To be stuck, despite wanting to move forwards, Part 1
To be stuck, despite wanting to move forwards.
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Luz
The water was cold to the bone. So cold that Luz felt like there was nothing to feel. Just numbness. One thought came to her as she sank into the depths.
She should’ve said thank you.
Luz then heard a voice echo, but water prevented the sound. She tried opening her eyes, but she couldn’t command them. She was too numb. Then, suddenly she wasn’t cold, but she was still incredibly numb.
“Hello, Luz,” said a deep but kind voice.
Luz was standing in a familiar place, a place she’d seen twice before. She rubbed her eyes again, clearing any water and numbness from them so she could see clearly. In front of her was King! No, not King. King wasn’t taller than her, yet this person looked so familiar. Ths skull, the horns, the eye. All similar. Then it hit Luz like a slitherbeast.
“Oh, Titan,” She gawked, looking the Titan up and down. He was tall, and his fur was dark. He was wearing slippers, sweatpants, a bathrobe, and… bad girl coven t-shirt. Luz couldn’t help but laugh.
“Why yes! Me!” He chuckled sadly, clutching a bright green glowing spot on his chest.
Luz gawked even more. “You’re the titan, Kings dad!” She exclaimed.
“I think King said it best once,” He chuckled before raising his hands, “ I am King and Queen. Best of both things.”
Luz smiled brightly. That was perfect.
“But that can’t be. That Titan’s all…”
The Titan finished her sentence. “Dead looking?”
The Titan looked sad, and then Luz’s memory came back to her. The creeping mold, then the pain of being frozen, and then darkness. Then, she was here, in this place. She started sinking into the lake of the in-between.
“Oh, don’t do that, Luz, the Human. Then you really will be dead looking,”
Luz looked around at the inky, golden river. It was the place she had visited when trying to build a new portal, but that place had been more green looking. “Where am I?” Luz asked, trying to confirm her suspicions. The Titan sighed and looked around.
“We are in a space, well between a lot of spaces,” He said. Luz saw the green on his chest grow brighter and wondered what was happening. It was sickly green. Luz realized Belos’s infection was corrupting what little life the Titan had left.
“I don’t have a lot of time, kid,” The titan said, putting his hand on Luz’s shoulder. “I was able to send aid to your friends, but I could not send you back.”
“What?”
“I was too weak. Belos was already infecting me. I was able to use you as a gateway to send assistance to my son and his mother. Pure energy that may have taken a few traits from you, but nothing more. I did not have the strength to send you back, though.” He said, putting a finger on his skull.
Luz was confused. If she was here with the Titan, it meant she was dead, but he was saying he could send her back.
“You can send me back?” Luz asked, “You can… revive me?”
The Titan looked sad, “I could’ve if only you arrived a moment sooner; things could’ve been different.”
Luz looked down. It made sense. She couldn’t be that lucky. She felt herself sinking again, but the Titan quickly pulled her up.
“Luz, Sister of my Son. I want to help you with the last of my power, but it is you that have to accept it. I cannot force it upon you. ”
“What?” Luz asked, confused. She looked down at the Titans hand. It was stretched out, glowing, and full of all the glyphs Luz had ever learned. He was offering that kind of strength. To control the magic of the boiling isles itself?
“Good Witch Luz, with my last bit of life, I offer you the hope of getting out of this place. The hope of seeing all those you love once again and to live long and happy with them. But Tis’only hope, nothing more. Not a chance, not a way. You will be trapped in this nothingness with only the flame of hope,” The Titan said, his eye glowing gold and bright.
Luz thought, but it didn’t take long. She’d do anything to see her mama and hold her batata. She grabbed the Titan's hand and squeezed.
“Yes, I accept.”
“Very well, Luz,” The Titan echoed. Luz felt a warmth of energy that increased into a burning pain that extended from her arm throughout her body. It felt like something was being fused to her entire body; every bone burned every cell was on fire. Luz even knew in her deepest heart that this warmth had fused to her soul. When the pain was over, Luz found herself lying on the lake. She quickly got up to see where the Titan was, but he was gone. Luz could feel it. He’d finally passed on after all those years.
That meant, though…
That meant…
Lux was alone,
And everyone thought she was dead.
To be stuck, despite wanting to move forwards.
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Luz
Luz tapped the box in her hands, holding in tears. She had just watched Amity break down at Luz’s own funeral. Even the Collector had come, placing a lamp at the foot of Luz’s gravestone. It was all wrong, though. Luz threw the box against the “wall,” but it merely sunk in and appeared right back at Luz’s feet.
She could only watch. She couldn’t even manage to manifest a reflection for people to look at back in any realm. All these titan powers weren’t working for her. She even began to doubt that she’d seen King's dad at all.
But no, she couldn’t doubt that. He said there was hope, so hope was what she held onto.
By day Luz watched his family and friends. She watched Eda and Raine supporting each other, each getting used to their new predicaments. She watched Willow and Hunter loving each other, helping one another find their way. She watched King as he researched Titans, learning about himself and his past.
Most of all, she watched Mami and Amity. They supported each other the most. Amity initially spent much of her time alone but slowly started talking to people again. Camila cried every night and cried at all the little things as well. Luz was so glad Vee was there for her mom. When she found a way back, she would make sure to thank Vee with all her heart.
By night Luz brainstormed ways to find a way out. Maybe someone else had a portal, but that wouldn’t help. Portals use this place to connect two locations. They don’t connect to this place directly. Luz found herself talking out loud just to hear a voice that wasn’t distorted or echoed by the realm she was in.
“We could try to communicate with a Palisman,” Luz asked out loud.
“But they can’t see us! We already tried!” Luz told herself.
