trauma changes people
Ikol went to her room, planning not to see anyone for the rest of the day but when she slams her door shut she turns around to see Hela lounging on her bed.
“go away” Ikol demands as she goes to her closet, picking out the first pieces of clothing she sees. It’s better than her bloody clothes she’s wearing now. “you said you could help me, but you can’t”
“I can” she interrupts “just not in the way you expected”
Ikol throws her clothes on the dresser, coming out of the closet to face Hela “how else can you help me?” she asks loudly. She throws off her shirt and throws on the tight t-shirt, which she has no idea where she got it from.
“I can help you get information, can sneak around and see what the others are hiding from you-“
Ikol makes eye contact “they’re hiding stuff from me?”
She shrugs, admitting that she doesn’t know “I know they’re walking on eggshells around you, they’re afraid you’ll have some breakdown”
Ikol doesn’t have anything to say to that, at least they’re worried about her and that’s more than enough. He’s just about to ask if she knows something he doesn’t when there’s a knock on his door and Tony walks in. “hi”
He really needs to stop interrupting them.
Ikol sighs, remembering to talk to Hela tonight when everyone is asleep, for now he’s focusing on what just happened.“my brother hates me” he doesn’t ask, he knows Thor hates him.
Tony instantly starts shaking his head “No he’s just-“
Ikol scoffs as she reveals “I seen everything he’s said about me while I was dead” she saw all the insults, the pity remarks made to reporters, they way Thor’s jaw would become tense at the mention of her. “he hates me” she finishes and flops back onto her bed.
“he’s mad yeah, but he doesn’t hate you”
Ikol doesn’t believe him, she knows some part of Thor hates her or else he wouldn’t act like so. Not that she doesn’t deserve it, it’s just embarrassing. She gave her life for him, she would never talk about him like he has her, especially to the public, to the internet. He was everything to her, it’s embarrassing.
Tony can see that she is doubting him despite witnessing how depressed Thor was. “Thor was up and running around two days after your fathers death, he went out for revenge minutes after your mother” Ikol looks down at the floor and Tony lets out a huff, because Thor was fucking broken about Loki “with you, he couldn’t do anything but drink for 2 years”
“he also lost half of Asgard” Ikol retorts and Tony suddenly blurts “he didn’t change his clothes for two months because he said that it still smelled like you”
Loki sighs “is he okay?” and sits down at her desk, Tony taking a seat on her bed.
Tony nods “god of thunder, doubt you can damage him that easily” he remembers the scars on the sides of Thor’s head “was this the first time you did this?” he can’t help but ask, he would never think that Ikol could do this to her brother before but he was just proved wrong.
Ikol’s eyebrows draw together “why?” he then brings up the scars and Ikol chuckles, confusing the shit out of Tony. She explains “he got those while training as children, we were given swords after we mastered daggers and he wasn’t used to the length of the blade”
Tony nods because that makes sense, Ikol is the one skilled with blades, Thor’s style is more punching and throwing. Basically he just charges at everything like a bull, Ikol on the other hand gets you when you least expect it like a cougar. “he’s better with them now though, right?” Tony questions because it would be kinda sad if Thor hasn’t mastered it after a millennia.
Ikol smiles softly, a soft chuckle escaping her lips “yes he is” she remembers how much is frustrated Thor that he wasn’t adapting as easy meanwhile Loki mastered it in under a week. That really pissed Thor off.
“if you can beat Thor” Tony crosses his arms “why did you lose all those fights before?” obviously she was holding back but Tony wants to know why.
“because if Thor lost his identity he would lose himself” she knows how painful that is, the confusion, the self-doubt, the knowledge that you were wrong, that it was all a lie. If Ikol could prevent that from happening to Thor then she would, a thousand times over again. “I don’t want him to experience that, or anyone”
Tony hums, Ikol really does love her brother even if she barely remembers him and that’s a nice thought. Tony wanted them to reconcile and even after Ikol bashed his head in, it might still happen. Loki wasn’t one to give up and he doubts Ikol is either, he likes that. Even after losing her memories Ikol is still devoted to her family and that’s one of Tony’s favourite personality traits, loyalty. He briefly wonders if Ikol is starting to feel some sense of loyalty to him, that’d be nice. ( No one was ever loyal to him so can you blame him?)
