what the fuck thor
“Close the windows, man.” Clint groaned from the other side of the room, leaning back in the chair and swinging his head over the back.
“Why? It’s not even that cold.” Bruce replied quickly, shooting him a side eye with a raised eyebrow.
“The really quiet faint rain sounds are… pissing me off.” The archer huffed, rolling his eyes, “And people say it’s a relaxing sound. God.”
“It’s a thunderstorm.”
Clint paused, getting up out of his chair silently and heading over to the window, standing beside Bruce.
“You think it’s him?”
“I’m certain it’s him, actually.” Bruce laughed quietly, and Clint scoffed.
“Why so sure?”
“I’ve got a feeling.”
“You also had a feeling it was him last time, when it was actually just the beginnings of a hurricane.”
“Oh come on.”
“Bruce,” Clint started, “even if it is him, he won’t find us. He wouldn’t even know where we-!”
The door slammed open suddenly.
“What the fuck.”
A drenched, blonde god walked into the room, noticeably bleeding from a gash on his arm and a few cuts on his forehead. His hair was back to the short look he sported in 2018.
“Hello. Sorry for the uh… intrusion.”
“What the fuck.” Clint repeated, staring at the God in utter disbelief, blinking slowly to process the sight.
“Told you so.” Bruce whispered, and Clint kicked his ankle softly.
“I don’t know exactly how I found you. So don’t ask.”
“I… was going to, but now, I won’t.”
“Thank you.”
“I was expecting you.” Bruce said softly, smiling faintly.
“That sounds super ominous. Stop that.” Clint muttered, jabbing Bruce in the side with his elbow.
“Why, exactly?” Thor replied nervously, stepping back a little and stumbling.
“Well because that’s super strong thunderstorm. Also, what the hell, are you okay?” Bruce gaped a little at Thor’s injuries, and then his eyes drifted over Thor, fully comprehending the difference from the last time they met to now.
“I think so. I do worry I could pass out, though, sorry if that happens. Outside of my control.” Thor slurred out, his breathing, once erratic, seeming to slow down and calm.
“I’d be more surprised if you could control it and still chose to pass out.” Bruce remarked, shrugging his shoulders loosely.
“That’s true.” Clint said with a firm nod.
“Do you need… bandages?” Bruce asked slowly, reaching out a hand slowly to the Asgardian.
“Probably. Don’t worry though, no big deal.”
“I think I’m going to go fetch… the bandages.” Bruce breathed out shakily, scurrying off, leaving Clint and Thor alone.
“What’re you doing on Earth anyway?”
“A battle. Supposed to go back to New Asgard for a while, couldn’t stay though. Felt… weird. Got a funeral here though, so I should stick around Earth for a bit.”
“I thought you were with the Guardians.” Clint said with another shrug, turning back to his sink and running a towel underneath the soothingly cold water, ringing it out before passing it over his shoulder into Thor’s hands.
“Ah, not now. Business elsewhere.” The Asgardian laughed, almost a little bitterly, pressing the cold fabric to his wound and relaxing as the sensation flooded his body.
“Mm. Makes sense.” Clint mumbled, “You mentioned a funeral?”
“Mhm.”
Now, Bruce wandered back into the room, passing the bandages to Thor and listening intently to the conversation.
“If you don’t mind me asking, who on Earth’s funeral would you be attending?”
“Jane Foster’s.” Thor stated simply, as if it was the most obvious, clear answer in the whole universe. As he said it, the blonde barely seemed fazed, with his eyes blank and face empty of emotion.
The other two Avengers stared on, unsure what to say or how to feel. They glanced at eachother, then back at him.
“She… died?”
Thor nodded firmly, wrapping the bandage around his arm and gritting his teeth.
“Cancer.” He mumbled.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t even know…”
Thor smiled vaguely and shook his head.
“She’s just moved on, that’s all. She’s gone to a new world. She’ll be healthy there. She’ll be fine.”
“I could never tell if you were being real about that afterlife place you always went on about. But I guess… you were, weren’t you?”
“Yes. I was.” Thor responded, and then he looked up at the other two men and tilted his head, “and what’s been going on here recently? I haven’t been around in a long time, I suppose.”
