But Smile No More

Young Loki had his face buried in his arms which rested on his knees pulled up to his chest.  The delegation from Alfheim had brought a group of their children with them.  The elves were all fair, bright creatures and the two oldest of the children had seemed to be ring leaders to the others.  For some reason, they had taken a dislike to Loki, and jeered about his appearance.  How pale and dark he was for an Asgardian, that he looked like a changeling compared to the All-Parents and Thor.  He was self-conscious of his appearance, how different he looked from his brother to whom he was often compared, that he did not look like Frigga and Odin.  They assured him it was perfectly normal, but it stung to be made fun of for it all the same…and he was always pale, no matter how much time he spent in the sun.

He heard a knock on his door and said nothing, but then he heard it open and tensed before footsteps padded over and Thor stood at the end of his bed.  Loki quickly wiped at his tears and mumbled he was fine, but then Thor had already crossed the feet between them and sat down.  Thor pulled Loki’s legs over his own as he scooted close and hugged his brother against him in tight arms as he rested his head on Loki’s.

Loki said nothing still and sniffed as his lip trembled and Thor rocked him silently a few seconds before he murmured.  “I hit those dumb elves.”

Loki’s eyes widened.  “Brother, you didn’t!”

“Do not worry, I did not say why I did it.”  Thor reassured Loki, startled when Loki began to cry harder.  “O-oh, brother, that was not-I thought you would be happy-”

”You will get in trouble now!  It was my fault!”

Thor frowned at that as he tilted to look down at his brother, cradled in his arms.  “No, it is their fault for being ugly and jealous.”

”Elves can’t be ugly.”  Loki mumbled.  “And they would not be jealous of me, dummy."

“They were ugly.”  Thor said firmly.  “And wrong.  You look fine, brother.”

Loki sighed.  “But they were right…I do not look like you and Mother, and Father…I am always so pale…and my dark hair is…”  he sighed again as he slumped against his brother.

“I like your hair.”  Thor said defensively.

”You are my big brother.  You are supposed to say you like it and that I am not ugly.”  Loki mumbled, a slight admission as he sniffed again.

Thor wanted to hit the elves all over again for putting his brother in such a mood.  “You know I do not lie to you, brother.  You are not ugly.  Your eyes are green like the forest!  And your dark hair suits you.”  he said decisively as he borrowed a phrase from his mother.

Loki snorted slightly as he shook his head against Thor.  “No one else thinks so.”

“You think you are so clever that you know what every one else thinks all the time!”  Thor huffed.  “You do not know that!  And anyway, what I think is more important.  I am your brother, and I am the eldest prince of Asgard.”

“So?”  Loki mumbled.

“So I know best.”  Thor said decidedly and Loki shook his head against Thor’s chest.  Loki was clearly not cheered by his words, so he bit the bullet and said something a little embarrassing since he was practically a grown man now!  [He was not].  “You are beautiful, Loki.  And you will always have me to tell you so.”

Loki looked up at his brother, bewildered.  “Brother…did you just call me ‘beautiful’?”  Thor looked further embarrassed to be asked about it and he poked at his big brother.  “I am not a girl, Thor!”

“I did not say you were!  That does not mean ‘girl’!"

Loki snorted at that as he settled back against Thor, happy when Thor squeezed him more tightly and kissed the top of his head.  Thor never made fun of him or told on him when he confided in his brother.  He trusted Thor to at least try to listen, and he knew his big brother loved him.  He was glad he would always have him, he didn’t know what he would do without Thor.  Loki was glad he would never have to find out.

--

“Your grace, we are here.”  A servant said as he knocked at the door of Loki’s room aboard the ship.

Loki had, to his own pleasure and torture, manipulated his dreams so that he would dream of memories between him and Thor.  The memories were a vague comfort, and a greater pain, and there seemed to be an element of penance involved in putting himself through remembering the good turns Thor did him.  Every reminder of Thor’s care was a reminder of what he had taken from himself in deciding Thor should not exist.  He had erased his brother and greatest friend, and for what?

Loki was dressed in princely finery in golds and greens as he headed onto Knowhere to visit The Collector.  He was there to conduct a transaction on his father’s behalf.  Loki had been to Knowhere before in his last life and he had found the place and The Collector unnerving.

“As I live and breathe!  Welcome, Prince Loki of Asgard!”  The Collector, Tanaleer Tivan, said jovially as his two morose attendants [pets?] stood at his side.  “You are most welcome…you and the item you have brought me.”  he said pointedly.

“Greetings, Collector.”  he said as he addressed the man by his chosen title.  “I have what you seek here.”  he said as he motioned a servant forward who presented a box with the agreed upon item.

The Collector gazed at it eagerly and sniffed the air about the open box in a way that made Loki repress a shudder.  “Come, come, I have prepared refreshments…and I would be so pleased to show you some of my collection!  People come from all across the galaxy to see what I have!”

