Did he remember why they were fighting this time? No. And at this point he was very convinced Jake didn't know either, that he had just worked up enough, from Marc, from Steven, from work and from Khonshu, to finally snap.
“I don't fucking care, Spector. I'm not changing shit just because the motherfucking princess is against it. Khonshu needs me, okay? He makes sure you guys are safe, I make sure you guys are safe and the least you douchebag could do, is to be thankful for that. You know goddamn well that Khonshu doesn't go easy on his avatars, you've been there long enough,” he yelled, clearly done with Marc's shit at this point of his life.
Marc could react understandingly, give his lover a small nod and apologize. But why should he? He huffed, “Are you fucking with me, Lockley? You're on your 'Khonshu just wants to protect us' trip again? How many times do we have to tell you that this fucker is manipulating you? He's playing with your mind, making you think it is to keep us safe 'n' sound, but it isn't. Steven and I, we can keep ourselves safe, we don't need some wanna-be god to do that for us and we never asked you to either.”
A hurt look flashed over Jake's face for a second before he straightened himself, tugs on his shirt to get it back into place and pushes his hair back. “You know what Spector? You're right. You don't need me. Maybe it would be best if I'd just go, don't you think?” and Marc froze at his words. Because Jake leaving was the last thing he wanted.
“That's not what I meant,” he said and grabbed Jake's hand, but he pulled away like Marc burned him, a small hiss leaving his lips as if to underline it. And Marc couldn't believe his eyes when he saw how glassy Jake's brown eyes looked at him, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Marc broke the protector, he broke one more human being he loved, destroyed them just like he destroys everything he touches.
“Jake, c'mon,” Spector went all in, gently cupping Jake's face, his thumb wiped away the tears, his eyes focused on Jake's as the man wouldn't stop crying, clearly broken.
“Why can't you just understand that I'm trying, Marc? I'm giving you the best I can, all my energy and-” Jake hesitated for a second, but decided to swallow his pride in the end, “all my energy and love flows into this shit between us okay? I'm trying really hard and I'm sorry that it's not good enough for you, that it'll never be good enough for you, no matter how hard I try and how much I give. Because you deserve better than me, you don't deserve someone as fucked up, someone clearly insane,” he tapped his temple with a small fake grin, his lips making a popping sound everytime his finger touches his temple.
“No, stop that,” Marc tried, his voice a little higher than usual as panic took over. “Don't you fucking dare and say something so wrong ever again, you hear me Lockley? I don't care how fucked up you are, how broken and shattered your mind is. I don't give a single shit about that, it doesn't matter to me, do you understand?” Spector wrapped his fingers around Jake's wrist carefully, slowly moving it away from his head and taking Lockley's hand in his own. He leans in a little, softly kissing the tears from his face. Spector felt how his lover moved his head a little to kiss him properly, and Marc couldn't help the small but happy sigh that left him the moment he felt Jake's lips on his own. “You're perfect for me, okay? You'll always be. And of course I appreciate you for protecting us Jake, I do, but it's not necessary. Khonshu won't keep us safe, baby, he'll heal you and only you, he'll drag you away from us for days, maybe even weeks or months just because he needs you. And I can't do that anymore, I'm sick of it, of not knowing if you'll come home, how many people hurt you. Do you get that?”
Jake doesn't seek for Marc's eyes, he knew what he'd find anyway. Hurt, disappointment. He wanted Jake to leave Khonshu for good, just like Khonshu promised to leave them for good. But Jake couldn't. He loved Marc dearly but he couldn't give Moon Knight up, he couldn't give Khonshu up. He was the protector of the night after all and people counted on him.
“I'm sorry, Marc.”
And Spector nodded, not to show his agreement, but to let Jake know he understood.