Y/n had deleted her tinder app simply because she really wasn’t up for it. She couldn’t bring herself to fake interest in the men that messaged her. It had nothing to do with the budding feelings in her chest that she continued to ignore. But to ignore them, she had to make herself scarce.
No missions had called them to the field lately, so y/n spent most of her time at work, but even then it was becoming difficult to hide from those budding feelings in her chest. Bucky would show up with coffee, Sam would show up during her lunch break, and sometimes they showed up together.
Sam had texted her earlier asking her where she wanted to eat lunch. She had told him she would be too busy and probably just eat in the office so he shouldn’t bother.
But Sam and Bucky showed up with coffee to help her recharge, pad thai from her favorite place and Thai sweet tea.
“Don’t work too late,” said Sam.
“Or we’ll come pick you up,” Bucky warned.
Alleke watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow, sipping the latte they had brought for her. Y/n ignored her gaze, delaying whatever the Wakandan woman was going to say. Her gaze was sharp and piercing but a Widow wasn’t easily intimidated.
“Are you making them compete for your affections?” Alleke finally asked.
Y/n played dumb. “Who?”
The Wakandan woman raised her eyebrow. “They are well coordinated for two men competing for a woman’s heart.”
“They’re not,” y/n said dismissively. “I don’t know how you came to that conclusion. We are just good friends.”
Alleke rolled her eyes. “Are you lying to me or to yourself?”
“Weren’t you going to lunch?” Y/n questioned.
Alleke gave her a hard look and walked off. “Americans,” she muttered as she left.
“I’m Russian!” She called back. But she really wasn’t sure if that was the case. She might be German.
Y/n turned away from her report and stared at her lunch, heart clenching. Alleke was wrong. They weren’t competing for her because they were clearly attracted to each other and y/n did not want to get in the middle of that. Or she did. But that was the problem. She was starting to feel a sense of belongingness when she was with the pair. The floor she shared with them in the compound and the communal area where they often had move nights—before she started avoiding them—was starting to feel a lot like home.
Friends could be home, but friends shouldn’t feel a fluttering on their chest when they smiled or when they touched. Y/n shouldn’t feel hot and bothered when she watched them train together and want to kiss their mouth shut when they started bickering. Both. She wanted to kiss both and she watched them both and her heart flutter when Sam grinned at her and Bucky smirked. Her heart fluttered when they would go grocery shopping and Bucky would place his palm on the low of her back when the aisle was too packed. And it would flutter when Sam draped his body over hers, complaining that Bucky wasn’t helping him train, he just wanted to kill him and make it look like a training accident.
It was all very domestic, like a family of three. It was what y/n had longed for. But she was ruining it with her inadequate feelings. So her strategy was to ignore her unrequited feelings so that maybe she could stick around once the two stopped dancing around each other and finally got together. Perhaps she could be the ring bearer.
Her place in the world was at an arm's reach, if she needed to hide her troublesome emotions to reach it, so it be.
…
Y/n didn’t blow dry her hair because she didn’t want to risk the super soldier’s ears hearing her. She had managed to sneak up to her room undetected and went straight into the shower. She gave her hair another pat down with the towel and reached for the doorknob but her fingers halted around her as she heard the door of her bedroom open.
She couldn’t hide because then they’d know she was hiding, so y/n slipped on a nonchalant mask as opened the bathroom door. She arched her brows at the pair. “What, you forgot how to knock?”
“So you could jump off the window or hide in a vent?” Bucky retorted.
“And why would I do that?” She snorted.
She saw the way Bucky’s jaw tightened. “I don’t know, why would you? Why have you been skipping breakfast these past two weeks? Why do you keep getting home past dinner?”
Y/n gave him an unimpressive look. “I have a lot of work lately.”
“Bullshit,” Bucky scoffed.
Y/n looked at Sam for help. He shrugged. “I call bullshit too. You have been avoiding us.”
She let out a humorless laugh. “I am not avoiding you. I have been busy at work, that’s all—“
“We went to pick you up,” said Sam. “We made dinner and we waited and waited so we went to find you. You weren’t there.”