Loki didn’t want to spend another minute on Knowhere, but Tivan had his uses and it would not do to offend him unnecessarily.  He allowed Tivan to chatter at him and show off his variety of items, some of which were admittedly intriguing.  There were items from all over the known realms, and perhaps some unknown given that he saw symbols he didn’t recognize.  Some items were mystical, some were books, some were living creatures, and all were wasting away in Tivan’s grand prison.  Loki’s gaze slipped absently over to a somewhat larger cage where a blue-skinned being with heritage lines sat: a frost giant.

Loki froze at the sight, an instinctive discomfort welled within him at the sight of one he had been taught to regard as an ancient enemy.  A monster that he had come to learn he was one of…  The sight of the monster in the cage put an old unease in him.  Loki could have been in such a cage if circumstances had been a little different, though it was more likely he would have been dead without Odin’s intervention.  But as he drew closer and actually looked, he was startled to see that the frost giant had golden hair.  Frost giants were all hairless, was this one a half-breed of some kind?  Loki stepped around to the front of the cage as he followed Tivan and his breath caught in his throat.

The features were younger and the form slightly smaller, a leaner body by far, but he would recognize that face anywhere.  “Thor.”  he breathed, and the frost giant’s head jerked his direction.  One eye was blood-red, as a frost giant’s should be, but the other was an all-too familiar blue.

Tivan paused as Loki did, and he tilted his head when Loki spoke the name.  “Thor?”  he realized Loki was staring at the frost giant and he grinned.  “You like it?  Pretty thing, isn’t it?  My brother, the Grandmaster of Sakaar brought him for me.  Skin and bones when it arrived, but he knows a diamond in the rough when he sees one.  This one polished right up.”

The frost giant had looked away again, there was no sign of recognition on his face.

But the face was Thor’s, and he had golden hair and a too-familiar blue eye…there could be no such coincidence surely?  On a frost giant which should have none of those features?

But what would that mean?

“It’s a prince on Jotunheim.”  Tivan said as he continued conversationally.  “A son of Laufey, their king.  King of the Monsters.”  he chuckled.

Loki felt a little dizzy at those words as his mind raced with the possibilities.  He had wished Thor out of existence, had he not?  What words had he used?   ‘That Thor Odinson existed no longer’.

But…Thor Laufeyson?

No, it couldn’t be, the idea was insane, and anyway wouldn’t Thor have been adopted by Odin as Loki had been?  Why would the being interpret his wish in such a way?  That…that was…madness, wasn’t it?

But what if it wasn’t?

“Thor.”  Loki said again, and again the frost giant’s head swiveled with a vaguely confused expression.  The name meant something to the frost giant, although it did not appear that Loki himself did.

Tivan realized the second time that Loki was addressing the frost giant ‘Thor’.  “Oh?  You know it’s name?   However did you come by that knowledge?”

Loki wanted Tivan gone, he wanted time to understand what he was seeing, but dealing with Tivan was even more necessary now if in fact he wanted to take this…frost giant?  Thor?  Away from Knowhere.  “As a prince of Asgard, I know all of the sons of Laufey.”  he lied, and he saw the frost giant’s-Thor’s?-eyes widen slightly before they narrowed in what could only be described as disgust.

“Son of Odin.”  The frost giant said lowly, almost too low to catch.

Tivan looked startled.  “Oh, you got it to speak!  It has not done that in some time.”

Loki didn’t miss that Tivan kept referring to the giant as an ‘it’, and certainly didn’t fail to notice that the giant’s voice although gruffer…was Thor’s.  His heart pounded in his chest as he stared at the frost giant with Thor’s face, he was more convinced with each passing moment.  He could not say for certain why beyond the obvious, but somehow he felt it, that somehow…this frost giant was Thor.

The cosmic being had not erased Thor, he had erased Thor Odinson, and in his place as he had given Loki Thor’s life, Thor had been given…Loki’s life?  One that never reached into Asgard’s borders?

“How long have you had…him?”

Tivan considered it.  “I’d say about two years, give or take.  Took some time to get this one presentable.  Poor thing was practically a skeleton when it got here.  Must be hard being a runt in a world of giants.  Cleaned up so nice though, it’s great at parties.”

Loki stiffened at that.  “In what way?”

”Well, it’s not docile enough to let off leash, if you catch my drift.  But properly contained, you can bring it out for display.  The hair is surprisingly soft, and it turns out those funny lines are terribly sensitive.  People fall over themselves to pet the little runt.”  Tivan said with amusement.  “They get to say they’ve touched a frost giant without having the risk of being near a proper one.”

The way Tivan spoke of the giant-of Thor-could have been said of Loki in his past life.  The idea that his life could have ever led to this simply for being born a frost giant on Jotunheim turned his stomach.  But moreover…if indeed this was Thor, Tivan was talking about using him as a touch-piece for the amusement of whatever wretched beings were let around him.  “What price would you ask for him?”  Loki hated to ask the question, to humor a situation wherein he was potentially buying his brother, but there would be no stealing from The Collector.

The Collector chortled, while Thor made no move to look over again.  “This one isn’t for sale, look at what a jewel it is.  How could I possibly part with it?”

Loki felt a flash of irritation and forced his tone to remain neutral.  “I am a Prince of Asgard and future All-Father, surely there must be something I can offer you that you value more than this…frost giant.”

