Chapter 1 Jean-Luc
Jean-Luc POV
I looked at the clock on the nightstand 4:30 a.m. You’ve done it again Jean-Luc I though, you managed to sleep for a total of 5 hours. Third time this week, must be some kind of record.I took a deep breath and let it out slowly rolling on to my back. I felt like I was in some sort of nightmare, one that would never end. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. If only things had been different. I sighed deeply. I have never felt so completely alone in my entire life. I really don't know how to do this on my own.
I sat up and frowned something was off, there was someone else awake I could feel it. It had to be Henri, he was struggling just as much as I was, not that he would admit it. He was too stubborn for that. I wish I knew how to help him. I wish I knew what to do or say to make things better for him.Time to be a dad. I got up and walked down to the kitchen. My oldest was sitting at the table. He froze when he saw me. Then snorted handed me a cup of coffee and said “hey Pop, ya look like crap” I couldn’t help it I started laughing. My boy was becoming way too much like me.
"Morning kiddo" I said softly. Henri yawned and shook his head. "It is not." he grumbled "I have an algebra test this morning and coach is outta town so we ain’t even got practice today." He pulled out the sugar bowl and put several spoons in his cup. Maybe he wasn’t so much like me, all the things I had ever taught him, and the boy still had no clue how to take his coffee. Henri took a long drink than said "My morning is gonna suck, but my afternoon won’t be too bad, I’m supposed to meet Bella at the library after class and Father Lorennza has recommended me to the Headmaster as class prefect and the headmaster has asked to meet with my during study hall today."
"You’ll do great!" I said with a smile. He looked down "I don’t know Papa; I am really nervous I mean I don’t have perfect grades like Alec, and I am not as charismatic as Remy." I frowned I didn’t like this new self-doubt I was seeing from him, it worried me. Henri had never questioned himself like this before the accident. I put an arm around his shoulder and met his eyes he smiled softly." Don’t worry about it, if you worry you’ll psyche yourself out. Most likely the headmaster has already made his choice anyway so don’t stress about it. You only have one week until break so no matter what happens you don’t gotta worry about it for three months." He chuckled and said "Well your not wrong and this summer is gonna be the best summer ever."
"Seigneur au-dessus" groaned my father coming down the stairs, "don’t ya people sleep. It’s not even 5 in the morning. Someone gimme some dang coffee." Henri looked at me with a grin. " Come on Papa" I said handing him a cup of coffee. "I seem to remember ya sayin that in the corps ya got up at 4:30 every mornin." He glared at me as he took the cup and replied "Jean-Luc I ain’t been in the corps for 15 years. I’m retired." Henri laughed "Grand-pere you’re not retired you go to work all the time you’re the king of the guild and a shifter council elder." Papa frowned "That ain’t work kid its politics." he growled. I laughed at least my boy was doing well enough to joke. Henri grabbed another cup of coffee and jogged back up the stairs.
Papa frowned, "He keeps doing that, making random jokes but he doesn’t smile anymore. How is he actually doing?" I looked away "I don’t know Papa," I said sadly "I think he’s coping, we all are, but I think he is feeling more than any of us. He was the only one awake during the crash and afterwards he had to keep his brothers calm while the paramedics tried to save Mary. He’s angry we all are. Remy and Alec blame me for not being there, but Henry saw what happened and he can’t find anyone to blame but himself. He can’t blame a dead deer for causing the crash, and he can’t blame his mom for the crash because it wasn’t really her fault. He doesn't really know how to handle it."
I looked back up. "It’s only been 2 months Papa, I think he is doing well, all things considered, but it’s going to take time. Henri is the oldest and he thinks its his job to look after everybody, but he forgets that he needs to look after himself to. He is trying his best to be strong for me, and for his brothers. I am looking forward to this summer for all of them, they could use a break and a little bit of fun. I should take some time off and take them somewhere they can relax and just be kids for a bit." I would ask Mattie what her spirits said about it.
Papa smiled softly and said "Son, you are a good father and a good man, you are strong, and you always look after everyone else. Henri sees that. Jean-Luc, he sees the things you do, the people you help, he sees how strong you are, and he wants to be like you." I frowned, I didn’t want him to be like me, I wanted him to be more like his mom, I am too stubborn. I said as much, and Papa laughed. "Jean-Luc, that was never gonna happen, the boy has always wanted to be like you. Now Alec, he is just like his Mamma, and Remy is some crazy mix of the two."
"He’s not wrong Jean-Luc", said Mattie stepping into the room. "I knew from de moment dat I delivered dat boy dat he was gonna be jus like his Papa, de spirits said so didn’t dey, and you know my spirits dere never wrong. You should be proud of your boy, an dere is nothin wrong with him being just like his Papa." Mattie smiled and said "Now speakin of a boy being jus like his momma; Alecxandre Gaspard Lebeau what you doing evesdroppin from dat door way child come in or stay out. You know better den dat." "Sorry Tante Mattie." said my middle son in his half form sheepishly stepping into the kitchen. "I didn mean notin by it I jus heard my name and was curious."
"Besides" he said with a soft giggle "Who could sleep with the herd of elephants running up the stairs?" "Don’t let Henri hear you say that." I laughed. "he will make it a point to knock you on your but during practice." Alec sat down at the table, "eheheh" chided Mattie "No claws out at the table boy ya put dem away." Alec shifted to his human from with a mischievous grin.
Mattie put a cup of coffee and toast in front of him and started pulling out what she would need to make breakfast. Remy stumbled down the stairs with a yawn, his long auburn hair flying everywhere. He stopped in the doorway and frowned. "Henri is up in da shower and all yall is down here why am I always the last one up?" I chuckled, never let it be said that my youngest was good with words. "Sorry kiddo" I said with a smile, "but its early yet, you don’t have to be up for school for another hour yet." He scrunched up his face in a pout "Den why all gotta be so loud in the morning?" he said grumpily. Alec laughed and passed Remy some coffee. I shook my head every single one of my kids had a coffee addiction.
I grabbed another cup and went up to take a shower. I got out and shaved and combed my hair back the way I had everyday for the past two months. I missed the way Mary used to braid it, mine never looked as good, maybe it was time that I cut it. I came downstairs just as Mattie was putting breakfast on the table. Remy and Alec set the table. We sat down and all join hands, "Why don’t you say grace Remy?" I asked. He nodded and said "Grace, lets eat." Everyone laughed Alec shook his head and said “Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen." I crossed myself and the boys did the same. Papa rubbed his palms together and said "lets eat."
After breakfast I went up to get ready for work. I took pride in every aspect of who I was including my job as a well-respected shifter enforcer under the council and prince of the guild of thieves, but they had all been walking on glass around me since the accident. I am tired of it; I want so much more than what I have now, and I am through with the kid gloves. Today things were gonna change, I wasn’t gonna take no more crap. Today would be the day I made it clear that I was doin just fine and didn’t need their pity. Today was my day.