Melina knew as soon as Alexei stepped foot inside that the day she had been dreading was upon them. She can hear the girls giggling at the dinner table but Natasha quickly picks up on the somber glance in her eyes as she ducks her head down to stare at her plate.
Alexei calls it a big adventure. Yelena is excited to go and Melina’s stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought of any child being excited to go to the hell coming. As Melina gathers the reports she had stashed away, she catches sight of Yelena picking up bullets that had fallen onto the ground, unaware of what they were as she grins up at Alexei, happy to help.
“I don’t want to go back.” Natasha’s quiet voice tells her and Melina has no words of comfort to offer. What could she possibly say that would erase the fear in those green eyes she had come to know and love in the past three years.
In the end, Melina can only mumble out “I know” because she doesn’t want to go back either. She wanted to stay here. She wanted to continue this silly little delusion of being a stay at home mother to her two smart beautiful girls. Natasha winds her thin arms around Melina’s waist, desperately searching for the last bit of comfort she would be able to receive. Melina sets down the stack of files in her hands and crouches down to pull Natasha into a smothering hug that the child usually despised but this time burrowed into her.
Melina felt like she could wrap herself around Natasha, protect her and keep her safe here in her arms. If only she could tuck the child against her chest and carry her in her heart to protect her from the harm in the world. Melina has to peel away eventually, they were losing too much time. Natasha wipes her nose on the sleeve of her shirt as Melina sends her to find Yelena.
As they’re loading the car, Melina turns toward her girls to help them into the car. She spots Yelena’s bare feet as she picks the little girl up to settle her into the booster seat.
A tiny child still small enough to need a booster seat would learn to kill.
They didn’t have time to double back and search for wherever Yelena had kicked off and deserted her shoes. It wasn’t like she would get to keep the clothes she wore anyway. Melina secures her belt, pressing a kiss to the top of her little girl’s head, her nose picking up the gentle scent of baby shampoo that she still used.
Dread only cements in her stomach once they’re driving away from the house that she had dared to call home for the past three years. Where she had laughed and cried, where she raised her family, where she learned how to be a mother and how to love.
Melina glances up in the rearview mirror to see Natasha pressing her forehead against the cool glass of the window as she soaks up the sights while she can. Her gaze then falls onto Yelena who was wiggling in her seat, the only one excited for this big adventure that Alexei had talked up.
The young child finally cannot stay quiet any longer, the anticipation killing her. “Where are we going?”
“Home.” The word tastes like ash in her mouth as she says it. It was the only home Melina had ever known other than this little one here in Ohio that wasn’t even real.
“You’re silly, mama.” Yelena comments with a laugh. “We just left home!” She points out.
Melina swallows hard, turning her head away to peer out the window, unable to look at the towheaded child.
She wonders if she should have done things differently. If she should have raised Yelena to know what to expect. If the little girl should have known that Melina didn’t carry her.
But Melina raised her. That girl was hers. Melina taught her to be kind, to say please and thank you, to read, to be tough. Melina had taken care of her when she was sick, she kissed scraped knees, she was there for nightmares, she did the one thing she swore she wouldn’t do. She had gotten attached.
Melina loved her. She spent long nights lying awake thinking about the girls blissfully sleeping down the hall and how she was going to rip away everything from them. Natasha would only associate her with someone else who let her down. But Natasha knew and she understood. She didn’t blame Melina and that hurt even more.
“I want my song,” Yelena calls out and Alexei chuckles as he inserts the cassette tape into the console as Yelena’s favorite song starts to play.
Alexei glances at her, reaching out to pat her knee as if that was going to console the fact they were returning to be tortured.
Melina thinks of when she asked Alexei about his relationship with the girls. She knew she had gotten attached and had silently hoped the man felt the same way. Alexei had merely given her a wide grin. “I am playing my role perfectly! Not one mistake so far.”
That’s all this was and all it ever would be to Alexei. A role. He never had time for the girls, too busy trying to impress General Dreykov.
Yelena’s singing in the back seat of the car, mixing the lyrics up but belting it out with confidence. Melina glances up into the rearview mirror once more and her eyes connect with the soft hazel ones that always peered up at her with adoration. Yelena smiles at her.
That was her baby. Yelena may not be hers biologically but there was no doubt that she was her daughter. Her beautiful naive baby.
They arrive at the field where they stashed a plane and Melina unbuckles Yelena from her seat belt. Yelena immediately raised her arms up to be carried and Melina indulges in her, scooping her up and tries not to think how she would never hold her again. She would never receive another sloppy kiss or a sleepy snuggle from her.
Yelena would never go to elementary school. She would never go to college. She would never get married. She would never have kids of her own.
Yelena is intimidated by the plane. She grabs onto Melina’s sleeve when the woman pulls back after buckling her in the back. “I’m scared, mama.”
Melina tries to force a smile on her face and it shouldn’t be so easy to pull a mask over her face as she lies to her baby. “It’ll be okay, little dove.” She reaches out to tuck a strand of wispy hair behind Yelena’s ear. “There’s no need to be scared. Mama’s got you.”
Yelena smiles up at her, immediately reassured by her mama’s word and Melina’s heart clenches in her chest.
Melina can’t resist leaning forward to press one last kiss to Yelena’s forehead, her lips lingering longer than usual because as soon as she pulls away then that was the end. “I love you.” Melina tells her. She never wants Yelena to doubt that she was loved. “I always have and I always will.” Even once Yelena hears of the mission and how this was never real, she never wants the child to doubt that someone out there loved her.
“I love you too, mama,” Yelena tells her, reaching up to wrap her arms around Melina’s neck and pressed a kiss to her cheek as well.
Melina finally pulls away to help Natasha up into the plane as well and ensures that she too wears her seatbelt. Natasha isn’t as receptive to the kiss Melina presses to her head. It’s an apology that Melina can’t force herself to speak.
When Melina gets shot and bleeds out, instructing her oldest how to fly a plane, her eyes briefly fall onto the frightened child in the back, her fearful face with tears rolling down her cheeks is the last sight Melina has before she succumbs to blood loss.
When Melina wakes up, she is back in the Red Room. She’s in the infirmary and she had been patched up, her wrist handcuffed to the railing on the bed. Her heart is empty and for a long time she wishes that they didn’t save her.
Melina had to kill the innocence that her baby had and it killed her just the same.