Tivan considered that a moment.  “Well…there is a certain treasure in your Vault I might be…interested in.”

“What?”

“The Wraith’s Oubliette?”

Loki’s brow furrowed faintly at that.  The object in question was essentially a portable prison that contained a fearsome creature.  “What would you want with that?”

“Does it matter?  That is the price I would ask, and it should be no great hardship for Asgard.  A trade of captives, really.  One monster for another.”

Tivan was calling ‘Thor’ a monster, Loki never thought to hear the like in all his life.  Not towards his perfect, golden brother.  And he was being titled thus because he was currently the race Loki had been previously.  “…Done.”  Loki said, confident that he could steal it from the Vault with none the wiser if need be.  “Is it sufficient that I give you my word it will be provided?”

Tivan made a vague hand gesture of acceptance.  “From the future All-Father?  Of course, of course…”  he said before he clapped his hands and two burly guards approached.  “Ready this one for transport.”

The guards exchanged a glance and one left a moment as he other eyed Thor through the cage.  Loki didn’t miss the look of unease on the guard’s face, and when the other guard had returned it was with a length of chain.

There were already thin cuffs on the frost giant’s wrists attached by a short length of chain to a collar on his neck.  Black leather gloves were on Thor’s hands and sealed by the manacles, presumably to avoid the frostbite touch.

“Is all of this necessary?”  Loki asked, and Tivan chortled again.

“Considering what a little scrapper this one is…yes.”

The guards opened the cage and yanked Thor out by the arm such that he fell to the floor.  The other guard quickly clamped the new set of chained manacles to his ankles.

But no sooner had Thor touched the ground than he had lunged for one of the guards as he clamped two hands about his throat and began to squeeze.

“Thor!”  Loki said quickly, instinctively, well-accustomed to Thor’s rash actions.

The other guard pressed a small, black box against Thor’s neck and he gasped in obvious pain as he collapsed to the ground in a partial fetal position.  He made a choked noise like it was hard to breathe and writhed a moment which his expression scrunched in pain.

“What did you do?”  Loki demanded of the guard.

”Settle down, Prince of Asgard.”  Tivan reassured him as he motioned for the guard to hand the little object to Loki who took it with revulsion.  “It’s a frost giant, can’t stand heat.  That makes it feel like their veins are on fire.  Excellent for keeping it in line, the pain lasts for awhile.”

Loki was horrified as he looked at his brother [he was convinced it was Thor, both because for some reason he truly believed it and because he was desperate to do so] on the floor in agony.  The guards hauled Thor up and he seemed hard-pressed to stand for the moment, kept aloft by the guards.  Loki was face-to-face with Thor for a moment, and pained blue and red eyes found Loki’s own green ones.  Thor seemed an inch or two shorter, a little younger, and his body was far leaner.  He recalled what Tivan had said about Thor being a 'skeleton’ when he’d arrived, what had Thor’s life been before he’d ended up with The Collector?

“It’s very touchy about the loincloth.”  Tivan added as he gestured to the only article of clothing aside from the gloves Thor wore.  “So unless you want him trying for your head, I suggest you leave it on.  Adds to the authentic look anyway.”

Loki forced himself to acknowledge the words with a light nod.  “Understood…”

“The guards will help you take it to your ship…Would you like to stay for a drink?”

“Alas, my father is expecting me back post haste.  Another time.”

”Another time.”  Tivan agreed genially.  “A pleasure doing business, Prince Loki.”

“A pleasure.”  Loki echoed, though at this point he would much rather be introducing Tivan to the business end of a dagger.

Thor seemed still in pain as the guards brought him aboard Loki’s ship, and Loki brooked no questions from his people aboard as he had Thor brought to his room.  He didn’t want to leave Thor in chains, but given what he had just seen it seemed necessary until he better understood the situation and Thor’s mental state.  Loki had his chains bound to a pair of thick pipes along the wall, which left Thor able to sit or stand and little else.  Thor seemed a bit dazed as he squinted at Loki from his position on the ground, and as they were left alone Loki could only stare a moment.

His brother had always had a certain presence, a certain aura.  Some of it was Thor’s own character, the way he seemed to be the sun around which others revolved.  But there was a feeling to his presence, Loki knew Thor as well as he knew himself, and he truly felt something of that in this…man.  To say nothing of the features, his voice, the fact he was ‘Laufeyson’, and that he had seemed to respond to being called ‘Thor’.

Loki felt a mixture of anxious hope and unease as he wondered about the development, about what it would mean if he truly had Thor before him in this way.  What if there was a way to reverse reality, what if there was not?  This Thor seemed not to recognize him, what If it was Thor but he would never regain his memories?  What sort of life had he lived?  Thor’s eyes seemed clearer as his expression finally relaxed somewhat, and he stared at Loki with a thin frown.  “Your name is Thor?”  he finally asked.

Thor paused for a few seconds before he looked away and Loki frowned then.

“You spoke earlier, I know you can understand me.”  Loki pointed out, but Thor said nothing and didn’t look at him.  He considered it before he stepped closer and knelt down, just out of reach of Thor if he tried to move forward.  “…Brother?"

