Fractured
Fractured
Peter stood still. His adrenaline was still pumping. He could hear every beat of his heart thundering in his ears like Rhino tearing down 5th Avenue. He didn't even recognize what he'd even said until he saw Mary Jane's red hair whip around his door frame.
"Mary Jane?" His voice came out as a whisper. Then he realized what he'd said. "Mary Jane! Wait!" Peter bolted for the door, but slammed in his face! "No, no, NO!"
Peter ran for the window in his room. He had to get outside. He needed to talk to MJ, to tell her he didn't mean what he said about her career, that he was sorry for snapping so harshly at her. Peter had barely managed to get a shirt and pair of pants on over the bottom half of his suit when he lifted up the window—
"What are you doing?"
Peter didn't look back at Gwen, instead, he took a step out the window. "I need to catch her! Before she leaves!"
A grip like a vice latched onto his arm. "Pete, trust me, going after her like this isn't going to make things better," Gwen said, calmly, though her eyes shone with wariness. "It's the adrenaline; you're not gonna be able to think clearly!"
"You didn't see her! I have to catch her!" Peter insisted. He tugged his arm away. Gwen stumbled from the sudden surge of strength and yelped as her knees collided with the windowsill. "Oh, shit, Gwen! I'm sorry!"
"Peter," Gwen said as sternly as she could through the pain, "you need to take a deep breath. You're in fight mode right now, and she's in flight! Nothing good can come from you chasing after her like this!"
"But—"
"No!" Gwen's sudden shout shocked Peter. Not as much as the steely look in her eye. It was like The Look, but a thousand times more intense. "Breathe," she ordered.
Gwen directed Peter with her hand and he mimicked her deep breaths. In. Out. In, and out. Peter felt his adrenaline ebb away and the pain in his chest and abdomen—not to mention the minor concussion he had—made their presence known.
"Ow," Peter said, massaging his chest. He laid down on the couch as the migraine set in. Then he realized he was occupying Mary Jane's favorite lump and it got worse.
Gwen handed him an Ibuprofen and a glass of water. "You kinda deserve this."
"Save the sweet talk for Ben, please," Peter growled. He swallowed the pill and closed his eyes.
Why did Mary Jane run out? He knew his words were unacceptable, but why did she not fight back? It wasn't like MJ to cut and run from a fight. She was one of the strongest people he had met! So…why did he say what he said? He had always told himself that he was just trying to protect her, to make sure she didn't worry more than she already did. Did he really see her as someone who couldn't handle the truth because she wasn't a hero? Did he really think he was a stain on her life?
Gwen's hand wrapped around Peter's. "Is that really how you feel?"
"Not now, Gwen," Peter whispered. He loathed himself enough for three people, he didn't need to add anyone else to the list. "Please, not now."
"My life hasn't been stained because you are in it," she said quietly. "Don't be the thing you fear." With that, Gwen squeezed Peter's hand and then walked to her room.
The first week was rough.
"MJ, please, just answer me! I-I'm sorry…"
That is what his messages had looked like. MJ hadn't answered a single one of his calls or texts. It was just silence. He tried to track her down to talk face to face, but that was to no avail. Peter went to wait for MJ at her classes, but she had always left them at different times to avoid him. He went to see her at her shift at the diner and was promptly shoved out the door by her manager.
So, he resorted to watching over her on her routes. Making sure she got to where she needed to go safely. Peter didn't know if she had seen him, and he didn't care. He just wanted her to know that he cared for her. That would never let anything bad happen to her!
But all of this was nothing. Not compared to the worst sting of all. Peter had gone to her Aunt Anna's house, hoping to catch MJ there. Rather than MJ answering the door, the kind old lady that used to bring over cookies for him had answered. The punch to the gut that the scowl on Anna Watson's face was second only to when she promptly slammed the door in his face.
It was odd, every time Peter imagined his loved ones turning on him, it was always because of something Spider-Man did, not Peter Parker. However, there was a small part of Peter that felt justified. He knows he shouldn't have snapped at MJ, but there was some truth to what he said.
He really didn't want to get MJ involved in his life as Spider-Man. Ever since she discovered his identity back at the start of senior year, she had been having nightmares about him. Then, when Venom attacked at the Fall Formal, she had broken down completely. How could he live with himself if he had brought all his terrors down on her? All he wanted was to just spare her the pain and trauma he endures, but…she just kept asking.
"She won't even text you back?" Johnny Storm asked as he and Spider-Man descended on a group of petty thieves.
"Absolute radio silence," Spider-Man said. He webbed one thief and whipped him over into the next one. "I know I said some things I shouldn't have, but I don't get why she ran out! We've always shouted at each other when we get worked up, but we always find some way to work through things! What made this time so different?"
A few thieves tried to run for it, but Johnny made a firewall in their path. Spider-Man swung in and caught the last of the thieves in a web.
"Did you do something to set her off?"
