Regulus
I hate days like this. The days when in addition to dysphoria, everything becomes too much because of autism. I've been shut up in my room since this morning, there's too much noise outside and even the sunlight is too strong today.
Sirius tried to get me out of here, but I didn't answer him, I'm lying on the bed hoping everything will pass.
Suddenly I hear someone knocking, he snorted turning me over in bed "sirius go away" "I'm not Sirius" I sit down "enter".
James enters the room and approaches me, sits on the bed and looks at me "what's going on?" I bring my legs together and sigh, I should tell him I know, but I'm scared. James reaches out and brushes a strand of hair from in front of my eyes "Reg?" I look at him and slowly move in his arms, James hugs me and strokes my hair "it's alright, what's up reg?" I sigh and hug him closer "I have to tell you something" "it's okay tell me" I move away from him and look at him "I- I'm trans and I understand it if you want to leave, I'm used to it..that is, it's really okay" James caresses a cheek "honey..hey breathe, I'm not going anywhere" I keep my gaze down and try not to panic, James keeps stroking my cheek "there's nothing wrong" I look at him and he smiles at me "it's okay" and I believe him, because James's eyes are like that sincere.
James stays with me, keeps cuddling me and repeating that everything is fine. I look up at James and look at him, he's so beautiful and part of me can't believe he's really here, it should be all fiction but he's taking care of me. I know he's probably just being nice but part of me hopes James really has feelings for me.
James stays with me until the evening, he prepares dinner for me, we eat in silence because I don't really know what to say but James smiles at me all the time and strokes my hand from time to time. After dinner we sit on the couch "Do you want to watch a movie?" I nod and turn on the TV, squeezing closer to James, he puts his arm around my shoulders. We choose the film but I can't concentrate, James notices it because he pauses the film and looks at me "is everything okay?" I shake my head "it's just...all too much" James takes my hand "I'm here reg, do you want to go back to your room?" I nod and go back to the room with him. He looks at me silently waiting for me to do something but I really don't know what to say because I hate people seeing me like this.
James walks up to me and looks at me, I should walk away because this all started because of my brother and his boyfriend but it's been 2 weeks since the fake date with James and since then all I can think about is that kiss. I place my hands on his chest and move closer, waiting for him to pull away but he doesn't.
I feel his lips on mine, he's kissing me and it seems to me that the world disappears. We remain alone.
We continue to kiss, he slowly bites my lip and squeezes my hips. I slowly push him towards the bed and when he falls onto the mattress I sit on him "Are you sure?" I nod and resume kissing him, I bring a hand under his shirt feeling James' defined abs. He moves his lips to my neck and I close my eyes, he keeps kissing and biting me, tomorrow there will be a sign there, I smile at the thought and push him to lie down on the bed, I rest on top of him and take off my shirt, he looks at me, runs his hands up my hips and then up my chest. He touches the scars of the surgery "you're beautiful" he whispers and I don't answer, I kiss him again, squeezing myself closer to him, I take off his shirt and admire him for a moment.
He is just perfect.
And I'm falling in love with him.