Adventure Guys

Arlong: Kuroobi… Hachi…
Sanji: In the end they’re all just seafood. A fist can’t fight a cook. I don’t know what he was thinking. This game is ours.
Arlong: You bastards! You’ve wiped out my brothers one after the other. I’m afraid I’ve let you get too carried away!
*Arlong gets really angry.*
Zoro: Alright, explain. Luffy’s half ok. What does that mean?
Sanji: It means he’s alive for the time being. But if we want him fully back on dry land, I’ve got to go back in the water. But something tells me ugly over there won’t let me.
Nojiko: Amazing. Really amazing. Those guys beat 2 of Arlong’s officers.
*Genzo swims back to the surface.*
Genzo: I’m done. I can’t hold my breath.
Nojiko: Take my place. I’ll go.
Genzo: He’s looking better. Not so pale.
Nojiko: He spit out a bunch of water.
Genzo: Did I miss anything?
Nojiko: They’re doing great. Everyone’s fine. For the first time I think I have hope. These guys have fought so well. We may actually be set free!

*Meanwhile, Chew stands over Usopp’s seemingly dead body.*
Chew: Chew. What a pain in the ass! That long nose freak sure could run forever. But it took one blast from my squirt gun to take him out completely. I guess I should head back. It’s all over by now, for sure.
*But once Chew has walked far enough away, it’s revealed that Usopp is alive.*
Usopp: It worked! I’m alive! I’m so glad I made the Ketchup star for such occasions. He thinks he killed me with a water blast. Run along now! Go home!
*Chew continues walking back to Arlong Park.*
Usopp: These guys are totally freaking nuts! I don’t even know what I’m doing here. They destroyed an entire village and killed everyone in it. I know Nami can’t do this all on her own but seriously.
*Chew turns around and Usopp plays dead.*
Chew: I’m hearing things.
Usopp: I don’t mind hiding from death. Death is scary. Let’s see. I’m covered in fake blood but I need to look a little more beat up, like I fought bravely. Hey, I know what’s missing. Dirt. Yeah, I’m too clean.
*Usopp runs some dirt on himself.*
Usopp: “Hey. I’m sorry, I got lost.” Yeah, that’s good. No. “I did my best but he got me.” Maybe. “I was this close to the bastard, and he got away.” That sounds better. Nah. Sounds like I’m trying too hard. How about… “Don’t cry Nami. We all did the very best we could.” Or “Everybody fought very bravely.” Maybe… “I nearly died myself.” “Nami, no to tell the truth, my injuries aren’t bad at all, really.”
*Usopp thinks about how hard everyone is fighting.*
Usopp: I fought… bravely… I never quit… Yeah… that’s… I’m just… a liar!
*Usopp stands up.*
Usopp: I’m nothing but a coward! Stop right there, you son of a bitch!
Chew: Oh…? You’re still alive. Chew.
Usopp: That’s right, big lips! It takes more than water to kill someone like me! When I left home, I left everything behind. Peace. Safety.
*Chew starts walking towards him.*
Usopp: When you live your life on the edge, you savor every moment. That’s why they’re able to laugh so much! That’s the reason I went to sea. I want to laugh that way too.
*Chew then starts running towards Usopp.*
Usopp: And if I don’t fight with all I’ve got, then I don’t deserve to be on the same ship with them. And I will never be able to face my friends again! Exploding star!
*Usopp shoots a pallet of gunpowder at Chew, but it doesn’t hurt him and he punches Usopp in the face.*
Chew: Fool. You were better off pretending to be dead. The human brain is an absolute waste of meat. Chew.
Usopp: I… don’t feel good.
Chew: Oh, yeah? I’m just getting
*He starts kicking Usopp.*
Usopp: Stop it! Usopp hammer!
*Usopp hits Chew in the knee with a mallet.*
Chew: Ow!
Usopp: Usopp rubber band of doom!
*Usopp stretches out a rubber band and runs away when Chew flinches.*
Chew: Aaaaahhhh! Crap! Where’d that stupid son of a bitch go?! I can’t believe this!
Usopp: Special attack!
*Usopp throws a bottle of sake at Chew, but he catches it.*
Chew: Sake?
Usopp: Lead star!
*Usopp then shows a small pallet of lead with his slingshot that breaks the bottle and spills sake all over Chew.*
Chew: Is this the only way you can fight, you coward?! There is no place to hide from my squirt cannon.
*Chew starts sucking up water from the ground while Usopp hides in the forest.*
Usopp: Stupid, coward or whatever I can’t run from this fight. I’m supposed to be a man. Although it doesn’t feel all that great to be manly. If I lose, I’ll die. At least I’ll die a pirate.
Chew: Squirt cannon!
*After sucking up all the nearby water, Chew shoots a large blast of water that completely knocks down that Usopp was hiding behind. Luckily, Usopp wasn’t hit.*
Usopp: Ooohh! No way! This sucks!
Chew: Damn it. Why should I have to waste my time with such an idiot?
*The attack has forced Usopp out of hiding.*
Chew: It’s too easy. I’ll shred you to pieces. Squirt machine gun!
*Chew rapidly shoots droplets of water from his mouth at Usopp, but he hides behind another tree.*
Usopp: How did he find me?! Crap! Crap! Holy crap! I wanted to be a real pirate and now that I’ve finally gotten my chance. I know I can do it. I know I can. I promise… If I survive this ordeal, I’ll never pretend to be a pirate ever again! I won’t be a coward and run away! My fake pirate days are over!
*Chew lifts up the tree Usopp is hiding behind from the ground.*
Chew: What did you say is done?
Usopp: This whole fight. Alcohol lights on fire. Usopp flaming star!
*Usopp fires a flame pellet at Chew that lights him on fire thanks to the sake that spilled all over him.*
Chew: Aaaaahhh! Hot! Fire! Hot! Hot! Water! Must find water! Water, water!
Usopp: Wait a minute!
*Chew starts running to a nearby puddle of water.*
Chew: Water, water, water, water!
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*Usopp hits him over the head with a hammer with a mallet.*
Chew: Bastard!
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*Usopp hits him again.*
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*And again.*
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*And again.*
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*And again.*
Usopp: Rubber band of doom!
*He then shoots him with a rubber band.*
Usopp: Usopp hammer!
*Usopp hits Chew again and again till he is knocked out.*
Usopp: I did it! I beat a fishman! You see that, loser?! I beat your ass! I can’t believe I actually did it! Who’s a pirate now?! I am Usopp the pirate! Hahahaha!