Thor’s face twitched and the bi-colored eyes met Loki’s own again.  They looked at each other a moment, Thor stared so intently that Loki dared hope there was some recognition, some sense in Thor that he knew Loki as Loki felt he knew Thor.  But that hope was dashed as a faint sneer crossed Thor’s lips and he bared his teeth.  “Keep your games to yourself, Asgardian.”  he said, like ‘Asgardian’ was an insult.

“...Games?”

“You think I’m stupid because I am a Jotun.  Hear me, son of Odin.  Come near me and I will have your head.”  Thor said coldly.

Loki was taken aback as he stared at Thor and tried to reason out what offense Thor felt had been offered.  “I-…meant no offense.  Truly…do I not seem familiar to you?”

Thor’s brow furrowed slightly at the question before he shrugged and said in a mocking tone.  “You As all look the same to me.  Ugly as dung.”

--

Thor laughed as he clapped a hand on the shoulder of the warrior next to him, and then offered a smile to a lady at his side.  He was chattering away with a group of men and women, jovial and somewhat physical as always.

Loki watched from the seat across as he nursed a drink and felt his blood boil every time a lady’s hand found its way across his brother’s skin.  Every time one of the men leaned too close.  When Thor squeezed or grabbed or clasped.  Thor had always been this way but things were different now, they were…well, they might have called it courting if they were not who they were.  A buxom blonde leaned close and perhaps made a bawdy joke, given the way Thor lifted his brows and chuckled before he offered her a wink and she smiled coyly.  Loki’s anger only grew even as he wondered now, not for the first time, if that was what Thor truly preferred.  Thor had never asked Loki to shapeshift and Loki had never offered, but…what if he wished it?

Thor caught his eye and grinned at Loki who forced himself to smile back.

A couple more hours passed before the party retired and Thor walked down the hall with Loki.  He pulled Loki against him in a one-armed hug with an arm around his shoulder, until Loki shrugged him off.  “Brother?  What is it?"

“Nothing, of course.”  Loki said, in a tone that made it clear he was irritated and sure enough Thor sighed as he followed after Loki who had pulled ahead.  He headed for the door of his room and nearly succeeded in shutting Thor out, but Thor pushed his way in and snagged Loki’s upper arm in a hand.

“Loki, why the mood?”  Thor asked.

Loki scoffed.  “A mood.  Of course, it must be an unreasonable mood of mine…as I said, nothing, Thor."

Thor was baffled by the behavior.  His brother had always been mercurial, but ever of late he seemed more and more quick to temper and offense, and Thor knew it had come from their partnering but he didn’t know why.  Thor pressed a kiss to Loki’s head before he leaned their foreheads together.  “I have done something, clearly, what is it?"

Loki wanted to snap at him, to call him out on his behavior with the others, but he hated himself for the temptation.  For being so bothered at all.  It wasn’t as if Thor returned the favor, Thor would surely never be jealous of Loki as Loki was of Thor…nor would Thor have to worry about Loki having such attention as Thor received.  Loki thought again of Thor’s tastes, wondered if he were different if Thor’s attention would belong more to him, if Thor would be more devoted then.  If he were not Thor’s brother…

Loki’s form shifted as he became a woman with red hair and sparkling blue-gray eyes, and he smiled up at his brother who looked startled.  “You have never asked me to use my sorcery in our bed play.  Is it because of your disdain for it, or did you simply think you could not ask?”

”What?"

Loki slipped his arms around his brother’s neck as his form changed again into a man with blonde hair and brown eyes, of a height with Thor as he kissed his cheek.  “I could look any you’d like me to.”

Thor could only think he was being tested in some way, given Loki’s earlier seeming coldness and this now.  But he could not fathom what the game was.  “Loki-"

“Not Loki.”  His form shifted again, until he looked like a warrior of Vanaheim with a bow strapped to his back, and then shifted again until his form was that an elven maiden of Alfheim.  “Anyone."

Thor stared down at his brother a moment before he decided to avoid trying to divine the purpose of the game and speak bluntly.  “It is you I want, brother, why would I ask you to appear as another?”

Loki paused at that as his form bled back into his own and he frowned at Thor.  “Oh, come on.  In your wildest dreams, I am what you pictured?  My appearance is most pleasing to your eyes?”

Loki did not often come right out with his insecurities, but Thor felt he knew many of them all the same.  No longer did his little brother cry to him about his appearance or mockeries received for it.  But Thor knew what others called Loki’s vanity was part of his self-consciousness about his appearance and his differences to other Asgardians and Odin family members.  Thor did not consider himself a gentle man, and to the bed partners he had previously, he spent little time praising them if at all.  But Loki was different, Loki meant the world to him, and for his brother he tried always to act above his baseline.

“Have I spent my life fantasizing about my little brother?  No, I have not.”  Thor said wryly, before he slipped his hand to Loki’s neck in their gesture of affection and brushed his thumb against Loki’s cheek.  “But you are better than some fantasy, Loki.  You are real, and it is you I love.  Nothing about your appearance displeases me…except that you insist on keeping your hair hidden."