“Damn right you haven’t.” Bruce sighed, and shrugged, “We’ve just been dealing with a shit ton of weird reports of enhanced individuals all across the world, but we can barely track any of them at all and then Clint’s going around adopting more 20 year olds out of school and dragging them into a world of violence.”
“Bruce, not this again. I told you I didn’t do shit, she got herself involved, and they already knew her name, I couldn’t just leave the girl, they’d kill her before the cops could even get to her.”
“Who’s fault is it she got herself involved?” Bruce teased.
“The bitch that blew up Avengers Compound. And we already killed him.”
Thor looked to the floor anxiously, not speaking a word into this conversation.
“Damn right we did.” Bruce nodded solemnly, before glancing up at Thor and biting his bottom lip nervously, sighing. He mouthed a sorry to the Asgardian, who gave a humoured smile and shrugged it off.
“What’s up with the rest of you humans right now anyways? They seem a little… crazed.” Thor groaned, leaning back and stretching.
“You picked a bad time to come to Earth, Thor.” Bruce joked.
“I never pick a good time, because that’s not why I come. I come when it’s my time. When I’m needed.”
“You don’t need to have a mission to come down.”
“Yes I do. Don’t have time to be wasting.” Thor joked, grinning.
“That’s a low blow.” Clint huffed.
“Good.”
“Oh.” Bruce whispered, looking up to Thor, meeting his eyes with his own, wide ones, “You saw those slogans, didn’t you?”
“The uh… ‘Thanos was right’ ones? I’ve seen those around too.” Clint added.
“I did see those. Where did that come from?” Thor grumbled.
“I don’t really know.”
…
“Thor. Thor, what the fuck, you’re freaking me out. Are you passing out?”
“Maybe.”
Thor staggered to his feet, only to choke out a small “oops” before collapsing suddenly to the ground with a startling thud.
“Thor!”
“God, man, you come to this apartment and pass out. Not cool.”
“Clint, please shut up.”
“No. It’s plain disrespectful.”
“I can still turn you green too, Clint.”
“Okay doctor. Love to see that. Sign me up, man.”
“Shut up.”
“You suggested it.”
“Oh my god just check his pulse Clint.”
“Got it.”
“Well, he’s alive.” Clint said simply, pulling his hand away from Thor’s neck and shaking his hand, which was a little bloody.
“Is that blood?”
“No, it’s jam.” Clint said cheerily.
…
“Yes it’s fucking blood, Bruce!” Clint snapped.
“Oh my god. Can you just pass me a bandage, please?”
“Yes sir.”
———
Thor stirred awake finally, finding himself comfortably sat on a cushion, yawning and stretching himself out.
“Why am I on your couch?” He mumbled.
“Where else was I supposed to put you?”
“Good point. This works.” Thor replied.
“Thank you, Thor. My genius is appreciated.” Clint said with a smug smile.
“You also called your idea to drug him a good idea.” Bruce deadpanned.
“That was not a serious idea.”
“Sure it wasn’t. It sounded like a serious idea.”
“Shut up, Doctor.”
“I hope you didn’t drug me. I’ve had enough of that.” Thor groaned, rolling his head back and exhaling deeply.
“We didn’t. Not yet, anyway.” Clint shrugged.
“Clint.” Bruce said warningly, a stern look in his eyes.
“Fine. We don’t drug you.”
“I don’t like the tone of that.” Thor said with his eyebrows raised and a frown written across his face.
“That’s good. Don’t. I don’t want you to.”
“Great.” Thor breathed out.
“Great.” Clint nodded firmly.
“Anyway. What’s up with your hair? I thought you hated when it got cut super short.”
“Only because royal tradition said rulers should keep long hair. But I’m no King any longer, not my problem now. It’s easier to manage this way.” Thor explained.
“Wait you aren’t King?” Clint blurted out, staring at him.
“Clint we’ve been over this.” Bruce sighed, “No, how would he be King from the Guardians ship?”
“Fine. Sorry, I forgot again.”
“Because you weren’t paying attention.” Bruce growled.
“That’s also true.” Clint agreed.