*Back at Arlong park, Nojiko tries to resuscitate Luffy underwater while Genzo keeps his head above it.*
Genzo: Please breathe! You need to come back now before it’s too late. For your friends.
*Zoro and Sanji lay on the ground with Arlong towering over them.*
Doctor: I must have been dreaming. For a moment there, I thought we actually had a chance.
Yosaku: Uh… So what did that shark guy just do?
Johnny: I don’t know. It looked like he was just throwing water around. But then they both started to bleed.
Arlong: I don’t even have to touch you. You humans are so fragile that I can kill you just by playing around with a little water. That's the difference between you and me.
Sanji: Shut up!
*Sanji tries to kick Arlong but misses. He then throws a handful of water at Sanji, striking him with incredible force.*
Sanji: He’s not kidding… That’s why the shark is king of the fishmen. He’s on a whole different level.
Arlong: You should just die. Your lives are not worth that much. There’s no one who will miss you when you’re gone.
Nami: Arlong!
*They all see Nami. Morbius then wakes up and sees the damage done to Arlong Park.*
Morbius: ugh… My back. Why is my back hurting? He bit my abdomen. Huh? The hell happened here?
*He then notices Nami.*
Morbius: Nami!
Arlong: Hey, Nami. I was just teaching one final lesson to these pathetic little pirates. What are you doing here? Shashashasha.
Nami: I’m here… to kill you.