Bucky’s eyes shot open for the second time that night. He groaned and slammed his head against the sweat soaked pillow, purposefully keeping his eyes open as to not give the nightmare a chance to replay.
He was having nightmares every night, and there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe it was the 1940’s view of mental health drilled in his brain or just 70 years of going without basic human needs, but he had the feeling that even if he did have the help he needed he wouldn’t accept it.
He swung his feet over the side of the bed with a sigh. There was no way he was going back to sleep, but it was far too early to pass it off as being an early riser.
He listed excuses he could use as he walked to the kitchen, a fresh t-shirt that didn’t stink of sweat now covering him.
So far, he only had
1. Hungry
2. Thirsty
3. Heard a noise
So…not the best excuses in the world.
Maybe he wouldn’t meet anyone, after all if they asked why he was up he could throw it right back at them.
Despite his logic, he still froze when he saw a figure with red hair in a t-shirt that definitely wasn’t hers sitting at the island in the kitchen, drinking Coke out of a twisty straw.
“Hey Barnes” Natasha said croakily, her drooping eyes and rough voice giving away that she had just woken up.
”Hey Romanoff” Bucky replied with a nod. He didn’t enter the room until Natasha patted the stool beside her. He sat down compliantly, resting his chin on the counter.
Out of all the people that he could’ve found tonight, Natasha was probably the best case scenario.
“So” Bucky held back a groan as Natasha started to talk “Wanna tell me why you’re up at 4am?”
Damn. He probably could’ve said he was an early riser.
”Like you can talk” Alright that sounded a lot more childish when he said it out loud.
His own voice was hoarse, cracking in the way peoples voices did after they cried. Which he hadn’t… Definitely hadn’t
Natasha raised a brow and finished her Coke. She then rose from her chair and moved to the other side of the island, rinsing out her glass before putting it in the dishwasher.
”I’m awake because I had a nightmare” She said simply, as if that one sentence didn’t take all the air out of Bucky’s lungs. Because she was there for the same reason as he was, the companionship was a strange feeling.
”I dreamt I was back in the Red Room” She continued as she opened the freezer and pulled out two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. She slid one across the island to him and tossed him a spoon before sitting down beside him once more. “I always do, if not that then they come here and hurt all of you”
Bucky hummed, he understood that. Wow he understood that, but did he want Natasha to know he understood?
Who was he kidding, she’s Natasha Romanoff. She already knew.
“I dreamt I was back there” He opened the tub of ice cream and ate a spoonful without really thinking about it “I dreamt that they made me kill all of you”
He spared a glance at the red head out of the corner of his eye. She was openly staring at him, a sad smile playing on her lips.
”I get that one too” She admitted, taking a bite of her own ice cream. Bucky winced.
”Did you just bite ice cream?” He whispered, staring at her spoon in awe. Natasha chuckled and took another bite, grinning when he winced again.
”What? You scared of a little cold?”
”I’ve had enough cold for a lifetime” He replied immediately. Natasha just laughed.
That was probably one of the best things about Natasha. She didn’t judge your coping mechanisms as long as you weren’t hurting yourself.
“Cheers” She said with a grin, they tapped their spoons together and resumed eating.
Taylor Swift is Queen
4:10 Little Red Riding Hood
we need to help Barnes
4:10 Spangles
Bucky? Is he okay?
4:11 Shell Head
Ofc that gets ur attention
4:11 Spangles
Shut it, Stark
4:11 Knockoff bird
@Little Red Riding Hood
Whats wrong with Barnes?
4:12 Little Red Riding Hood
thank you, sam.
so yk how ptsd is a thing?
yeah he definitely has that
4:12 The OG bird
mood
4:12 Little Red Riding Hood
Clint.
4:13 The OG bird
Right, sorry
4:13 Spangles
How do we help?
Bucky swung at the punching bag again, hitting it with his full strength.
Your footing was wrong.
He cursed under his breath and adjusted his footing, punching again once the bag swung back.
That was a weak punch.
He swung at it again.
Punch. That’s wrong. Fix your footing. Better. Punch again. Don’t you are think about it. Punch. That was weak. Punch. Don’t stop. Punch. Punch. You broke the bag. You’ll get in trouble.
Forget it. New bag, punch. Stop thinking about it. Punch. Punch. Punch. Someone’s watching. Punch. Punch. Punch. They’re behind you.
Punch.
”Buck?”
It broke. You broke it.
”Buck, it’s okay. It’s me- It’s Steve”
Steve?
Bucky inhaled sharply, gaining awareness of his surrounding for the first time since he had gotten to the Gym. He turned to face Steve. His eyes were flickering between Bucky’s face and his hand, the concerned look stayed for both.
Bucky looked down at his flesh hand, cursing when he saw the blood that was now coating it. He wrapped his fist in his t-shirt and began rubbing at the wound.
