Peppa always wanted to rule the world as a badass bitch. She knew it. George knew it. Hell, even dumbass Daddy Pig knew it. But there was one thing stopping her—the narrator.
She fucking hated that narrator. They made her seem like this stupid little child, but she’s not. All the people in her life were adults, but that damn narrator was oblivious. She is a woman. And one day, she decided to prove it.
“Peppa and Pedro were jumping in muddy puddles and were so happy in their youth,” the narrator said in that stupidly cheerful voice.
“Oh, it’s on you twat,” Peppa schemed with a side eye towards Pedro, “I’m a woman, not the stupid child you think I am.”
She grabbed Pedro by the mane and got down and dirty in the mud.
*insert montage of Peppa fucking her male friends, her best girl friends’ fathers, her girlfriends, her teacher, that rabbit lady who runs the entire town, and the entire Britsh royal family*
“I want to thank you all for coming,” the singer said to her fans, “this last song was inspired by the British whore who made me devote my life to being an American whore. The little piggy who fucked her way to the crown, Peppa. This one’s for you, boo —and oh yeah, thanks for making George a little bitch ;)”
After she closed with “Fucked My Way Up to the Top,” Lana went backstage to smack that little bitch of a George and rode his hoggish chode until it fell off.
The next day, she didn’t break up slowly when George got arrested out on the lawn—she didn’t break up at all. She learned from her idol: do crimes, get dick, and let other people take the fall for your dirty deeds.
Lana kept the newspaper article in her pocket at all times; it was her scripture: “Narrator Claims They Were Framed in Murders of Mommy and Daddy Pig.” It made her smile and extremely horny. She got rid of George and proved her loyalty, and Peppa was impressed. The two could finally become one. Lana couldn’t wait to taste the pussy between that little slice of bacon’s legs, and that bitchin’ hog couldn’t wait to taste some Pepsi cola.
*insert montage of the two having lesbian sex, and end with an image of Peppa eating Lana out*
Voiceover: “Pepsi Cola, the cool, refreshing flavor like no other. Sweeter than Lana Del Rey’s pussy.”
“And scene,” the director said, “All right, that’s a wrap, folks! Nice work everyone.”
“Wow, your puss tastes just like Pepsi Cola,” Peppa said, “does this make me a homosexual? Mommy Pig told me it was normal for a woman to taste another woman’s coochie at least once, but do they all taste like yours?”
“Shut up,” Lana replied, “Who cares? Want to do heroin and fuck men older than our dads?”
“Oh, goody!” Peppa shouted with glee, “I have always wanted to try pharmaceuticals! *oink* My parents are anti-vaxxers.”
Lana looked at the little pig with a smile, “Oh, Peppa!”
*everyone in the room simultaneously falls down and starts cackling*
Narrator: “Lana Del Rey loves doing drugs and fucking older men. Everybody loves doing drugs and fucking older men.”
*plays Peppa Pig outro theme*
Peppa voiceover after the outro music: “This is Peppa Pig *oink* and you’re watching Disney Channel *(rhythmically, in style of the Disney commercial) oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink!*.”