Chapter 20
The elevator chimed as the doors opened. Tony stood from where he sat on the sofa and walked over to greet his guest.
Bucky had clearly made an attempt to clear the blood off, but it still speckled his boots, it still stained his nails, there was still spots in his hair.
“It’s taken care of.” Bucky announced.
Tony closed his eyes with relief. “Good. Though a not so small part of me wishes I had been the one to do it.”
“Not for nothing Tony, you’d have made it too quick. I’m a trained assassin. I know how to make someone hurt for a very long time before they die.”
“Now that’s a very good point Barnes.” Tony gestured to the blood with his coffee mug. “You’re going to freak Morgan out if she sees you like this.”
“It’s nearly two in the morning, she better not be awake.”
Tony shrugged then tossed a discarded sweatshirt at Bucky, “She’s a Stark, her sleep schedule isn’t exactly reliable.”
Bucky pulled the hoodie on and toed off his boots, leaving them by the door. “Better?”
“Good enough.” Tony took a seat at the kitchen table and Bucky joined him. “Coffee?” Tony offered.
Bucky shook his head. “No. How’s Peter?”
Tony dropped his eyes to the cooling coffee in his mug. “He’s… coping, I guess. I don’t really know how he’s supposed to be, so I don’t know how he’s doing in comparison.”
“I don’t think there’s a correct way for him to handle this.”
“I know. I didn’t mean-“ Tony rubbed his eyes, “I just wish I knew what I was doing. What I should say. How I can make it better for him.”
Bucky sighed, “You just need to be there for him. And maybe try to get him to think about therapy again. He told me he was getting the name of someone from some cop he knows, what happened to that?”
“Something… came up at the police station. It involved Skyler and Peter just sort of, gave up on the idea. I didn’t know whether or not this is the kind of thing I should push.”
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
“Please. Our relationship has made progress but there are still times where he’ll say red just because I say blue. This is too important for him to reject just because it’s coming from me.”
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Peter blinked up at the ceiling, smiling softly when Skyler nuzzled closer to him. She had finally given into sleep an hour ago, despite her insistence that she would stay up with him. Peter didn’t mind. In fact, he was grateful that she felt safe enough to sleep, something she didn’t always feel even in her own bed. Especially in her own bed.
“Friday?” He whispered.
“Yes Peter?” She replied just as quietly as he had asked.
“Is-“ Peter bit his lip, “Is anyone else awake?”
“Mr. Stark is currently in the kitchen with Mr. Barnes. Would you like me to alert them?”
“No no no. I’m fine.”
“Of course Peter.” And if Peter hadn’t known better, he’d say she sounds sympathetic.
Carefully, Peter slid out from under Sky, and shuffled out of his room. He padded down the hall, stopping once he could hear Tony and Bucky’s hushed conversation.
“-times where he’ll say red just because I say blue. This is too important for him to reject just because it’s coming from me.”
He smirked. “Did you ever think,” Peter said as he stepped into the room, “that I say red because it’s the superior color?”
Both men turn to stare at him. Suddenly, he felt bare and exposed, and not just because he was only in his boxers and the hoodie he had pulled on. Without having to ask Peter knows Bucky knows about Skip. He can see it in the way his eyes soften, how his shoulders fall and his head tilts ever so gently to the side. Tony mirrors his expression and all of it made Peter feel as though he’s some neglected shelter puppy.
“You told him what he did to me.” It wasn’t a question and he didn’t need to clarify who the he was. Red hot shame rose in his cheeks.
“No. I didn’t, I wouldn’t.” Tony hurried to say.
“Yes you did. I can tell.”
“Tony didn’t tell me. But I ran into Westcott on the way over. He was in a very chatty mood.” Bucky said, practically spitting out the Skip’s name.
“No, he’d never tell anyone.” Peter protested.
“People tend to… open up to me.”
Peter narrowed his eyes. “Is that blood in your hair?”
Bucky’s hand shot up to his hairline. “Oh, I um, cut myself shaving.”
Understanding began to dawn on Peter, a corner of his mouth tilting upwards. “Sure you did.”
“Barnes was just checking in. I’m going to go, uh, make a call.” Tony awkwardly excused himself.
Peter watched him leave then looked back to Bucky. “Could he be more obvious?”
“Give him a break, I told him I wanted to talk with you.”
Peter flopped onto the couch, “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Bucky rolled his eyes, “That’s not true, but fine, I’ll do the talking. I know we talked about you giving therapy a shot, and you texted me that you were going to make an appointment. What I don’t know is what happened in the meantime.”
Peter shrugged. “Something came up.”
“Peter, something will always come up. You will always be too busy, it will never be a good time. But that doesn’t matter. You need to prioritize yourself.”
“I don’t even wanna go. It’s stupid.”
“Why?”
Peter frowned. “Why what?”
“Why is it stupid? Tell me. After all, if it’s so stupid, I shouldn’t be wasting my time going.”
“I mean, you said it’s helping you, so I guess it’s not stupid for you.”
“But it’s stupid for you?”
“Yeah.”
“Which brings me back to why?”
Peter huffed, “I don’t know, it just is. What’s talking about it gonna do for me?”
“What did talking to me during your panic attack do? What does talking to Skyler do? Or talking to Tony?” Peter tries to interrupt but Bucky catches him, “And don’t tell me you don’t talk to Tony about this stuff because I know you have.”
“I just, I don’t know, makes it easier to deal with if other people listen I guess.” Peter admitted under his breath.
“Now imagine having someone whose entire life revolves around listening to people and giving them the tools they need to improve their life and mental health, someone who’s neutral and unbiased.”
“I guess that’s not that bad.”
Bucky lays his hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Try it. And not for Skyler, or me, but for yourself Peter. Because you deserve it.”