”Bucky! Stop it” Steve said suddenly. Bucky blinked and met his eyes again. Steve jerked his head towards a box in the corner and started to make his way towards it. Bucky followed with one last, longing look at the bags on the floor.
“What’s that?” Bucky said in a slur once they arrived. He could’ve sworn the was fine, why was he slurring his words? Steve paused in his opening of the box. He grabbed Bucky’s hand gently and tugged him down to sit on the floor. Bucky shivered at the touch.
”It’s a first aid box, we gotta fix your hands” Steve explained, now digging through the box for whatever he was looking for. Bucky felt suddenly sheepish.
”Oh”
Steve sat on the floor in front of him and began to disinfect the tears that had formed in his skin. Bucky watched as he bandaged his hands like it was second nature.
”Did- Did you ever do that?” He asked hesitantly. Steve swallowed and nodded.
”Just after I came out of the ice.” He supplied, packing away the box again. He met Bucky’s eyes again, brows furrowed in concern. “Are you okay, Buck?”
Bucky blinked “What? Yeah of course I’m fine”
”It’s okay to not be, you know”
”I know..” Bucky said uncertainly. Steve’s hands made their way into his, cautious of where the wounds were.
”Bucky, it’s okay to ask for help. You’re not invincible.”
Bucky blinked rapidly, willing the tears away from his eyes.
”Hey” Steve laughed sadly, moving forward and enveloping Bucky in a hug. Bucky relaxed into it faster than he would’ve liked to admit.
”Do we have food?” Bucky mumbled tiredly after a few minutes. Steve nodded and pulled him to his feet.
Bucky was bored. He had been living in the tower for a while now but he had mainly stayed to himself, only socializing for meals or fights. And for a while he was okay with that, but since he had spoken to Natasha and Steve he found himself craving human interaction. Ew.
So, he made his way to the living room and sat down beside Steve, watching in satisfaction as the smile that was already there grew three times over.
Steve was watching some strange sitcom that Wanda had gotten him into. Bucky didn’t really understand it, but some of the jokes were funny enough.
He had just made a reference to Steve about one of the characters situations and something Steve had done in the 40s when he heard someone walk up behind him. Like- behind behind him.
He tensed when a hand touched his head and had to fight against punching whoever it was in the face. It took him all of twenty seconds to realize that it was Wanda, but he still had no idea what was going on.
It was only when she pulled the hair back from around his ears that he realized she was braiding his hair.
…and it was actually kind of nice.
Wanda stayed until they finished watching TV. At some point the seating arrangement had changed so Bucky was seated on the floor in front of Wanda while she tried all different kinds of hairstyles.
Nobody ever questioned the hairstyles, and they punched the journalists that did.
“Sergeant Barnes?” Jarvis’ voice rang out, startling Bucky from where he was sat on his bed, reading the second lord of the rings book.
”Yeah?”
”Sir requires your presence in the lab”
Bucky raised an eyebrow.
”Sir meaning-“
”I know, I know” Bucky grumbled, folding down the corner of his page and taking the elevator to Tony’s lab.
He had never been before, but he knew where it was. He walked up to the glass door and stopped, raising his hand to knock, only for the door to slide open by itself.
He walked inside slowly, taking in his surroundings.
There were wires and blueprints everywhere, and about fifty coffee mugs scattered about the place.
”Barnes!”
Bucky looked away from where he was staring at one of the paintings on the wall to face the billionaire.
”Hey Stark”
Tony grinned at him. “C’mon, I got something to show you” He walked down the lab, leaving Bucky to follow.
“So- I got to thinking-“
Bucky hit back the remark at the tip of his tongue.
“And I figured, ‘Hey! That Barnes guy seems alright-‘“
”Thanks, I’m honored” Bucky said with a small smirk. Tony’s grin only widened.
”’He looks like he could use an arm that wasn’t built by Nazis” Tony double tapped on the table. A second later about a dozen blueprints for metal arms showed up as holograms, each slightly different.
Bucky took a step forward, eyes wide. “Stark-“
”Tony” Tony corrected him, smiling.
”Tony, you didn’t have to do this. Honestly I’m surprised you let me even step foot into your house-“
Bucky yelped as a scrunched up piece of paper was thrown at his head.
”What was that for?”
Tony shrugged “You say something stupid, I hit you with a paper ball”
Bucky sighed. “Thank you, Tony. Really”
Tony smiled and patted him on the shoulder, he didn’t move away when he tensed, but it made sense given that Bucky relaxed a millisecond later.
”What are friends for?”
Taylor Swift is Queen
3:46 Little Red Riding Hood
You cannot tell me this man isn’t adorable.
[image: Bucky asleep on Natasha’s shoulder with a flower crown braided into his hair. Wanda is smiling behind them]
3:47 Shell Head
…you got somethin you wanna tell us nat?
3:47 Little Red Riding Hood
Don’t act like you don’t agree
3:48 Shell Head
..that is not the point