“Hidden.”  Loki scoffed.  “My hair is present for all to see."

“Not unbound.”

“It is a mess unbound."

“It is beautiful unbound.  I like to run my fingers through it.”  Thor said as he traced his fingers through Loki’s hair.

“Nonsense.”  Loki muttered as he eyed his brother before he waved his hand and used sorcery to let his hair hang loose in curls.  Thor’s expression brightened, and Loki huffed.  “You child."

Thor kissed away the insult as he ran his fingers through Loki’s hair while he scooped Loki closer with an arm around his waist.  “Now you look perfect.”  he informed his brother who sneered faintly against his lips.

“You’re a terrible liar, Thor.”

Thor frowned at that.  “I give no idle flattery."

“Oh?  Then the flattery you give me and your bevvy of maidens align?"

Thor’s brow furrowed.  “Bevvy of…?  Loki, what are you talking about?"

“Anyone with eyes can see, must you ask me to explain it?”  Loki said waspishly.

Thor stared at his brother a few seconds before he pulled back.  “It is tiring to have to soothe your strange moods all the time.”

“My strange moods.”  Loki repeated, and irritation flickered in Thor’s expression.

“Would you have me do as you do?  Hole up in the library or hide in a room?  I cannot help that my company is enjoyed, and that I enjoy-”  he trailed off as he realized what he’d said and saw the sudden shift in Loki’s expression.  “That was not what I meant to say."

“You made yourself perfectly clear.  Get out, Thor.”

“Brother.”

”I said ‘get out’!”  Loki snapped.

Thor’s jaw clenched before he shook his head.  “Have it your own way, Loki.”  he snapped back before he stormed out of the room and slammed Loki’s door behind him.

Loki waited a few seconds before he slid to the floor against the frame of his bed and sighed.  A few curls of his hair fell in front of his face and with a scowl he put his hair back as it was with sorcery.  Thor had all but said he felt Loki’s company was not enjoyed, or enjoyable…it ate at him to wonder again if Thor had an expectation that Loki would always be available.  Thor didn’t need to fear Loki would find another, or be sought after by another.  Oh, certainly, there were those who would pass the evening with Loki but Thor knew Loki didn’t enjoy casual affairs as Thor did.  Loki didn’t waste his time with such trifles.  And Thor spoke of Loki’s appearance being perfect, but it seemed unlikely that the pinnacle of Asgardian prince-hood would have tastes that ran against the grain of the standards of beauty in their realm.  That he could really, truly, desire [his brother] Loki as he desired Thor.  His brother’s feelings could not match his own, Loki’s love was deeper, surely, and sooner or later Thor’s interest would wane when the novelty had passed.  The thought put a deep pain in his heart, and his bitter resentment towards his brother who had everything only grew.

--

Loki had never been called ‘ugly’ by Thor before, and to hear it from this frost giant with his brother’s voice and appearance was strange.  “My name is Loki.  Does that mean something to you?”  he tried instead, and was pleased to see something like surprise cross Thor’s expression before it was replaced by anger.

“Quit speaking to me.”  Thor snarled, and Loki blinked, taken aback again.

“My name…offends you?”

“What did I just say?”  Thor demanded.

An unfamiliar version of Thor’s face with unfamiliar expressions.  Thor was always quick to temper, but the acidity was not normal, the sneer and disgust in his tone.  He clearly hated Asgardians, he had seemed displeased to learn Loki was the son of Odin, he did not seem to like Loki’s name, and did not seem to recognize Loki in any way.  What if he was wrong, what if he was simply being too hopeful?  That somehow it was all just a coincidence, a very strange, pointed coincidence?

But that seemed impossible, more so than that it was true that the being had reversed their lives rather than simply erased Thor and given Thor’s life to Loki.

Loki pondered his next move and decided that for once, honesty might be his best option.  And if he was perhaps a little eager to try to force some aspect of the true Thor forward or pull him out in this frost-…man- so what?  He moved from a crouching position to a sitting one as he met Thor’s gaze.  “What I am about to say you will find hard to believe, but it is entirely the truth.”

Thor gave Loki a faintly disbelieving, derisive look.  “Why are you still talking?” he hissed.

“Your name-”

Thor lunged forward as best he could and Loki startled as Thor bared his teeth and stretched the length of his chains towards Loki, but was out of reach.  “Did you not fucking hear me?  Stop.  Talking.”  he said through gritted teeth.

Thor’s animosity and crass language surprised Loki, and for a moment he hesitated to proceed.  But he saw no other way forward, there was no way to work around telling Thor, because if Thor thought himself a frost giant he would never trust a ‘son of Odin’.   “Thor-”

“-I am going to kill you, Asgardian.  But first I will take your tongue, so you will finally be quiet.”

Loki’s temper flared along with his anxiety and he impulsively conjured a muzzle, identical to the one Thor had put on him when he’d taken Loki back to Asgard.  Thor jerked back but Loki was quick to grab the back of his head in one hand and clamp the muzzle on with the other as he kept it locked in place with sorcery.  The other man raged and reached for Loki’s throat, but Loki teleported back quickly and Thor glared at him furiously as he made angry sounds beneath the muzzle.   Thor tugged on his chains and snarled.

