scared to date whoever you pick.”

Laura gave him a playful punch, “I have good taste and I can make sure they’re good for you.” She smiled smugly.

“What’s this about me having a girlfriend all of a sudden?”

Laura was about to blurt it out, but she hesitated.

“Just tell me.”

“Well, I just want to be all together.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want a mom and a dad. I want them both….is that bad?”

Logan was pulling into the x-mansions circle and when he stopped the car he looked at her, “no, it’s not bad, but it’s easier said then done. People don’t just get married out of nowhere or want to be together because of a fantasy. It’s much more to relationships then a dream, and I know damn sure that no one is dreaming about me so.” He shrugged, “besides I’m not the marrying type, or the relationship type.”

“But you want to be.”

“No I don’t want to be single, not being single doesn’t automatically mean in a relationship.”

“So I’m confused, what do you do then?”

“Never mind. Let’s get inside.”

Laura looked confused, but when she asked again Logan pulled out his dad voice, it was more stern and he made his eyes glare at you. She hated it so she listened.

They both walked into the mansion luckily the tone of the afternoon was much lighter than the morning because many of the students shifted outside, or left to go hangout with friends. Laura sighed in relief, the hostility reminded her of hydra in a way it was just a different taste of chaos. Logan gave her the bag and muttered about fixing up his Harley, she took the bag and practically ran upstairs.

When she barged through her door and plopped down on a chair across from her desk. She was supposed to do homework that Xavier gives her, but she rarely ever touches it. Most students think she’s lucky most of her homework is just about feelings and not math or anything. However, she finds it hard just expressing what she feels out loud and writing it down isn’t any easier for her. While painting her claws blue she looked over some questions so she can scoff at them.

“What are some things that make you feel nervous or scared?” Laura laughed as she read it out loud, “this fucking thing giving me internal poisoning that’s for damn sure.” Coating the glitter to her claws she blew on it and waited. “Is putting glitter in me bad?”

She shrugged, “it doesn’t matter anyway, I can heal who gives a shit if it hurts?”

The next question asked, What do you want the most? “A day of peace and fucking quiet” she rolled her eyes as another door slammed, it irradiated her ears or the squeaking of the hinges. After both claws were dried she retracted them and released them, Laura smiled as she could still see the blue underneath the blood. “Perfect!”

She swung her hands around “I can kill people in style now!”

She stood on her bed and bounced up and down “I should try these in the danger room and see if the paint comes off of them.” Abruptly she jumped off and did a little flip in the air. She excitedly went out of her room and practically ran to the elevator. Laura was smacking the down button impatiently “c’mon, can this thing go any faster, is everyone using you?”

Jamie walked up to Laura and leaned next to the wall, “What’cha doin?” he asked trying to make his voice lower.

Laura looked at him sideways, “none of your goddamn business.”

Jamie looked a bit shocked and pulled the collar on his shirt, “oh, well I was wondering if you wanted to play soccer again?”

“I’m busy.”

“I promise to make the teams fair this time, even amount of clones on each side!” his voice went back to his normal pitch and even had some cracks in it, by the end of the sentence.

The elevator doors opened up and Laura didn’t seem to care for his proposal. She walked in and before the elevator doors shut Jamie mustered in the courage to go in after her.

Laura was preoccupied with slamming the basement button down repeatedly as Jamie went on a rant how it’s so hard being the youngest X-men.

“I mean…we only have eachother so we should stick together y’know everyone else is always busy and none of the older kids ever wanna hang out.”

“I don’t care” Laura muttered.

“…really?… you don’t?”

Laura sighed, “I never expected anyone to care, I’m satisfied with what I got.” Crossing her arms she looked up at the dial which told her what floor they were on, 2 great.

“Are you sure about that?”

Laura’s thin patients was about to snap and being trapped in a steal bin with her was a mistake. “Drop it.”

Jamie was about to say another word when Laura literally growled at him so he stood in the corner of the elevator and waited for the doors to open up.

“Fucking finally” Laura walked out of the doors in relief as she made her way down the hallway to the danger room.

Not far behind was Jamie jogging up to her, “can I train with you?”

Laura sighed, “if you don’t talk.”

Jamie was satisfied and smiled next to her, as they approached the danger room, Laura entered the computer area to start a simulation. When she entered she saw Spyke getting chewed out by Storm. He was sitting on a bench with a bloody bandage wrapped around his arm, “You are always supposed to notify a teacher while using the danger room.

“Auntie please, no one even follows that rule.”

“What if your arm got cut off? If you actually went to training during our scheduled times then maybe you would know how to defend yourself.”

Spyke rolled his eyes, “is that all you care about? Me attending training?”

Ororo held her head, “no, it’s just it maybe could have prevented this, do you know how worried I was when I saw you bleeding out on that floor?”

“….I’m sorry.”

Laura watched as Storm carefully bandaged him and reprimanded him it was a soft stern voice and the pit in her stomach was growing.

Jamie looked at Laura and saw how her eyes were locked in on them, he gently tugged her arm, “let’s just go” he whispered “by the looks of it the danger room is closed.”

Laura huffed annoyed, but turned around “whatever” somehow Storms affection for Spyke was making her sick.

Jamie and her both went back to the elevators he pressed the buttons, it was silent. Jamie knew types of silences. One where Laura told everyone to shut up for being to loud with some explosive anger bursting from the seams, but this was different. It was sad. He figured she wasn’t sad over Spyke getting hurt he got injured every other day. Maybe she was sad because she wanted to use the danger room…no she would’ve fought for it, if it was that important. That’s something Jamie admired Laura for, she always fought for something. “Was it Storm…?”

Laura snapped out of it in the elevator when he asked, “mind your business.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Fuck no.” Laura was hitting the 3rd floor button radically.

“Wanna play soccer or something.”

Laura’s finger stopped pressing the third floor button, “you won’t bother me about it right?”

Jamie shook his head.

So Laura pressed the first floor button.

Once the elevator opened Jamie ran past her and yelled, “first on to the field get’s to pick their side.”

Laura’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance as she ran after him.