Alleke had threatened to send an email to HR to voice concerns over her if she stayed late another day. So y/n had left and drove around for two hours, bought a hot dog and ate in the car, stayed parked for half an hour and then sneaked into the compound.
Y/n stared at the two of them, voiding her face of emotions. “You’re keeping tabs on me now?”
Sam looked disappointed and it sent a stab straight to her gut, her face betrayed no emotion as he spoke. “We are just worried about you.”
Y/n opened her mouth to respond but Bucky stormed her way and grabbed her wrist. “Stop,” he gritted out. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” She scowled.
Bucky yanked her toward the full length mirror on her closet door so that she was staring at herself. Bucky gripped her chin and forced her to look when she tried to turn away. “This. You are wearing the mask of a liar, of a spy and an asset that has been told not to feel. Why are you hiding?”
Y/n pushed his hand away and stepped out of reach, feeling cornered. She tried to keep her heart beat low, knowing his ears were too good not to notice her distress.
“I’m not hiding anything,” she snapped, her eyes fixed on a glare.
Things were not going the way she wanted. She had been avoiding them as she tried to take a hold of herself. She wanted to stay. She wanted to belong in their makeshift family, but she didn’t want her feelings to ruin things. So she just wanted to keep a distance until she neutralized her troublesome feelings.
But she was hiding under a mask, one of many she had learned to wear. And she was going to end up pushing them away instead of just keeping a safe distance.
The words just slipped out her mouth, the Widow standing her ground. “What do you want me to show you, Soldat? Because this is the one face I have for you and if you don’t like it you can leave me the fuck alone. I didn’t ask you to worry.”
“Hey—“ Sam tried to intervene but it was too late.
Bucky clenched his hands into fists, but his eyes didn’t look angry, just hurt. He turned away from her and stalked towards the door.
That wasn’t what y/n wanted at all. She didn’t want to push them away. She didn’t want him to go. She didn’t want to hurt him.
Sam blocked the door just before Bucky reached it. “We need to talk this out—“
“Move,” Bucky snapped.
Y/n’s feet moved, going after Bucky and wrapping her arms around his waist before he could push Sam away. She held onto him, pressing her face below his shoulder blades.
“Don’t go,” she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Bucky stopped, his hands going to her wrist to pull her off. Y/n was not a super soldier but she was a trained ex assassin, she held on, clasping her hands together in a steel grip. Bucky tried to break her hold but she did not let go.
“Doll,” Bucky said softly, still trying to pry her hands off without hurting her. “C’mon, you gotta let go so I can see you.”
Y/n shook her head. She heard Sam move and felt him come to her side but she didn’t look up. “I didn’t mean what I said. I’m just—I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?” Sam asked, his fingers running down her wet hair.
“Of messing up,” she said, her voice small. “I—us, the three of us, feel like home. Is what I always wanted. A home, people that felt like family.” She paused, squeezing her arms tighter around Bucky. “But I feel like I’m going to mess up.” You’ll find out about my feelings, she didn’t say. “And you’ll be disappointed. I thought if I spent less time around there would be less chances of me messing up.”
Sam pulled her back, loosening her grip on Bucky, who immediately turned around and wrapped his arms around her. “You could never disappoint us.”
Sam pressed a kiss to the back of her head. “Family sticks together, we’re not going anywhere, honey.”
The new pet name made her heart flutter. She pressed her forehead against Bucky’s chest. She wasn’t fully convinced, because those budding feelings weren’t going anywhere. But she couldn’t keep avoiding them because she would end up losing them.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Bucky hummed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You smell good, doll.”
Y/n heard Sam land a snack on his arm. “Are you hungry, y/n?”
“A little,” she admitted, turning her head to the side to look at him where he moved.
“Good,” he said, “because I tried this new recipe—“
“We,” Bucky corrected him.
They started to bicker about who really did most of the work and y/n smiled, feeling at home. The three went to the kitchen to heat up the food and went back to their communal lounge to watch a movie as they ate.
The food was great and y/n fell asleep with her head resting on Sam’s shoulder and her legs over Bucky’s thigh, his hand resting on her knee.
Y/n mumbled in her sleep as Bucky set her down on her bed and pressed a kiss to her cheek.