The behavior was so unlike his brother, so wild.  Thor could be reckless and violent, but in the manner of a god, this was…beastly.

This Thor would truly kill him if given the chance.

Loki stared down at the enraged Thor a moment before he took his seat in front of him again, even as Thor continued to struggle against his chains.  “I did not wish to put that on you, but you left me no choice, Thor.”  At the familiar use of his name, Thor paused a split second before he gave a vicious yank on his chains and an angry grunt beneath the muzzle.

“My name is Loki Odinson…but I was first born…as Loki Laufeyson.”  Thor stilled at that as he stared at Loki with something like confusion.  “In my first life, I was abandoned by Laufey for being a runt.”  Thor’s eyes widened slightly at what Loki assumed was a familiar scenario, if Thor indeed had lived Loki’s life.  “But Odin, while waging war, found me abandoned and took me in.  I was raised to believe I was Asgardian, a son of Odin…alongside his trueborn son…Thor Odinson.”  he paused as he waited for the words to register and Thor stiffened at hearing his name but gave no other reaction.

“I thought myself Asgardian for most of my life, only in the last few years of it did I find out where I truly came from.  I left Asgard and…made decisions I have come to regret.  I fought with Thor, my brother.”  Thor’s brow furrowed as his eyes narrowed on Loki.  “I was brought back to Asgard and imprisoned for…my crimes…and then a being came to me.  I know not what it was, but it offered me a wish…I realize this sounds mad, but every word is truth.  This being offered a wish and I…thinking it a lark, made one…I wished…” he hesitated, and found it hard to admit it even to this strange version of his brother.  Loki spoke quietly.  “I wished Thor’s life was mine…and that Thor Odinson…existed no longer."

Thor stared at Loki but still had no visible reaction and Loki wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“I thought Thor gone forever, but now I see…Thor Odinson is gone, and in his place is Thor Laufeyson.  What was yours is mine, and what was mine is yours.”

At that, Thor leaned his back against the wall of the ship as he stared at Loki before he pointed to his muzzle.

Loki hesitated, but if Thor was calm, he had no reason to keep it on him.  He came forward cautiously, ready for anything, and removed the muzzle from Thor before he quickly stepped back.  Thor stared up at him with a neutral expression that became one of cruel amusement.

“You are a mad little shit.”  Thor chuckled darkly.  “Does Odin know his son is witless?”

Loki felt his heart sink a bit at that but kept his composure.  “I know how it sounds, Thor.  But it is true, why would I lie?  What would I gain from it?  You are a frost giant-”

“-Jotun.”  Thor snarled suddenly.  “Frost giant is your term, Asgardian.”

Loki was surprised at being called out on the pejorative term but was obliged to alter course.  “Jotun.  What would I gain from pretending any of this?  From telling you this?”

“Madness needs no reason.”  Thor said dismissively.

“You are Thor Odinson, God of Thunder, wielder of Mjolnir.  Son of Odin and Frigga of Asgard.”

“Enough!”  Thor snapped, reminiscent of the true Thor in a way that gave Loki an instinctive distaste.  “Keep your lies to yourself.”

“They are not lies, I have no reason to lie to you.”

Thor sneered.  “Little As, think on what you’re telling me.  Either you are a stranger to me, or according to you, I am someone you wished did not exist in which case I have twice the reason to take your miserable life.  Believe me when I say you’d rather have me thinking you’re a stranger.”

Loki winced at that but forced himself to continue.  “What I did to you was…terrible.  But I intend to rectify it as soon as possible, if you’re here, then there’s a chance to undo this.  To put things right.”

Thor laughed, and it sounded nothing like Thor’s laugh.  This was hollow and short, not Thor’s joyous bellows.  “So you got a wish granted, and now you don’t want it anymore?  That’s what you’re telling me?”

Loki wondered at Thor’s casual speech, it sounded odd for a fros-Jotun, but then it wasn’t like he’d ever heard much beyond the few words he’d had with Laufey.  “Yes.  I regret it deeply.  It was a mistake.”

Thor’s eyes were cold as his lips curved into a mocking, tooth-bared smile that put a surprising shiver down Loki’s spine.  “You made a mistake, alright.  In thinking you could buy me and keep your life.”

Loki saw nothing of hesitation in Thor’s gaze.  If Thor were free in that moment, he would do his best to kill Loki, and the knowledge both floored and frightened him.  “I only bought you to free you from The Collector.  You are not…you do not ‘belong’ to me.  That is not my intention.”

”Then I’m free to go?”  Thor asked, almost casually.

Loki frowned.  “…No.”

“So I don’t belong to you, but I’m not free to go.  What am I?”

“...My brother.”

Thor’s gaze was rife with malicious amusement.  “I am not your brother, get that through your skull, son of Odin.  And first chance I get, you will be a dead son of Odin.”