Peter will swear until the day he dies that he had dust in his eyes and was absolutely not tearing up. He just nods, swallowing the rock in his throat.
“Right, well, I should be going.” Bucky gave Peter another pat on the arm and gave him a stern look. “You’ve got my number Peter, use it. Even if you’re just sending one of those gif things.”
Peter nodded again and watches Bucky slip briefly into the kitchen to where Tony has holed up, before giving Peter a final salute as he stepped into the elevator.
A moment later, Tony joined him on the couch, two mugs of hot chocolate in hand. Passing one to Peter he says, “I didn’t tell Barnes anything that happened to you. But I did give him Westcott’s address. What he did with that information, well, he always has been a bit unhinged.”
Peter took a sip from his mug then set it onto the coffee table. He toyed with the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling them down so that they covered his hands. “I wanted to thank you for telling Skip off yesterday. I mean, you didn’t even know what he did and you still… stood up for me.”
“Of course I defended you Peter. You’re my son. The only purpose in my life is to protect you, Harley, and Morgan. I know I’ve failed you more times than I can make up for, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to keep you safe.”
“Did you know that Obadiah beat me?” Peter hadn’t meant to ask him. Not now, not ever. The question had been lingering in the back of his mind for months, but he never intended to ask it. He was too afraid of the answer. But something about this moment, his heart still raw and vulnerable from the events of the past 24 hours, he couldn’t stop the question from pouring out of him.
Tony’s eyes bulged and Peter could have sworn he heard Tony’s heart skip like a scratched vinyl. “He what?” Tony choked out.
“Yeah, whenever I messed up. Which was kinda a lot.” Peter feigned nonchalance, but his heart was hammering in his chest.
“Peter-“ Tony couldn’t even get the words out. He felt as though his lungs were being crushed and the world was caving in around him.
“I guess you didn’t know.” Peter tried to make it sound like a joke but they both knew there was nothing funny about this.
“I never.” Tony took a steadying breath, “I never knew. If I had, he’d be dead. I mean, more dead than he is now. I swear, I’d never let him near you if I had the slightest inclination. I thought he could take better care of you than I ever could. He, he convinced me that I was incapable of raising you to be happy and normal. I thought he was right. I can’t believe I had been so blind. God, I’m going to be sick.” No longer able to hold back his sobs, Tony buried his face in his hands. “Every time I learn more about your life, it always is just further proof that I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re not.” The words were out before Peter think about them.
“Don’t do that Peter! Don’t dismiss what I did. Or, didn’t do.”
“I’m not. It’s just- I’m not sure I’ve been as fair as I thought I was.” Peter took a deep breath. “I’m starting to realize that I have never been taught how to forgive. Anytime I screwed up, I just got shoved away to the next open bed. No one has ever forgiven me, so I never forgave anyone. But living like this, burning bridges every time they sway, it doesn’t leave you with a lot of paths to take. I don’t want to be the guy who blames everyone for his mistakes. Who can never take accountability.” His mind drifted to Skyler. He had always known she was better than he was, and her ability to forgive him so soon after their fight the other day had proved that once again. He wanted to be better for her. All her life, she had been surrounded by awful men that used and hurt her. Men that shouted and used their fists. He wanted to be the one to show her that she deserved better.
“You have every right to be angry at me Peter. I’ve never expected your forgiveness.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Peter,”
“If I keep holding on to this hate, the only person I’m burning is myself. I’m tired of having to remind myself to be angry. To push people away. I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. It’s exhausting.” Peter stood and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. “I’m not saying I totally forgive you right now, or that I can pretend the past never happened, but I want to try. Try to move forward.” Peter thinks about what Bucky had just said to him. “I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it for me. I want to be better than you Tony. And I’ll never get there if I spend the rest of my life hating you.”
“You already are kid. And I need you to know that I’ll never expect anything from you that you don’t offer. I want a relationship with you Peter, but only one that is completely on your terms.”
“Well this is all very touching, but you both need sleep.” Peter and Tony turn to see Skyler leaning against the doorframe, Peter’s comforter cocooned around her.
“She’s right.” Tony stands and stretches.
“She usually is.” Peter agrees as he rises. He drops a kiss on her forehead when he reaches her and she wraps an arm around him.
“Try to sleep Pete, we can talk more in the morning.” Tony smiles. Skyler and Peter begin to walk down the hall, then Tony calls after them, “I love you Peter.”
Peter freezes, and without turning around he says, “I know.”
A wide grin crosses Tony’s face, and for the first time since they’ve been reunited, he knows that no matter how long it takes, they are going to be okay.
Four Months Later:
“Dude we’re gonna be late!” Peter hears Harley shout from down the hall.
“Waiting on you princess.” He yells back as he minimizes the MIT acceptance email he had just been reading for what had to have been the hundredth time. It had come the day before, and he had yet to tell anyone other than Harley, whom he had sworn to secrecy. He was still waiting on emails from CalTech and Columbia, and wanted to have all his options laid out before he started telling his friends and family. The strings Tony had pulled on his behalf still felt a bit like a noose, but Tony had promised Peter had full control of his future, that he was only helping open a couple doors.
Harley hammers on the door, “Peter! We gotta go!”
Peter swings his backpack over his shoulder and pushes passes Harley, who follows him to the elevator, shoving him as they walk.
“Whoa, where are you two off to?” Tony asks from where he’s preparing Morgan’s breakfast.
“Science club field trip remember? The teacher said Peter could come.” Harley says as he steps into the waiting elevator.
“Oh that’s right. Where are you visiting?”
Peter smirked as the elevator doors began to close, “Oscorp. Rumor has it they’ve got a killer genetics lab.”