Hell Raising, Hands Shaking: Home At Last, marvel cinematic universe, captain america - all media types, marvel (comics), captain america (comics) fanfic

ImaginaryMiseries

author

Characters

James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers

Tags

Angst Hurt/Comfort Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Nightmares Whump Fluff and Angst Flashbacks Panic Attacks Anxiety Anxiety Attacks Vomiting

Summary

Five times Bucky has a panic attack, plus one time Steve does.---"Steve, come on," Bucky takes his friend's hand and pulls him into the crowd. "It's fun," He smiles, then waves to some dame passing by. Steve looks somewhat bored, and like he wants to be at home. To be honest, Bucky kind of wants to leave too, but parties are also kind of his thing. He should probably stick to his guns. "Buck, let's just go sit," Steve's already walking away."Stevie," Bucky groans, but does consider following. But then his friend from work walks by, and then that redhead who walks her dog by their apartment. He should probably keep up appearances, preferably with his best friend in tow.Bucky turns to retrieve Steve, but a swarm of people has already flooded the space he wandered off into. "Steve?" Bucky shouts. He gets a couple of weird looks, but he doesn't care. "Stevie?" He yells again. The crowd seems to have tripled in size.

Home At Last

April 30, 2025 at 12:02 AM

June 12th 2016. 3:02 PM.

"Ssh, Buck, you're safe here, I've got you," Steve murmurs. Everything around Bucky screams security, but something in his head says otherwise.

"N-No...stop," He can't breathe. His chest smarts. The room is stationary, but Bucky still feels like he's spinning.

"Bucky, I'm here, it's Steve, okay?" Steve's voice again. "Breathe."

"I...I..." The couch Bucky's sitting on switches between fabric and metal. "S-Steve," He reaches out aimlessly for comfort. "P-Please," Steve's arms wrap carefully around him.

"It's okay, I promise you're gonna be okay," He whispers. "Buck, you gotta take a deep breath." Bucky tries. He really tries. It's no use.

"Steve..." He forces himself to say. "I need...I need..."

"It's okay, whatever you need, I'll get for you," Steve traces his thumb up and down Bucky's back.

"I just...I feel..." The words don't come. All that's in his head are meaningless fill-in-the-blank phrases.

I feel ____

I am ____

I need ____

I want ____

Bucky can't find anything to put in the gaps.

"Bucky, take a deep breath," Steve sounds worried. "Please."

"I-I...can't," Bucky places both hands over his collar bones. The choking feeling is somewhat higher up, but just the thought of hands on his neck sends shivers down his spine.

"Yes, you can," Steve says softly. "You're gonna pass out if you don't try," He's right. Bucky's vision is already tunneling. He feels like he's drowning without water. "Bucky, please try," Steve sounds like he's beginning to panic.

"I-" Nausea blooms in his gut. Bitter saliva pools in the back of his jaw. Steve thumps him on the back. Panic rises in Bucky's throat, along with vomit. He retches up bile into his lap, then sobs silently.

"Okay, you're okay," Steve murmurs, at least, Steve's voice does. When Bucky looks up, Steve's face flashes into his handler's, then back.

"N-No," Bucky gags, coughs, and then finally sucks in a decent amount of oxygen.

"There you go," It's Steve's voice again. Bucky can't trust it.

"Off," He shoves the man backward.

"Buck-"

"Stop it," Bucky cries.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Get out," He shrieks, unable to think of anything other than helpless pleas to be alone.

"Sorry," The man says. He sounds heartbroken. He sounds so much like Steve. That just makes Bucky sob harder and breathe faster.