“Thor, when was the last time you were briefed on the actual amount of Avengers now?”
“2023. But I didn’t listen. I was no where near close enough to my mind to hear a word of your briefing.” Thor muttered.
“That’s true. I should’ve expected that.”
“So? Give me an update, will you?”
“Yes, my sincerest apologies. I shall get to that now.”
“Shut up, that’s annoying.” Clint grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back in the couch.
“That was the intention.” Bruce snapped back.
“Damn, okay.”
“Okay, Thor, we’ve got…
-You, Me and Clint, obviously.
-Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne-!”
“Who in the Norns are they?” Thor started upright, and Clint nodded his head.
“Right on. We didn’t even meet Hope until 2023.”
“Oh.”
“Scott and Hope were those people who went really big and really small.”
“Ohh. Right. Got it.” Thor laughed.
“May I continue?” Bruce sighed.
“Yes, yes you may.”
“Thank you. There’s also…
-The Guardians, I guess.
-We have the side of Wakanda.
- Barnes and Sam Wilson, who’s now like… Captain America, right-?”
“Yep. He’s got the shield now. Suits him.” Clint confirmed, and Thor nodded slowly, remaining silent.
“We’ve got.. um,
-Carol.
-Strange, I guess? He doesn’t like the title, but I don’t know how long he’s going to keep denying it, to be honest. Oh, and Wong.
- Wanda’a MIA right now, and there’s been some… incidents.
-We recently kinda took in this new kid. He’s not a kid, but he’s young. His name’s Shang. He has some strange artifacts.
-Rhodes, too. He shows up sometimes.
That’s it.”
Bruce sucked in a deep breath, gasping for air and sighing.
“Damn. Should we fire some to reduce the stress on your old man lungs?”
Thor snorted out a laugh.
“Clint I will fucking strangle you.”
“Hello? An Avenger just threatened me, I repeat, he is threatening violence and using profanity against me!”
“Geez, Banner.” Thor joined in, shaking his head disapprovingly.
“C’mon, you too?” Bruce sighed, rolling his eyes.
———
“We ought to call a meeting. Catch up. See where our staff are.”
“Stop calling them our staff. We don’t own them nor do we employ them.”
“We employ them for their unpaid labour.” Clint shrugged.
“That makes it sound horrific. They signed up for this job. We’re the ones that got roped into this not on our own accord.” Bruce pointed out.
“He makes a good point.” Thor laughed.
“No he doesn’t Thor, shut up. My joke was funny.”
“To your kids.”
“My kids don’t understand unpaid labour.”
“You forget how old they are. I’m sure they do.”
“Shut up. They’re all 7. Convince me otherwise, I dare you.”
“A dare is a dare.”
“Shut up Bruce.” Clint sighed, cracking his neck.
“Don’t give me attitude for pointing out the simple rules.”
“This is why nobody tells you jokes. You’re annoying.”
“You spent half of this meeting messing around.”
Thor watched from the other side of the couch, stifling a laugh.
“But Barton is right. We should probably call a meeting.” Thor stated, smiling.
“Oh yeah. That’s where this conversation started, isn’t it? Yeah, guess you’re right. Send out a call, see who picks up.”
“Right now?”
“Yes right now!”
———
“Is this some sort of emergency or can I hang up on you losers yet?”
“It’s nice to see you too, raccoon.” Clint greeted the creature, smiling falsely at the screen.
“I will throw myself through this screen and bite your flesh off your skull.”
“Thank you.”
“Rocket stop threatening the poor guy.” Came another voice, as Quill emerged from the dark space behind onto the screen.
“Sorry about our rodent, it hasn’t had it’s cheese yet.” Quill explained, nervously side-eyeing his teammate and walking away slowly.
“I’m about to have your nose instead.”
“Rabbits prefer carrots, I believe.” Thor piped in, a teasing grin playing across his face and his eyes creased at the edges, face lighting up in good humour.
“Oh. Thor? What’re you doing there?”
“Was just around.”
“Thought you might’ve died already. Good to see your lungs function efficiently.”
“Weird greeting, but I suppose I’ll take it.”