"No, she just got all worked up and ran off in tears because I was the model boyfriend," Peter said, swinging off into the city after leaving a note for the police. "No shit I did something Flamebrain!"
Johnny rolled his eyes. At least, that's what Spidey thought Johnny did. It's hard to tell with a guy on fire. "I mean; did you scare her?"
"I don't know how I could!" Peter said. "I-I'm not a scary guy…am I?"
"To me? Not a chance, Webs," Johnny said. "But, to a normal human?"
Spidey landed on the side of the Baxter Building. He stared at his reflection; his mask and suit disappeared, and now the scarred and regretful face of Peter Parker stared back at him. Was he really capable of scaring Mary Jane? Why was she so scared of him? She knew he would never ever hurt her, right? Only, he did hurt her.
That look in her eyes…god that look. The terror and shock on her face when he shouted at her…it was like she didn't even recognize him. He'd never forget it, not for as long as he lived. "I-I just wish she would give me a chance…"
"Maybe you should just give her space," Johnny suggested as he floated behind Spidey. "She's very clearly sending you a message. Just because you don't like that message, doesn't mean you should ignore it."
"But…what if she never comes back?" Spidey didn't know if he could handle that.
Johnny scratched his flaming head. "I don't know man. Sue and Ben are better at this stuff than I am, I'm sure they'd love to help you through this."
Spidey shook his head. "Thanks, but I should really get back home. My quota for blondes trying to fix my love life is full, and I have a paper due tomorrow."
"Ha, you still have homework!" Johnny laughed. Spider-Man could see the attempt his friend was making, and he appreciated it, but it wouldn't raise his spirits. Only one person could do that, but that person refused to even text him.
Spider-Man waved goodbye to Johnny and leaped off the Baxter Building. He dove out into the city and swung. He didn't really have a destination in mind, he just wanted to swing. Up high in the city, there were no problems. Swinging was easy and simple. If only his life could be as simple.
Spider-Man had swung through the city so much that he basically knew it like the back of his hand. And there was one place he would always find himself after a rough day or night. Someplace so high in the sky that Peter's troubles couldn't reach him.
The second week was the worst.
Peter kept his distance from Mary Jane. He didn't even keep watch over her as she went about her day-to-day. Maybe old Flamebrain had a point. Maybe he just wasn't getting the message MJ was sending him.
So, Peter left her alone. He didn't even ask Gwen about MJ, even though he wanted nothing more than to bombard her with questions.
That did nothing to fill the gaping hole in his chest. Peter missed seeing MJ at the table in the morning; conversing with Gwen or reading through the latest fashion mags. He missed when she would make pancakes in the morning. But most of all, he missed being curled up on the couch next to her as she fell asleep. The light weight of her head on his shoulder and the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she snored.
God, he couldn't stay in the apartment anymore.
And that was how Peter found himself walking up the patio of his childhood home. He opened the door. "Hey, there Pretty Lady! I just thought I'd stop by and—Mrs. Watson!"
Peter was frozen. Though his Spider-Sense didn't tingle, Peter couldn't help the unease that settled inside him. It almost brought a tear to his eye. He'd always known Anna Watson as the spunky grandma-next-door who was always happy to see him. But now…now it was as if he'd stabbed her in the back.
"Good afternoon, Peter," Anna said. She rose from the table and hugged Aunt May.
"You're leaving already? May asked. There was a note of sadness in her face and eyes as she followed Anna to the door.
Peter stepped to the side, he didn't bother trying to say anything to Anna. They locked eyes, and for a moment Peter could've sworn he saw the faintest trace of regret on her face. What for, he didn't want to know the answer to.
"I have to get back, there's a cast party that I promised to bring pastries for," Anna said.
"Oh, well, give us a ring if you need a few extra hands! Peter has gotten better at cooking since the Great Thanksgiving Mess of Junior Year!" Aunt May said.
A smile formed on both Anna Watson and Peter's faces.
"I know how to reach you both," Anna promised.
She made to close the door behind her when Peter stopped it. "Mrs. Watson?" Peter swallowed. "If it's not too much trouble, would you be willing to record the musical for me? I can give you my camera and set it up for you so all you have to do is press play and—"
"Of course, I will, Peter," Anna said. She looked at the ground and took a deep breath. "I—I'm sorry about last week. That was rude of me, and I know you would never…I just…you reminded me of…I'm sorry dear."
Anna pulled Peter close to a hug, and Peter felt tears well up in his eyes.
"You're a fine young man, Peter, and I know you're not him. And she knows it too," Anna whispered in Peter's ear. "You just need to give her time. This isn't a part of her life she wants anyone to know about. Just, please, give her time."
Despite his every instinct screaming at him to bombard Anna Watson with questions, Peter kept them at bay. "I promise, I'll give her as much time as she needs."
Anna walked out the door and Peter closed it behind her. He leaned his head against the door and sighed.