Loki felt a helpless sense of frustration at that.  He was increasingly sure this was Thor, this had to be Thor…but nothing Loki was saying seemed to be reaching him.  “You have golden hair and a blue eye, what other Jotun has that?  My brother has golden hair and blue eyes.  You have his face, his voice-”

“-Yeah?  And he was blue like me too?”  Thor asked sarcastically.

“No, he is Asgardian.”  Thor’s look suggested how little he thought of Loki’s sanity or intelligence.  He changed course as he asked.  “How did you survive being left by Laufey if Odin did not save you?”

“None of your business.”  Thor said coldly.

Loki clicked his tongue in frustration before he sighed.  “You think me mad, fine.  But humor me.  On the chance that what I say is true, wouldn’t you want to have your life back?   To be who you are supposed to be?”

“Be some Aesir dung pile?  Not a chance.”

That stunned Loki, he had expected Thor might not humor even the premise but to hear it sound as though Thor were proud of being Jotun…as though he would not wish to be Asgardian if he could…it made no sense.  Jotunheim was a terrible place, frost giants lived as beasts, why wouldn’t Thor leap at the realization that he was a prince of Asgard?

Loki stared at Thor before he tried a different route, Thor had always been receptive to sentiment.  “Thor…” he knelt down to be more eye level with Thor though he stayed out of his reach.  “We are brothers…what I say is the truth, I want to undo what was done and bring you home, brother.  To return what was taken.  Asgard is your home, Thor.  That is where you belong."

Thor was silent for a few seconds and Loki waited for any sign of reaching to some deeply rooted part of his brother, but then Thor’s gaze turned so dark it made him nervous.  Loki felt an actual flicker of fear from his brother, in a way he had never felt before.  “I don’t believe you.  But even if it was true.  It would mean you tried to erase me from this world.  I don’t care what title you give yourself, the only thing between us would be the debt I’d have to repay by returning the favor.  So.  If your tale is true, the best thing you can do for yourself is take me back to Jotunheim.  There is no good ending awaiting the likes of you with me, Odinson.”

Loki blinked against the hint of wetness in his eyes at the final rejection, the assurance that even if Thor was himself he would seek Loki’s death.  He was not sure if that would be true, but to hear it was disheartening all the same.  “I am taking you back to Asgard.  I will find a way to restore your memories, and then we’ll see…how you feel.”

Thor gave Loki another derisive look.  “I gave you a chance, Asgardian.  Remember that.”

Loki rose from where he had knelt with a knot in his stomach.  This was so far from the Thor he knew, and he could not imagine what Thor’s life had been like.  How had he survived being abandoned by Laufey and how had he ended up with The Collector?  His physical appearance and what Tivan had said about being a 'skeleton' implied that Thor might have been ill or malnourished before, but in what capacity?  If he had taken Loki’s place, he was indeed younger as well, but to have survived on Jotunheim…surely he must have had help.  His manner of speech struck Loki as strange, and the richness of his expressions.  “I am not your enemy, Thor.  Whether you believe me or not, I won’t do you any harm.  You will be…my guest.”

“A guest can leave.”

“You were living in a cage in chains as The Collector’s…trophy.  Will it be so bad to be well-treated on Asgard?  You will not be able to leave, but I am not going to…have you live like an animal.”

”Like a frost giant, you mean.”  Thor said coldly.

“...Regardless of the state of things, I regard you as my brother.  And as best I can, given that you keep threatening to kill me, that is how I intend to treat you.”  Loki said, and hoped that would at least logically appeal to Thor.

“Do you always keep your brother in chains?”  Thor growled as he tugged on his.

“As I said…’as best I can’.  You have threatened to kill me…at least three times already?”

“What’s a few death threats among brothers?”  Thor asked mockingly.

“...The sons of Laufey…Byleistr and Helblindi…they tried to kill you?”

“Take the chains off and I’ll tell you, brother.”  Thor offered with malice in his tone.

Loki hated to hear the endearment used in such a way, and he sighed as he changed topics.  “I can give you something else to wear-”  he said as he started to lift his hand to use sorcery.

Thor’s face flashed something almost like panic before he became deeply furious.  “No!”  he snarled.  “My cloth is mine.”

The vehemence took Loki by surprise and he couldn’t fathom by Thor would be so desperately protective of a shoddy loin cloth.  But further antagonizing Thor by forcing it away from him was obviously inadvisable.  “Okay.”  he said as he splayed his palms in a non-confrontational manner.  “It’s yours.”  he agreed.  “I can conjure you something additional, if you would like.”  he offered.

“I want nothing from you.”  Thor spat.

Loki willed himself to have patience and not give in to frustration.  He had a feeling that pressing this Thor would only ensure he never gained his favor or trust.  “How about food and drink?  You must be hungry.”  Hesitation flickered on Thor’s face before he seemed defensive again and looked away, but he didn’t actually deny it, which Loki took to mean Thor wanted food but was unwilling to say so.  Loki being Loki, his instinct was to whittle at the pride and force Thor to do so, but his instincts were clearly leading him wrongly again.  “I…do not know what, ah, the Jotnar eat and drink.  Is there some-”

Thor’s head whipped back around as he stared at Loki like he’d grown another head.  “You claimed to be a son of Laufey but you don’t know what a Jotun eats?”  he asked incredulously.  “You are a piss poor liar, Odinson.”