“Something going on?” Came another voice, this time belonging to Sam Wilson staring blankly at his system, eyes droopy with heavy dark circles underneath.
“Looking rough, Wilson.”
“You just woke me up at 2am. For what?”
Bruce swallowed nervously and then looked around.
“We just hadn’t heard from most of anybody in a few weeks…-! Wait, did you say 2am?!”
“I’m out of the US. Can I please go back to sleep?”
“Sure, man. Go.”
“Thank you.” The man growled, hanging up immediately.
“What a great replacement Captain America we’ve found ourselves.”
“We did just wake him up. That’s on us.”
“I guess.”
———
Clint fell asleep leant against a cushion on the couch, silently unconscious and unmoving. He was exhausted.
Bruce was so close to sleeping that it took him a little while to process that Thor had left the room, and he staggered to his feet and wandered the apartment.
“Thor?” He whispered, stumbling into the kitchen and switching the light on.
The light flickered on and revealed Thor silently perched on the end of the kitchen counter, eyes screwed shut and hands shakily wrapped around a glass of coffee, slowly sipping it.
“Thor?”
Thoe’s eyes blew wide open, nearly dropping his coffee in shock. Instantly, though, his eyes softened again and he relaxed.
“Bruce.” He whispered, smiling.
Bruce almost choked, face reddening.
Thor didn’t say his name. But now he’s heard it once, he wanted to hear it again and again, and again. And again. And again. He could listen to that all day.
“You okay?” Bruce finally soothed, taking the coffee mug from Thor’s hand and placing it down on the table. He hesitantly grabbed Thor’s shaky hands and squeezed them.
“Mhm.”
“Is it the caffeine making your hands shake or are you lying?”
Thor winced and he sighed.
“I think I might be lying.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know. I think something’s wrong though. I don’t feel right. I think that’s why I came here. Even though I didn’t know you’d be here, somehow I found you anyway. That feels right.”
“It does?”
Thor breathed out deeply.
“Yes, it really does.”
The two locked eyes, sharing a moment of solace and understanding hidden in silence, before Bruce pulled the other man close to him and rubbed circles into the Asgardian’s back.
Thor let out one breathy sob first, descending into tears, and then soft sobs, which tore through his throat and shook his body a little as they slipped his mouth.
“…’m sorry… really…”
“Shh… it’s okay, Thor. I’ve got you. Does this feel right?”
Thor hugged the other man even tighter, smiling sadly into the fabric of his shirt.
“It does. It feels right. Being here feels right. With you. Back here. It feels more like home than New Asgard ever did.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t try to look for you sooner. I would’ve if I knew you needed to be looked for. But I’ve got you now, okay? It’s okay.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, Thor.” Bruce shrugged him off, pressing his forehead to Thor’s and smiling.
Suddenly there were footsteps behind them, and they jumped apart and stared expectantly at the door.
As soon as Clint entered, he stopped in the doorway and groaned.
“Man, I just wanted some coffee. Fuck this shit. I’m leaving. I’m sick of it.”
“And stay out, Barton!” Bruce yelled after him, grabbing Thor again and holding him tighter again.
“I think we traumatised him.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“Why is that a good thing?”
“It means he’ll mind his own business for once.”
“Well he knows know, does he not?”
“Knows what, exactly? How can he put into words what he’s just seen?”
“He can probably do so pretty easily.”
“Oh well, his job is to keep secrets. And he’s done an otherwise good job concerning Sam and Bucky.”
“What about those two?” Thor grumbled, raising an eyebrow.
“There’s definitely something a little fishy going on between those two, it’s so obvious everywhere they go it smells like a mix of fruitcake and fish and fire… for some reason.”
“Are they arsonists?”
“Hopefully not.”
…
“Can I come get my coffee yet?”
“No.”
“Damn you, Banner.”
Bruce gazed down at Thor’s t-shirt, seeing a red stain.
“Uh, is that your blood or somebody else’s?”
“Maybe mine. Maybe not. Who cares?”
“Oh my god are you still bleeding?”
“Yes I think I might be.”
“Clint!”
“My coffee now?”
“No, can you bring bandages?”
“Again?”
“Yes again!”