A gentle hand landed on his shoulder and guided him to the couch. Peter sunk into the lump less couch, he remembered the night he returned from the hospital after Scorpion attacked the Oscorp Gala. It brought him further down into the hole he'd been in. God, he'd put Mary Jane through so much anguish that night. Why did he have to invite her to the gala?
Peter looked at the fireplace and spotted the now framed picture of himself, MJ, Ben, and Gwen all dressed for the Fall Formal. The happy smiling faces unaware of the terror that was about to befall them. When Peter looked at MJ's face, he didn't see her radiant smile or joy in her eyes. No, he could only see the dread on her face as he left her to fight the monster that haunted her dreams, and the terror in her eyes when he walked through the door of her house. It was selfish of him to pull her into his life and let her share in his troubles. Even if he kept her as far away from his other life as possible, she was still within striking distance of it.
MJ spent so much time at his apartment, did she ever miss her shift or due date for her homework because she was staying at home—the apartment, because she was worried about him? Did she ever miss roles because he was out stopping whatever supervillain of the week that was out and about?
MJ had pointed out how limited their social circle was. Was he selfish to keep her roped into his life? To keep her from living hers?
"Peter, sweety, look at me." Peter's head turned slowly away from the Fall Formal picture with the help of a hand on his chin. "I know this can't be easy."
"Am I holding her back Aunt May," Peter said. He dared not look at his Aunt's face, so he stared at his hands.
"Relationships are complicated," Aunt May said. "Life goes on, and things change. People change. Sometimes we find out we aren't ready for those new challenges life throws at us, and we need to adapt to overcome them. To grow stronger from them. Even if that change isn't what we want, but what we need."
Peter's eyes rose, and he met Aunt May's sad but resolute gaze. "Do you…should I break up with Mary Jane?"
Aunt May sighed. "Maybe—"
"But I…" Peter bowed his head. "I-I love her, May."
Aunt May wrapped her arms tightly around Peter and she cradled his head in her arms. "I know you do. Sometimes, it's just a case of the right person at the wrong time."
That didn't soothe Peter's worries.
"Did I ever tell you how Ben and I ended up together?"
Peter looked up at his Aunt. "You guys met, you fell head over heels for each other, and then Ben proposed and you said yes…right?"
Aunt May let out an exasperated, but fond chuckle. "We met when we were young. I was fresh out of high school and he was returning from his time in the service. We were both at Long Island for the summer, and it was an amazing summer. The best I ever had. We took walks on the beach, swam out into the ocean…"
Aunt May smiled and stared off wistfully at Uncle Ben's picture on the fireplace. "But it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows. Ben hadn't quite grown into the man you knew him as, and I had quite the rebellious streak of my own. We just didn't know how to make it work all the time. Ben never took anything seriously and tried to make a joke out of everything. And I…well let's just say I wasn't above some good old-fashioned pettiness
"We broke up before summer ended. He went back into the service, and I went off to college. I never thought I would see him again. It was just a summer fling, I told myself. I dated my fair share, until one day close to the end of my senior year of college, at the bar up the street, I bumped into Ben again!
"It was incredible, seeing him again. Through my time in college dating, I had come to realize that I was not the…easiest person to deal with. But, after we had spent all night catching up, Ben stopped me from apologizing for my past actions. He never held a grudge for all the things I said to him. In fact, he thanked me!
"Can you believe that!? Ben Parker thanks me for being the one to knock some sense into him! To finally take life seriously. After that, the rest was history. We met up again and again, and I realized that Ben was the right person for me. Even back when we were young, he always got me to see the joy in life. He was the right person, but we just met at the wrong time."
Aunt May's gaze bore into Peter. He understood what she was saying, but this was just going to hurt like hell. Maybe this wasn't the right time in their lives for them, and Peter didn't want his life to ruin Mary Jane's. And if they found their way back to each other, great! But she deserved better than what he was capable of.
Peter's phone rang. "Yeah?"
"Peter?"
Peter nearly dropped his phone. He knew that voice. "Mary Jane! H-hi! What are you—"
"Can you meet me at Central Park later?" she asked. The quiver in her voice made Peter's heart sink into a pit. He did that to her. He had to make it right. "I-Is six okay?"
"Yes!" Peter said instantly.
"Okay," Mary Jane breathed out. Peter could hear the relief in her voice. "I'll see you then."
Peter set his phone down and looked at Aunt May. He knew what he should do, but when he got face to face with Mary Jane, could he really do it? Saving lives, being a superhero, that was easy. There was always a clear answer to him. But this…ending things with the woman he loved…could he really do that? Even if it was the best thing for her?
"If it's meant to be, life will find a way to bring you two back together, Peter," Aunt May said. Peter nodded his head. It worked out for his Aunt and Uncle, maybe it will work out for him and MJ. He just had to be willing to let life happen. Even if it hurts like hell.