Loki realized his error and grimaced before he decided he had better admit the truth of it.  “I told you, I believed I was Asgardian most of my life.  I spent…only minutes in my…birth form in my whole life.  I know very little about the Jotnar.  Asgard’s libraries, obviously, were not conducive to that kind of research anyway.”

Thor shook his head before he pulled his legs up towards his chest and leaned more on the wall as if to close the conversation by tilting away from Loki.

“Help me help you, Thor.”

“The one that needs help isn’t me.” he said, in a tone that drove home he was sure now that Loki was lacking in sanity.

Loki exhaled slowly before he gave in and headed for his bed.  “Fine, feel free to let me know when you wish to stop being unnecessarily prideful and eat something.”

Thor glowered at him at that, before he realized Loki was settling into bed.  “You are sleeping there?”

“This is my room, and Asgard is about ten hours away now.”

Thor frowned at that before he began to rattle his chains loudly and repetitively.

Loki realized with annoyance he meant to keep it up just to spite Loki and keep him awake.  “Fair warning, Thor, I am a sorcerer.  And I am very good at shape-shifting sorcery.”   Thor paused at that.  “I would rather avoid turning you into a frog, but I will if I must.”

Thor’s somewhat smug, taunting expression became one more like alarm and it gave Loki a sliver of amusement.  His Thor would have pushed back on the threat, but this one seemed genuinely concerned about it, which was useful.  “You’re bluffing.”

“Care to find out?”  Loki asked as he lifted a hand coated in green sorcery.

Thor frowned and then dropped the chains as he settled back against the wall, and he seemed slightly relieved when Loki released his summoned sorcery.

He tossed a couple of pillows at Thor who looked angry a moment, and then he snapped as a blanket followed.  “Stop throwing things at me!”

“I thought you would be more comfortable with those.”

Thor’s brow furrowed slightly as he glanced at the tossed objects.

Loki hid a smirk at his almost confused expression.  “You look as though you have never seen a pillow before.”  Silence followed and Loki stared at Thor.  “You haven’t.”  he realized, he supposed there would not be such a thing on Jotunheim.

A thick wave of guilt rolled over Loki as he considered what kind of life Thor must have been forced to lead as a frost giant on Jotunheim, an abandoned runt no less.

“You lay your head on the pillow, and you wrap yourself in the blanket if…you are cold.”  At Thor’s sudden annoyed expression he realized his error again.  Thor was not like Loki had been, Loki had been wrapped up in an Aesir glamour that genuinely altered him.  “Are you too warm right now?  I can cool you with sorcery…when we get to Asgard I will make you a charm to keep you cold…I suppose I will have to, since Asgard will seem hot to you.”  he realized even as he said it.  Loki had been considering Thor under the umbrella of his experience, but Loki had been a well-disguised frost giant and Thor was purely frost-…Jotun.

“Like I said, I want nothing from you.”  he said as he pushed aside the pillows and blankets and folded his arms over his chest as he tucked into the corner.

Loki looked at his brother; Jotun in appearance, smaller than he had last seen him, unfamiliar with basic bedding, huddled in the corner in chains.

It was better than Thor being wished out of existence, but it wasn’t great, and the guilt was clawing at his insides the more he spoke to Thor and saw him as he was.  This was not Thor, this was not who his brother was supposed to be…he wanted to take him out of the chains and put him in a proper bed, but Thor had made it clear that would be a fatal enterprise for Loki.  He had taken Thor’s strength affinity and he was confident he would be physically stronger than Thor now, but he wasn’t looking to fight with Thor.

“...Feel free to wake me up if you change your mind.”  Loki offered.  “As I said…to me…you are my brother, Thor.  I will do everything I can to help you and…make you more comfortable.”

Thor scoffed as he leaned his head against the wall and looked away.  “Keep your sentiments to yourself, Asgardian.”

“You think this madness will end with your rule?”  Thor demanded.

Loki looked around the destruction caused by the Chitauri with pained eyes.  “It’s too late…it’s too late to stop it.”

“No, we can!  Together.”  Thor pressed.

Loki met his brother’s gaze for a few seconds, blue eyes and green both wet, and then he stabbed Thor in the stomach.  “Sentiment."

Loki was finally reaching out to ‘his brother’, but this time it was Loki who was denied and called out on his sentimentality.  “I know it means nothing to you now, perhaps it never will but…I am sorry, Thor.”  he said quietly.  “I should never have made that wish.”

“It’s too late.  Either way, it’s too late.”  Thor muttered, because even if the nutty Asgardian was right [and Thor was sure he was not], he would have no sympathy for some bastard who had tried to wish his existence away.  So even on the non-existent chance this son of Odin was somehow right about his nonsense, it didn’t make a difference,  Thor would hate him either way.  If he wanted a brother, he should have kept him the first time.

Loki said nothing in reply as he turned out the lights and hoped Thor was wrong, because he wished nothing more now than to have his brother back and to be home again…