She then chuckled to herself and dropped her head between her legs. Oh, how she wished she could just talk to someone.
To be stuck, despite wanting to move…?
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Luz
Luz was lonely. She’d lost track of time and other things.
At first, was it small memories that she didn’t even know she was missing? Then, she forgot when her birthday was. And... some other things. Agh! If only she could just remember what it was! She just had to keep her head out of the water, but she found herself sinking when she slept.
She looked down at the cube she’d been using that day to look upon Amity. She was crying again about Luz’s death. That was right. Luz’s heart broke every time her love started crying. She just wished that she could talk to her to anyone.
She was so lonely.
“Luz, how was your day?”
“It was so BORRRING. Nothing to do but watch and cry and be sad!”
“Then do something else!’
“Like what?! There’s nothing to do!”
“Maybe walk?”
“Walk!! Everything is the same place in here?”
Luz sighed. Even her conversations were starting to get dull. The sound of her own voice had begun to grow bothersome to her. She tapped the box with her hands- no claws. Had she always had claws or hands? It didn’t matter.
She didn’t know how much time had passed since the Titan had given her his strength. Since the day she died. She just knew that she needed to find a way out. She needed to start walking.
To be stuck, despite wanting… something?
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Luz
She banged the box, trying to get her mom's attention.
“Listen to me! I’m right here!” She screamed, tears streaming out of her eyes. She switched to another view. Hunter, Lilith, Willow, Gus, Mami, Vee, Eda, Raine, King. None of them could see her. She was so lonely. She needed to talk to someone, anyone! She cried more, big globs of tears streaming into the gold-black lake.
“Please…”
She didn’t know how long she had cried.
Rattle
Luz looked around. A tiny little box floated up from the lake. Luz ran towards it, the strength of her legs propelling her at top speeds. She snatched it from the air and peered into it. It was a mirror looking in Amity’s room. Amity was typing away at her messaging device, but Luz wasn’t focused. Stringbean, her little snakeshifter was hissing and rattling at her. She could see Luz in the mirror. Did his mean that Ames could see her!
Luz slammed her claws on the mirror, but Amity did not budge, and Stringbean got frightened. Luz calmed her down and looked at her through the mirror.
Talking to Stringbean was nice. It lessened the strain of being by herself, though Luz did not stop speaking to herself out loud. She needed to confirm that she was, in fact, real. Despite that, Luz and Stringbean had finally come up with a semblance of a plan. Stringbean told her about a story that King had told. About a prison that was in the inbetween. It belonged to someone, but King said it was empty now. If Luz could find the prison, maybe something in there could help get her out, however paradoxical that may be.
That’s when Luz started walking. She searched for this prison for months, around every infinite corner of this place. All the while, she conversed with her palisman, who she learned was weakened without her presence.
Despite it all, Luz was glad to be able to talk to someone, even if it was an animal. Perhaps there was even hope that Stringbean could gain the strength to communicate with Amity or Hunter and have them help Luz get out of there. That was until the Palisman did something radical, though neither Luz nor Stringbean could remember exactly what it was. The result… Luz had her Palisman back, but now they were both trapped.
At least they were trapped together.
To be stuck.
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Luz
Luz threw a cube at the prison. The two of them had found it once Stringbean arrived. It wasn’t helpful. Luz walked around during the day, watching over her family. They were starting to move on. Luz hated it. She hated herself for hating it, but she knew it was for the best. She couldn’t find a way out. It would be better for all her family to move on and live their life.
“But I should be there living it with them!” Luz yelled
“They think you’re dead,” she told herself.
Luz shook her head and tossed another cube at the prison. It wasn’t worth thinking or talking about. Stringbean was starting to feel the weight of loneliness. She kept searching for ideas or ways to get them out, but Luz had started to lose hope.
Stringbean woke Luz up from her sleep one day, nudging one of the swirling inky black boxes forward. Luz turned around, uninterested in torturing herself that day, but Stringbean insisted.
“FINE. Bean, I’ll do it!”
Luz snatched the cube and looked inside it. It was the last thing she wanted to see. Her own fucking grave. She tried to throw it away again, but Stringbean slapped her across the face and hissed.
“Jeeze, okay. I’ll look,” Luz complained, looking back into it.
Her grave was peaceful. Amity had picked the Grom Tree. It was starting to have vines creep up it, but it was still in a beautiful spot. The lamp was still lit, lighting up the area with ease. Far more than a normal fire… would have. She looked closer, and then it hit her. How’d she not notice sooner? The lamp that lit her grave so brightly was her. It was one of her lights. She remembered just barely. It was one of the lights from her… her death.
She could use it to pull herself back. She knew she could, but… there were going to be consequences.
“Stringbean, I know what to do now, but-” Luz was so stupid. Her family wouldn’t want to see her. They were all just starting to move on. Live their lives. What was Luz to ruin this.
Stringbean slapped her.
“Sorry. It’s just how unfair. I mean, they buried me!” Luz told Bean. Bean just shook her head. Luz knew she had to try. Stringbean rattled and hissed, and she and Luz started to freak out again.
“We’re going to have to drag ourselves through the lake?” Luz looked at her feet. “The lake the Titan told us not to go through?”
Stringbean nodded, and Luz considered it. “It’s going to destroy us both! If we don’t die pulling ourselves through it, there's no way we come out the same afterward!”
Stringbean chirped.
“But if we stay here, we are definitely going insane. I mean…” Luz thought back. There were already gaps in her mind. She would tell them, but… you know. Stringbean chirped again.
“So we use the light as a tether to pull ourselves out? Final choice?”
Stringbean nodded.
“At the cost of everything that makes me Luz and everything that makes you Stringbean.”
Stringbean nodded again. Luz steeled her resolve and set to work.