“you’re a good sister, you know that?” he asks because he knows Ikol thinks of herself as the worst person ever, which isn’t true at all. In fact she’s starting to become one of the best people he knows, apart from Happy and Rhodey of course. The other Avengers, he still doesn’t know what to think of them honestly.
“okay” she says sarcastically, “tell that to Thor”
Tony walks over and sits beside her, looking down at her “are you okay?” she stares at him for a moment before looking up at the cieling.
“I don’t know”
Tony lays down, looking at her as he asks “need anything?” and she makes eye contact. Silence falls between them as Tony scans her, her beautiful green eyes, sharp nose and her lips… He looks back into those pretty eyes and ignores the urge to lean forward and see if her lips are as soft as they look.
Ikol thinks for a moment before finally deciding, “a distraction” she answers “and company”
“Okay” Tony suddenly gets up and Ikol’s eyebrows drop “just going to get something” Tony announces as he heads to the door “be right back”
Thor frowns as Bucky enters his room. He was laying in the Medbay with a bad concussion and he would leave had Bruce not been so pissed that he nearly hulked out. He sighs loudly as he lays down, ignoring his throbbing brain as he says “you’re the last person I expected”
Bucky nods and leans against the counter across from Thor’s bed “I didn’t expect to come and talk to you either” but he couldn’t help it. Ikol isn’t himself, just like Bucky wasn’t himself and it made a difference having one person vouch for him. Hopefully this will change Thor’s mind. “she didn’t mean to do that, trust me”
“she is not mind controlled”
Bucky crosses his arms “she might as well be” he retorts softly “she lost her memories, she has no clue who she is or any of us are. She doesn’t remember all that she’s done, she does remember how she felt though” he exhales loudly “she remembers that she loves you, but she also remembers how you treated her”
“so that justifies bashing my head in?” Thor ask’s harshly, ignoring the fact that he’s already healing.
“no it doesn’t” Bucky answers without hesitation “everyone hits their breaking point and she feels horrible about it”
“how do you know?”
“I’ve been in her shoes, either she felt nothing as it was happening or she was fighting against her own mind to stop. It’s painful, it’s exhausting but she did it. She stopped herself-“
“and I should be grateful for that?”
“yes, you should be. You should be grateful that Loki is back, you should be grateful that you’re able to see her and feel her again” he says quickly before Thor can ask more snarky questions “Isn’t that what you wanted? to see Loki again? now you don’t want to? now you hate her?”
“I don’t hate her” Thor spits back “she is my sister, I could never hate her”
“then quit acting like you do, it’ll just make it worse”
Thor leans back in his bed, mind running a thousand miles an hour trying to figure out if he’s mad that she hurt him or if he’s mad that she’s stronger, that she never came back earlier. “she’s different” he says quietly “she doesn’t seem like Loki anymore”
“maybe it’s because she doesn’t remember all the pain she went through”
Trauma changes people.
Ikol woke up early because yesterday she fell asleep around 8pm after an hour of beating herself up about Thor and ranting to Tony. Her eyes are swollen and her head is aching from crying but she doesn’t care, it’s not that bad.
She stops as she enters the lounge to see Wanda making herself a sandwich “morning” she mumbles as she throws som bacon onto her lettuce “help yourself, bacon is on the stove”
Ikol frowns as she approaches, she stops across the counter and frowns when Wanda spreads mayonnaise on her bread “bacon, lettice and mayonnaise?” she asks because that sounds gross.
“it’s-“ she stops “you don’t know what a BLT is?” and Ikol shakes her head as she heads to the coffee machine “well try some it’s good” Wanda insists as she goes to the couch.
Ikol pours her coffee, contemplating on whether or not she should try it “what does the T stand for?”
“what- oh, it stands for tomatoes” that makes it sound better. So Ikol decides to try it, it’s not like she has much longer to live right?
“so did they figure out how to help you?”
Ikol cuts her BLT in half just like Wanda did before she sits down “no” she answers.
“do they even know what is wrong with you?”
Ikol shrugs “Tony thinks I’m the god of death” she shakes her head “little does he know that it’s just karma”
“what if he’s right?”
Ikol snaps “then I wouldn’t be dying” she says harshly, Wanda nods, returning her attention to the TV and her food before Ikol could apologize.
“look at her”
Ikol peeks up at Wanda to find a completely different person. It looks like Wanda but not at all, the same hair and facial features but her skin is grey and cracked. Her eyes a bright red, dark makeup around her eyes and lips somehow making her look worse.
Until she smiles, revealing her mouth full of canines.
Ikol closes her eyes harshly and looks back at her, thankfully she’s back to normal.
“what was that?” he whispers quietly, no one can hear him other than them, the spirits.
He doesn’t get an answer, the spirits just love leaving him hanging. He sighs loudly and pushes away his food, suddenly feeling nauseous again. He sighs loudly, ignoring footsteps getting closer as he stares down at his food, he wants to eat, he needs to but he can’t. He can’t.
“hey” he snaps his head up at Tony’s voice, Thor following behind him “think you can try your resurrection spell on yourself again?”
“I told him no” Thor announces.
Loki nods in agreement “it might just make me worse”
“ok nevermind” Tony didn’t really trust Thor since Thor is inexperienced with seidrs while Loki was the ‘Master of Magic’ he hums absentmindedly as he goes over and makes himself some food.
“the next time you feel nauseous I can try and take it away” Wanda offers “make you think it’s not happening”
“mind control? yeah, no” Ikol says “my mind is too strong for it to affect me”
Wanda corrects “used to be” because he’s so fucking unhealthy right now, his mind has to have gotten weaker.
“don’t know about that kid” Tony butts in “he remembers shit from being Loki, plus he’s hearing dead people, that would drive anyone crazy after just a couple days and it’s been months” Wanda rolls her eyes and Ikol resists smiling.
“þú ert svo sæt þegar þú ert verndandi” you are so cute when you are protective Loki hums, earning an eyebrow raise from his brother and a frown from Tony. The latter ignoring the heat settling in his stomach and the urge to ask Ikol to do that again because that was goddamn hot.
“you remember Norse?” Tony questions, “what’d you just say?”
Thor clears his throat and points to Ikol’s untouched sanwhich “ætlarðu að borða það?”are you going to eat that. He asks to save Ikol, if he’s anything like Loki then he won’t admit what he said to Tony.
Ikol pushes the plate towards him “have at it” and Thor takes it instantly, joining Wanda in the living room and leaving them in the kitchen.
“you remember Norse?” Tony asks again, ignoring the tension between the brothers “since when?”
Ikol shrugs “I don’t think I ever forgot it” he really doesn’t know, he just tried and it happened.
“say something else”
Ikol raises a brow, looking delighted “because you’re impressed or because you like the sound of my voice?”
Tony scoffs “actually I’m getting sick of your voice” he lies. Ikol lets out a breathless chuckle and Tony frowns “what?”
Thor butts in “you shouldn’t lie to the god of lies”
“aren’t you two mad at each other?” he questions to get the attention off of himself “and why are you out of bed?” he asks Thor, pointing to the bandage around his head.
Thor shrugs “been through worse” he states as he takes a bite of his sandwhich.
“so very sorry to intrude” Friday interrupts “but Mr. Rhodes is coming up the elevator”
A huge smile breaks out on Tony’s face as he turns around, the hum of the elevator getting louder
“rhodey!” Tony nearly yells from happiness, he smiles “where you been? was starting to miss you”
Rhodey scoffs “taking a break from you” he chuckles “hanging out with you is bad for our relationship”
Tony rolls his eyes “so you’ve said before” his smile not faltering “admit it, you miss me too much to stay away from me” Loki watches them like a hawk as Tony pulls Rhodey into a short but tight hug.
“unfortunately”
“do you truly forget me?” is the first thing Thor asks.